Divine Temptation (18 page)

There was a purpose to everything, and she and Evan weren’t going to be able to figure out the meaning behind his visits if they ended for good. Surely she could manage her silly heart in order to proceed and do whatever would eventually be asked of her. Various forms of these same thoughts had been swirling through her head for weeks, but now they crystallized. She could do this. She
would
do this. She was ready to see Evan again.

When the angel didn’t come immediately sprinting out of the trees or rising from the river, she shook her head. Who was she to think she could snap and he’d be there? Drinking down the rest of her water, she stood and swiped dirt from the back of her shorts before stowing the empty bottle in her backpack. More than likely, her deliberate rejection had sent him elsewhere, to someone who’d say yes. The idea of having wished him away forever—and to someone else—caused pressure to build inside her chest, pressing outward like it was making room for the empty space she herself had created.

Just as that thought passed through her brain, his white-clad figure appeared on the opposite bank of the river, about thirty feet away, and Maggie couldn’t have stopped the smile that burst across her face if she’d wanted to. She suddenly wondered how she’d ever mustered the will to block his radiant presence from her life in the first place.

“I see you’ve forgiven me!” he shouted over the hum of the tumbling river.

She cupped her hands around her mouth to project her voice. “Forgiven you? For what?”

“The kiss!”

She lowered her hands from her mouth, not knowing how to respond.

“I didn’t mean it!” he said. “No, I did mean it! But not in the way you might have thought!”

“Why are you all the way over there?” she asked. “I can hardly hear you—can’t you fly over here?”

“Doesn’t work that way!” He scanned the body of water that rapidly coursed between them and pointed out a group of large rocks down river; they clustered together just before a sharp bend. Maggie saw that if she chose her path carefully, she’d be able to follow a haphazard trail of stepping stones to reach that cluster. Evan could do the same from his side. “Meet you there?” he shouted.

Maggie wanted to go, to stand beside him, to have him touch her and let his alluring energy become hers, but with that flash of desire, the river’s speed seemed to increase about a hundred miles an hour. She hesitated, considering his proposition doubtfully.

“Or we could just keep shouting!” Evan suggested.

Maggie groaned. “Okay, I’ll try, but the second it feels too dangerous I’m heading for shore!” She took a tentative step onto one of the close rocks, and then to another, each time carefully adjusting her balance before looking to the next. At the fourth stone, a particularly wide and flat one, she felt stable enough to look up and check Evan’s progress. He was further down river than her and stepped across the rocks as if they were nothing more than flagstones in a neatly laid garden path. “Show off!”

He stopped and turned to her. “I’ll wait here until you catch up.”

“How about you just keep going and wind back to me?”

“You can do this, Maggie—you’re with your guardian angel, remember?”

“No, I’m across a violent river from my guardian angel.” Even with him further ahead, they’d cut the distance between them to about half as they each moved toward the river’s center. “Why’d you kiss me?”

“Let’s talk when we get there.”

“I hear you fine from here, and I’m not taking another step until you tell me.”

He tilted his face toward the clear blue sky for a moment and then locked his eyes on hers. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed the intensity of his gaze until it was again wholly focused on her.

“It was an impulsive action,” he finally said. “I was happy to see you again, and I didn’t stop to think about how you might misinterpret it. I’m sorry.”

“Well…how
should
I have interpreted it?”

“As a sign of affection from one friend to another.”

“Friends.” She nodded as she said it, attempting to shake her brain cells into the proper alignment, but something didn’t quite tally. She’d felt more in the kiss than friendship. “Are you sure that’s all it was for you?”

“Maggie…” He pressed his lips together and even from the distance she could see the muscles in his jaw tense. Five yards of pure, clear, Colorado air separated them, but somehow the atmosphere seemed to crackle as they stared at each other. Maggie stood rigid, fighting to maintain the resolve she’d talked herself into just minutes before. Evan closed his eyes for a brief moment, and when he opened them again, the fire that had been within them was quelled. “You know that’s all it can be,” he finally said.

Maggie contemplated the new resolution in his features, in his very posture, and understood that although he was struggling too, his goodness would prevail. And so would hers, even if she had to borrow strength from him. “Will you forgive me?” he asked.

She inhaled, calming her fluttering pulse, and steadied her balance. “There’s nothing to forgive—I wasn’t angry, just…confused. So thank you for explaining. I’m ready to move past it now, okay?”

Evan nodded, and then a sly smile widened his lips and eased the tension in his graceful features. Tilting his head toward the rocks in the center of the river, he challenged, “‘Ready to move,’ you say?”

With a small chuckle, Maggie relaxed too. “Tricky angel.”

Now that they’d addressed the kiss, Maggie’s barriers lowered, and she felt a new connection reach across the rushing water between them. In her mind she vividly saw herself and Evan standing on the center rock together with all worries of this world swept away in the strong current. Her longing to be there overcame her fear, and she stepped over the rocks without thinking about what she was doing until she stood on the centermost stone with her angel. He grasped her elbows, stabilizing her body and sending a wash of his gentle vibrations through her. The water was deeper here, murkier it seemed to Maggie, and even more violent than it had looked from the shore.

Turning from Evan to peer around the bend in the river, she saw that it quickly morphed into rapids. She gasped at the spray of water crashing into rock, knowing that one little slip would send her tumbling toward the mayhem. Her back was now pressed into Evan’s chest, and he reached his arms around her waist to hold her steady as she crossed her arms over his and dug her fingers into his forearms. They’d come here to be able to talk, but words no longer seemed important. Evan rested his chin on her shoulder, and they stayed silent, letting the world around them rage while the charged sensations coming from Evan as he surrounded her fed a different kind of storm deep within Maggie.

Eventually, the angel murmured in her ear that she needed to be getting back to her parents’ home. He walked with her across the stones, holding her hand the entire way, and through the flowing warmth of that physical connection, she too felt as if she were walking along nothing more than a garden path. When Maggie stepped onto earth, Evan’s hold on her hand loosened—he’d stopped walking but didn’t hold her back. He simply unfolded his fingers from around hers, and she understood that he wanted her to continue moving away from him. She resisted the urge to turn and look at him, knowing this would only make it impossible to leave, so she kept her eyes on the ground before her and slowly inched forward, feeling his fingers tickle over her palm as he too savored every last moment of contact. When the last spark of Evan slipped away, she inhaled sharply and noticed that the long pair of shadows cast by the lowering sun had become singular. He was gone. But she knew he’d be back because she wouldn’t block him anymore. She couldn’t.

Chapter 13

T
HE
F
INAL
D
AYS
O
F
S
UMMER
sped past with the usual rush of getting the kids ready for school. Kirsten was leaving behind a small, cozy grade school for a big, public high school, and although she was excited, it was still a scary prospect, so Maggie didn’t want to skip out on any of the orientations. The Thursday before school officially started, she spent the afternoon helping Kirsten navigate the route between her classes one last time, ran around to three different stores to find the most elusive of the school supply requests, and then attended an evening parent meeting at the high school.

When she arrived home, she hoped to find the kids as ready for sleep as she was. Liam was in his pajamas, at least, but required two bedtime stories before his eyes began to droop. Kirsten was wide-eyed and sitting up in her bed, flipping through a magazine when Maggie finally got to her.

“Okay, sugarplum. Lights out,” Maggie said.

“Why? School doesn’t start till Monday.”

“Right, but I’ve got to work tomorrow and your brother gets up early, so…you know the drill.”

Kirsten shut off the light, but remained sitting. “Do you think I should text Anna about sharing gym lockers or wait until she calls me?”

“I think you shouldn’t worry about that until tomorrow.” Maggie half turned to leave.

“But if I text her first, I’ll look desperate.”

“Then there’s your answer—wait and let her contact you.”

“But what if she talks to someone else first and they decide to share and then I’ll have to share with someone I don’t even know.”

“You and Anna have talked about sharing gym lockers all summer. I’m sure there’s no reason to worry, but if you need to ease your mind, just text her about something else and then casually throw in a comment about the gym locker.”

“What else should I text her about?”

“Kirsten! I’ve been running around dealing with school crap all day, and I’m done now, okay? Turn your mind to something else, get some sleep, and tomorrow morning something will come to you. Good night.”

Kirsten huffed her acquiescence, and Maggie walked out of the room, glancing back to make sure her daughter was settling under her covers before heading to her own bedroom. On the way she considered making a trip downstairs to pour herself a soothing glass of wine, but smiled when she thought of something—some
one
, rather—that she found to be much more comforting.

She went to her chaise after changing into her pajamas and waited for Evan. When he appeared, she asked, “So what did you do with yourself today?”

He responded with a tilt of his head and an eyebrow cocked in a way that told her he wouldn’t answer.

“Right. Angel cinnamon,” she said, referring to those things he could tell her but she wouldn’t understand. “Well then, I guess you’re stuck hearing about my day again.” Bending her legs and pulling them to her, she gestured to the open end of the long chair.

“So how did it go?” he asked after he’d lowered to sit in front of her. “Was it as awkward as you expected to face the mothers from your children’s old school?”

“Not really. You were right to tell me that worrying about things that haven’t happened yet was pointless. It’s not like it was a big joyous reunion or anything, but we were able to say hi and smile and make chit-chat. It all felt sincere enough, with none of the old harsh feelings rising up in me.”

“Time heals. And you’ve come a long way emotionally since those days.”

“You mean I’ve grown up.” She straightened one leg to nudge his thigh with her foot, and he grabbed it, pulling it onto his lap.

Giving her toes a squeeze through her fuzzy socks, he said, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. Life is a process of constant change, and so long as that change is in a positive direction, it’s good. Don’t regret being who you were; be happy about who you are.”

“You’re like a walking proverb, aren’t you?” She smiled, but as she contemplated his words, a familiar guilt tapped at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“You say not to regret who I was, but how can I not when the decisions I made didn’t affect just me—I forced the kids to leave their friends and change schools because
I
couldn’t handle the situation. What kind of a mother does that?”

“Was the move to St. John’s a bad one for Liam and Kirsten?”

“No. It ended up being a great move…for all of us, but I couldn’t have known that ahead of time. I reacted impulsively and everything could’ve just as easily been disastrous for them.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“But I didn’t know it wouldn’t be.”

“But the Lord did. There is a plan, Maggie. Circumstances are often arranged in a certain way on purpose, to set us up to arrive at the place we’re supposed to be—a bigger picture that we can’t see.”

“I get that. Sort of. It’s just that the whole free will thing gets in the way. If there’s a divine plan in place that’s all been foreseen, then is there really free will or is it just us thinking we’re making choices while God’s pulling the strings?”

“Free will is genuine, and often the choices people make lead them far from their intended path, but God offers up opportunities and arranges circumstances to help bring them back to where they’re supposed to be.” Evan’s voice was steady, unflustered by Maggie’s persistent challenges.