Authors: Stacey Lynn
My eyes widened and he held up a hand to stop me. What in the hell was he saying?
He held his arms out, and looked at me nervously. “I always wanted this, Emma. You, me, and our child. I know I fucked it up. I know I don’t deserve another chance, and I definitely know now is a really bad time to even bring it up. But being with Logan at the movie tonight, and the sleepover last week? It’s just not the same without you. I want my family. I want the family we – you and me – always wanted together. And you might think I’m an asshole for saying this now, but I’d hate myself if I bit my tongue and didn’t tell you.”
What did I say to that? I stared at him, my eyes wide with wonder and amazement at the proclamations I just heard, and just stared. I don’t know how long I looked at him, feeling – who knows what in the hell I was feeling at that moment. I missed Jack. And I loved Jack. My heart was broken from the way Jack treated me. But at one time, I loved Marcus. He had been it for me and I was so sure when I was young, and twenty, that I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
I looked at him. Really looked at the man he had become and even though I hadn’t looked at him with anything more than an attraction before, now, I saw him. He made my stomach flutter as we stared at each other in my little galley kitchen. He was taller, his shoulders broader, and his jaw more square. He had that same smile. It was lazy, like he didn’t care about anything in the world, but I knew how passionate he was. I knew what his hands felt like when they caressed my body softly, gently, as he tenderly made love to me for the first time and took my virginity. He cared for me. He used to, many years ago and I could see that same protective, but loving look he gave me now.
He was nothing like Jack.
Marcus….this Marcus, was safe, and he was the father of my child. Did I owe it to Logan to see if we could make something work again? Did I owe it to my son to see if we could be a family the way we had originally planned?
“Marcus,” I finally said, ending our staring contest. I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I didn’t know if I should say okay, or get the hell out of my house, or what. It was too confusing. Too emotionally surprising, given the shitty week I had had.
My eyes grew wider, and my stomach flipped as he closed the few spaces between us and cupped my cheek with his hand. It was soft and tender, just like I remembered and I found myself leaning into the warmth he provided.
“I don’t need an answer, tonight,” he said softly. I tilted my head up to look at him and blinked. His green eyes were softened; just like they used to be when he looked at me in college. I remembered that look. Did he really feel the same way he used to? “I just needed you to know. But please,” he said and nodded towards the living room, “don’t take Logan away. Don’t leave me, until you know for sure it’s the best thing for everyone.”
I swallowed slowly, thinking of what he was asking from me, and then I froze. Marcus leaned forward softly, aligning his firm and muscular body with mine just like he used to. It sent chills down my spine. How could I feel like this, with Marcus –the man I hated more than anyone just over a month ago? But I did, and my body responded before my heart could tell it to back the hell up.
Before I knew it, his soft, warm lips were pressing gently against my forehead. I did nothing. I couldn’t move. I almost wanted to put my hands on his waist to see what he felt like, but before I could even finish the thought, much less act on it, he pulled away and smiled down at me.
“I’m willing to wait for you to figure everything out with Jack, but I also want you to know I’m not going anywhere. I just want a chance to have the family we used to want.”
He lightly brushed my cheek with my knuckles and headed for the door.
I stood in the kitchen, long after he left, polishing off my bottle of wine alone wondering what in the hell just happened. His parting words left me thinking. What stuff did Jack and I have to work out?
He left me. Fired me. And I was left to pick up the pieces and figure out a way to provide for Logan and myself.
TWENTY-ONE
“This place is pretty damn cool,” Macy said with awe as we walked into SkyJump, an indoor trampoline park, for Logan’s fifth birthday party. A dozen of his classmates gathered in the entryway, their parents signing release forms, while Macy and I were standing, mouths wide open at the massive room filled with one enormous trampoline. It was the length of the entire room, had red padding in between the individual trampolines, and they curved up the walls at least eight feet in the air.
It was awesome and I couldn’t wait to get on them and jump off some much needed steam. Dean, Tate and Marcus had already taken off their shoes and joined Logan on the trampolines, jumping around like the big kids they were.
We bounced and jumped for an hour. Tate and Dean stopped halfway through, completely out of breath after doing flips and jumps and trying like hell to impress a bunch of little kids.
Macy and I laughed so hard while we threw ourselves off the wall, that we almost peed our pants. That was my cue to take a break along with the other guys, although Marcus and Macy stayed on, determined to get their money’s worth for every single second.
My legs shook from overuse by the time I got off. I walked over to Dean, fixing my messed up ponytail, a huge smile on my face, my breath panting like I’d just run a marathon. My legs were going to be so sore by the time bedtime hit.
“That was so awesome,” Dean said, while chugging a bottle of water.
“I know,” I breathed out. “Who knew a place like this could be so fun. I wonder how many kids puke on it.”
“Gross. Probably more than we could imagine.” He took another chug of his water and then turned to me, more serious. “How are you?”
“Crappy, to be honest.” I shrugged and smiled at Marcus trying to teach Logan and his friend, Spencer, how to do a back flip. I cringed, hoping Logan’s birthday party wouldn’t end in a trip to the Emergency Room. “I’ll get over it, though.”
“You still thinking of running?”
I pursed my lips. “I was never thinking of running, but sometimes a change of scenery can be a good thing. You of all people should know that,” I reminded him of the night we met and he had said he went out of state for work to get away from his family’s expectations and not just take what he was given.
He shrugged. “Yeah, but I had good reasons. You’d just be leaving because you’re scared.”
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I sent my applications in this week to Chicago only schools.” I smiled and winked at Dean. For someone who I had originally thought was going to be a stuck-up little rich boy, he had turned into a good friend over the last couple of months.
I thought he would smile back, but instead, his shoulders tightened and one of his arms went around my shoulders. I frowned.
“Jack’s here.” He narrowed his eyes and looked out the window to the entryway behind us. “Want me to tell him to leave?”
How did Jack even know we were going to be here? And why was he here? My hands started shaking nervously and I felt my heart begin racing out of control.
“What?” I asked with a voice so shaky I could barely understand myself.
Slowly, Dean turned me around, but kept his hand on my shoulder the whole time so that by the time I was staring at Jack through the windows, Dean was standing completely behind me, both his hands on my shoulders, holding me up.
My mouth dropped and I leaned back into him.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked as I turned my head to Dean and away from Jack. I couldn’t describe the look on Jack’s face. His lips were pulled into a tight white line and his free hand was stuffed into his front pocket. His eyes were unreadable. Blank and cold and absolutely devoid of any emotion as he stared at the two of us.
“I can make him leave,” Dean repeated, but I shook my head.
“It’s okay, I can handle it.” Dean gave me a doubtful look, but let go of my shoulders anyway.
With shaky legs, I took a few steps out of his protective hold and walked to the entryway doors to meet Jack. It was the first time I had seen him in weeks and I could feel large, angry butterflies trying to burst free from my stomach. I suddenly felt like throwing up and knew it had nothing to do with the thirty minutes I had just spent jumping around.
Jack did this to me. He always made me feel all sorts of crazy. Where before it was in awe and wonder at the man who could make me feel beautiful and desired and wanted like no one else had before, now, I was terrified. Why was he here?
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I met him outside. He stayed on the sidewalk the entire time, never once entering the place we were having Logan’s birthday. He held up a gift bag in one of his hands that was decorated with Star Wars Lego people.
“It’s Logan’s birthday, I wanted to bring him a gift.”
I crossed my arms and took a step back, refusing to take the gift he offered.
“I don’t want it.”
“It’s not for you,” he said with a frown.
“I’m not letting you give that to Logan. He’s finally just stopped asking questions about why you left us….why you left him. And I’m not going to give him anything to encourage the idea that you might be coming back into his life. It wouldn’t be fair to him.”
“Emma….” He roughly ran his free hand through his hair. He looked down at the ground and when he looked back up to me, I saw how tired his eyes looked. Stress lined his forehead, and he wore purple circles under his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. I hated it when people did that.
“What?” I snapped at him and looked back to Dean and into SkyJump, wondering if anyone could see us. I had a straight view of the trampoline area so I took a few steps backwards, out of view from everyone else and gave Dean a head nod, letting him know I was okay.
“Are you dating him?” Jack asked me, his eyes narrowed in anger. I felt anger and annoyance prickle every nerve in my body. I bit the inside of my bottom lip, for just a second, trying to hold myself back from saying anything stupid and then decided I didn’t care.
“None of your business.” I spit at him, my eyes looking just as pissed off.
And then, I saw it. I saw the regret and pain flash through Jack’s eyes as he stared me down. Did he regret breaking things off with me or firing me? I wanted to know. I had to know. At the same time, I was terrified that what I saw was just an illusion. Jack was a master manipulator with the gift of getting anyone to do what he wanted to do, at least when it came to business. Hell over the last few weeks since we’d been apart, I’d spent enough hours wondering if all I was to him was just some manipulation. He came on so strong and swooped me up, making promises he didn’t end up keeping. Was I just a game to him - screw the housekeeper when he got tired of the blonde supermodels that typically clung to him?
“I’m sorry,” Jack finally said, as we stood there staring at each other for who knows how long. “I’m sorry for everything….for hurting you.”
“Why did you?” I asked, quickly blinking back the tears of frustration, anger and pain that I tried so hard, every day, to keep in check so no one could truly see how much he broke me.
He shook his head and took a deep breath. “I can’t….I can’t tell you. Just know that it was best thing for everyone, considering.”
“Considering what, Jack? Why can’t you just be honest with me for once and stop screwing around with my head?” And my heart. I felt my chin begin to tremble and knew I couldn’t hold back the tears for too much longer.
“Just forget it,” I said as I lowered my head and tried to walk around him. He grabbed my elbow as I passed him, his large warm hand that I knew with so much familiarity instantly left a burning sensation and a trail of goose bumps along my arm. When I tried to pull out of his grasp, he held on tighter; not hard enough to hurt me, but with enough force to let me know we clearly weren’t done with our conversation.
“I can’t forget it. And I can’t forget you. Just…shit!” He yelled and pulled me to him. Without warning, my body was flushed to him, his hand still gripping my elbow and his other hand wrapped around my waist. “I miss you, and I’m sorry I hurt you. But I need you to know that I’m hurting too, and I’m trying to fix everything.”
I wiggled with enough force that he finally let me go. “There’s nothing to fix,” I said once I took a few steps away, closer to the entrance to SkyJump, although I really wanted to throw myself back into his arms. I wanted him to make me forget my pain. I wanted his hands on me and to breathe him in like he used to let me do after he’d screwed me senseless. Memories of our time together assaulted me on the sidewalk as I stared at the man I loved.
“You ruined us, Jack. There’s nothing else to say.”
I turned to walk away and ran smack into a firm wall of muscle. “Are you okay?” Marcus whispered into my ear. I wrapped my arms around his waist without even thinking, or caring, that Jack was still there watching me. I nodded, although I knew my tears were already falling silently against his sweaty shirt.
“You need to leave,” Marcus said, not backing down from Jack or removing his arms from mine. “You know what this could do.”
Even in my emotional breakdown, I knew something was going on that I didn’t understand, and yet, needed to know.
“What are you talking about?” I finally pulled back and stepped away from Marcus. He pressed his lips together and I turned to Jack who was still there, boring his eyes into mine. Pleading with me for….something.