Don't Want To Miss A Thing (11 page)

‘Oh my God,’ Molly exclaimed, ‘that is so brilliant! You said you couldn’t do it!’

‘And I meant it. But you made me think that maybe I could.’ He smiled briefly. ‘Something else I need to thank you for.’

‘OK, now I’m the one feeling stupid. I’m welling up.’ Quickly wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands, Molly said, ‘This is crazy, but I just feel so proud of you. And Laura would be so . . .
happy
. Tell me everything that’s been happening. What do you have to do to prove you’re capable? Do they test you on stuff?’

‘Like you wouldn’t believe. I’m a kinship carer. Loads of questions, loads of checks. But the social workers are fantastic, I can’t tell you how brilliant they’ve been.’

‘So does that mean you seduced them? Sorry.’ Molly grinned at his look of mock outrage. ‘But you’re the one who told me what you were like.’

‘
Were
being the operative word. Past tense. I’ve made a promise to the fostering team.’ Dexter could feel Delphi’s head growing heavy against his shoulder as she nodded off. ‘And to myself too. From now on I’m going to be a reformed character. No more
sleeping around, no more high life. This is the new me. I’ve learned how to change nappies. I’ve had a CRB check. I’ve been on training courses in home safety and first aid.’

‘Wow.’

‘I know. I swear, I’m
this
far from learning how to put together a lentil bake.’

‘You have no idea how impressed I am,’ said Molly. ‘Good for you. Are you having a nanny to help out while you’re at work?’

He shook his head. ‘No. I’ve given up work.’

‘Crikey.’

‘I’ve left London too. Meet your new neighbours.’

‘Are you
serious
?’ Her eyes widened. ‘You’re really moving here?’

‘I’m not often serious,’ said Dex. ‘But yes, that’s what we’re doing. You did say the natives are friendly.’

‘Even friendlier when you aren’t just visiting once every few months.’

‘Anyway, seems like a good place to bring up small children.’

Molly nodded. ‘It really is.’

‘And the neighbours don’t seem too weird.’

‘Apart from when they’re dancing around like idiots to Vill—’ she stopped abruptly.

‘It’s OK, I knew it was Village People.’ With his free arm, Dex did the left hand half of the gestures. ‘Call me psychic, but I could just tell.’

‘Now I’m even more embarrassed,’ said Molly.

‘No need. Out and proud. If anyone thinks less of you for liking “YMCA” . . . well, they’re not worth bothering about.’

She dropped a mini curtsy. ‘Anyway, welcome to Briarwood. Both of you. Even though one of you’s unconscious.’

‘Thanks.’ He could feel the tiny puffs of Delphi’s warm breath against his neck. ‘I need to put her in her cot. Actually, the flowers
weren’t just a thank you, they were a bribe too. Are you around later this afternoon?’

‘I can be, no problem. What do you need a hand with?’

See? Just like that. No suspicion, no hesitation, just a straightforward offer of help.

Chapter 14

‘So you two have known each other for almost a year.’ The social worker from the local fostering team was making notes as she inspected Gin Cottage. ‘Since Dexter first came to the village.’

‘That’s right.’ Molly nodded; well, it was technically true, even if they’d only met twice. The woman just needed to be reassured that in moving down to Briarwood, Dexter would be among friends; if he needed help with Delphi she would be happy to chip in.

The ballpoint pen hovered over the page. ‘And are you . . .
very
close?’

Gah, how embarrassing. Molly shook her head violently. ‘Oh God no, nothing like that!’

The social worker smiled. ‘No need to sound so horrified. He’s not that repulsive.’

‘We’re just friends,’ Molly reiterated.

‘I’m giving that side of things a miss.’ Joining in, Dex said firmly, ‘It’s all there in my notes. From now on it’s just going to be me and Delphi.’

Gin Cottage was approved, the social worker left and Molly stayed on to help Dex unpack the rest of his belongings from
the car. Not the garish yellow Porsche either; that had gone, been replaced by a practical Mercedes Estate.

‘Look at this.’ Having lifted the pushchair out of the boot, Dex unfolded it and click-snapped the levers into place with a flourish.

Her mouth twitched. ‘How long have you been practising that?’

He looked proud. ‘For weeks.’

‘Very good,’ said Molly.

‘I know. If I’d bumped into me in the street three months ago I wouldn’t have recognised myself. I’ve turned into Mr Sensible.’

In his head, maybe. From the outside he was as raffishly good-looking as ever, exuding dangerous amounts of charisma.

Once they’d emptied the car and finished unpacking the boxes, Dex took a bottle of champagne from the fridge and said, ‘Well, this is it, we’re officially in our new home. I hope you’re going to stay for a bit and help us celebrate.’

‘If you were really Mr Sensible you’d have a cup of tea.’ Molly hoped the man she’d just vouched for didn’t have a raging alcohol problem.

Reading her mind, he said good-humouredly, ‘Don’t panic, new leaf and all that. From now on I’m never going to have more than one drink a night.’

‘Crikey,’

‘I know.’

‘Is that going to be difficult?’

‘Compared with changing hideous nappies it’ll be a piece of cake. Anyway, it’s just one of those things.’ Dex shrugged. ‘Drunk in charge of a baby wouldn’t be a good look, would it? Has to be done.’

Delphi, in her dungarees, was crawling determinedly across the tiled floor towards him. Watching as he picked her up and swung
her into the air, Molly listened to her shrieks of joy and saw the look of love on his face. ‘And she’s so worth it.’

‘She is.’ Dex nodded then said, ‘I know what I haven’t shown you yet. Remember the time you saw Laura down here with Delphi? She borrowed the house keys without telling me why. She said it was a late Christmas present but wouldn’t tell me what it was. And I was too busy to come down and find out.’ As he spoke, he led the way out of the blue and white kitchen and up the stairs. ‘I don’t know what I thought she’d got for me. Some kind of lampshade, I suppose. Or a bit of furniture too big to fit in the Porsche. But it wasn’t, it was something much better.’ They’d reached the landing now. He stopped midway along it.

‘She bought you that? Oh
wow
.’ Having followed the direction of his gaze, Molly studied the stained-glass window at the far end of the landing. ‘It’s amazing.’

‘Brrraaahhhh!’ said Delphi, dribbling happily.

‘She
made
me that. Did the whole thing herself. Even knocked out the old window frame and fitted it, can you imagine?’

‘That’s even more amazing.’

No longer smiling, Dex reached out and touched the expertly puttied-in frame. ‘She was brilliant at DIY. A million times better than me.’

‘It’s beautiful.’ Molly meant it; the stained-glass scene depicted a tiered garden with trees, shrubs and butterflies and a small lily pond in the foreground.

‘It’s where we grew up. That’s the garden of our old house in Kent. It must have taken her hours,’ said Dex. ‘I can’t believe she went to so much trouble, doing all that for me.’

‘You were her brother.’ Molly’s heart went out to him. ‘Why wouldn’t she want to do it for you?’

He shrugged. ‘I know, but it makes me feel bad. I bought her
something I thought she’d like for Christmas and it turned out to be all wrong. So then I said I’d take it back and get it sorted . . .’ He paused, visibly stricken with guilt. ‘But I never got around to doing it, did I? So bloody typical of me. I bet Laura knew she’d never see her Christmas present, but she still bothered to do all this. That’s the difference between us.’ His voice cracked. ‘Oh shit . . .’

‘Hey.’ He’d been doing such a good job of putting on a brave face, it was easy to forget he was still grieving. Molly said, ‘She was your sister. You could have a million faults and she’d still love you to bits. When did you first see this?’ she went on. ‘Was it the last time you came down?’

Dex shook his head. ‘No, not then. I didn’t even come up the stairs that night. I only saw it this afternoon when I was carrying the cot up to the bedroom.’

‘So you didn’t know she’d done this for you when you decided to take care of Delphi. And why are you doing that? Because you love her and you loved your sister.’ Molly paused. ‘So there’s absolutely no need to feel guilty. You stepped up and did the right thing when it counted.’

‘You think I have?’ He still didn’t look convinced.

‘Definitely.’ She nodded.

‘We’re only on day one. It’s bloody scary,’ Dex said with feeling. ‘I feel like a fraud. What if I can’t do this?’

‘Listen to me.’ Molly rested her hand on his arm and felt the tension beneath the surface. ‘Just take it one day at a time, and I guarantee you can.’

It was three o’clock in the morning and Delphi couldn’t settle.

Which made two of them.

Dex closed his eyes briefly.
Oh God, what happens now?

Molly had done a good job of reassuring him earlier but she was no longer here and the doubts were setting in. Last night in London he’d been lucky and Delphi had slept through, tricking him into thinking she had a proper routine and it would always be like that.

Tonight it was the opposite and he felt helpless. For the last two hours she’d been wide awake and fractious, and he had no idea what was wrong. Was she too cold? Too hot? Too hungry or too full? He didn’t know, he just didn’t
know
.

‘Meh . . . mehhhh . . . MEHHHHH.’ The gripes rose to a wail and Dex reached over to lift her out of the cot again. He’d read the books saying leave them to cry but it was killing him. What if she was missing her mum?

‘Sshh, don’t worry, it’s OK.’ It wasn’t remotely OK but he murmured it anyway, attempting to soothe her with the timbre of his voice.

Delphi shook her head violently and jabbed him in the eye with her thumb. ‘
Ow
.’ Dex rocked her from side to side and walked her the length of the landing, from the wall at the top of the stairs to the stained-glass window at the far end. He continued to pace and rock and murmur ‘Ow . . . ow . . . ow-
ow
,’ to the tune of ‘YMCA’, because it had been stuck in his head all day and appeared to be keeping Delphi from crying. Her huge dark eyes were fixed on his now, her right arm flung across his chest. Each time he stopped singing she began whimpering again. ‘Ow . . . ow . . . ow-
ow
,’ Dexter carried on. She definitely liked it. The idea that something so ridiculous could entertain another living being was like a tiny miracle. And unlike Molly and her mad dancing earlier, there was no one around to witness the ridiculousness. It was quite freeing, actually. Delphi wasn’t going to be spilling the beans any time soon.

‘Gahhh.’ Her tiny starfish fingers flexed against his skin.

‘Y . . . M . . . C . . . A,’ Dex sang, and this time detected the first glimmer of a smile. Oh yes, success.
Hello, Wembley
!

‘Gyaah,’ bubbled Delphi.

‘Y . . . M . . . C . . . A!’

‘Kha-brrooogh.’

Holding her firmly with one arm, he did the letter-shaping gestures with the other. Delphi kicked and gurgled with delight as he danced up and down the landing, in and out of the bedrooms. OK, so the baby-raising books also warned you to maintain an atmosphere that was quiet and calm in order to soothe the infant back to sleep but he’d already tried that and it hadn’t worked. At least this was keeping them entertained, cheering them both up.

And luckily Delphi wasn’t fussy; she wasn’t remotely bothered that he didn’t know the words.

Forty minutes later he lay her down in her cot and said, ‘That’s it, sweetheart. Concert’s over. The Village People have left the building.’

In response Delphi blinked up at him a couple of times, then closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Just like that. Spark out, in about three seconds flat.

Will you look at that? I’m a genius. I should write one of those How-to books
.

The trouble was, he was now far too alert to fall asleep himself. Once he was properly awake, that was it. Covering Delphi with her pink elephant blanket, Dex made his way back to his own room. The interior designer had got the gist of him and decorated the bedroom accordingly, and the results were impressive: slate-grey walls, silver ceiling, black and white bedding, and concealed wardrobes running the length of the room.

Ironically, from now on there would be no female visitors to
be impressed by it all. Not for the foreseeable future at any rate. Dex headed over to the window. There was an awful lot of nothingness out there. By day, the view over the village was perfect, like something the tourist board would use in their advertising posters, the ultimate depiction of Cotswold village life. It was out there, he knew, but right now it was like a blackboard that had been wiped very clean indeed. A few lights had been left on overnight in scattered houses, but that was all. The rest was just overwhelming, unremitting darkness.

It was four fifteen in the morning and everyone else in Briarwood was asleep. The silence was as heavy as a blanket, muffling every last sound.

Dex shuddered inwardly; what if he wasn’t just the only person in the village to be awake? What if something cataclysmic had happened and he was the only person left awake in the whole
world
? This was a recurring dream he’d had as a child; it hadn’t happened for many years now, but it used to completely freak him out.

Would a psychologist link it to abandonment issues, the death of his parents and the associated terror of being left alone?

Could that be why he’d slept with so many girls?

Dex considered this for a few seconds. No, fuck it, he’d just slept with so many girls because it was fun and he
could
.

But all the same, this silence was oppressive. What seemed peaceful by day felt alarmingly isolated at night. Had moving here been a terrible mis—

BRRRNNGG, BRRRNNGGGGGG.

Who the bloody hell was calling him at this time of night? Grabbing his mobile before the noise woke Delphi, Dex said, ‘Yes?’