Don't Look Back (3 page)

I watched the other people as they played with the puppies.

“How are they with children?” I asked the owner.

He looked at me and smiled, a puppy in his arms. “How old is the kid?”

“A baby,” I said, not wanting to elaborate.

“Well, it’s always a good idea to not leave babies alone with any dog, but German Shepherds are good with kids.”

He held out the puppy for me to take. I took the puppy and asked how old it was.

“She’s eight weeks.”

She felt substantial in my arms and I felt more secure just having her against me. “How much?”

“Two hundred.”

I tried not to flinch at the price. I knew that even though you could get some puppies for free, others could be pricey. I held her away from me and gazed at her sweet face. When her gaze met mine, she seemed to be telling me that she would protect me. Even though  I hadn’t owned a pet before, I was certain I could learn whatever I needed to know. She would be my family now.

“I’d like to buy this one,” I said, setting the puppy back in the enclosure.

As I pulled out my checkbook, the man said, “Sorry, but I only take cash.”

“Oh sure. Okay.” I tucked my checkbook away. “Can you hold on to her for me while I run to the bank?”

“No problem. What’s your name?”

“Li . . . uh, Kate.” I felt my face begin to redden as I caught myself, almost using my real name.

“I can hold her for an hour.”

I smiled, covering my near mistake. “Great. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Walking quickly to my car, I drove to the bank and withdrew the needed money, then drove back and bought my new puppy.

“What are you going to call her?” the man asked.

“Hmm. I’m not sure.” I looked at the puppy’s face again. “Well, since you’re a
German
Shepherd, how about Greta?” I waited a moment, hoping the dog would bark or give some other indication that I had chosen the right name, but she just looked at me. But it almost seemed like she was smiling. “Yes, I’ll call you Greta.”

“Well, you enjoy her. I know you’ll be happy with her.”

I held Greta against me and smiled at the man. “Thanks.”

As I walked back to my car I held Greta close. “We’ll need to get you some supplies.” I had noticed a Petco as I was driving to the grocery store and decided to go there. I carefully climbed into the car, Greta in my arms, and shut the door. “Now, how are we going to do this?” I set her on the passenger seat, but wasn’t sure how I could keep her from falling to the floor if I had to stop suddenly. Then I lifted her from the seat and placed her on the floor instead. I gently pressed her into a laying position and she stayed that way.

Snapping my seatbelt on, I started the car and carefully drove out of the parking lot. In only a few minutes I had pulled into a parking space at the Petco. By this time Greta was standing. After I turned off the car, I leaned toward her and lifted her into my arms. Carrying her into the store, I found a store employee and explained that I had just bought the puppy and didn’t have any supplies. He grabbed a shopping cart and helped me pick out everything I would need. Then he pushed the cart to the register and I paid for my purchases. I set Greta in the cart, on top of a pet bed, and pushed it out to my car.

My trunk was already pretty full of groceries, but I fit what I could into the trunk. Then I put the pet bed on the floor in front of the passenger seat and placed Greta on top of it, then loaded the rest of the items onto the backseat.

“Whew!” I said, looking at Greta. “That’s a lot of stuff.”

This time she barked in response to my voice and I felt like we were becoming friends.

I drove back to my new home and brought Greta inside, then took several trips to unload everything else. After setting the last bag of groceries on the kitchen counter, I noticed a small puddle on the kitchen floor.

“Oh no.” I dug through the grocery bags and found the paper towels, then quickly cleaned up the mess. When that was done, I pulled out the book on German Shepherds that I’d bought at Petco. Then, opening the door to the backyard, I called to Greta to come with me. She scampered after me and onto the grass. I watched her explore the large backyard as I sat on the steps of the back porch, flipping through the book. After a moment I found the section on house training.

Over the next several hours I worked with Greta on teaching her to go to the bathroom outside. I hadn’t realized how exhausting this was going to be, but I knew the hard work would pay off eventually.

One time as I was walking her outside, it occurred to me that Mary and Edward might not approve of me having a dog in their house. I decided to call them and hope for the best. I pulled out my cell phone and called Mary. I hung up a short time later, relieved that Mary had not only approved of the dog, but thought it was a good idea since I was living here by myself.

I smiled at Greta as she jumped up on me, begging for attention. “I think we need to send you to obedience school.” I reached down and scratched her head, which made her tail wag back and forth in apparent happiness. I picked up the ball I had bought and tossed it across the yard. Greta shot out after it and then trotted back, the ball in her mouth. We did this for about fifteen minutes until I had to stop and take a break.

Sitting down on the porch steps again, I watched Greta drink out of her water bowl, then smiled as she flopped down in the shade. It felt good to have a companion and it felt even better to be able to forget about my problems for a while. But even as the thought entered my head, I couldn’t help but catalogue my problems: Trevor becoming abusive, Trevor being arrested for stealing cars, Trevor locking me up, Trevor stealing from me and then me having to run and hide from Trevor.

Wow, I thought. Each and every problem involves Trevor. Less than a year ago I didn’t know he existed, and now he was the root of all my problems. What was I going to do? I knew I couldn’t hide from him forever.

I thought about my mild panic attack at the grocery store and knew I had to do all within my power to make sure I could protect myself. I looked over at Greta again and smiled, knowing she was a good first defense. I knew I needed to get her trained as soon as she was ready. Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to do much to protect me.

What if she can’t protect me? Then what would I do? I pondered this for a few minutes, then I realized I could learn some self-defense. My pregnancy wasn’t starting to show yet, so I was still in good physical shape to take a self-defense course.

I wanted to go online to look up information on dog training and self-defense, but I didn’t have Internet access yet. First things first, I thought. I pulled out my cell phone and called information, asking them to connect me to the cable company for my area. A few minutes later I had made an appointment to have someone come out and hook up a cable connection for TV as well as a cable modem. Someone would be out the next day.

Chapter Five

That night, my first in my new house, I listened to every creak and groan the house made as I tried to go to sleep. I had made sure all the doors and windows were locked tight and Greta was curled up on her pet bed in a corner of my room, but still I couldn’t help feel a little nervous that somehow Trevor would find me. After a while, I finally fell asleep.

The next day as I was cleaning up from breakfast, someone knocked on the door. Even though I was expecting the cable company to come, I had to force myself to calm down before walking to the door and looking through the peephole. Relieved to see a stranger in a cable company uniform on the porch, I opened the door.

“Are you Kate Jamison?”

I nodded. “Yes. Please come in.”

“This shouldn’t take too long,” he said as he followed me inside.

I watched him step into the living room and look around. I thought he wasn’t much older than me, maybe in his late twenties.

“Where’s your TV?” he asked as he turned toward me.

“I don’t have one yet.”

He laughed. “People usually have a TV before they have their cable set up.”

Feeling foolish, I felt my face redden. “Well, I mostly want the Internet access, but your company had a deal going where I could get free cable for my TV.”

“Oh. Well, that makes sense.”

“Anyway, I’m planning on getting a TV soon. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

“Your boyfriend will probably be glad when you get one.”

“My boyfriend?” Slight panic tickled my neck.

He laughed again. “You do have a boyfriend, don’t you?”

His question made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t want him to know I lived here by myself. I held up my left ring finger and pointed to my wedding ring. “I don’t have a boyfriend, but I do have a husband.”

That made him back off.

“Well, just give me a little time to get this all hooked up and I’ll be out of your way.”

“Thanks.”

I heard barking at the back door and let Greta in. She immediately ran up to the man and started sniffing him. I pulled her away. “Sorry. She gets a little excited sometimes.”

“No problem,” he said.

Half an hour later he said everything was hooked up and if I had any trouble, to give them a call.

“I usually like to test out the cable connection on the TV, but . . . “

I smiled. “That’s okay. Thanks.”

He left and I locked the door behind him, glad to be alone. His questions about my having a boyfriend had been unnerving. It made me wonder what I could do to make it less apparent that I lived alone.

I pulled out my laptop and plugged it into the modem. I was online in no time. The first thing I did was check my email. My heart pounded when I saw that my mailbox held several emails from Trevor. Hesitant to open them, I decided it would be a good idea to find out his mood. I knew just opening and reading the emails wouldn’t help him find me.

The first few emails had a sweet and loving tone, asking me to come home and be a family with him. There was no mention of his arrest or that I had taken my money back. As I continued to read the emails, the persuasiveness turned to anger and threats. The final email had been sent just that morning. As I read it, I felt my mouth go dry.

Lily,

I know you think you’re clever in running from me and taking my money, but be assured that I WILL find you. You’re still my wife and you’re carrying OUR child. I have every right to be a part of that child’s life and I plan on seeing my child grow up. With or without you, I will be a father to my child.

You and I both know that you have NO ONE. You are on your own. NO ONE will help you. I hope you don’t sleep at night for fear that I will be watching. I will know when you give birth to OUR baby. I WILL use my rights as the baby’s father and I WILL take him and raise him. If you don’t cooperate in allowing me to be a part of our baby’s life, I will make sure that he will never know he had a mother.

Your LOVING husband,

Trevor

The fear that had pushed me to leave him came rushing back and I felt tears course down my cheeks as I knew he spoke the truth. I had no one. I was completely on my own.

But would he really be able to find me? Would he really take my baby from me? I wrapped my arms protectively around my abdomen. I was in no hurry to have this baby; as long as it was inside me, he couldn’t take it from me.

He doesn’t know where I am and he has no way to find me, I thought. I never got around to changing my last name to his. He doesn’t know my social security number. He has no idea which way I headed when I left. For all he knows, I moved to New York.

Trying to think of any way he could possibly track me down, I felt reassured that I was safe. I just had to be careful. Feeling better, I saved all the emails Trevor had sent, but didn’t reply. The rest of the emails were junk and I deleted them. I thought about my good friend Alyssa. Right now, during the summer, she was probably with her parents and had no idea that I had left Trevor. Alyssa had tried to tell me that Trevor didn’t seem like a good person, but I had stubbornly ignored her.

Pulling up a new email, I sent Alyssa a brief note telling her that I had left Trevor and I was doing fine. I explained that I couldn’t tell her where I had gone, but I would keep in touch through email.

Next, I did a search for dog obedience schools in the area. I found one that would be starting the following week and signed up for it. Then I did a search for self-defense courses. The police department was offering a four-week course. I was worried that being pregnant would be a problem, but since I wasn’t showing yet, I thought it would be okay. And the peace of mind I would have in knowing some self-defense moves would be worth it. I signed up for the course, excited to learn how to protect myself.

Finally, I found the website for the local junior college and pulled up the page to apply for fall admissions. I knew I could get one semester completed before the baby came and planned to make the most of the opportunity.

Once the admission process had been started, I felt excited at the thought of going to school.

That night, as I lay in bed, I replayed Trevor’s email over and over. I knew he must be very angry with me. The thought of his anger directed at me was terrifying. Having seen his anger in action, I knew he was capable of hurting me. I glanced over at Greta, curled up in the corner, and hoped between her and the self-defense class, I’d be able to keep myself and my baby safe.

Chapter Six

I found the park where the dog obedience lessons were going to take place and climbed out of the car. Greta tugged at her leash as we walked toward the group of dogs and owners. I smiled at the other owners as they tried to control their rambunctious puppies. Greta seemed calm in comparison and I smiled like a proud mother.

One woman with a black lab seemed to be having an especially hard time.

“No, Chloe,” she said as the dog vigorously sniffed another owner.

I stifled a laugh, glad Greta wasn’t quite that friendly.