Double Clutch (41 page)

Mom had come out and said that Jake wasn’t headed in the same direction that I was. She peppered that lecture with lots of nice compliments about Jake’s good manners, his work ethic, his good looks, his kindness, and careful driving. But the message had been that all of that didn’t make up for what he didn’t have; the right upbringing and a solid drive for education. She would use any excuse to point out how Jake was ‘holding me back.’

I felt like Jake had so much potential, there was no box to put him in. Mom felt like people couldn’t escape their fates or what they were born to do. Mom said that I was too young to understand, that I was too idealistic. It made me feel like arguing, but what could I say? I was too young. And I guess too idealistic.

But I didn’t want to be some hard-hearted gold-digger with a checklist and chip on my shoulder. What’s wrong with loving someone who’s good and kind and different? What’s wrong with believing that someone can be more than what he seems? It’s just not an argument I can have with my mom. We can’t see eye to eye on this one. And I was trying really hard not to be am average asshole teenager and take her opinion as seriously as I could.

“
It’s not so long.” Jake’s voice was calm in my ears, smoothing out all the wild thoughts clawing around and tearing at my brain. “Don’t be upset. And we get to see each other tonight, right?”

“
Yes,” I pouted.

“
What time did you say?” I heard the springs on Jake’s bed creak as he stood up.

“
Four.”

“
Three?” he repeated. “Let’s just say I misheard.”

I smiled a tiny smile. “I love you, Jake.” I sighed. “You can get a calling card. Or I can call my cell and get international calling this month.”

“
Can you do that?” His voice bubbled with hope. I’d let him down so hard, but he was still happy with the little crumbs I offered.

“
To be able to talk to you? You know I’ll do whatever.” I wiped my cheeks dry with my fingers.

“
You’re the best. Go pack. I’ll be over before you know it, alright? I love you, Bren.”

“
I love you.” We clicked off, and I felt like a lifeline broke. Without Jake I was lost.