Don't Wake Me if I'm Dreaming (19 page)

Jack bit at the inside of his lip a moment. “Is it hard talking about him?”

It took me a second to realize he meant Matt. “No, but he doesn’t typically come up in casual conversation. I think people fear my reaction or something.”

“Tell me about him.”

I looked at the floor deciding if that was a good idea and began nervously fidgeting with my hair. “Umm, he was young, lively, a firefighter, and worked part time doing construction for his dad. He played college baseball, and we met a few years later at a game.” I smiled slightly, remembering. “He had the cheesiest pickup line and offered me a hot dog and a stolen drink.”

“Were you together long?”

“A year. That was long for me, actually, it’s the only serious relationship I’ve had. I was always more the
let’s just have fun
type…that sounded bad. I meant the…anyway.” I pushed myself further back in the seat and forced a leg to my chest. “He was good to me. My needs meant something to him, which was a first. I had never given thought to marriage, but there was something about him that was easy to love, and I could easily have pictured a future with him.”

“You had the best of his heart.”

“And he, mine. I glanced out the window. “Anyway.”

“It’s a remarkable feeling and not easy to come by.”

“So why did you really let her go? I find it hard to believe work could be more important than love.”

He didn’t respond right away, instead, he repositioned himself and gave a little thought before answering. “It was power, greed. I wanted to make it to the top. I was faulted with the idea of success above all else, and I think she grew lonely, even in my presence. That’s when she decided to leave for Washington.”

“Do you regret it, letting her go?” I asked.

“Not anymore. It wouldn’t have lasted with the path I’ve chosen. She deserved the attention she wanted, and I didn’t have it to give at the time.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Have you been able to let him go?”

“Yeah. I think so. I mean, I still have his picture on my nightstand, but I no longer cry myself to sleep. It took me a while to get there, though.”

“Are you in a place where you’d consider moving on?” he asked with seemingly harmless intention.

“Are you always so forward?” I smiled a little.

Jack stared into my eyes; his expression was of contentment.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m staring at you.”

“Why?”

“It’s not every day I sit in the company of such beauty.”

“Ah, well, it’s not every day I hear such a far-fetched pickup line.” I glanced away.

“I speak my mind. Are you going to answer me?”

“Your motive, Jack?”

“I want to kiss you again, but not if you’re not in the right place. I understand if you’re not ready to get involved yet.”

“That’s hardly fair.” My brows sharpened.

“Please, elaborate?” he asked, confused.

“You’ve basically stated your philander-ish behaviors don’t permit room in your life for anyone and you ask to kiss me.”

“Philander-ish isn’t a word. I stated I didn’t have time for a heavy commitment. That’s different than not having time at all.”

“Says the one with the disconnect disorder,” I mumbled rolling my eyes in annoyance. “Not everyone can flip the no attachment switch on as well as you.”

“I’m faulted and far from perfect, I admit it. When I like something, I go for it. Is that so wrong?”

“Defective more so than faulted. And no, but then what?”

“Are you ordinarily this difficult to kiss?”

“I’m practical. Nothing good comes of having a kissing friend. I had one in high school and it ended badly.”

“I guess we’ll have to take our chances.” Jack unbuckled his seatbelt and moved to the open seat at my side. His former seat blocked the view of peering eyes from the rear. I lowered my leg back down, allowing him to unbuckle my seatbelt.

“Why do I make you so nervous?” he asked.

“Nervous is an understatement.” I breathed uneasily.

He leaned forward inches from my face, looking down at my lips. “I wouldn’t ask to kiss you if I wasn’t interested in you.”

My lip trembled anxiously as he leaned in and placed a hand on my cheek. His thumb caressed my lip softly, and then, he kissed me. It was different than our New Year kiss. He took his time, moving his lips leisurely against mine, for a slow, soft, sultry kiss. “See, that wasn’t so bad,” he spoke between our lips then continued kissing me.

***

T
he golden yellow drapes were drawn with a tabletop telescope perched near the window for a ninth-floor view of Central Park. The hotel room was neatly trimmed, gold fabric furniture, and fresh flowers on the table. My room was lovely, but I had little time to enjoy it with only an hour to get ready for the Nut Cracker performance.

I stepped into the floor-length black lace evening gown, then strapped on my heels and stood in front of a longstanding mirror, making sure everything looked in place. I felt a mixture of internal frenzy topped with an overdose of nerve-racking excitement.
You look fine, just remember to breathe, and don’t say anything foolish.

I hurried to the door when I heard the light hand of Aimee knocking.

We ogled over each other’s gowns as she entered my room. She wore a silver strapless gown and faux fur coat.

“I wanted to check on you, are you doing okay?” She carefully hugged me.

“Yeah, I’m great.” I unintentionally looked away.

“Be honest.”

“I am. I’m great. This is just a lot to absorb in a short period.”

“He’s really into you, Sash, like really into you. Aren’t you feeling it, too?”

“Oh yeah, definitely, I mean it’s hard to explain, but I feel…connected to him already. I guess I can say that there is something more than just a physical attraction that I can’t put my finger on, but there is definitely something there.”

“Oh, girl, you got it bad.” She wrinkled her nose.

I smiled. “Yeah. I’m just not sure how far he’ll let it go. He’s made it clear he’s not into the
heavy stuff
.” I walked over to the mini-bar and poured us each a small glass of bourbon. “I think if he actually lets me in, it’ll be a huge leap for him, for both of us. I can’t really complain though, I’m not even sure what I hope to gain from this. I mean, just yesterday I was totally against the idea of even going on a date and here we are already on a second date.”

“So what, let him leap, hell, like a frog if he wants. You deserve the attention and lavishing lifestyle. Besides, if you guys don’t rush it, he’ll realize falling in love with you is the easiest thing in the world. Trust me.”

“Thanks. I think. I think falling in love is the furthest thing from his mind.”

“Since when do men think with their brains? He won’t be able to control himself with you.” She took the glass and sipped from it. “Holy hell!” She crumpled her face coughing. “What is this crap?” She looked in the glass.

“Very expensive whiskey.” I guzzled a deep chug finishing my drink, making my throat burn.

She cleared her throat. “You were okay with kissing him, yeah?”

I blushed, “Well, I didn’t exactly try to stop him.”

“There you have it. You two have a lot of fun together and your chemistry—wow! I could see why he’d be so gung ho to kiss you.” She handed me her glass. “Yuck! This stuff will grow hair on my chest.”

We heard a knock at the door. I was instantly flushed with anxiety.

“It’s him.” She headed to the door.

I rushed to the bathroom rechecking myself in front of the mirror, with a deep breath, exhaling as the door opened.
Calm down, Sasha.

I heard Jack’s voice, and headed out to greet him. He looked past Aimee as she slipped out of the room.

“Hi, again.” I smiled shyly.

His smile was of satisfaction looking me over. “You are exceptionally beautiful this evening.”

“And you are handsome as usual.”

He stepped just in the door, not allowing it to close all the way.

“You can come in.”

“Thank you, but Vance is waiting in the hall.”

“
Gotcha
. Let me just…” I turned, looking for… “My coat, found it.” I slid it on and grabbed my clutch. “Okay.”

“Ready?”

“I think so.” I hooked my arm around his and headed into the hall.

***

A
long spread of vehicles waited for valet parking ahead of us when we pulled up in the crowded block of the Metropolitan Opera House.

We hurriedly rushed from the car to the covered awning, avoiding the flurries. Vance handed the doorman our tickets as we hurried inside.

The opera house was magnificent with a huge, retro looking chandelier just inside the doors. Enormous tapestries hung on either side of the marble staircases leading to a balcony stacked full of people finishing their cocktails. Christmas greenery was tastefully strung from the ceiling and tied with large red velvet bows. I noticed the excitement in Jack’s eyes as he watched me taking in the surroundings.

“It’s beautiful,” I mouthed to him, not wanting to shout over the chattering crowd surrounding us.

We made our way to the doors leading into the opera hall. It was also strikingly beautiful inside. I followed Jack to the lower level
parterre
seating section finding our seats near the stage. He removed my coat, draping it over my seat.

“Such a gentleman.” I smiled.

Aimee sat on my other side next to Vance and we all engaged in small talk until the lights dimmed. The conductor made his way just below the stage, bowed, and then was seated. The orchestra began playing for a few minutes before the stage curtain drew open and the lighting changed.

We watched fixedly, as the performers came on stage.

Jack laid his arm on the rest, extending his hand to me. My fingers slid between his. After a few minutes, I leaned in my seat, slightly closer to him. His hand slid from mine and reached around my shoulder. He was watching the show, with a thumb lightly tracing my shoulder.

I unintentionally became stiff, nervous, trying to welcome his caress.

He leaned over, slightly touching his lips to my shoulder “Breathe.” His attention returned to the performance.

I stabilized my breathing, relaxing back into his arm and watched the performance.

Finally, I was able to focus on the performance I had seen several times before in my hometown community, but not nearly with the same beauty or awareness as in this moment.

This time, the play brought new light as I paid attention to the young Clara dreaming about the Nutcracker Prince and a fierce battle against a Mouse King with seven heads as she lay sleeping next to the tree. I completely understood how real her dream was to her. How my own dreams were turning into a performance of sort. I knew in the end Clara would wake with her beloved Nutcracker next to her. I glanced at Jack’s knees and held in my laughter as I too was next to the man of my dreams.

During the short intermission, Jack had whispered to me, “I want you to trust I have only the best of intentions with you.”

“Trust is built, not just given.” I side glanced his direction.

“So I have a new goal.” He kissed my temple. “Do you still dance?” He spoke just loud enough for me to hear.

“Mostly on tables when I’m drinking.”

He tipped his head back, surprised. “You had me for a second.”

“And you looked too excited about that.” I turned, facing him. “No, I’ve injured my ankles too many times to do much these days, but I have a studio in my apartment I play around in once in a blue moon.”

“It would be an honor to see you dance.”

“Someday you might be so lucky.”

“Ah, I’ll hold you to that.”

“It won’t be impressive, trust me, my body isn’t as nimble as it once was, but I did dance from the time I was four until right around nineteen. Then that dream ended. My ankle just couldn’t do it any longer.”

“Sounds relatable. I haven’t touched my sticks in years.”

“Does your leg make it so you still can’t play?”

“Not my best. There’s just something about no longer having the ability to do your best that takes the drive right out of the game. At least that’s how it was for me. I practiced my whole life trying to be good enough for the NHL.”

“And were you?”

“I was scouted out by the Canucks. After my injury, the doctor said that was the end of that dream.”

“That’s a horrible story.” I could relate to have a slaughtered dream.

“You’re telling me. I underwent two surgeries trying to convince myself that wasn’t the end.”

“Well, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to see
you
play around someday.”

“Maybe.” His voice held a smile.

After the ballet, we headed to dinner, and nearly two hours of laughter at One if by Land, Two if by Sea.