Divided (12 page)

"I understand what you mean," Sonya said, patting my hand. "I mean, I think you and Dev are in a whole other ball game. Heck, sometimes I think you're playing a sport no one's ever even heard of before, but I understand the basics of how you feel about him. I can imagine how last night would affect you. We just hate seeing our best friend in pain."

"I love you both for that and so many other things, but just like I need to accept that Dev will do his best to get back to me, you guys need to accept that it freaking hurts. I can't hide that, and just because it hurts doesn't mean I'm gonna lose it again."

"I'm glad. You sound much stronger than before even if it does hurt more." She hugged me again and Gary sandwiched me on the other side. When we pulled back, Sonya had her hands on her hips. "Okay, now I know you're not interested in Fresno or college, but we're going to this meeting. It won't hurt to go."

I stood up and dug around my bag for my toothbrush. "Actually, I think I wanna go."

"Funny," she said sarcastically. "Look, at the very least you'll get to see something else and get your mind off Dev for a bit."

I clutched at the gaping hole in my chest again and closed my eyes to the pain. "That's not really possible." Doing my best to brush it off, I turned back to my bag to grab a change of clothes. "But I'm serious. I want to go. I wanna do this pre-college thing."

She looked at Gary then back at me like I'd grown a third eye. "You've been so against it. What made you change—" Her face relaxed. "Dev."

I nodded and lifted my tired shoulders in a shrug. "He just made a good argument."

Gary laughed. "What was that—go to college, or I'll never sleep with you again?"

I could feel my cheeks heat up. I stuck my tongue out at him. "He said someday our kids may need me to be their teacher, and he wanted one of us to be able to give them the best education possible."

"Kids?" Sonya's mouth hung open. "Evie, tell me you used a condom."

"Oh geez! Of course we did. Do I look like a complete idiot? I said someday, not nine months from now. Give me a little credit, huh?"

Her shoulders relaxed, and she wiped the back of her hand across her forehead dramatically. "Give me a heart attack why don't you."

Rolling my eyes, I left her and went to get ready.

Stepping out of the shower, I was confronted with the image of a red-eyed zombie. As I threw my hair up in a towel, the dark red hickey on the left side of my neck drew my attention. For some reason, I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it. Before that moment, it still felt surreal—like he hadn't really been here. With all that had happened the night before, it really shouldn't have surprised me that I was having a tough time accepting that it was not a fabulous dream. But that hickey was like a blazing flag waving on the surface of my skin, screaming that he'd been here, he loved me, and he couldn't keep his hands off me. I lifted my hand to touch it with my fingers and my new ring sparkled at me.

I smiled uncontrollably. With all that was going on, I had no right to be smiling. Dev was in serious danger, Harm was in serious danger, the whole world was in serious danger, but for just a moment, I let my mind take in nothing but the shining of that ring and the waving of that hickey. They screamed, "I belong to Dev" loudly and with a force that left me with no other alternative than to smile like a giggly girl.

***

The last weeks of school passed by so quickly that I barely had time to myself. Graduation was on a Thursday, and the pre-college program was starting the following Monday, so Sonya, Gary, and I were packing and preparing amidst ending our high school careers.

In as much time as I could spare, I was also avidly scanning newspapers and news sites for information about the infection. I'd found several articles about the bird-flu-like symptoms of cough, congestion, headache, nausea, vomiting, fever, fatigue and irritability. There was an 800 number devoted to questions about the Setenid Blight, which is where they suggested you call if you or a family member began showing symptoms. I tried to find information about the so-called vaccine that Dev mentioned was given in Albuquerque, but Albuquerque was still under quarantine. I assumed this was like Bishop where reporters weren't even allowed in or out of the area due to possible "contamination." Still, I checked for information every single day.

It all worked together to make time fly, and I really didn't want it to. When Monday morning rolled around, school seemed like the usual chore, but I was really caught off guard by the sadness I felt as Sonya and I walked onto campus.

"It's the last Monday we'll be coming here," Sonya said as she looped her arm through mine. "It's the last Monday we'll ever be forced to go to school." She stuck her chin out a little more and kept her voice light, but I knew she was feeling the sadness too.

That big thing called "the real world" was just around the corner where we would no longer be told what time to go here and there and which way to get there. We'd no longer have half our days planned out for us. We'd have freedom, but with that, a boat load of responsibility. It was frightening and was made even more frightening by the horrific future we knew was coming our way.

Sonya and I were both exempt from finals due to our near perfect attendance and high grades, so we wound up hanging out in Mr. Berg's trailer with the other exempt seniors. My classmates had all stared at my ring at one point or another, and with it being common knowledge that Dev had visited his mom in the hospital, the rumors were flying around like crazy. I refused to comment on anything though, and simply smiled at every question asked. The only one I ever answered was "Are you pregnant?" which I had to rudely deny. Was I the only one who'd been lectured throughout school about condoms? Or maybe I was just the only one who actually listened. It made me think my classmates were complete morons if they seriously weren't using condoms.

At lunch, they passed out the yearbooks. I had helped work on a lot of the yearbook, but I hadn't seen the final proof, so I was excited to see all our hard work. As I flipped through the pages, I was so impressed with what we'd turned out. Sonya and Gary sat next to me in our makeshift quad, which was really just the center of our land of portables.

Lisa, the yearbook editor, came by and squatted down close to Gary and Sonya. Her curly black hair bounced around her thin face as she sat down with a box of tissue in her lap. "Has she seen it yet?" She smiled at me, but her question had been directed to Sonya and Gary.

"No," Gary replied and looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

Sonya's somewhat sad smile made me feel really anxious as I flipped through the pages. "Just keep flipping," she said somberly.

I got a little emotional at the Homecoming spread. I'd helped put it together, but the image of Dev being crowned Homecoming King still choked me up. Maybe that's what Lisa was asking about. I looked up and forced a smile. "It turned out really great, Lisa."

She smiled and nodded, but kept watching me. I flipped the page to find the beginning of the seniors section. Our picture with all the seniors standing in the shape of a "K" was sad with so many of our classmates missing. I turned to the next page and stopped breathing. Written in very simple white letters on a black page were the words, "For those who didn't get to finish the journey with us. We miss you, and will never forget you." The accompanying page was a massive collage of pictures of the students we'd lost.

My eyes blurred a little with tears. "This is amazing, Lisa. You did such a great job on this." I looked closer at the images, searching for Dev. I saw one with Jeremy and two with Kim, but not Dev.

Gary put his hand on my arm. "Turn the page, Evie." His voice was so solemn, so heavy.

I turned the page and had to wipe away my tears and really hold myself back from weeping. An entire spread was devoted to Dev. My hands shook as his smile shined back at me. Pictures of him playing football, joking with others at lunch, arm-wrestling Gary at a table in the quad, and doing somersaults in the field made me smile through the tears. The accompanying page made my shoulders shake as I covered my face with my hands and cried.

Sonya put her arm around me and squeezed me tightly, but it was just too much for me. The whole page had pictures of Dev and me. There was a picture of us dancing at Homecoming I'd never seen before, pictures of us kissing in the gym, him looking lovingly into my eyes in American Government—it was too much to take in.

Lisa handed me the box of tissue she'd been carrying. "We wanted to do something for everyone not with us, but we especially wanted to do something for you, Piper. If you hadn't fought to help raise the money for the yearbook, it wouldn't have happened. We even went back through the damaged stuff they pulled from the old school and found some of these pictures. Jake tracked down Marcia, and she still had the pictures from the Homecoming dance on her camera. I gave Gary a digital copy for you, too."

I couldn't stop crying. Everyone was looking at me, but it wasn't with pity this time, it felt much more sympathetic. We'd all lost people we missed. I managed to get a hold of myself after several minutes and took a few deep breaths. "I'm so—thank you—Lisa, it's—thank you."

She smiled again. "I hope you get to be with him again soon, Piper. I really do."

My lip started quivering again, but I managed to smile and nod. Lisa stood up and walked away. Gary crawled over to my other side and he and Sonya wrapped their arms around me.

"We'll get him back, Evie," Gary said firmly.

I had to believe that. I stared forever at the pictures of Dev and just had to believe I would be with him again.

Later in the day, when I was more composed, I was able to continue through the yearbook. They had put in a page for each of the seniors we lost. Kim had a page and Donald and Ted, even Jeremy had a page for himself. I looked at my senior picture and couldn't help but notice the sadness in my eyes. It just wasn't a true smile. Mixed in with the index were more pictures of those we'd lost, including images of the school before it burned down. The yearbook was a proper tribute to the year we'd all somehow managed to survive.

The rest of the week continued to be solemn. We all ran around getting each other to sign yearbooks. People wrote things like, "I'll never forget how you put Nicole in her place," or "That drama with you and Vaughn was the high point of the year." Some of them were a little more depressing like, "I'll never look at a cave the same way again," or "I'm so sorry you can't be with Vaughn." Between yearbook signing, helping Mr. Berg pack up his classroom, and graduation practice, the week went by in a blink.

Seniors didn't have class on Friday so that we could get ready for graduation. I took my time getting dressed and thinking through the end of twelve years of my life. After I put on the red summer dress Evelyn got me and my white sandals, I sat on the floor of my room and hugged Butcher.

"Well, Butchie. This is it, big boy. I'm graduating. I wish I could bring you. It doesn't feel right not to have Harm or Dev or Mom and Dad here. I pressed my cheek to his back, and he leaned farther into me, whining softly.

I recognized Gabriel's knock on my door—three firm raps. He poked his head in. "You ready?"

I nodded, hugged Butcher again, and stood up. I straightened my dress and smoothed down my hair again.

Gabriel's voice was full of pride. "You look so grown up. I can't believe you're graduating. I remember when I first met you. You were the tiniest little thing I'd ever seen, tinier even than Sonya was. Evelyn and I were so worried for your parents and for Harm, but you pulled through. You've always been a stubborn kid."

I smiled at him. "I'm not a kid anymore, Gabriel."

"You'll always be my kid, Evie. You and Sonya will always be my little girls. Your parents would be so proud of you right now. Not just because you're graduating, but for everything about you. You've been through so much. I can't count how many times I've cursed fate for what you've been put through. It's just not fair, but I really believe that you aren't given more than you can handle. You're so strong, kid. You amaze me every single day."

I stared down at Butcher, trying to hold back my tears. I'd been crying entirely too much. I wanted to be that strong girl Gabriel saw in me. My voice wavered a bit. "I don't feel very strong sometimes."

He stepped farther into the room with a large brown box under one arm. He put his other arm around my shoulders. "And that's what makes you even stronger. Strength isn't about being confident all the time. Strength is about staring down the things you're scared of or don't want to deal with. There are millions of people who become paralyzed with fear and never live their lives. That's not you, kid. You may not feel like you've got it all under control, but I've watched you just dig deeper and pull through. That's the kind of courage that makes you amazing."

I couldn't prevent the tears that gathered in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him. I missed my parents so incredibly deeply, but Gabriel's words reminded me of something they would have said. I wiped away a few determined tears.

He squeezed me tighter, before pulling away from me. "I have something that might make you smile. This came for you yesterday, but I have a feeling he'd want you to have it today." He handed me the box he'd carried under his arm.

The box was thin—only four or five inches thick—and really light. I sat down on my bed and peeled back the tape. Inside was another box wrapped in blue paper with a white ribbon and a white card attached. The card was typed and read:

Evie,

I'm so sorry I can't be there to watch you walk across the graduation stage. I'm thinking of you, though. I know you'll like this graduation present and that it will come in handy at Fresno State. I'm so proud of you, baby sister.

–
Love, Harm

I read it twice, brushing away the tears, before pulling the blue box from the larger brown one. I unwrapped it to reveal a sleek black box with a holographic silver logo in the center. It looked very expensive. Lifting the lid, my jaw fell open at the sight of a laptop. As I picked it up, I was shocked at how light and thin it was.