Don't... 04 Backlash (25 page)

“Christ,”
mumbled Jack and a hand cupped Gray’s neck. “What the fuck happened
after I was knocked out last night? Who got to you?”

Gray briefly
closed his eyes. “No one. I just need to focus on work over the
next week. And to keep you and Jan safe while my time’s split, I
need someone here who I trust body and soul to help keep you safe.
I need you both safe now, Jack.”

Jack pulled
away slightly. “Security has been doing just that. So have
you.”

Gray shook his
head. “I need someone here to not only keep you safe but to look at
giving your head and heat the balance it needs to stop your need to
walk. To give Jan some peace of mind. Last night scared the hell
out of him, Jack.”

Jack frowned.
“So I’ll call Halliday... Craig....”

“No.” Gray
found his gaze, cooling his heat. “Triggering works on an
unconscious level between you and Martin, we both know that. But at
the moment, both of us are part of the problem—Hey.” He made sure
Jack focused on him when he tried to look away. “You listen now.
You focus. Last time I brought handcuffs near you, in here, what
happened?”

Jack looked at
the far corner, where Jan had sat curled up amongst the broken
debris of the bedroom.

“Yeah,” Gray
said in a soft tone. “And when I don’t touch you last night, what
then?”

Jack stayed
quiet, although Martin was there in his eyes.

Gray nodded.
“I’m a trigger for you at the moment.”

“So... so...”
Panic tore at Jack. “We go back through Halliday... or the MC. We
use another Dom.”

“Why did you
resign from the MC, Jack?”

“Because...
because....” It still killed a part of Gray to see him stumble
here.

Gray rested his
head against Jack’s. “Because the MC has played psychological games
with you, the right way, for years. Yet Vince skewed your
perceptions; the lines blurred between what you know is MC BDSM and
Vince’s psychological reconditioning and rape. You knew if you went
back to the MC, there would be the fear of triggering. That’s why
you resigned.”

Anger fought
for control now, but it was still let loose on the stray runaway
tear. “I trust the MC to fuck about with my mind and body; I have
done for years, Gray.” He swore under his breath. “They’re as much
a part of me as you are; they’re as good as bloody you are because
you’ve trained a good majority of them. We both have—”

“So the issues
lie here.” Gray brushed a thumb against Jack’s forehead, still
keeping his own eyes shut. “In what you think ties you to the MC,
to me, to what Vince did.”

“
You’re nothing like Vince.”

“Shush, easy,
stunner.” Gray cupped Jack’s face. “All we’re doing here is
acknowledging fears and working with them, nothing more,” he added
quietly. “Remember Gabe Hunter?”

Gray caught
Jack’s frown. “From over in America? When we had that two-week
break? One of Trace’s ex-Diadem Doms.”

Gray nodded.
“He was the last Dom you evaluated outside of the MC. He was the
last Dom you worked with before Vince.”

“Yeah.” Life
seemed to drain from Jack at the repeated mention of Vince’s name.
“Gabe would have made a damn good MC Dom.”

Gray managed a
smile. “Focusing on stylistics and application... why?”

“Because no
matter how much I pushed him, Gabe never broke his rule of only
fucking his own sub, Dare. He’ll push any sub’s BDSM limits in a
scene, but he won’t fuck them.” Jack found a smile too. “He’d have
been kicked out of the MC for allowing a sub to change his
signature mark as a Dom.”

“You remember,”
said Gray.

“Could hardly
forget David and his Goliath of a sub. Why?”

“Because that
triggering works on an unconscious level with you, especially under
my touch, and I need someone here to not only keep you safe for the
next week, but also to help... here.” He swiped gently at Jack’s
head. “And I need to focus on work without you walking, with
knowing you and Jan can hold on to each other without the threat of
Martin.”

Jack seemed to
catch up. “You’ve already made the call to contract Gabe. You’re
working on how that unconscious level won’t feel threatened
and—”

“Trigger,” Gray
said. “Gabe will look at getting you near a pair of handcuffs
without—”

“Hitting out?”
said Jack, and he rested cheek-to-cheek with him. “Shouldn’t be
anyone but you... Jan. Please, mukka.”

Gray kissed his
lips. He knew Jack when he was saying no because he’d had enough,
but he also knew Jack when he was saying no because he was scared
and needed to hear this was okay as an option. “It’s about getting
your mind associated to BDSM in the right way, and that just means
taking away certain triggers. State of mind is still skewed with
you, Jack, but with Gabe being the most recent Dom, a good non-MC
Dom with a signature mark of no penetration with clients, trust is
there, and remembered.”

“Does he know
about Martin? About triggering? What he’s setting himself up
for?”

“Trace is going
to tell him. I’ve already run it by Trace. I’d like Darrek here,
too, for Jan.”

“Goliath?” Jack
found a ghost of a smile. He scratched distractedly at his head.
“You spoken to Jan about this?”

“I have, yes.
After I got back last night.”

Jack paled a
little. “How’d he take it?”

“He took a
swim. A hard one.” Gray wanted to mention the drop of head at the
mention of Martin, and Jack somehow seemed to sense it with how he
looked away now.

“Okay,” said
Jack. “It’ll be damn good to have Goliath here for Jan too. Some
normality, some....” He didn’t quite finish that and things fell
quiet for a moment.

“I’d like
Halliday’s input on the psychological strain too.” Gray searched
Jack’s eyes. “Small steps,” he said gently. “If at any time you cry
no, or I see your body cry no, it stops. I said the same to Jan,
and I’ll ask you the same thing as I did him. Yes or no?”

“What’s got you
scared, mukka?”

Gray rested his
head against Jack’s and buried the image on the phone. “Just work.
Nothing more.”

Jack’s exhale
was long, hard. “Okay. You tell me when I need to know. You....” He
shifted uncomfortably. “What about you, mukka? Gabe will touch. Are
you okay with Gabe’s touch on me? Because if you say no, this stops
now and we find another way.”

It shouldn’t
have caught Gray off guard, but the question did. And the falter in
not answering was there as Jack came in, arms wrapping around
Gray’s neck.

“Trust those
instincts, mukka,” murmured Jack. “Gabe’s a damn good Dom; you
wouldn’t let him close otherwise.” Gray felt a breath brush his
ear. “You just damn well promise me that you’ll call the MC,” he
heard snarled heatedly in his ear. “You don’t lose that.”

Gray ran his
hands down Jack’s back and finished by dusting a touch over the
fine curves to his ass. “I have other priorities at the moment,
stunner. The only ones that really matter. But you have my word I
will, eventually.”

“
You hear
that sound?” Jack gave a shaky sigh. “It’s the sound of a thousand
or so trainee Doms suddenly high-tailing it back home crying
mum
.”

Giving a soft
smile, Gray looked back at the door. “Go get your head straight and
take some time with Jan.” He wanted to keep life as normal as
possible for them both. “I’ve got time to cook you lot breakfast.
Craig’s still here.”

Gray pulled
away. As he tugged on a jumper, he glanced back to see Jack getting
dressed.

“You’re
cooking? Use your firearm, it’s quicker.” Jack winked over, and
Gray raised a brow as he gave Jack the once over.

“I’m...” Jack
pulled on some trainers. “I’m off for a jog first, okay maybe a
fast walk, or maybe just a slow amble with a stick. A run will
fucking kill me with how I’ve been slacking off, eating full
English breakfasts.”

“So you’re
running away instead of walking now?”

Jack ran
a hand through his hair, keeping that
got out of bed
look. “Just for a few minutes,” he replied. “Find
the courage to face him and all that bollocks. I know how much that
shit last night scared him. He’s not here now.”

Take
care of Jack and Jan....
“Just keep the run within the perimeter. No going outside
the gates.”

“Electronic tag
my ass again. I know you want to.”

Gray didn’t
smile. If he could have tagged him, he would.

“Fuck.” Jack
started patting himself down. “My MP3 music thing’s in Jan’s Merc.
I’m grabbing that first.” He headed for the door. “Need to work up
an appetite and strong stomach if you’re cooking, mukka.”

“Fuck off,
Jack.” Gray managed to snort a smile and finished getting dressed
as Jack left. A wash took care of the rest of the tiredness and a
call to Ray eased the worry of Jack being outside, even though
within the perimeter.

That just left
Andrews and if he’d traced Kes’s name.

But more it
left Jan and why he’d avoided Jack all this morning.

“There’s
nothing from the MI5 database on his name.”

Gray kept his
voice low as he listened to Andrews and headed down the staircase.
“Understood. Run Kes by those on street level. See what they’ve
heard.” Gray cast a look over at the way up into the west wing. He
hadn’t found Jan yet, or Craig, and the west wing was his next
stop.

“On those text
messages last night, this Kes mentioned that we might only have a
partial code list? How did he know 639 is a... witness?” said
Andrews. Gray hadn’t shown him the messages, just mostly
paraphrased them for Jan’s sake over the images.

“Unknown. But
the hint is there that we have access to two more codes.”

“I’ll run a
check through 639’s property, see if anything was missed. What
about the connections to 639? Their properties?”

Elena had
watched Jack and Jan’s rape from Greg’s home too. That’s where most
of her hardware had been taken from. “I’ll handle the connections.”
The property would be empty with Greg at work today, and it
wouldn’t take too much to gain access. “Hold any communication
until I reach the office.”

“Will do.”

Gray cut the
call as he made it to the west wing staircase, but paused as a beep
on his phone let him know that Ray hadn’t spotted Jack outside yet.
Gray frowned and looked around, knowing Jack should have been on
his jog by now.

That dread was
still there: that drop of life and waiting for it to hit the floor
and splinter as Jack... walked.

His heart
slowed as he changed direction and made it down into the reception
hall. With his back to him, Jack stood inside the closet, where Ed
hung the coats.

“Not quite
ready to run, then, yet, stunner?”

Gray stilled.
Jack looked down at something he held in his hands. Palm closed,
the outline of his fist shaped something that whitened his
knuckles. And stare... Jack did nothing but stare down, not moving,
barely breathing.

Gray looked at
his watch.

Twenty minutes.
That’s how long it had taken him to try and find Jan and talk to
Andrews. Twenty....

Keeping his
footfalls light, Gray went over and eased up close to Jack. Giving
a sigh, he rested his head against the back of Jack’s. “You here
with me, stunner?”

“Always.” That
was spoken so clearly, with no traces of slurred speech or just
coming out of what most would see as a daydream. “Fuck...” came the
quiet mumble.

“Jack?”

Gray got
a glance back, and something in his eyes had his world falling.
He’d seen this ghost-look only twice: once when Jack had been
forced to his father’s feet, when Martin’s
artwork
on his father’s body was witnessed; then when Gray
had found the code to Mark Shaw’s porn site uploads, showing Jack
fucked by Cutter. That and what followed had sliced through Jack a
hundred times over.

Whatever he
held looked set to do the same.

Gray eased a
touch around his wrist, more than a quiet ask now to see what he
held. “What...?”

Jack loosened
his grip and Gray looked down, frowning.

The small vial
of clear liquid had a white label wrapped around it, and out of the
100ml of heroin, roughly three quarters of its contents were
missing. The label suggested a source that had access to a
hospital, and the cap had been removed, revealing signs that a
needle had been used to—

“Heroin?” Gray
gripped Jack’s wrist. “You’re fucking using—” Then he noticed whose
coat had been rummaged through, whose keys Jack had needed to find
his MP3 player, and Gray took a step back, now nearly out of the
closet.

“Tired,” said
Jack, following him. “He’s just been tired lately.” Gray looked
away from the heroin long enough to see the confusion he heard.
“Forgetting those little details, a little lively like with us at
the flat last night, no interest in the party, not really into
sex... eating... scared... but...” Jack shrugged, then a tear went
with it. “But he was coping. He’s... he’s always been coping.
Right? I kept asking him if he was coping.”

Jack
looked down at the heroin, but his hand dejectedly fell to his
side. “How long?” he mumbled quietly, finding Gray again. “How
long, mukka? Since that shit last night with Martin? Since that
shit last night after I touched him?” Jack let out a cry and
thumped the wall. “
He needed to take this shit in order to touch me in the
fucking hall a week back? To come and pick me up from the psych
unit a month ago
?
Fuck, he’d looked so thin even back then.”