Don't Tell the Groom (30 page)

I always know that it is a bad idea to lie on my bed once I've got out of the bath. All those sleepy thoughts going round your head when you're so relaxed. Yet when I got out of the bath I ignored all those thoughts and got into bed anyway. Of course I fell straight to sleep and now that I've woken up I feel groggy and more tired than I did before.

It's dark outside and I scramble over to Mark's side of the bed to see that our alarm clock says that it is just after eight o'clock.

I bound out of bed as that must mean that Mark is home, yet the house is still eerily quiet and pitch black.

Now I'm starting to get worried. I'm sure that there is a perfectly logical explanation and if I can just find my phone and call him I'm sure he'll tell me what it is. When I eventually find my phone still next to the bath I ring Mark and it goes straight to voicemail.

The hairs on the back of my neck go up and I start to run through
Crimewatch
-style reconstructions of what could have happened to Mark and none of them have a happy ending. I wonder if I should phone the police, but even I know that is being far too dramatic. As I wasn't here last night I don't know how long he's been missing.

Instead I'll try to find him myself. Now with it being dark outside I can only guess that he isn't playing golf. I'll start by phoning his mum just to check he hasn't snuck off there for a cheeky roast dinner.

‘Hello,' says Mark's mum, Rosemary.

‘Hi, Rosemary, it's Penny.'

‘Oh hi, Penny, I thought you might be calling soon.'

‘You did? Is Mark there? Is he OK?'

‘Yes, he's here.'

Thank goodness for that. I breathe the biggest sigh of relief. I'm so happy that I'm not going to have to be at a press conference crying and making some heartfelt appeal for Mark. At least he wasn't abducted last night. Although I'm not entirely sure who would want to abduct a thirty-year-old man.

‘Can I speak to him?' I ask.

‘I don't think that's such a good idea.'

‘What do you mean it's not a good idea? Is he OK?'

‘Yes and no. I'm not entirely sure what is going on with you two, but Mark is pretty upset.'

‘He is? I've just got home from the hen do. What's wrong?'

‘I don't know. He arrived here about an hour ago, after he'd been at Mum's.'

Nanny Violet
. She wouldn't have told Mark my secret, would she? She'd seemed so sincere when she said she wasn't going to tell him. I was convinced that she was going to leave it up
to me to break the news to him. Not that I was going to but still, it was my secret to tell.

‘Did he tell you what had happened?' I ask.

‘No, just that he didn't want to talk to you and I wasn't allowed to let you come round.'

‘But Rosemary, I have to talk to him. I have to make him understand.'

‘Oh Penny, I didn't think you would do anything to hurt Mark.'

‘I haven't, or at least I didn't mean to hurt him. I thought I'd fixed everything.'

‘Whatever is going on, I don't think Mark sees it that way,' says Rosemary.

‘But I've got to talk to him. I'll come round.'

‘Penny, he's quite adamant that you're not to come over. I think he just wants some space.'

‘Some space? We're getting married on Saturday.'

This is so frustrating. I understand that it must have been a bit of a shock to have found out, but I can't believe that he won't let me tell my side of the story. Especially when we're getting married in a week.
One week!

‘Penny, why don't you just let Mark sleep on it tonight and give him a ring tomorrow? Give him some time to get his thoughts together.'

‘But—'

‘Penny, just leave it for tonight. I know Mark and he needs his space.'

‘OK,' I whisper. I can't believe this is happening.

‘Bye, Penny. I'll call you tomorrow.'

I hang up the phone and just stare at it. I can't believe that his mum was telling me how she knows what Mark is like.
I know what Mark is like
. I know everything about how he'd react. I know that he's a hedgehog, as the marriage class taught us. He goes into a ball and doesn't want anyone to come near him when he's angry, and he puts his spikes out. I'm the opposite. I'm a rhino so I like to charge into arguments. Rosemary doesn't need to tell me that Mark would rather not talk about it.

And usually I'd let him stay in his ball, but not when we've got a week to go until we get married.

There is just one person that I need to phone before I go over to Mark's parents' house.

‘Hello,' says Violet. I love that you can guarantee that she'll pick up with one ring in the evening as she's always sitting right next to the phone.

‘Hi, Violet, it's Penny here.'

‘Oh, Penelope.'

I'm still obviously in the doghouse with Penelope being trotted out.

‘I've just spoken to Rosemary on the phone and she says that Mark is there and he's furious.'

‘Yes, dear, he is. He came to me in such a state. He kept going on about you hiding something from him and bank statements and I had to tell him what I knew. I'm so sorry, Penelope, but he is my grandson.'

Oh no. The bank statements. I'm so sure I hid them all. They were in a shoebox underneath a pair of boots.
In the spare room
. There was me worried that Mark would find my secret shoe collection and I never even gave the bank statements another thought.

‘Oh Violet,' I say.

‘I'm so sorry, but Penelope, you should have told Mark the truth while you had the chance.'

‘I wish I had. I just want to explain to him why I didn't tell him but he won't talk to me.'

‘Well, I can't blame him.'

‘But didn't he at least seem relieved when you told him what you saw?'

‘Of course he wasn't. He was practically inconsolable. Beforehand he'd been confused, but by the time he left he was furious.'

‘But didn't it make him feel better knowing that I was getting over it? You know, trying to sort myself out and get help?' I ask.

‘What are you talking about, dear? Getting help? I didn't know you were. I don't know, you young people going to counsellors over the littlest of upsets.'

Why doesn't Violet know that I was getting help? Isn't that how she knew what my little secret was?

‘Wasn't he pleased that I was going to a gamblers' support group?'

‘Gambling? Penelope, I don't have a clue what you're on about.'

There is definitely something weird going on with this conversation and I'm wondering whether Mark was right: that Violet is losing it. Of all the times that I need her to be lucid, this is most definitely it.

‘What did you see me doing at the community centre?' I ask in frustration.

‘I saw you holding hands in the coffee shop with another man.'

Holding hands with another man. She must have seen someone else. This must be a huge big misunderstanding. I'd never hold anyone's hand but Mark's.

‘Hang on, Violet, I think you've got it wrong.'

‘No, I haven't. I watched you holding hands with him and then I saw you hug him goodbye.'

‘That wasn't me, that …'

Oh, hang on. An image of me and Josh pops into my head.
Now it all seems to be crystal clear. She hadn't seen me going to one of my support group meetings; she'd seen me meeting Josh that time when I was feeling weak in willpower. It all makes sense now. That's why she told me the story of Geoffrey and Ted. She confided her story of infidelity to get me to tell mine. But I didn't have one.

‘Violet, that wasn't what it looked like.'

‘That's what they all say!'

‘It's true! I have a gambling addiction and I've been going to a support group and Josh is my mentor.'

There's complete silence from the other end of the phone and I suddenly wonder if Violet is still breathing. This probably wasn't the most sensible conversation to have with a woman in her late eighties.

‘I think it would be best if you started from the beginning,' says Violet.

I really feel that I should be explaining this to Mark first rather than his nan, but at the moment that doesn't seem like an option.

I tell Violet the whole sorry story. From wanting to have a princess wedding to me becoming a regular fixture on Fizzle Bingo. I go on to explain about the bank and the Citizens Advice Bureau before filling her in on my support group, Josh, and my Saturdays spent at the museum. By the end of it I am exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

‘Well, well, well. You have been a busy girl,' she says.

‘Yes, it's been quite a hectic three months.'

‘I'd say. I still think that Mark would have understood, you know, if you'd told him from the outset.'

That is not what I want to hear right now.

‘He's just so sensible with money. I didn't want him to see me as a disappointment.'

‘I think he'll see your lying as more of a disappointment.'

I don't want that to be true, but I guess in my heart of hearts I know it is.

‘It's such a mess, Violet. How am I ever going to fix it?'

‘Oh Penny, I just don't know. You know what Mark is like.'

Yes,
I do
, I nearly scream. At least Violet recognises that I know my fiancé. And did you hear? She called me Penny! It seems that I have won her over at least with this conversation.

‘I just need him to know my side of the story. The
whole
story,' I say.

‘I think that's the only way. I'm sure if you explain to Rosemary, she'll let you see him.'

Rosemary? I can't tell Mark's mum the whole story. I'm tired enough from telling Violet. What is it with the women in his family acting like gatekeepers?

‘I just feel that the next person I tell should be Mark.'

‘Then go and see him, love. I don't think he's going to like
what you have to say, but at least it isn't as bad as what he thinks it is.'

Well, that's encouraging, surely? Although I have a sneaking suspicion it is going to take a lot more than just telling Mark my side of the story to get him to forgive me.

‘Right, Violet, I'm going over,' I say determinedly.

‘Good luck, Penny. And I'm so sorry that I made the situation worse.'

‘Violet, I only have myself to blame.'

It's true, it's all my fault. Somehow now the fact that I spent the money seems like such an inconsequential part of it. If I had told Mark the truth in the first place, before I tried to sort out the wedding, then he would have seen how much I've changed as a person. Instead I've built a house made of lies that has come crashing down around me.

I rush out of the house with just my keys and my phone. I don't know how I'm managing to drive normally, but I am. It's like I'm driving on autopilot. Mark's parents only live fifteen minutes away but tonight it seems to take fifteen hours to get there. The thought of what I've done and the magnitude of the repercussions keep swirling around my brain.

I do quite possibly the worst piece of parking on their drive and run up to the doorstep. I feel like I'm in a dramatic scene in a romcom movie and I can suddenly hear the power ballad playing as a theme tune behind me. All I have to do now is
beg Mark to come back and he'll sweep me into his arms and we'll live happily ever after. Isn't that how it's supposed to happen?

As the door opens I'm faced with Mark's mum, Rosemary. Her hair is in her usual severe up-do and her lips are pursed. This isn't going to be easy.

‘Rosemary, I've got to see Mark,' I say, practically barging her out of the way. I start to run up the stairs and that's when Rosemary tells me that Mark isn't here any more.

‘What?' I say, collapsing on the stairs.

‘He's gone, Penny. He said he knew you'd come round once you'd spoken to me and he doesn't want to see you.'

‘But I've spoken to Violet and she had the wrong end of the stick. I've got to tell Mark what was really going on. I've got to tell Mark the truth.'

‘You're making about as much sense as Mark was earlier. Do you want to tell me what's going on?'

I can't face telling the story again. It is far too draining. And besides, I do owe it to Mark to tell him before his entire family.

‘I can't, I need to tell Mark.'

I suddenly have this sneaking suspicion that Rosemary is covering for Mark and that he is actually upstairs hiding. I stand up again and go racing into Mark's old bedroom only to find it empty.

There are crease marks on the bed where he'd obviously been lying. I sit down only because it makes me feel closer to Mark.

‘I'm sorry, Penny. I was telling the truth – he's gone,' says Rosemary, poking her head round the door.

‘Did he say where he was going?'

‘No, he told me he'd text me when he got there, wherever there was. I have a feeling that he's going to a hotel rather than someone's house.'

Perfect. There are loads of hotels in the local area that he could have gone to. I'm going to have to face the fact that Mark doesn't want to be found.

I can feel my mobile vibrate in my pocket and my heart suddenly leaps. Maybe Mark has spoken to Violet and now he wants to speak to me. But it's not Mark. I'm disappointed when I see that it is Chris from the band calling.

‘Hello,' I say, in the most unmelancholy voice I can muster.

‘Hi, Penny. I was just phoning to confirm our set times for Saturday. Do you want us to start off at eight for our first set, and then our second set at ten?'

I don't have the heart to tell Chris that there might not be a wedding. They've already had one cancellation on that date. Maybe that was a bad omen. Maybe booking the band that had been due to play at someone else's wedding has jinxed mine and Mark's big day.