Disinformation Book of Lists (7 page)

The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances
reveals: “Holy men in India are reported to smoke cobra venom for its psychoactive effects…. [T]heir dried venom glands or crystallized venom is often mixed with cannabis when smoked.”

The
Encyclopedia
further notes that ten Native American tribes in California are known to swallow live ants as means of inducing visions. The ants bite the stomach lining, injecting their venom, and later may be vomited up, still alive.

8

rhododendron

A single species of rhododendron, the lavender
ponticum
, is known to create trips when its smoke is inhaled. The plant is quite poisonous, though, so this seems to be a case where ingesting sublethal doses of harmful plants—
a la
Jimsonweed and belladonna—gets you high by attacking the hell out of your nervous system.

9

saffron

The expensive flavoring saffron—the dried, crushed stamen of the
Crocus sativas
—is not often mentioned in the canon of mind-altering drugs, but it was the most oft-used ingredient in laudanum, after opium and alcohol, of course.
The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances
notes that the famously orange-yellow flower “is known to have soporific and narcotic effects similar to those of opium.”

10

salamander brandy

Not be found on the shelves of your local liquor store, salamander brandy is noncommercially produced in parts of Slovenia. At least four ways—all involving cruelty toward the amphibians—are used. In one, the salamanders are placed on a sieve and brandy is poured over them until they drown. In another approach, the poor beasts are suspended by their back legs as brandy drips down the string and over their bodies. In all cases, the salamanders are so frightened and distressed that they excrete large amounts of poisonous slime, which then infuses the brandy. A reporter who tried the concoction describes his trip:

And then it…started unnaturally, colorfully glittering around the treetops and trees, which were weirdly, hysterically rushing into the depths of gorges…It was as if I were totally unburdened by the biology of extraterrestrial beings from some other planet and watched everything, the grass, the insects or a grazing cow in the vicinity…and absolutely everything seemed new and strange, and I wished to fuck something, anything. And in this almost full absence from this world…I chose the beech tree. Their trunks…seemed horribly erotic to me.…After this I finally crashed into the wet leaves and maybe even slept for a while. But damn, a few salamanders walked near by. And they said with their mysterious voices: look, look, who's there, not a salamander for sure…

Slovenian academic Miha Kozorog contests the view that this beverage is a traditional hallucinogenic drug. Instead, he believes it's a deceitful way of making brandy—the punch of the salamander mucus supposedly makes up for low alcohol content.

11

urine

Not just any urine, of course, but the wizz of a person who has partaken of the
amanita muscaria
mushroom (a/k/a fly agaric). At one time, Eskimos and tribes in Siberia were known to use this trick for a couple of reasons. First, since there wasn't an endless supply of ‘shrooms, this approach helped economize them. Not only would drinking the pee of someone who had eaten the mushroom get you high, drinking the urine of the first piss-sipper would also work. And so on, down through five people. An added benefit was that the more the mushrooms were processed through digestive systems, the less they caused cramps and nausea.

On a related note,
New Scientist
reports that reindeer also liked to nosh on fly agaric, so the Koryak people of Siberia would tie up the wasted animals until they stopped tripping, butcher them, then eat them for a second-hand high.

12

xenon

The noble gas xenon—which you might remember from your days of studying the periodic table—can be inhaled for a high similar to nitrous oxide (laughing gas). In a trip report on the website Lyceaum, an anonymous user notices “an amazing ability to zero in on ‘singularity' thoughts and memories and hold them in suspension for ‘sentiment orgasms.'” This adventurous soul notes that, unlike laughing gas, there's no headachiness or “wa-wa” auditory hallucinations. “As with nitrous, I get the repeating themes of cycles as a major message. Probably because it is so connected with breathing; cycles of life / life-cycles / life is cycles: that's the message.”

Honorable Mention

old books

Okay, it's not the books themselves that can get you high but the fungus that sometimes grows on them. Damp, musty libraries with creaky, old volumes are breeding grounds for mold, including some types that can cause hallucinations and other effects, such as dizziness and vomiting.

Brand loyalty isn't just for soap and cigarettes. Heroin dealers often create their own “brand,” signified by a name and/or logo. If a user likes a particular high, this “mark of quality” keeps them coming back for more of the same kind of skag. Some brands last for years; some are around literally for a single day. The National Drug Intelligence Center reported on a “cutting mill” found in New York: “On the walls of the apartment charts displayed several brand names of heroin along with different formulas for cutting each brand.”

1.
america on-line

2.
bart simpson

3.
big doodig

4.
big mac

5.
bin laden

6.
black angel

7.
body bag

8.
bone collector

9.
chevrolet

10.
cold water

11.
colt 45

12.
dead on arrival

13.
dead president

14.
dead.com

15.
death certificate

16.
devil's advocate

17.
diesel

18.
DMX

19.
Double UOGlobe
(a/k/a Double Globe)

Created in the refinery of America's “ally” General Ouane Rattikone of Laos, this was the favorite brand among American GIs during the Vietnam War.

20.
doo-wop

21.
fatal

22.
fingers

23.
G-money

24.
Godzilla

25.
godfather

26.
holy terror

27.
holyfield

28.
homicide

29.
I'll be back

30.
jerry springer

31.
john hinkley

32.
kembra

Named after rock ‘n' roll performance artist Kembra Pfahler.

33.
lexus

34.
life

35.
life after death

36.
lucifer

37.
m & m

38.
maggie 2

39.
magnum 357

40.
mercedes

41.
mike tyson

42.
millennium 2000

43.
monica lewinski

44.
motorola

45.
movada

46.
murder one

47.
nautica

48.
new york

49.
nike

50.
octopus

51.
old navy

52.
one and done

53.
opium

54.
pacman

55.
painkiller

56.
playboy

57.
plymouth

58.
poison

59.
purple haze

60.
red rum

Reportedly, this was the brand that killed Smashing Pumpkins' touring keyboardist Jonathan Melvion in July 1996.

61.
Shark

62.
skull and crossbones

63.
son of sam

64.
suicide

65.
super AT&T

66.
super buick

67.
timberland

68.
tommy hilfiger

69.
toombstone
[sic]

70.
toyota

71.
Tres pesos

72.
UPS

73.
USA

74.
white house

75.
WTC

76.
7up

77.
747

78.
777

79.
8-ball

80.
9/11 world trade center

81.
911

82.
$

When cannabis has enough THC to get you high, it's called marijuana. When cannabis has very little or no THC, it's called hemp. Perhaps the world's most useful plant, hemp has been put to work by the human race since before recorded history. Only relatively recently, because its sibling makes people feel good, has this answer to our environmental and industrial problems been outlawed.

1.
flags

Up to the 1820s, most US flags were made of hemp.

2.
paper

The first instance of printed text on paper—one million copies of Buddhist prayers for peace in Japan, 764 A.D.—involved pure hemp paper. The drafts of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were written on hemp paper. The Gutenberg Bible, the original King James Bible, and early editions of Mark Twain's works are among the important books printed on hemp. Hemp makes good specialty paper, for things like tea bags, coffee filters, paper currency, and archival paper. According to the North American Industrial Hemp Council: “Kimberly-Clark (a Fortune 500 company) has a mill in France which produces hemp paper preferred for bibles and cigarette paper because it lasts a long time and doesn't yellow.”

3–4.
paints
and
varnish

5–11.
rope, string, twine
, and
thread; parachute webbing; nets; rigging
for ships.
The USS Constitution
(a/k/a Old Ironsides) contained a minimum of 60 tons of hemp.

12.
clothes

Including such Smithsonian-worthy garments as the uniforms of George Washington's Continental Army and the original Levi's jeans. Since at least 500 BC, hemp has been woven into cloth so fine it is all but indistinguishable from linen. Shirts, pants, coats, hats, dresses, lingerie, diapers, and more have been and currently are being fashioned from cannabis.

13.
sheets
and
quilts

14.
rugs

15.
sacks, bags, etc
.

16.
towels

17.
canvas

The US government film
Hemp for Victory
reminds us: “Indeed the very word
canvas
comes from the Arabic word for hemp.” It has been woven into tents, sails, wagon covers, and more. Hemp was the canvas of choice for many of the world's greatest painters, including Monet, Delacroix, Ingres, Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and Miró.

18.
food
and
drink

Humans noshed on hemp seeds in prehistoric times and continue to do so. Besides being eaten straight, they can be made into oatmeal, porridge, flour, pastries, ice cream, candy, veggie burgers, cookies, cereal, margarine, cheese, soda, beer, milk….

19.
gum

20.
birdseed

21.
pet food

22.
animal bedding

The Queen of England's horse sleeps in a nest of pure hemp.

23.
medicine

24-25.
soap
and
shampoo

26.
lip balm

27.
body lotion

28.
sexual lubricant

29.
deodorant

30.
oil

31.
fuel
(ethanol)

32.
methanol

Methanol is a key chemical in the production of plastics, resins, and vinyl.

33.
crayons

34.
candles

35.
cars and other vehicles

In 1941, Henry Ford unveiled a lightweight, dent-resistant car that was made except for the frame from plastic created from the fibers of hemp, wheat, an sisal.

36.
building materials

Pure hemp pulp can be pressed into boards, bricks, beams, paneling, posts, cabinetry, and other material used to construct buildings.

37.
insulation

38.
furniture

39.
fire hoses

40.
fire

Hemp can be burned like wood to create heat.

41.
burning oil

Used instead of kerosene in lamps.

42.
dynamite