Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game (23 page)

But my dad was nowhere to be seen. Then I turned
around to see him striding towards us. It was one of those moments
when your heart stops, and you have to struggle to breathe. I
might’ve been almost eighteen years old, but there was a part of me
that was still that seven-year-old kid inside, desperately wanting
a father.

Joe smiled and extended his hand. “Noah, it’s great
to see you again.”

When I shook his hand, I almost laughed when I found
it as nervously clammy as mine was.

He glanced over at Maddie and Josh. “And who are your
friends?”

“Oh yeah, this is Maddie Parker and her brother,
Josh.” I ruffled Josh’s cap a bit. “I think he might be your
biggest fan.”

Josh stared open-mouthed at my dad like he was seeing
a superhero or something. At my comment, he slowly bobbed his head
in agreement.

My dad laughed. “Well, you’re awfully small to be my
biggest fan!”

Normally Josh would have protested at being called
small, but he was too stunned by “greatness” to argue. “I-It’s nice
m-meetin’ you, Mr. Preston,” Josh stammered.

“It’s nice meeting you as well.”

Thrusting out the jersey that had come with the VIP
package, Josh asked, “Can I have your autograph?”

“Why, of course. Actually I think I can do much
better than that. Why don’t you all join me for dinner
tonight?”

Josh seemed more surprised than I was. “Really?”

“Of course.” He reached in his pocket and brought out
his wallet. He thrust a fifty into Josh’s hands. “First, why don’t
you and your sister go check out the souvenir tables? Maybe even
get a milkshake. If they give you any trouble, tell them Joe sent
you.”

Josh beamed. “All right!” he cried.

Maddie glanced up at me through her long dark lashes
and then smiled knowingly. “We’ll see you later,” she said and then
she hurried behind Josh who was already bounding away.

My dad watched them go and then he turned back to me
with a sly grin. Always the pimp and player, he mused, “She’s very
beautiful.”

“She’s just a friend,” I replied.

He acknowledged my comment with a skeptical look
before saying, “You know, this might sound a little strange, but
she reminds me of your mother.”

I’d thought the same thing myself, but I sure as hell
wasn’t going to admit it. I didn’t like the sort of weirdo Oedipus
thing it said about me that I was attracted to a girl who reminded
me of my mom.

“Maybe,” I said.

He motioned for me to have a seat. We sat in silence
for a few minutes, watching the crew clean and repair the field.
Finally, he sighed. “Noah, I just want you to know that I’m really
glad you got in touch with me.”

I raised my eyebrows and fought the urge to spat,
“Yeah right!”
Instead, I managed a much more even tempered,
“You are?”

“Yes, I am. There’s been many times over the years I
wanted to see you. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought
about you, wondered how you were doing, and if you still hated
me.”

My heart did a funny constricting squeeze in my chest
at his words. But before I could stop myself, I blurted, “Yeah,
well, you coulda fooled me!” When Joe’s brows shot up in surprise,
I said, “I’m sorry. That didn’t exactly come out right.” I shoved
my hands in my pockets. “And I never hated you.”

He looked at me in surprise. “You didn’t?”

I shook my head. “No, not really. I was just pissed
off at you.”

“Because I didn’t stick around after you were
born?”

“Yeah, and some other things.” I stared at him a long
minute. “Can I ask you some things?”

“Sure.”

I drew in a breath. “My mother…did you ever love
her?”

A sad expression came across his face. “You want the
truth, right?”

“Yeah.”

Joe exhaled a ragged breath. “I wish I could say yes,
but I didn’t.”

Ouch, that comment made me feel like I’d taken a
karate chop to the groin. “Why?” I croaked.

“Because I was a twenty-one year old asshole who
didn’t know what love was! Believe me, it’s taken me years to
finally find it,” he replied. He shook his head. “Noah, I want you
to know I admit I was a first rate jackass towards your mother.
Since you’re older, I think you can understand a little bit where I
was coming from-” At the death glare I shot him, he gave a weary
smile. “Or maybe not.”

“No, I think I get what you’re saying. It’s just
simple biology, right? You were just a horny frat boy alone in the
middle of nowhere with a beautiful, innocent girl, right? It
must’ve been a hell of a conquest to be her first.”

Joe’s expression darkened. “Your mother was never a
conquest to me, Noah.”

“Then what was she?”

Turning away, he refused to meet my intense stare.
“There’s no denying she was beautiful—she is still the most
beautiful woman I’ve ever been with.”

“Guess that’s saying a lot,” I growled.

He held up his hand. “But it was more than that with
Maggie. I knew she loved me—maybe even adored me. I’d seen it
building for years—maybe from the first time I’d met her when she
was just an awkward fourteen-year-old girl in braces. Then it was
like she blossomed in front of me-”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s such a fucking cliché!”

Joe didn’t flinch at my language or comment. He
merely shrugged. “Well, it’s the truth, and you said you wanted the
truth.” He eyed me before he continued. “During her senior year,
things started to change between us. She grew bolder and even
flirty—I think it even surprised her. And then that summer we were
together every day. We’d go for long walks, swim in the lake, but
mostly we talked. She was the only person who had ever really
listened to me.” Joe stared down at his hands and cleared his
throat. “And then it happened. I swear I didn’t mean for it to
happen—”

I interrupted him by snorting.

He glanced at me. “I really didn’t, Noah. When I was
young, I went out of my way to seduce girls. But it wasn’t that way
with your mother. When I crossed that line, I threw everything away
I had with your Uncle Mark and your grandparents.” A disgusted
expression came over his face. “But I did it anyway. I was stupid
and selfish, and in the end, I was a jerk who only thought with his
dick.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes. “How is she?” he
tentatively asked.

“She’s good. She’s getting married.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I knew that.”

“You did?”

“I’ve had my spies.”

Suddenly, anger boiled in my veins. “Why did you have
to have someone check-up on us? Why couldn’t your sorry ass come
and see for yourself? Better yet, why didn’t you come for
me
?”

Holy Hell, I was fighting back the hot angry tears
that scorched against my eye-lids. Willing myself not to cry, I bit
my lip until the metallic taste of blood rushed through my mouth.
I’d be damned if I’d let my father see me cry like a pansy ass
Mama’s Boy.

“Noah, none of what I’m about to tell you is an
excuse for my actions, but I want you to understand why I did what
I did.” He shuddered. “I’ll admit that for many years, it didn’t
bother me that I had no relationship with you. I was immature and
immersed in my own good times. It wasn’t until my daughter was born
that I realized what I’d lost with you. By then, I figured it was
too late. I imagined you would be so angry and bitter for what I’d
done to your mother and to you that you wouldn’t want to see
me—”

“But I was just a kid. You could have forced me to
see you, and I would have come around!” I protested.

Joe shook his head wildly back and forth. “I would’ve
never done that to you. You see, my parents divorced when I was
five. Your grandfather was an alcoholic, sometimes abusive. I never
wanted to go with him on his weekends. I’d cry and cling to my
mother, but he’d unwrap me from her and force me into the car.
Several times, she tried to stop him by locking me in the house,
but he just ended up calling the police.” He sighed and stared down
at his hands. “Those are memories that still haunt me, and I’ve
spent years and thousands of dollars in therapy trying to overcome
them.”

“Yeah, well I’m sorry you had a shitty childhood, but
I’m not you!” I snapped.

He raised his eyebrows. “Are you so sure?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you remember the last time I saw you?”

“Yeah. You kept me for an entire weekend that you
were playing in Atlanta.”

“Yes, but do you remember what happened after
that?”

At the expression on his face, I realized he knew I
remembered it all. I exhaled sharply. “Yeah, I do. But I was just a
little boy. I could’ve changed my mind—I did change my mind.”

“But what made you change your mind now?”

I knew full well the reason for calling my dad was
rifling through memorabilia and slurping on a milkshake.

When I didn’t answer, my dad smiled. “It’s not just
because of Josh that you called me, Noah.”

“Really?”

“I knew deep down there would be a time when you’d be
curious, and you’d want to see me.” He smiled. “And thankfully my
prayers got answered.”

I widened my eyes.
Jesus!
Both literally and
figuratively flashed in my mind. “You pray?”

Joe laughed. “Is that so surprising?”

“No offense, but hell yes it is. I mean, with the
life you’ve led…” I snapped my mouth shut before I could say
anything else hurtful.

He arched his brows at me. “I pray precisely because
of the life I’ve led. The 12 Step Program and AA, do those ring a
bell?”

“Oh shit, you are…I mean, you were an alcoholic?”

“Yes, I am a recovering alcoholic.”

“Wow.”

“Does that change your view of me?” he asked.

“No, I mean, I think it’s honorable you did something
about it.”

Joe smiled. “I’m glad to hear you say that. It means
a lot.”

Over his shoulder, I saw Maddie and Josh starting
back across the field to us. I cleared my throat. “Look Joe,
there’s another purpose to why I’m here today.”

“Oh?”

I nodded. “You see, Josh’s parents don’t make a whole
lot of money, and the insurance isn’t covering all of his care. His
parents are really in debt. I was wondering if you could—or if you
might want to give them some money.”

Joe stared at me in surprise. “Really?”

“Um, yeah.”

Then as if the day hadn’t been shocking enough, my
dad suddenly lunged at me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me
and rocked me back and forth. “Uh, Joe,” I said, my voice
constricted from his bear hug. “Could you please knock it off with
the hugs? I don’t think we’re quite to that level yet.”

“Sorry,” he muttered before he jerked away. Tears
shone in his eyes. “Noah, you don’t know how proud you’ve just made
me.”

“For hitting you up for money?” I questioned.

He laughed. “No, not for hitting me up for money.
Because of this,” he said, and pointed to my heart.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do. See Noah, for so many
years I was the guy everyone wanted me to be. The winner-take-all
jock and the womanizer. But I grew tired of that. More importantly,
I grew tired of being somebody I really wasn’t. I was ready for a
change when I met my wife, Melissa. She showed me it was all right
to be me.”

A strange feeling crashed from my head to my toes
like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over my head.
“So it’s kinda like ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’,
right?”

Joe gave me a confused look. “What?”

“Like you were a product of what society wanted of
you for a long time—even though it wasn’t who you really were deep
down inside.” My heartbeat accelerated as I realized everything
that Joe was saying was what Jake had been feeling.

“Yeah, I guess that’s a pretty good way to sum it
up.” He smiled at me. “I’m just so glad you’re your own person,
Noah. I guess I have your mother to thank for that. Maggie was
always her own person. She didn’t care what society expected her to
be. She always lived by her conscience.”

The extreme feelings zigzagging through my body were
getting to me a little, so I replied. “Uh, okay…Thanks man.”

“No, thank you, Noah,” he replied. He stood up from
his seat just as Maddie and Josh rejoined us. “So what do you all
say we go find some dinner?”

I shrugged still dealing with my out-of-control
emotions. “Okay then.”

Joe offered to take us to Ray’s on the River, a
pretty swanky place, but in the end, we decided on the Hard Rock
Café—which was more for Josh than us. While Josh had Joe talking
about baseball, Joe also peppered me for questions about my life. I
told him about my music, about wanting to be an engineer, and some
of the other parts of my life that he had missed. He gave me his
rapt attention through it all and beamed with pride at a lot of my
accomplishments.