Don't Wake Me if I'm Dreaming (34 page)

“Ewwwwww. What is wrong with you?” I push myself to my feet, and try swatting at him before running to the front patio. “Grab my tea before the snake drinks it!”

“They don’t drink sweet tea, babe.” He runs after me, catching me from behind. His arms wrap playfully around me. “I was just messing with you. I found this.” He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a ring. “See if it fits.”

“Where was this?” I hold it, looking at the intricate patterns of rose gold Victorian lace. “It’s beautiful.”

“I found it right where I was standing when you came outside. It looks really old.”

“It’s got to be. No one has lived here in ages.”

I slide the ring on my middle finger. “It fits.”

“Nice. Maybe it’s the plantation’s way of repaying you for all your hard work.”             

I smile at his thoughtful words. “Thank you. And thank you for getting my clothes all dirty.”

Jack’s gets a mischievous look on his face. “I’ll show you dirty!” He laughs tackling me in the yard landing a kiss to my throat. “Mmm salty.”

“Well, what do you expect, it’s hotter than heck outside.” We lay silently in the yard for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company. “Jack, do you really want to burn this place down?”

“No, I was just giving you a hard time. I knew the day I proposed to you, I was accepting everything about you and knew this was a place you would never want to live without.” He brushed a grass from my hair.

I give careful consideration to my thoughts before speaking. If this were our future, I want certainty knowing everything about it will appeal to both of our desires. “You don’t resent me for having to move here?”

“Not at all. Where is all the uncertainty coming from? You know I love it here. I’m sorry if I hit a soft spot teasing you.”

I shrug a little, not responding at first. “I guess I’m not sure you see through all the broken wood to the beauty I find hiding within.”

“Ah, well, beauty is subjective to the eye of the beholder. Come here.” He stands taking my hand and leads us across the front yard until we’re far enough from the house for a good look. “When I stand here, looking at this house, I see a broken fortress. However, I find a deeply regarded admiration knowing you once stood here alone staring at this home with the dedication to do what many would fear impossible. Do I at times think it was a horrible idea?” He shrugged a little. “Maybe, but I have never once regretted a moment spent here building this into our home.”

“This must be why I married you.”

“Because I believe such a thing as happy wife happy life?” He smiled reassuringly.

“No, because your insanity harmonizes with mine!”

***

I
opened my eyes, but didn’t move. I heard Matt walking around the room. Jack had returned to my dreams again and I wanted to savor it for a moment.

“What’s the plan, man? Matt asked in a beyond chipper mood when he realized I was awake.

“Staying away from the sun.” I yawned. “What time is it?”

“Seven-fifteen. Should I order breakfast or we could go downstairs and see what they have?”

I moaned, pulling the sheet over my head. “I’m not hungry. You don’t vacation well. We should still be sleeping.”

“I can wait a while.”

“No, you don’t have to do that.”

“I’ll just go downstairs and get something to eat. Want me to bring you up some fruit maybe a bagel?”

His efforts to care for me emitted guilt while having Jack recently in my thoughts. What was I going to do? “No. I’ll come down in a bit.”

“I’ll just wait for you.”

“I’m going to shower,” I mumbled.

“I’ll shower with you.”

“Do you honestly want to stand in cold water?”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “See you in a few.”

“Uh-huh.”

After hearing the door close, I climbed from the bed and walked into the bathroom. I was pink from head to toe. “Lovely.” I turned on the shower then sat on the toilet in dreadful debate whether or not the cold water was a good idea.

I showered fast enough to clean my body, wrapped in a towel, and hurried back to the bedroom looking for the aloe gel. I remembered Matt mentioned something about Lidocaine and dug through his bag looking for it.

Crap, he’s got more stuff…
my thought abruptly froze. “Holy Lord!” I stared at a small black velvet box. I glanced at the bedroom door, and then quickly stuffed everything back in the bag. “Crap.” Curiosity quickly won as I dug in the bag for the box, and opened it. “Oh man.” I looked at his grandmother’s wedding ring forgetting to blink.
Holy cow, oh crap.
I snapped the box closed and shoved it back into Matt’s bag.

I sat on the bed, holding my towel, forgetting what I was searching for. I felt nauseated realizing at any moment, Matt was planning on asking me to marry him. I panicked, and ran around the room, looking for my phone. I wanted to call Aimee, and panic her, but I heard the door handle turn, and quickly sprang onto the bed.

Matt entered the room holding two plates. “Are you naked?” he asked, I heard the smile in his voice, and then he noticed me sitting on the bed. “Are you okay?” He surmised something wasn’t right.

I nodded my head, feeing too shocked to answer him.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t feel good.”

He set the plates on a desk. “I picked up some Lidocaine lotion last night. I’ll rub it on you.”

I nodded my head.

Matt grabbed a plastic sack off the dresser. “Here’re your chips.” He tried handing me the bag, but I held my hand up in distaste.

Matt sat down next to me and rubbed the cream on my back.

I instantly began shivering at the icy feeling on my skin.

“I feel so bad. I wish I could make you feel better.”

“Thanks. I just need to rest. It will go away soon enough.”

“Maybe after we eat, we can find you a nice place to sit in the shade before it gets too warm out. I want to snorkel, see if I can find you a few shells.”

“Sure.” My lips twitched, trying to smile.

***

I
found a cozy spot under a palm tree in the sand and spread out a towel. A ways down the beach a few tables were set up in the shade with vendors selling souvenirs. As much as I wanted to browse, the idea of walking any further in the sun took the appeal away.

Laying on my front, I dug through my bag for my sunglasses and book. It was nice to just sprawl out basking in the morning breeze that cooled my skin. I gazed out over the limpid water remembering my dream of Greece and the Aegean Sea. Thoughts of Jack surfaced but faded as Matt hovered near me with his flipper on.

“I wish you could swim with me. I feel bad leaving you here.”

“I’m fine. I’m enjoying the shade.” My voice tight with anxiety.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit on edge today.”

“Matt, I’m fine. I just want to relax.” My tone shared annoyance.

He waddled away pulling on his mask.

I stared after him until he disappeared into the water.

What the heck was wrong with me? Matt used to be the man of my dreams. Now, I couldn’t carry on a civil conversation or dredge up desire for him or, heaven forbid, feel any real guilt over wishing I was on vacation with Jack. What kind of person did that make me?

I wasn’t sure, but I needed to figure this out before I truly hurt Matt.

I tried feeling guilty. I wondered if maybe Matt’s desire for marriage, all the extras, was a fear that would squander away in time.

A couple walked by, maybe in their early thirties, holding hands. I gazed, wondering if they were married.
Marriage isn’t a bad thing.
They looked happy enough.

A family approached with two small children and the mom was holding a baby. I watched as they set up an area maybe twenty feet from where I sat.                                           I observed the time it took for the family to settle in and get the children situated. My mind began wandering in thought. I knew how badly Matt wanted a family. I tried visualizing the family as my own, but the thought wasn’t peaceful; children crawling on me, tugging at my clothing asking for food. Me constantly holding a crying baby, looking like I didn’t have the time to tend to my own needs. The thought was overwhelming and quickly split away when I realized I had chewed my fingernail to the point of bleeding.

I thought about how much Matt loved me, how every time I was hurt or scared, he rushed to my side wanting to care for me. How I shut him out when my dreams began changing, and even then his love never wavered.

I tried finding reason for our existence as a couple, but fell short with each thought. He would be content to nest in the city with me as his wife, never wanting more. I would never be content with that life. It wasn’t until waking from the coma that I realized how much I was missing in life and wasn’t ready to fall back into my boring old habit of simply existing.                

“We’re not going to bother you are we?” the young mom asked, walking in my direction with a baby.

“You’re perfectly fine and very thoughtful to ask.” I smiled, distinguishing reality from my nerve-racking fantasy.

“Your sunburn looks painful. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, as long as I stay in the shade, it doesn’t feel too bad.”

“Are you here by yourself?”

“Uh, no,” I pointed to Matt’s backside, floating just above the water. “That one is mine.”

She smiled. “You don’t mind if I sit here in the shade and feed my baby do you? I don’t really see anywhere else unoccupied with shade nearby.”

“Sure, no problem.” I stood, pulling the towel to the side to make room.

“Thank you!” She sat cross-legged in the sand and began nursing her baby.

I picked up my book and attempted to read, giving her the little privacy I could offer.

“My husband had this idea the Bahamas was an excellent place to take the kids for a family vacation. I could totally run him over about now.”

I laughed a little, setting the book down. “How old is the baby?”

“Four months. Her name is Annabelle.” She pointed to the second to oldest. “Annette and Allison is the oldest. Anna, Netty, and Alli.”

“Great names. I’m Sasha, and the aqua duck out there is Matt.”

“I’m Judi and that’s my husband, Ben. Thanks for sharing your tree with me.”

I returned the polite smile watching Ben build a sandcastle with the girls.

“Do you have children?”

“No, we’re not married. I’m not really the family sort.”

“I was able to relate to that one, I almost died when I found out I was pregnant with Alli. But something changed the moment I held her. It was love at first sight and now we have three.” She laughed.

“They are lovely children, and I do enjoy my niece and nephew, but I’m selfish I guess.” I didn’t really care to justify my reasoning with a stranger. “What is he holding?”

Matt waddled up the shore with his flippers on holding a large chunk of something white. His brown curls were smoothed into waves.

“Hey, ah, sorry.” He noticed the woman next to me was feeding her baby, and then quickly rested his gaze on me. “Brain coral for my brainy girlfriend.” He handed me the coral, noticing my fingernail. “What happened? Your finger looks like it’s bleeding.”

“It’s nothing.” I pressed it on the towel.” Thanks for the coral. It will look beautiful on the coffee table.” I smiled returning my attention to the lady. “It was nice meeting you. Maybe we’ll see you around.” I grabbed my towel and book, stuffing them into my bag.

“It was nice meeting you, too.” She waved.

Matt pulled off his flippers trying to catch up with me. “Soo…”

“Don’t say it.” I shook my head, knowing he was going to ask if I caught a little baby fever.

He smiled complacently. “Are you wanting to head back already?”

“I want to clean up for lunch. Maybe we can do some shopping in the mall where it’s cooler.”

“Sure. We’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later.”

I realized he wasn’t talking about lunch. “Later is fine. Maybe twenty-five years from now.”

“You’re maternal clock won’t be ticking by then.”

“Matt, we’re not even married. I hardly think we need to talk about children. At this rate, you’ll be naming my eggs,” I spoke louder than normal, walking ahead of him.

He quickly caught up. “You’re so stubborn.”

I glanced at him, my walk turned into an informative march, signaling my mood was changing.

He missed the cue. “You act as though having a family would be the end of the world,” he continued pressing the subject, which wasn’t settling well with me.

“Why does this subject always come up? Can’t we just put it to rest already?”

“I bring it up because I was ready to ask you to marry me before the accident. You assured me you were ready, too.”

I remembered while in the hospital reading the text I sent him the night before the accident, telling him I was ready for marriage. “Things have changed, I’ve changed!” I stopped at a nearby log and sat, setting my bag on the sand.