Doctor How and the Deadly Anemones (28 page)

“Late Victorian,” said the Doctor. “Large house converted into flats. I do so hate that. It never quite works because they weren’t designed for it.” A floorboard creaked under his foot as he walked towards the door to the hall.

“Who that there?” shouted an Eastern European voice. There were loud footsteps and Grk appeared in the doorway. “Doctor! Thank God you is here. Come quick.”

“Quick? A bit late for
quick
,” said the Doctor, and followed Grk through to the bathroom. Kevin tagged along behind, glancing in the other rooms, looking for any possible threats.

The scene was much the same as the one in Balham had been. Both Rindans were half-eaten. One was on the floor by the toilet, and the other lay on its back next to the bath-shower unit.

“Oh, my,” said the Doctor. “I see the polyp had so much time that it was able to take the choicest cuts before moving on.”

“What is choicest cuts?” asked Grk.

“The best bits of meat,” said Kevin, looking at Grk dead in the eyes.

“When did this happen?” asked the Doctor. He was squatting down, scanning the remains with his Ultraknife.

“I not sure, maybe was happen this morning?”

“Well, when did you find out?”

“Just before I make call with you.”

“Hmm. It looks like it happened an hour ago at the most. She would have come back from the office a bit early, still space-lagged. She’d have taken the traditional Rindan evening rain ritual in the shower, along with him. She goes to relieve herself, is grabbed by the polyp. He tries to get it off, but he’s stung badly. The polyp’s in a feeding frenzy, and this is its favourite meal. Probably hasn’t eaten in a while, and maybe not since splitting up with its other half. He collapses unconscious and the polyp is able to take its time. And you can see here,” the Doctor pointed to some puddles of water on the linoleum floor, “That it actually came out. Watch.” He turned off the bathroom light and touched the surface of the Ultraknife. The water glowed slightly.

“It’s like a CSI for aliens,” said Kevin.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Forensics,” said Kevin. “Very impressive.”

The Doctor turned to Grk. “So have you told the Rindan consulate yet?”

“No. I hope Doctor How will do this for me.”

The Doctor chuckled. “Not my problem, sunshine.”

“What you mean? Of course this your problem. You responsible for make safeguard all out-of-town peoples when here.”

“Uh-uh,” said the Doctor, rising to his feet. “This was all done under an exclusion clause. They thought they’d be safer with you – at least that’s what they said publicly. Dolt even agreed it with them. Nope, this is your problem, chum. You were supposed to guarantee their safety.”

“Okay, okay,” said Grk. “So maybe I make call with Rindan consulate tell them bad news. I call me mate and we make job of cleaning up now. Give remains back to Rindans, assuring that proper death rituals carried out.”

“Excellent,” said the Doctor. He motioned for Kevin to leave the bathroom. “I’ll get out of your way and let you get on with the clean-up. Come on, Kevin. Nothing for us here. Let’s see if Trini’s got that polyp yet.”

“Wait!” said Grk.

The Doctor stopped at the living room door. “What is it?”

“Is two thousand for clean-up with receipt, sixteen hundred without. VAT, yes? Must have cash without receipt.”

The Doctor chuckled, then it turned into a full laugh. He slapped Grk on the shoulder, and Grk caught the laugh too. Kevin looked at them both and began laughing. He didn’t know what it was about, but it was just what he needed to relieve the stress. He laughed until tears started rolling down his cheeks.

“Grk,” said the Doctor between breaths. “You are absolutely joking.”

“I.” Grk started laughing again. “I not joking, Doctor.”

The Doctor suddenly stopped laughing. His voice was determined. “Your responsibility, your mess, your clean-up. Goodbye.” He turned to the Spectrel.

Grk grabbed the Doctor’s shoulder and turned him around. “No. You pay for clean-up.”

“I think you have to learn,” said the Doctor. “That if you want to take on the responsibility for looking after other out-of-towners, then that means that you are responsible for the downside, as well as the upside.”

“No. Grk invest a lot of money in this. Need to cover mortgage.”

“Well, don’t look at me for funding, pal. You pay for your own mistake.”

“But this very bad advertisement for Grk with out-of-town community.”

“Let it out to some human Londoner, then.”

“Oh. Then I have to deal with local authority, get certification, all bureaucracy like that. Cost time and money for compliance. I have compliance done for out-of-town, not human.”

“Well, you were perfectly happy to let a couple of Rindans die, weren’t you?”

Grk’s face suddenly hardened. “You.” He pointed a finger at the Doctor. “You make deliberate use of polyp to kill Rindans. Put Grk out of business.”

“Oh, for… I do believe you’re serious, aren’t you? You think I had a couple of Rindans killed so that I could put you out of business?”

“Yes. This is exactly what Grk think.”

“And I suppose you think I had your brother killed as well, do you?”

Grk thought for a moment, then a wave of realisation washed across his face. “Now I think, then yes. Yes, I think maybe you have my brother killed by polyp!”

“You know fine well that I didn’t even know your brother was here until you told me he’d been killed. Repeat those allegations in public, and I’ll see you in a court of law.”

“Good!” said Grk. “See you in court. Listen, you not popular in out-of-town community. You go round with heavy man,” he pointed at Kevin. “You make threats.”

“When the hell did I ever make a threat?”

“You make threat about taking Grk to court.”

“Only if you make slanderous comments, you dimwit.” The Doctor took a deep breath, held Grk by the shoulders again and locked eyes with him. “Look, Grk. I like you. You’re a hard-working chap, and you do a good job. Really, you do. But you’re stressed. You lost your brother. Tim, Trinity and this young man here,” he nodded over at Kevin, “did a fine job of tracking down the polyps. We have two more to find, and we have to go and do that. It’s what we’re good at. You have to do what you’re good at. Yes? You do cleaning. Yes? You’re good at cleaning.”

“Not happy. Is big problem for Grk. Not liking awkward situations.”

“Oh, for photon’s sake. Look, I’ll call the Rindans if you like.” He plucked his phone out of his inside breast pocket, selected a number and dialled it. “Hello, Doctor How here…. Yes… Look, I’m at the consul’s new residence in Catford. Yes, the one you’re renting from the Circarians. There’s been a bit of an accident… Dead, I’m afraid. Please accept my sincere condolences… Probably right after they got home this evening. Polyp. Attacked and eaten…. Husband too. Came up the lavatory, would have homed in on their smell in the water. The Circarians are dealing with the clean-up. Want to speak to one of them? No, thought not… Okay, will do… Once again, my sincere and heartfelt condolences.” He looked at Grk, who was looking edgy. “No, he’s very distressed, and really can’t talk at the moment. Oh, but he will be doing the death rites.
Gratis
, I think, under the circumstances. Cheerio.”

He turned to Grk. “They totally understand that the polyps home in on their species. All part and parcel of living on Rindan itself. They do so love to play with death.” He glanced at his watch. “We’ve really got to be off. If you can take the remains to the consulate tomorrow morning, that would be great.”

“Okay, take tomorrow. Thank you, Doctor. Sorry about mess.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, old chap. It happens. Just sheer bad luck, I’m afraid. Have a little think about letting this place out to a human. Home environment, you see – not much that can go wrong.”

“Yes, but I spend thousands on adapting for out-of-town use.”

“Well, I don’t know what the answer is.” He put a hand on Grk’s shoulder. “You’re a good fellow, Grk. Really, you are. You just need to stick with what you do best. Okay?”

“Okay, Doctor. Sorry for create trouble.”

“If you’re going to cater for the out-of-towners, why not pick someone who’s easy? Maybe I’ll put a couple of Yarts your way. They were looking for somewhere new. Not very demanding.”

“Thanks, Doctor. Appreciate help. Sorry about early comments.”

“I completely understand. Come on, Kevin. Let’s see what Trini’s been up to.”

Kevin and the Doctor entered the Spectrel.

“I’m glad
that’s
over,” said the Doctor.

“I thought you handled that pretty well, Doc. I mean, you could have read the riot act to him, right?”

“Honestly, Kevin. Your comment about intelligent extraterrestrial life wasn’t far from the truth. It’s like a children’s playground.” He fiddled with the controls. “Of course, I can see what’s going to happen now.”

“What?”

“Don’t you see? The Rindans are going to get wind of the fact that a polyp their original consul introduced illegally killed Grk’s brother, who was also here illegally. Circarians… well, you can see what they’re like. Volatile. Grk was making death-threats against the Rindans to me the other day, holding them responsible. The Rindans might very well think that Grk deliberately put their new consul at risk. There’s a potential for a feud now.” He let out a huge sigh. “I may be a Time Keeper, but I just never get a moment’s peace and quiet to myself.”

“Sorry, Doc. Look – here’s Trin!”

Trinity walked into the Spectrel on four legs – the middle two pairs were holding a fat package wrapped in a grey silk web. It was not at all what Kevin had expected to see. The package was a couple of feet long and a foot in diameter, with a bulge at one end.

“Good girl!” said the Doctor as Trinity dropped it at his feet. He tickled her big spider’s head, got his Ultraknife out and scanned the package. “Still alive. It’s gone into hibernation mode. This will do very nicely indeed. You’re the best, Trinity. If you go to your room you’ll find a nice treat waiting for you. It might take a minute or two for you to catch it, but I know you’ll enjoy the chase.”

Trinity bolted from the control room.

“Like, what have you given her?”

“Mmm?” the Doctor was watching a couple of house-bots pick up the polyp.

“The treat. Like, I get the impression you’ve given her something… to eat alive.”

“Yes,” said the Doctor absently, following the house-bots out of the room, and indicating that Kevin should follow him. “Don’t worry your pretty little very-suddenly-ethical meat-eating head about it.”

“Excuse me, Doc. But there is actually an issue of ethics here. You can’t just throw live animals in there for Trini to eat.”

“Oh, Kevin,” sighed the Doctor. “You never think about where your own food comes from, do you? Hmm? I remember your comments the other week that – as far as you’re concerned – a milkshake comes from a machine. And I have to say that you rather enjoyed bashing what little brains there were out of some oversized cockroaches last week.”

“That’s different, innit? That was life and death. What you’re doing is cruel.”

“It’s cruel to deprive a predator of the joys of the hunt. You wouldn’t deprive a dog of the pleasure of chasing a ball, or a cat of the joy of sinking its talons into a toy dangling on the end of a stick, would you?”

“A ball or a thing on a bit of string isn’t
alive
, Doc. That’s my point, innit?”

“The same technology that can put together a perfect Jamaican patty based on your thought waves can put together a treat for Trinity.”

“Right. But if it’s –”

“If it’s only got a nervous system capable of trying to evade Trinity, but no consciousness then the problem is…?”

“Well…”

“I have neither the time nor the mood for an ethical debate about the nature of consciousness. And don’t get me started on moral relativism. Do you see how I dress?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Black suit and white shirt.”

“Yeah, but why’s that relevant? I don’t get it.”

“It’s pretty black and white, Kevin.
Geddit
?”

The house-bots led them back to the lab. This time a large tank of water had appeared next to the dissection table. It was floating a couple of feet from the floor, with no visible means of support. With a nod, the Doctor indicated to the house-bots that they should put the silk-wrapped polyp in the tank. They lowered it in slowly, taking it to the bottom themselves. He gave another nod and they started cutting into the mesh of silk threads that bound the creature up. A med-bot lowered itself into the tank and hovered in the water near the two house-bots.

“Watch this,” said the Doctor. “Trini gave it a tiny shot of venom to paralyse it before she wrapped it up. They’re able to squeeze out their body fluids and condense themselves. A form of hibernation. We got enough data from the autopsy to figure out what kind of emetic to use.”

“Emetic?”