Doublecrossed (30 page)

“Well, Mom and I both know you pretty well, and we think you’re just gun-shy. It didn’t dawn on me that you’d crossed Callie off your list. Especially when she stares at you like you’re a circus act when you move around the room.”

“She does not. I finally got up the nerve to tell her we don’t have a future. It’s over between us.”

Delaney stood up and moved over to the doorway. “Well, at least you were honest. I’m glad you got it over with.”

“Yeah.” She felt like she’d eaten something very acidic, the way her stomach felt much of the time recently. “At least I did that.”

“Well, did our little talk help?”

“Yeah.” Regan’s lack of enthusiasm was pronounced. “I feel great now.”

“Any time. No charge. Just quit moping!”

*

Regan wasn’t able to stop thinking about Callie, but she was able to keep her heartache to herself. She accepted a few more blind dates just to stay in the game, and hustled out of the restaurant as soon as she could each day, resolved to keep her feelings where they belonged—in her heart. She wanted Callie as much as she ever had, but she couldn’t bear the thought of pledging her heart to a woman who’d settled for so little. Callie seemed like a well-adjusted person. But no one who had her head on straight would have gotten into the arrangement she had. No matter how great she seemed, Regan couldn’t marry and have children with someone who wasn’t a good role model. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved. It would take time, but next time she’d get it right. Next time it would be for life. As soon as she could flush Callie from her system, she’d get busy and find her mate.

*

Callie and Regan decided to celebrate Christmas on December twenty-third. Because it was a Saturday and Regan had the day off, she came up to Cambridge to spend the day until she took Callie to the airport for her evening flight to Phoenix.

Callie opened the door with a big kitchen towel tucked into her slacks, an improvised apron. “Come on in.”

“I smell something good. I was wondering what we were going to do for food,” she teased. “Pizza doesn’t seem very Christmassy.”

“No, it isn’t. I know this isn’t a New England specialty, but I know you’ll like it.”

Regan went into the kitchen and started lifting the tops off pans and sniffing at them. “This looks and smells great.”

“I know you like Mexican food, so I thought we would have kind of a traditional Mexican Christmas feast. One thing I learned in Dallas is how to cook Tex-Mex.”

“That’s really thoughtful of you. I thought we’d just go out and grab a burger.”

“No way. You’ve done so much for me this year, the least I can do for you is make you a nice meal. That didn’t sound right,” she said, laughing. “A meal won’t make up for all that you’ve helped me do.”

“Hey, if I’d been paying for a therapist I’d be in the hole for about twenty thousand dollars. You helped me get through the toughest time of my life so far.”

“Well, then let’s call it even. But helping me move to a place that feels like home for the first time in my life was a really big gift.”

“I knew you’d like it here.” Regan was grinning happily. “You seem like you’ve really settled in.”

“I have. My business is going great and I’ve met a lot of nice people. I’m happy.”

“Good. Knowing that you’re doing well makes me happy.”

Callie wasn’t sure what it was, but when those last words left Regan’s mouth she could see tears starting to form in her eyes.

They’d stopped touching each other, not even hugging any more. Callie had to force herself not to wrap her arms around Regan and comfort her. “Don’t get all sentimental on me.”

“I’m a sentimental person.” Regan shrugged her shoulders, looking young and a little embarrassed. She went back into the living room and got her bag, then wrestled around for a moment and came back with a nicely wrapped box. “I got you a little gift.”

“Put it under the tree,” Callie directed. Regan went to the two-foot-tall artificial tree that was on the coffee table. It was attractively decorated but had only one present under it and that one was addressed to her. Callie was in the kitchen stirring a sauce when she saw Regan pick up the gift and read her name. She watched as her friend momentarily dropped her head into her hand, then quickly wiped her eyes. She shuddered, then seemed to gather herself and came back into the kitchen wearing her usual happy expression.

*

Since Callie wasn’t driving, and she had a slight fear of flying, she helped herself to a little more than her share of the champagne Regan had brought. It actually didn’t go well with the dinner, but she wanted to drink it with Regan there, so they enjoyed it with their spicy, flavor-filled meal.

Callie wasn’t drunk by any means, but she was relaxed enough to be able to fly without too much trepidation. When they got to Logan, Regan offered to park in the short-term lot and go into the airport with her, but Callie wouldn’t hear of it. “That’s a huge waste of your time. Just drop me off at the departures level.”

They got to the right destination, but there were so many people going on trips that there was nowhere to pull up. There were at least fifty cars in front of them, all trying to find a spot to drop off a loved one. “I’ve got almost two hours, so I’m not worried,” Callie said. “This is my new attitude about travel. I’m going to relax and let what happens happen.”

“That’s one of the things I really like about you. You don’t get excited about every little thing that happens.”

“I try not to be too excitable. It doesn’t pay.”

“Actually, you’re an optimist. That’s one of your best traits. You always seem to try to find the bright spot in any situation. Given what you’ve told me about your family, I’m really glad you didn’t get that defeatist streak it seems like your mom has.”

Callie’s smile faded as she mulled those words over. “I don’t remember my mom being like that when I was young. I guess I’ll never know if that’s always who she was or if my dad’s leaving changed her. I hope that’s who she was anyway.” She looked at Regan sadly. “It’s too painful to think that his cheating changed her personality. I just hope the same thing never happens to me.”

Regan reached over and squeezed her hand. “I don’t think it will. I know you’ve had a couple of heartbreaks, but they don’t seem to have made you a bitter person at all.”

“No, not yet.” Feeling herself start to choke up, Callie threw a joke in. “Give me time. I’m still young.” She knew she was going to cry, she just knew it. But she didn’t want to do that to Regan. Probably the holidays were making her more emotional. If only Regan would just let it slide.

But Regan didn’t. She took Callie’s hand and brought it to her face, then kissed the back of it tenderly. “Please don’t let that happen.” Callie shot a quick look at her and saw that Regan was crying. Her eyes were shut tightly and her whole body was shaking, and Callie knew she was right behind her.

“This is crazy,” she managed to get out. “We’ve got to get past this or not see each other anymore.”

“Please don’t say that!” Regan’s eyes popped open and she looked horror-struck. “I need you! I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t see you.”

Callie reached over and grabbed her shoulder. “Then move on and quit making moon-eyes at me! You do it all the time. I see you looking at me when we’re running and sometimes you look like you’re fighting with yourself not to throw your arms around me.” She shook her. “You’ve got to stop.”

Regan let her head drop. “I’ll try. I promise I’ll try. It’s just so hard. I love you so much…”

Callie brushed her cheek with her fingers. “If you loved me, you’d be with me. You’re not. So no more of this nonsense! That has to be your New Year’s resolution. Okay?”

Still crying, Regan nodded, looking absolutely miserable.

“Fine. It’s settled.” She grabbed her bag by the handles, opened the door and dodged cars to get to the terminal, not turning around when Regan called her name again and again.

She got into the terminal and flopped down into a chair. This made no sense. Regan was dating. She was dating. Why couldn’t they let go? The ball had been in Regan’s court for months. If she’d changed her mind, she’d be welcomed with open arms. But she hadn’t given any sign of that. She just looked heart-sick when she thought no one could see her. The only way to get past this was to truly move on. That had to be the motto for the new year. Move on.

Callie threw herself into the quest for a girlfriend as she did anything that interested her. She talked to nearly everyone she’d met in Boston, then joined three more clubs. Meeting people who shared some of her interests was a big help, and by the end of January she’d had dates with three more women. None of them was quite right, but she was heartened that she’d eventually find someone. She just had to be patient.

*

Their running club had access to a good quarter mile indoor track and Regan went up to Cambridge one night a week to work on her form with one of their coaches. Callie didn’t always meet her there since she had different issues she was working on, but they usually got together for a drink afterward.

One night Regan pulled into the parking lot by the gym and saw Callie getting out of a car. Her heart skipped a beat, as it always did, when she saw her. But when Callie walked over to the driver’s side and leaned in for a kiss, it hit Regan like a blow to the gut.

Regan was tempted to go right back to her own car, but she’d slogged through traffic to get to Cambridge and she had a firm appointment with the coach. She had to stay, so she veered to the left and tried not to look. She really did try. But the masochistic part of her made her take one look, and now she felt like she’d taken a jab to the chin.

The woman had practically pulled Callie into the car. One of her feet was off the ground and she was laughing hard; that melodic, lighthearted laugh that no woman could defend against.

How could she do that? Regan hadn’t had a good night’s rest in months, but Callie was right back in the game, kissing a stranger like a lover. That thought made her double over in pain. They probably were lovers. That stranger had probably had her mouth and hands all over Callie’s beautiful body. Something that Regan would never, ever have.

*

Delaney walked into Regan’s office the next afternoon, closed and locked the door, then sat down in a chair. Regan looked up at her, eyes widening when Delaney slid a beer across the desk. “Drink up.”

“What?”

“It’s quitting time. Have a drink.”

“I don’t drink at work.”

“You can today.” She nodded at the beer. “Go ahead. We’re gonna be here for a while.”

Scowling, Regan said, “How do you know I don’t have plans for tonight?”

“You never have plans. And even if you do, you have to cancel them. You’re not leaving until you tell me what has you so down.”

Reluctantly, Regan grasped the beer and took a long drink. She put the bottle down and nodded at her sister. “That’s good. Thanks. But you can’t hold me hostage.”

“Mom said I could.” She stuck her tongue out, just like she’d have done thirty years earlier. “If you won’t talk to me, she said you have to go to Florida so she can straighten you out.”

“Superb.” Regan pouted while taking another drink. “I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t think I’ve been that bad.”

“Yes, you have.” Delaney leaned over a little so Regan couldn’t avoid her pointed gaze. “You’ve been really bad. I’ve been worried about you, and I haven’t had to do that very many times in my life. You’re the stable one, remember? You’re not yourself, Regan. You haven’t been since Angela.”

“I feel like I’m in a fog.” She knew that lack of sleep was part of the problem, but no way would she tell Delaney about her insomnia. “I’ve never felt like this before. Sheila thinks I should go on antidepressants.”

“You don’t need drugs. But you haven’t bounced back like you should have. I know breaking up is hard, but you’ve been taking this much harder than I would have predicted.”

“This isn’t about Angela,” Regan insisted, her voice rising. “I’m lucky to be rid of her.”

Delaney looked at her closely, her head tilting as though she could see better from an oblique angle. “You didn’t say things like that at first. You said you’d just grown apart.” She leaned closer. “That was a lie, wasn’t it.”

It was nice to know that Delaney cared, but she really, really didn’t want to get into this. She looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then finally faced her sister and nodded. Screw it. Angela didn’t deserve a pristine reputation. “She was having an affair.”

“I knew it! I told Mom and Alana that you wouldn’t have gone from happy-happy to broken up in a matter of weeks if she hadn’t done something horrible.”

“Yeah, you’re right there.” It was horrible. The whole mess was toxic. She wished she didn’t have to talk about it at all, but she was in this far—she had to finish it off. She leaned back in the chair, then pushed it further away from her desk and put her feet on the top. “That’s how I met Callie.”

“Callie? How does she figure into this?”

“Angela and Callie’s lover worked together. They slept together too. For a year and a half.” It wasn’t possible to just say those words. She literally spat them out.