Dockalfar (72 page)

The girl, Aloe, drifted out of the shadows. She gave him a stern look and put a hand on his arm. He let her guide him out of the makeshift council chamber.

The one at the Seelie keep had been so much more fitting for a personage such as the ancient woman. There had been something vaguely familiar about her.

Some hint of a whisper that he had not, during the entire interview, been able to place.

“What’s her name?” he asked Aloe as they walked out into the rain.

The girl frowned. “Neira’sha.” Her step faltered, her scowl deepened. She tilted her head to cast a glare up at him.

“Your luck, mortal, has changed.”

He lifted a dripping eyebrow at her.

“I was going to house you with the horses. You’ve been offered other shelter – for the time being.”

She took him through the maze of block like ruins, up a paved path streaming with water and left him at the yawning portal of a small building. A glistening spider web bracketed one corner of the door. Its inhabitant sat like a small black burr against the stone, balefully looking out at the rain.

Alex stared at the web for a moment, bedazzled by the glints of moisture on the fragile spider silk. A beautiful, beautiful trap for the unwary. So much like this world. He thought of Leanan. A lovely spider. Reflexively his inner mind sought out the ragged edges of her conditioning and for the first time since he had become aware of it, could find no trace whatsoever. Not even the tiniest hint. He wondered when it had dissipated. He had certainly not had the time to work at chiseling out the last remnants.

He shivered and stepped into the alcove. There was a low, warm light illuminating the inner sanctums of the shelter. The heat felt dry and welcome.

Further in and there was the scent of very old dried flowers. Musty and sweet. And deep in a shadowed cubby sat a woman.

The witch light did nothing more than hint at her shape, but he knew who she was.

He felt the current in the very air that pimpled his skin, that tugged at the strings to his emotions. He felt hesitant and hopeful at once. Felt nerves start to twine in his gut.

“I thought you wanted nothing of me?” he whispered and was surprised that that was the first thing out of his mouth.

She moved, stood and stepped into the aura of light. Her hair was dry and shining. Her face in the wan light pale, stern.

“Talk to me,” she told him. “Explain to me things I am told I am too blind to see for myself.” Her voice was cold.

Emotionless.

He blinked at her, caught off balance.

Took a great breath and moved further into the room. Not towards her, but around the wall. Her eyes followed him. She had never looked so harsh in all the time he had known her. Never so hard. He thought for a brief moment, that it was not the same girl at all, but a fey impostor. But there was a smear of dirt on her cheek and her hair held a snarl on one side and these were imperfections that sidhe did not harbor well. Mortal imperfections.

“I… don’t know where to start,” he floundered helplessly. “I don’t know what went wrong.”

“Don’t you?” Her eyes held accusation and loathing.

“Damn it, Vicky, it’s not my fault!

They started on me the moment I got there.

Azeral and Leanan and God knows who else. I didn’t even know I had magic until they brought it out in me. I never meant to hurt you, or betray you. I damn sure didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Tell me.” Too stiff. As if she was expecting him to confirm the false assumptions she already held.

“Tell you what? That they took damn thorough advantage of me? That Leanan go to me first and then Azeral added his two cents, and I was so new at the magic game that I didn’t have a chance in hell to realize what they were doing, much less stop them? Victoria, they spelled me. The two of them got inside my mind and put the thoughts they wanted there. There was a point that I couldn’t even remember who you were, it was so bad.”

“She made you love her?”

He stifled a laugh. “She made me worship her. I’d have done anything for her and subsequently anything for her father.” He tapped his head ironically.

“Some of his handy work is still up here.”

She stared at him, the green of her eyes so dark to be almost black. She opened her mouth, then shut it. A shudder passed her.

“Let me see.” It was not a question. It was a soft-voiced command. He shrugged.

Why the hell not? Everyone else had been in there. And she was the only person, really, who he had ever wanted to bare everything he was to. He let down his shields and felt her intrusion. Not as feather soft as the ancient Neira’sha, no where near as skilled, but powerful. He felt something of her as she roamed his mental byways. He felt immense power. Staggering strength. She pulled back and his mind was his own again.

“I felt nothing of Leanan,” she said, almost accused, as if catching him in a lie.

He laughed. “I got rid of her. She was easy. Azeral’s the hard one to shake.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “I saw what he left.”

He took a breath and stepped forward, wanting to touch her. Just to brush his fingers across her skin. She looked at him warily and he let the notion fall away. “I never could have broken their hold if not for you. I kept seeing you there, at the keep, and nothing Leanan’s spell could do, could keep me from remembering. Just little things at first, but the more I saw you, heard your voice, the more came back. God, Vicky, I love you, a sidhe spell couldn’t change that.”

“I wanted to kill you when I first came to his keep,” she whispered, turning her head. “I wanted you and her dead so bad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It hurt, Alex.” Her eyes came up to his and the glint of tears gathered at the corners. “But do you want to know something? Even then, before I went berserk, I had changed. I’m not the same woman.”

He stared at her, not comprehending.

When she moved towards him, he almost started. She caught the movement and smiled. “See, I make men jump now. I never did that at home.”

“I always jumped for you,” he said, still not understanding. She put her hand on his face. Her fingers were warm.

“Alex, I was so weak then. The world was such a horrifying, overwhelming place. You were my anchor to safety, to reality. I built my life around you. I depended on you for everything, even when you were off to war. Do you know what a void, what a trance I lived in between your letters?”

“You were young.”

“No, I was weak, and I had been brought up to be weak. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t be weak. I’ve been to war, Alex and there is a bit of bloodlust in me that cannot be denied. I cannot depend on you anymore.”

He stared at her and felt nausea rising. “What are you telling me?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

“I’m telling you that I am not the same Victoria you knew. I’m telling you that girl no longer exists and the new one doesn’t know how she feels anymore. You and I cannot go back to the way we were.”

Anger rose. He swore under his breath and stepped back from her hand.

“You still blame me. God damn it, Vicky, it was not my fault. I can’t change what happened.”

“I know. I believe you.”

“Then what?” he demanded the second before the realization hit. “It’s him! It’s him, isn’t it? It’s Dusk that has you all mixed up. You think I’m the only one who could be bewitched?”

Her smile turned sad. “Dusk didn’t bewitch me, Alex.” She blew out a breath of frustration and turned her back to him.

“Oh, I am mixed up, but it’s not his fault, or yours. You want the truth? I’ll tell you the truth. After that first moment, that first shock when I saw you and Leanan, I never wished you ill. I can’t turn my love on and off. I was bruised. You hurt me so much that all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide from the world. I kept telling myself that was why I suddenly looked at Dusk and sought comfort from him. God knows he never offered it. It made sense. You hurt me and I run to someone else. Fair’s fair, after all. But that’s just a convenient ruse to soothe my own feelings of loyalty. Even when I was trying to get to you so desperately I was drawn to him.”

“Maybe it was purely physical. Maybe he was just so damned beautiful I couldn’t help myself, but I like to think I have more control than that. Maybe it’s something else. All I know is he never instigated it, never gave me one bit of encouragement and there was still something…”

“I don’t want to hear this.” He wanted to flee into the cold rain. He wanted to run away and pretend she had never admitted to wanting another man more than she wanted him. He tried to summon anger, but he had used that emotion up long ago. All he could feel now was dread.

“Alex,” she cried. “It’s not the same. It’s different from what I feel for you. And it never diminished that feeling.”

“Victoria, what do you want of me?” he asked, voice dead. If he allowed emotion into the debate now it would be the end of self control.

“I don’t know. I just want you to give me space and time to think.”

“While you cozy up to him? Take all the time you want.”

“Damn it no!” her voice rose in pitch.

There were tears on her cheeks now. “He was the one that told me. He was the one that made me give you the chance. Do you know why? He said he wanted me to be happy. He said you didn’t deserve my hate. Tell me why he would do that, Alex? What benefit to him?”

The cold pit of void that had been building inside him gave way to shock.

Dusk had come to her and pleaded his case? No wonder she was confused, if one lover was giving that much courtesy to another. What was he up to? He brought his hand up to the chain at this neck and the dark orb at its end. Did he fear for his soul? Or just hold that much loyalty to the one who possessed it?

No. Azeral had had it for centuries and been shown no such loyalty where Victoria was concerned. He looked at Victoria, in the fey light of her making and knew was right in at least one respect. She was a different woman. No soft, dependent creature this. If the jealousy and the sense of impending loss had not been so prominent, he might have felt a great deal of awe at the self changes she had made.

Very carefully, he said. “I brought him here because at the time, in my irrationality, I thought it would win merit with you. Foolish me, because I find that now that both of us are here, you know you want him, but you’re not certain about me anymore.”

“That’s not true, Alex,” she pleaded.

He glared at her. “You just said as much. All right. That’s fine. I might as well give you the whole thing.” He fumbled for the pendant, pulled it over his head and held it out to her. She stared at it in incomprehension, then past it to him.

His eyes grew hard. She swallowed and reached out to take it. He snatched it away. Gripped the warm orb in his fist with crushing pressure. Victoria’s confusion was plain.

He shook his head savagely. “No. For you, but I have to give it to someone else.”

“Alex – “

“No. Do your thinking. I can’t be here anymore.” He spun on his heel and left her. Was immensely grateful for the cool splatter of rain on his skin. He realized that he had nowhere to go in this dubious haven filled with strangers, who at the very least regarded him with mild suspicion.

~~~

Aloe’s first suggestion on where he might stay, suited Alex fine. With a little initiative mental prying he located the large, leaky building the Seelies had chosen to house their horses. It was low ceilinged and dark, filled with the odor of wet fur and manure. The animals snorted at his entrance, rolling their eyes at the fey light he summoned, watching him as he found a relatively dry corner and settled into it.

He had come here with such hopes.

He had known Victoria would listen to reason. Had known she would understand once he had the chance to explain things to her. He had known she had slept with Dusk, but had managed to file that away as meaningless. Inconsequential. Something she had done in the heat of a moment, or even magically been coerced into. God knew he had. He had been fully prepared to forgive her the transgression.

He had not expected the new Victoria. He had not expected her to question her feelings for him. She wanted the assassin. Damn his pretty face anyway, for going to her and playing martyr. Alex could play martyr also. There was damn little else he could do with the soul, since holding Dusk as a possession would hardly score points with Victoria. Let the assassin have his own black soul back.

Alex wanted it in his keeping no longer.

He pulled out the pendant, let the chain pool in his palm and centered his will on the orb. He could sense Dusk’s presence. There was a great deal of unhappiness. Much uncertainty. Alex sniffed and sent out the call. He centered his will on drawing the owner of the soul housed in the orb to him. He closed the whole of it in his palm, laid his head against the moss-covered stone wall and waited.

The horses never sensed the presence, but Alex knew without opening his eyes. He remained in his relaxed position, looking at the back of his lids and let the silence draw out. Finally when his back began to complain of the stone seat, he asked, “Why did you do it?”

Silence was his answer. He opened his eyes and stared into the shadows and said, grimly, quietly, “Don’t play games with me, assassin. Why speak for me to her? You think she’ll swoon over your nobility?”

Dusk stepped into the circle of his light. He looked tired and used. “She had to know.”

“Did I ask? What do you think you’re going to gain from it?”

Dusk shook his head, pushed back his hair with weary exasperation.

“I want nothing of her that she does not give freely. I do not wish you harm.”

Alex swore and surged to his feet.

“You did me harm when you went after her. You knew she was mine.”

Dusk stared at him in something akin to bafflement. “You speak as if she is an object to be coveted.”

Alex took a breath. “No. She’s not. But you are,” he opened his hand and let the pendant dangle. Dusk stared. At it, then to him. He inclined his head slightly, not quite respectfully. He had learned to rebel against the yoke. How long would it have been, if Alex or Azeral had continued to hold that imprisoned soul over him, before soul death meant nothing and the assassin’s nature overcame all else?