Double Take: A Leading Man Romance (11 page)

“You’ve got ten minutes before you have to--“

Her words trail off, and I follow the line of her gaze behind me to my trailer door. It’s open, and Lori is standing in the frame, still half naked. Her hip is tilted against it as she fumbles with a pack of cigarettes, and says, “Thanks for the talk, Brett.”

I realize that I look flushed, I’ve got my robe partially pulled open, and things could not look worse for me. I look back at Kylie, needing her to understand what’s going on here. “This isn’t even
slightly
what it looks like.”

But Kylie already looks disturbed. She’s given up on me. In her eyes, I’m incapable of redemption. “I don’t… really care what it looks like, or what it is.”

“I do.”

She’s looking away from Lori, and now, she’s looking away from me, too. “Cool, just make sure she puts on clothes if she’s going to be anywhere near set, okay?”

“Got it.”

I give in, because I have to. I can’t have this conversation here, like this. Kylie turns and retreats quickly, leaving Lori and me in her wake, and I’ve never felt so winded in my life. I came here to change my life and get a new start, and I’m right back where I was before I got cast. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Once a porn star, always a porn star. I don’t want to be this judgmental person, and I’ve tried to reserve that judgment completely, but I can’t help but feel that burning in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure that he’s sleeping with his agent, but it looked pretty obvious to me. Maybe people in porn just have a different idea about what’s acceptable and what’s not on film sets.

When I approach the set again, I’m already in a bit of a manic place. I take a few deep breaths to keep myself calm and professional. I tell Rob, “Brett’s coming within ten.” I wonder briefly if Brett actually
came
, too, but the thought makes me uncomfortable.

Karen hands me a digital camera, and I set to work taking photos in the bathroom, the way the towels are flung on the floor, the order and angles of the toiletries on the counter. Today, I guess, I’m the continuity girl.

I catch a glimpse over at Rob when I’m done, and Melanie has come to set. She’s talking to him, and it looks somewhat intense. I don’t want to interrupt the process. To intrude into the conversation between a director and his actress would be counterproductive. Nevertheless, it looks intimate. He’s not pointing at the set, he’s not motioning or showing her the script where they review things. This is a personal conversation. She looks anxious, and he looks intense.

I don’t mean to watch with so much interest, but it’s almost mesmerizing. I wonder if he looks at
me
with this much intensity, and if so, I wonder how I’ve missed it.

Melanie suddenly turns towards me to look. I scurry to avert my gaze, trying desperately to pretend as though I wasn’t studying the whole conversation myself. To make matters worse, as soon as my attention is elsewhere, Brett is there, and he looks almost as intense as Rob had. “Can we talk?”

I’m really not in the mood. “It’s not a great time.”

“We don’t have to do it now.”

I sneak another glance towards Rob and Melanie, but they’ve separated now. I glance down at my Chucks. “Okay. My schedule’s pretty full, but we’ll see.”

“Why don’t you just call me?” The desperation in his tone is really weird. He obviously needs to talk to me about something, and I feel bad that I’m considering telling him to screw off.

I finally relent. “Yeah, okay.”

Relief washes over his features and he gives a nod, squeezing my upper arm. “Thank you.”

“No problemo.”

It
isn’t
a problem, but I’m reluctant nonetheless. What could Brett possibly have to say to me now? If he’s ashamed about Lori’s display… well, he should be, but that’s not the point. What am I going to do? Judge him? That’s not my job. If he wants someone’s opinion about his lifestyle, he should just call his mother or something.

I’m on autopilot for the rest of the day.

Rob can tell, I know. He brings me a hotdog from the lunch break earlier, and it’s cold, but it’s the thought that counts. I take a bite in front of him, even though it’s disgusting. That’s when he tells me, “I don’t think I can come over tonight.”

I nod. I’m proud of myself with how well I’m able to hide my disappointment with the news. Maybe I
am
learning and growing as a person. Or maybe I just expected the fairytale to end sooner rather than later.

“That’s fine,” I say, though I’m not sure I’m entirely convincing once I’ve opened my mouth.

Again, Rob notices. He notices everything. “There’s so much I have to do with this movie. I’ve been putting it off for a while in order to spend time with you, and it’s been great, but I need to prioritize tonight and put some effort into the structure of this thing.”

I understand completely. I do. Rob
has
been incredibly giving, and after my incident, he’s been nothing but attentive. “Just so I know…” I pick a piece of bread from the hotdog bun and mash it between my thumb and forefinger. “…does this mean you don’t want to sleep with me again?”

Honesty is the best policy. And if I’m going to get let down, I’d rather it be soon, and I’d rather it be amicable.

But Rob melts, and I’m taken by his expression. He leans in against me, and I’m suddenly pinned between the hallway wall and him. He presses his lips against mine. I nearly drop the paper plate. He pulls back only enough so that he can talk without being muffled. His breath smells like peppermint.

“No,” he says softly. “That’s not what that means at all. It’s so hard for me to see you and not want to take you. Seriously, Kylie, even right now, I want you. That’s why I can’t be with you tonight when I’m trying to work. You’re a complete distraction.”

I’ve never been so happy to be called a distraction before. I’m suddenly on Cloud Nine again, other irrelevant events of the day wasted away into nothing. I can’t believe I was so absolutely stupid. Melanie and the intensity he looked at her with is nothing
compared to the way he kisses me. I’ve gained some measure of confidence. I’m glad for that.

“Well,” I say, trying to sound coy, “if you ever want a quickie, I’ll be here.”

“Maybe I’ll get Karen to watch the camera at some point, and we can disappear for an hour.”

“An hour, huh? That kind of defeats the purpose of a quickie.”

“With you, I want to take my time. Kiss every inch.”

Rob gets bold, even in the hallway. I can hear the buzz of the working set in the rooms adjoining. I glance one way, and then the other. Rob grabs my paper plate and sets it on the rigging table next to us. He unbuckles his pants, unzips them, as though he needs some relief. He pulls my hand forward and nestles it inside.

God, he’s so hard
.

He needs me as much as I need him. I’m so wet. It’s an awkward angle to rub his cock, so I roll my palm over it, the back of my hand catching against his zipper, scratching me. Rob braces himself with his hands on the wall on either side of me, panting. He pushes into my hand, setting the pace for me, uneven and jerky.

It’s a very quick loss of control, his handing me the reins, while still making sure that I know he has me in the palm of his hand.

There’s a cough from the hallway from someone trying to catch our attention, and Rob peels back from me quickly, clearly trying to brush off the proximity. My heart, however, is pounding in my chest again. He doesn’t bother to button or zip his pants yet since that would be incredibly
obvious.

I glance over to where the sound was coming from: it’s Brett. Of course. What, is he stalking me now?

“I need to talk to you when you get a minute.”

“I said I would call,” I say, but Brett gives me a little look that obviously reads,
I wasn’t talking to you
.

Rob, on the other hand, looks perplexed as he glances between me and Brett.
You’d call him?
I shrug

“Yeah,” Rob says. “Just give me five. I’ll find you in your trailer.”

The idea doesn’t settle well with Brett, so instead he suggests, “I’ll just be on the front porch.”

Yeah
, I think.
It’s because you have a half-naked woman in your trailer, ready to pounce
.

Brett leaves to give us some privacy and Rob’s head hangs momentarily against my shoulder. “Fuck. Later, maybe.”

“Later,” I repeat, and it earns me a small kiss. Rob leaves, zipping his pants as he goes, and I do my best to collect myself as the buzz on set picks up.

I’m feeling petty, but it was for the best.

Kylie and Rob were in the middle of the hallway fooling around, and it was only a matter of time before someone else intruded. I’d sought out Rob in order to speak with him, that much was true, but in my effort to save the situation, I’d come off super creepy.

I’m sure Kylie thinks I’m a fucking idiot. Maybe even a stalker.

I don’t know if I’m okay with that or not, but I’m hoping a conversation later will clear some of that up. I decide to keep my singular focus, the one I had originally, which is to get Lori off of my back finally.

I give Rob and Kylie some privacy to pull themselves together and make my way to the front porch. I keep my head down and my hands in my pockets so I put off the right
don’t fuck with me right now
vibe, and settle onto the front steps.

A few feet away, Nate and Keith are laughing and sharing stories over a cigarette. The smoke reaches me and I turn my head to avoid it.

It’s not long before Rob joins me. He’s not going to talk about what happened. Good. Neither am I. It’s the last
thing I want to do. I found it unprofessional before, but now it just seems dirty and lewd. At the very least, he didn’t have to fool around with her where others could see.

Even on porn sets, we wait until the camera is rolling.

“What’s up?” Rob’s voice is clipped, like I’m putting him out somehow by asking to speak with him.

“I need to talk schedule.” I’m getting straight to the point. There’s no need to push this conversation farther than it belongs. I’m already sick of it, and we haven’t even gotten started.

I remain sitting on the steps with Rob hovering over me. I’m aware that he probably feels as though he maintains status like this, but I’m the one whose eyes bore into him, and the sight of it seems to make him uncomfortable. Good.

“Why? You’ve got the projected schedule in your contract.”

“Projected,” I repeat, insistent. “Not actual. My agent is getting impatient. My production company is losing cash like a busted dam and they need to know when I can be expected to come back.”

“When the movie’s over.” Rob’s voice is firm, like that should be good enough. I’m silent for the moment, staring at him, and he finally catches the hint and continues. “Okay, look. We have, maybe, a week left. Then give me another week to review in case we need to reshoot some stuff, and you can go back to Porn World.”

I nod and finally look away. Good enough for me. “Great. I’m going to hold you to that.”

Rob scoffs. “It’s a film set. You can’t hold me to anything. Shit goes wrong all the time.”

“You’re right,” I say. “And I’m grateful for the opportunity.”
But I won’t be working with you ever again, douchebag
.

“Good, because I really took a chance on you,” Rob adds, as though he did me a huge favor. It’s bullshit. I’m pulling in an audience he didn’t know he could access, and we both know it. Still, I’m playing the falling on my sword
card, and it’s all part of that strategy. I can’t burn any bridges yet, even if I don’t agree with the morals of the director at all.

“Yep. Thanks for doing that.” I go silent. It’s my way of saying that I’m done with my end of the conversation.

Rob lingers for a few moments before he says, “Great. I’ll see you on set in five.”

In Rob’s language, that means he wants me to collect myself and go. I take a few breaths in the tobacco-filled air, compose myself, and rise, heading for the door. I have to trust that Kylie is going to be smarter than this eventually. She’ll have his number in no time.

I find Melanie inside, getting her hair done, and I wait next to her. She looks proud. I don’t have to ask why, because she volunteers it. “I talked to Rob,” she says, smiling.

I raise an eyebrow, curiously. “Okay?”

“I talked to Rob about what happened. About sleeping with him. I wanted to see if he would remember or not if I mentioned it.”

Okay. Now I’m incredibly interested.. It’s been a question of whether or not Rob was in it for his own self-interest. But I might have proof now. “What’d he say?”

Melanie gives me an amused look. I don’t know if I like where this is going or not. “He said he didn’t.” I don’t know why she seems so cheery when she says it until she continues. “But he said he’d be willing to find out tonight.”

My stomach hits the floor. A conversation like that with Melanie, then a hallway liaison with Kylie on its heels? I was right about him all along. The thought itself makes me sick to my stomach. Kylie’s a strong woman, obviously, but I’m not sure if she’ll be able to handle the news.

I can’t be the one to tell her. Can I?

“What did you say?” I ask Melanie, who shrugs.

“I said maybe.”

“Uh…”

“I’m not going, obviously.”

I’m so relieved for her that I could kiss her. “Good,” I say. “I wouldn’t have recommended it.”

“Oh, please,” Melanie says with a snort. The makeup artist, who I am certain has heard far too much already, finishes Melanie. We move in tandem, Melanie rising and me taking her place in the chair, without needing superfluous words. “Everyone knows Rob is screwing the PA.”

“Kylie,” I correct her, as though it will make much of a difference to her at all.

“Right, Kylie. Anyway, I’m not interest in getting sloppy seconds. Just shows you what kind of an asshole he is, though, huh? I bet he says all the right things to her. That’s what he did with me, and I could have swooned my ass off at the time.”

I shake my head a little in disgust, but the makeup artist tells me to keep still, so I comply, though I’m feeling incredibly noncompliant.