Oh shit. That was funny.
My phone chirps again, three times in a row.
Alex:
vajayjay to be nice. Snatch: not so nice
Ben:
Lady business
Travis:
Poon, Furburger, bearded clam
I like lady business. Not bad. I usually just call it my girl parts or vajajay.
The girls are glued to their phones, as am I, when the final text comes in.
Jon:
Pink Taco, Sausage Wallet, Meat Socket
Well, that was worth the wait. Leave it to Jon Jon to come up with some crazy, nasty shit. Travis had some good ones too.
“
I can’t wait till Monday.” I slide down off my chair and slip my flip flops on.
“
Why?” Keesh asks, still working her cell phone.
“
Remember when we asked the guys for other names for penis? We couldn’t do or say anything without them referring to their main veins and flesh wands. We should count how many times Travis and Josh say something cooch related.”
“
We’ll run out of fingers and toes by lunch time,” Keesh says, giggling.
Twenty Four
Three weeks into second semester and report cards finally reach my mailbox. Yes! Straight As, baby. This is quickly proving to be the easiest year yet. With only four academic classes, I shouldn’t feel so proud. Getting anything less than an A in ASB or as Ms. G’s teacher’s aide would be pathetic. But somehow I managed to get a top grade in my advanced placement history class, which I wasn’t expecting since the teacher hates Travis and me. The amount of work in that class is insane but doable. I’m glad I decided to only take one AP class. Steph is taking two and I know it’s draining her. Some of our classmates opted for three and no social life.
I guess I shouldn’t wonder why only one of the five princes on the Backwards’ King Court is a brainiac. The rest of the smart guys are too busy studying to pay attention to school dances and vying to be crowned the king of high school.
I’m on my way out of Ms. G’s class to meet the girls when Travis texts me.
SHHH! Meet me in Fullers class. Hurry up.
Just a few doors down, I speed walk to get there before he texts me back. He’s just as impatient as I am so I know he’ll text me every thirty seconds till I show.
Travis is parked in a chair and Mr. Fuller is sitting on his desk, his feet dangling, swinging back and forth. He looks nervous, anxious about something.
I look at Travis. “What did you do?”
“
Me?” He puts his hand to his chest. “Why do you gotta assume I did something?”
“
Because you probably did,” I scold him. “Mr. Fuller, what did he do? Whatever it is, I wasn’t involved.”
Mr. Fuller chuckles, shaking his head, as the door swings open. Steph and Keesh trot in, chatting away. They stop suddenly. Like a chorus, together they ask, “What did you guys do?”
“
You guys?” I shout.
Travis cries out, “Us?”
The door flies open again. This time Joshie struts in, headphones in his ears, bopping to a beat. He gets a look at all of us, staring at him in silence. He yanks the earbuds down, and says, “I didn’t do it.”
He glances all around, and we crack up.
“
You guys are one guilty group,” Mr. Fuller says, shaking his head again. “Take a seat, everybody.”
We all toss our bags down. Steph, Keesh, and I sit down at the desks in front of him. Josh sits on top of one with his feet propped up on a chair.
“
Now that you’re all here,” he says, “we can start. I have a favor to ask of you and it has to remain a secret. I trust Trav completely, and he says I can trust you too. This will probably be the hardest on Meg,” he looks me in the eyes, “but I think you can do it.”
“
Why me?” I ask.
“
Because this is about Ms. Gelson.” His eyes light up, and my heart melts. When I grow up, I want my man’s eyes to light up for me. “I have a surprise planned for her and I can’t do it alone. I need your help.”
“
I knew it,” Josh shouts. “You guys are hittin’ it.”
Mr. Fuller is about to say something, but Keesh beats him to it. She whips around and backhands him in his gut. “You’re a dumb ass.”
“
Oh,” he shrinks down into the seat. “I’m sorry. I just meant you and Ms. G are a very nice young couple.”
There’s a muffle of snickers. We can’t help laughing at how ridiculously funny Josh is.
“
Thanks,” Mr. Fuller says. “So, back to the surprise. Ms. G went to school here and she loves all the student activities and traditions. The Backwards’ rally, game, and dance are her favorite. So this is what I have planned …”
This year, the Backwards’ festivities are beyond hectic. With Mr. Simpson piling on the duties and all of us working on Mr. Fuller’s surprise, the crew has been going non-stop. From soccer practices to games to decorations for the rally and dance, I’m pooped. The girls and I didn’t finish our humongous poster until after midnight. It was nice of Andi to lend a hand because the guys were worthless. They spent more time painting each other than filling in the letters that would be Mr. Fuller’s declaration of love.
Ms. G and I have something in common. I love this time of year too. The guys running for king, and doing skits at the rally. The girls playing football, and the guys cheering. I always thought we’d be playing in the game our junior year but Mr. Fuller’s surprise is way more important than Powder Puff football and the boys dressing in drag and punching pom poms in the air.
Earlier today, the rally went off without any problems. Like always, the skits were good. The dancing was amazing. Well, except for one dude who couldn’t dance at all. It doesn’t matter how well the rest of his group danced, he was cut short of any talent in the boogying department. He looked more like a shivering fool than a studly dancer. But who cares, I’m more interested in tonight’s game of girly flag football where the juniors take on the seniors, and, of course, Mr. Fuller’s big reveal.
I don’t think Ms. G has a clue. She’s giddy as all hell since she made up with Mr. Fuller and got over that slime ball, Mr. Marino. She’s walking around with her head high in the clouds, just happy to be newly in love.
We’re about an hour away from show time. We just need to make it through the first half of the game and get Ms. G where we need her. Steph came up with the idea to position her on the field. I hope it works.
“
Pink Tacos, all systems go?” I hear Travis’s voice coming through my headset. Is he kidding me?
“
Roger that, dickhead,” I actually spit out a gulp full of Diet Coke when I hear Keesh’s response.
“
Stop messing around,” I tell them. “We’re three minutes till halftime. Andi, you’re up.” I check my watch. Right on time. Mr. Fuller ran off the field five minutes ago. I don’t know what he told Ms. G, but right about now he should be neck deep in a tiger costume. Shit, I just spotted Mama and Papa Gelson. “Keesh, back up the Gelsons. I can see them.” That was a close one. Thank god for Ms. G’s interest in the game or this may not be possible.
The clock runs out and the ASB class works to transform the field into the site of a major event. I watch as Ms. G, Mrs. Cruz, and Ms. McGallian make their way onto the field. Cool, it worked. We gave them some crap story about the princes fighting during the show and how we needed adult supervision standing with them so they wouldn’t ruin it. Suckers. They fell for it.
“
Are you ready?” I ask Mr. Fuller, who is completely disguised in our school mascot costume.
“
Absolutely,” he shouts. I can hear the giddiness in his tone. “Do you need anything?”
“
Not at all,” I assure him. “Travis and Josh are in position. Keesh has her parents and brother. We’re ready.”
“
Simpson’s calling for the mascot,” Steph says into my earpiece.
“
You’re on, Mr. Fuller. Congratulations.”
“
Thanks, kiddo.”
He looks cute as he dances away to the music, making his way clumsily onto the field and to the king’s court. He’s supposed to be presenting one of the princes with a crown, but we’re deviating from that plan.
When he’s done faking out the princes, he kneels before Ms. G. She looks confused, like she wants to direct him to the young man next to her. Poor thing. She thinks the tiger can’t see or something. But then her parents are right behind the tiger, and she looks up at the screaming crowd.
That’s when she sees it. Our stadium-sized giant poster, written in huge block letters:
Ms. G, will you marry Mr. F?
Steph and Joshie are holding one side of the poster, Travis and I have the other.
Her hands shoot to her mouth and if I had to guess by her shaking body, she’s crying too. I wish I was closer so I could see the whole thing. But there’s no doubt in my mind she says “yes.” Within seconds, he stands and she springs into his arms.
Yup. She said, yes.
“
That was fuckin’ cool, huh.” Travis wraps me in his long arms. “I don’t lose my man card for saying that, right? I’m happy for Fuller. He’s a good guy.”
“
Yeah, it was. And no, you don’t lose your man card. You didn’t cry, did you? Because if you did, Josh might have to take it from you.”
With a chuckle, he shakes his head. The look in his eye tells me he’d rather die than be caught getting weepy over a marriage proposal.
“
Let’s go give them the poster. I know Ms. G will want to keep it.” I bend down to lift the thing and am surprised by its weight. “I told the others we’d meet up with them at the dance.”
“
I’ll get it,” Travis says, taking the forty-foot roll of banner paper from my hands.
We have to push through a crowd of students and teachers congratulating the newly engaged couple.
“
Good job, dude. You pulled it off. I wasn’t so sure she’d agree to marry you,” Travis jokes with Mr. Fuller. They’re almost the same size. If Travis still didn’t have a baby face, he’d look just as old as our teacher.
“
Ha ha. Don’t forget I can still fail you.” They shake hands and give each other the bro hug with a slap on the back.
Ms. G finishes talking to her mom and I take my chance to steal her attention. She sees me and both our eyes fill with tears. This is such a special night for her, and I’m so glad to be part of it.
“
Thank you, Meggie. Matty, I mean, Mr. Fuller told me all about how your crew helped. It means so much to me that you sacrificed playing in the game to be part of this.”
She puts her arms out and I go in for a hug. “I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. Congratulations, Ms. G. I’m so happy for you. When I get married in about forty years, I want you to be part of it too.”
“
I’d be honored.” She squeezes my hand. “Now, go have fun at the dance.”
Travis has stepped back, waiting for me to finish. “You ready?” I ask.
“
Let’s go.” He reaches out and takes my hand in his.
We make our way to the gym, hand in hand. It’s not the first time we’ve held hands, but this time it seems different. Sparks aren’t zipping through my veins like they usually do. I lean into him and rest my head against his shoulder as we walk. Still, nothing. It’s weird. Unexpected. I glance up at him at the same time he looks down at me.
“
What?” he asks. “You’re looking at me funny.”
“
Nothing.” And that’s exactly what it is. I feel nothing … but friendship. So weird.
We finally make it through security, after Travis had to give up a pack of gum. Lame, I know. The rest of the crew is holding up a wall near the cookie table.
“
What’s up?” I tell them. The girls look down at our laced fingers. Andi makes a face. It wouldn’t be the first time either. I bet she has a thing for our boy. I wonder why she hasn’t said anything. Well, probably because every time she’s around, Travis is either holding my hand or has his body draped across mine. We’re going to have to fix that.
“
We took too long to get here and all the tables were filled,” Josh says.
“
I told him we should just dance, but he wanted to wait for his wingman.” Keesh rolls her eyes. “Hmm. Dance with three girls or dance with Travis? Sounds like a no brainer to me.”
“
That’s the problem. He doesn’t have a brain.” Travis ribs him with his elbow. “Let’s go dance.” He tosses one arm around me and the other around Keesha.
Keesh and I tag team Travis, while Steph and Andi get jiggy with Joshie. The smile on that boy’s face is priceless. Every time Steph backs into him, his eyes go wide, his hands go up as if he’s not quite sure what to do with them. He’s bleeping adorable. Why haven’t any nice girls snatched him up? For some unknown reason, he kinda puts out an unavailable vibe. Maybe he’s still torn over Erica. Sometimes, I still want to kick her ass.