“You’re still confused, honey. She’s a girl.”
“Wanna little wager on that?”
Kirsten snorted. “What do I get when I’m right?”
“For one day, I do anything you ask.”
An intriguing idea, it still filled her with unease. Serving him… didn’t feel right. Not when most of her dreams involved her kneeling at
his
feet — or kissing them.
Still, it was a worthy bet. Maybe she’d just make him do the dishes and rub her feet.
He already does that, idiot.
Maybe she’d make him do it naked then.
Kirsten smothered her laughter against his bare chest.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing… nothing.” She gazed up over the expanse of his broad, muscled chest. “What do you get if you win?”
Keihl arched an eyebrow. “Same deal. You do whatever I say for a day.”
“Don’t I already do that?”
He pulled her closer, brushing the tip of her nose with his lips. “You might think that you do, my girl.” Keihl’s eyes flashed. “But you have
no
idea.”
A shiver ran down her spine, even as her clit began a slow throb, anticipating more from her seemingly insatiable husband.
“Deal.”
“Deal,
what
?” Keihl squeezed her hip.
“Sir.”
They lay in silence for a while longer, listening to the rain pour down outside, the sound of the wind whipping up under the eaves of the roof. The questions still swirled in her mind, and as she lay there in the dark, they loomed ever larger. They had to talk about it, no matter how crazy it seemed.
“Keihl, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Promise you won’t think I’m weird?”
Keihl chuckled, giving her hip a pat. “Considering the shit I’m into? I might be the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?”
Kirsten took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking — about the birth.”
“Me too. Nervous?”
“Fucking petrified, to be honest. But there’s something else.”
He didn’t say anything, his dark gaze fixed upon her.
“Have you thought about what we do… when it comes time for delivery?”
She remembered reading about the subject in a long series of articles and responses to articles on the HoH site. It had been hours of reading, a mix of fascination, arousal, and shock filling her as the import of what she’d read sunk in.
Keihl’s gaze slid away toward the window, raindrops coursing down the panes. “I don’t think you’d want to know what I think about that. Hell, I’m not sure I even understand what I think.”
“Try me.”
Kirsten’s heartbeat began to thud harder.
“The idea of… natural childbirth. It’s got an appeal.”
“Understandable. Nothing weird about that, Keihl.”
He sighed. “I like… Jesus, I can’t believe I’m going to say this. The idea of ordering you to have it without painkillers or epidural. It turns me on — even as I know I’d never actually make you do it. The arousal at the idea… it’s real. Sadistic, right? I don’t fucking understand any of it, but it’s there all the same.”
Kirsten’s mouth was dry, and she looked up at him, searching his face, for the meaning behind his words. She knew he wasn’t a sadist… quite. But the idea, while it took her aback — it didn’t horrify her either.
Hadn’t she turned the idea over in her head too? Though she’d never admit it, the concept of it — enduring that pain for him, for them — it did hold a sort of elemental, primal appeal. Was it feminine pride? Sub frenzy? Or was there a masochistic, self-negating urge in her that ran much, much deeper than she ever suspected?
“Talk to me, Kirsten.” He cursed under his breath. “I shouldn’t have told you that. Sometimes… better just to keep this shit to myself.”
“No,” she murmured, stroking him, subtly pressing her breasts to his belly. “Don’t ever think that. How can we do this — do this right — if we aren’t honest about what we think about? About our desires?”
“Maybe it’s just hormones.” Keihl ran a hand over his eyes, blinking several times. “Easy to lose perspective if I’m not careful.”
“I don’t think it’s hormones, dear. You aren’t the bloated whale carrying this kid around.”
Keihl laughed softly. “No, I suppose I’m not.”
“Maybe it’s Dom frenzy?” She smile, kissing his chest, hoping her words helped him relax a little. “It’s okay, Keihl. Really.”
“You’re a better woman than I deserve, girlie.”
She smirked at him. “I know.”
“Seriously though — what is it you want to do? When it’s time?”
Kirsten didn’t say anything for a moment, then met his gaze, willing herself to be honest, terrifying though that honesty was. He’d been honest with her — and she owed him the same.
“I want to try natural.” She swallowed hard. “And the fact that you were… honest about what turns you on. It turns me on, too. I don’t know what that means either, but it’s the truth.”
Keihl’s lips quirked into a half smile, the relief plain in his gaze. He really was afraid she’d react badly, call him a sadistic prick.
Oh Keihl, if you only knew what I really wanted.
But it wasn’t time for that — not now. After the baby. Then they could explore it further, see how far that journey took them.
She wasn’t done though, so she pressed on before she lost her nerve.
“That you took that chance, that you trusted me with that. It… touched me. It makes me love you that much more. I trust you more now than I ever have, Keihl. I wanted you to know that. I means… so much.”
Finding his free hand, she brought it to her lips, kissing it softly.
“I… don’t want to make that decision alone, Keihl. I trust you. I know you’ll do what’s right for me.”
Keihl frowned for a moment. “I don’t… what do you mean? Don’t you think you should decide that?”
She shook her head slowly, terrified inside at the decision, yet somehow, feeling unburdened of something deep inside her.
“I need you to take charge.” The flush heated her cheeks, but she forced herself to say the rest. “I’m so scared, and I need someone to lean on. Someone who’ll… watch over me, take care of me. You’ve done all of that — and more. I’m just saying… I’m going to need it now, more than ever. I can’t do this on my own. I love you. I need you. I need your strength to help me see it through to the end, no matter how scared I am.”
His eyes burned bright as he looked upon her, the thick column of his throat working.
“I will be. I promise.” His thumb stroked over her lips, and she kissed it fervently. “Every step of the way. I’ll be here, girl.”
She laid her cheek against his chest then, breathing deep, contentment, excitement, and love coursing through her with a power that almost made her gasp with it.
The rest, Kirsten. Tell him.
She couldn’t meet his eyes for it though, pressing her mouth to his firm flesh, unable to look upon him as she said the words.
“There’s more. A confession, I guess.” She hoped he couldn’t feel the trembling of her lips against him. “Now it’s my turn to ask you not to think I’m weird.”
“God. Never, sweetie.”
His fingers drew a strand of her hair away from her cheek, his touch sending electricity coursing over her skin.
“Since I… became pregnant.” She inhaled deeply. “I… I’ve felt differently about things, especially lately. About us, about… The Game. Everything.”
“I knew it—”
“Let me finish. Please.” She kissed his fingertips again, and he smiled at her, giving her a nod.
“You’ve made me feel… more desirable than I’ve ever felt in my life. Hard to say this, but it’s true. I never expected that — not in a million years. I’ve seen friends, heard their horror stories. I could almost feel their pain. And I was afraid it would be the same for me.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Kirsten. That you’re carrying my baby, just makes you even more beautiful. Never doubt that. Ever.”
“I don’t — hard as it was for me to believe at the beginning. Now, I believe you. I think you’re crazy, but I believe you.”
“Good girl.”
Kirsten sighed, her clit throbbing anew at those two words that affected her more than almost any other.
“I don’t really understand why, but I’ve struggled with feeling protective — and yet wanting to
be
protected. How can that be? It’s all mixed up, contradictory. Makes zero sense. But being pregnant, I feel…”
She buried her head against his side.
“Tell me, gorgeous.” His rich, deep voice washed over her. “No shame between us.”
Kirsten looked up at him, meeting his dark gaze.
“Being pregnant. It’s made me feel more… submissive, I guess. I’ve felt more subject to you, more
yours
than I ever thought was possible.”
Grinning, Keihl leaned over her, holding her jaw firmly in his hand, drawing close, his dazzling eyes filling her vision.
“You
are
, my girl. You’ve never been anything less than mine.”
Chapter Thirty Eight
K
irsten woke up the next morning feeling like she’d been hit by a truck. Her head hurt, her nose wouldn’t stop running, and her voice had transformed from the tired, but sexy, huskiness into a sound that resembled a rusty door hinge.
Keihl hovered over her all day, making her soak her head, even after bathing her himself, and still it wasn’t an ounce better.
“You’d better call the OB.”
Keihl put his hands on his hips, the pleasing way the denim of his jeans hugged his genitals not lost on her, even as sick as she was.
“I doubt Brunhilda is going to do any better with taking care of you than I will.”
“Tom,” she said, her squeak of a voice barely audible. “I want, Tom.”
Keihl had his cell phone out and up to his ear in an instant. He turned away from her as the call connected, his voice hushed.
She was grateful for it, as worried as she was. The one thing she kept thinking about, couldn’t help but fear as she lay there, the word sounding in her head over and over.
Flu.
She’d had a shot, of course, but that was no guarantee. She was just barely eight months along, and even though babies born that early were routinely delivered and turned out just fine, the thought of a premature birth still terrified her.
Kirsten remembered being in the NICU with Joely’s first, her baby daughter having come down with bilateral pneumonia only two weeks after birth. The sound of the heart rate monitors from the preemies in the room next door to Joely’s was something Kirsten would never forget, the way those little hearts would jackhammer away, almost frantically, then finally calm down, slowing for seemingly no reason before their heart rates skyrocketed once more. The nurses assured her that the erratic heartbeats were pretty common for a lot of premature babies, especially those born very premature, but still, it was disconcerting to hear it cycle through the same pattern, over and over, knowing that no matter how scared she and Joely were — and there was plenty to be scared of with pneumonia — it paled in comparison to the terror she had no doubt those poor parents must have felt.
Now? She thought she knew a little bit more about how those parents must’ve felt.
Keihl made her sleep though, sitting with her and stroking her hair until she finally nodded off.
The sound of murmured male voices woke her from her haze, her head still pounding. Gray, hazy light poured through the window and she tried to tell them to close the curtains.
“It’s okay, girl. You’re fine. No fever.” Tom sat down next to her on the mattress. He stroked her forehead as he spoke. “We just need you to rest. Baby is fine. Just fine.”
“Is it flu?”
Keihl knelt down next to her, kissing her cheek. “No flu, sweetie. Just a bad cold, Tom says. You’re gonna be all right. Please don’t worry, okay?”
Kirsten tried to smile at her husband, but even her face ached. “Shoot me.”
Keihl chuckled. “After the baby comes.”
“Dammit.”
Tom stood, writing on a piece of paper and handing it to Keihl.
“I don’t think you’ll need to fill this, but keep it in case her symptoms get worse. There’s a nasty virus going around, but fortunately, it seems mostly confined to the head and upper respiratory tract. She should be turning the corner in a few days. Keep her hydrated, and don’t let her do
anything
. Rest is her best friend right now.” Tom clapped Keihl on the shoulder. “And you are too. Take good care of our girl, will ya?”
Our girl?
“Thanks for coming in, Tom. I know you’re busy as hell.”
“No problem, it’s nothing.”
“He’s probably… pissed you interrupted his golf game,” Kirsten croaked.
Keihl laughed, leaning against the wall next to her bed.