Authors: Linda Daly
As James recalled the events of the prior evening, his anger and hatred
increased for the man who had caused his marriage to sour.
Following the wedding of Elise and Joshua, James had gone straight to
his study with Lavinia complaining how he had done nothing to prevent
her from looking like a fool by Felicity’s friend, Elise. James recalled how
he had thrown up his arms in desperation, yelling back. “For God sake
Lavinia, what in the hell were you doing greeting guests anyway? Surely
you and Vivian had to have known this was not your place.”
“Why would I expect you to understand? For the past two years all I’ve
heard out of your mouth is I’m in the wrong. Always siding with Benjamin
and that precious little tart of his! Have you forgotten what they did to
me?” she snarled. “Why must I continue to bear the shame and humiliation
of our pasts in England while the two of them are adored by all living a
lie?”
“Look, that was a long time ago and still you harbor a grudge. Let it
go!”
“Are you insane? How can I let it go when I know what a conniving
little bitch Felicity really is and what a monster she is married to? Or, are
you too drunk again to see what I mean? How many drinks did you have at
the club before coming to the reception?” Lavinia had asked accusingly.
James had yelled back to her snide comments defensively. “Apparently
not enough! Besides, what is the harm if I had a little too much to drink?
As I recall, you enjoy a good belt every now and then yourself.” Gulping
back his drink in hand he had said, “Is it any wonder I find refuge at the
club? You never want to talk about anything but the damned Myles’. Hell,
we rarely are together anymore, not like before we were married . . . back
in England things were so different.”
“Always the same tripe,
I’ve changed
,
I’m not the sweet girl I once
was
. . . Honestly, James, you really are becoming such a bore. Sounding
more like that old crotchety Alfred Honeycutt everyday,” Lavinia spouted,
turning on her heels to enter the sitting room of their master suite.
Swiftly, he gripped her arm and she whirled around facing him again.
“Don’t you dare turn away from me! Let’s settle this once and for all, here
and now. Just what is it that I’ve done?” he had demanded, in a raised
shout, “that has soured you against me? And since we are on the subject of
Benjamin and Felicity, let them live as they choose. They sure the hell
seem to be a lot happier than we are. From where I stand he’s one hell of a
lucky man. He’s jumped from one heiress to the other, and wound up with
a wife who is not only rich but is genuinely sweet and gentle. I told you
before there’s a lot to be said for a woman with those qualities. Hell, I’d
gladly pay for you to have some of those attributes!”
Recalling their argument years earlier at Ashwillow, when she had
accused him of lusting after Felicity, she glared at him. Struggling to free
herself from his grasp, she gritted her teeth, her voice becoming cold and
barren. “Take your hands off me at once or I’ll scream! You smell of drink
and you disgust me.”
Feeling how tightly his hand was around her forearm, James had
released it and apologetically said, “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Are all men the same? They hurt a woman and then
they justify it by saying, I’m sorry?” Seeing the look of resentment in his
eyes, she had added. “You don’t want sweet and innocent James, you never
have. Rebecca was sweet as sugar and that certainly didn’t prevent stolen
moments with me,
while she lay dying.
You wanted me! And now that you
have me, would you rather I become deathly ill too, so you can carouse
around some more?”
Seeing the hate in his eyes at her comments and realizing she had said
too much, Lavinia had rushed to him, pleading, “Oh darling forgive me. I
was angry. I didn’t mean those dreadful things. Really I didn’t.”
“Lavinia, get away from me now! I mean it, or I won’t be responsible
for my actions.” Walking over to the crystal decanter he filled his glass
with an ample amount of brandy, which he immediately tucked away in
one large gulp. After feeling the sensation from the aged liquor as it
trickled down his throat with ease, he promptly poured himself another.
“James darling, please don’t drink so much alone. Won’t you pour me
one too?" Lavinia had cooed.
Lifting the decanter, without even looking at her, James extended it
saying with contempt, “Pour it yourself!”
Slowly she had taken the decanter from his hands and reached for him,
but James had promptly pulled away, moving across the room where he
slumped into an overstuffed chair. Not going after him at first, Lavinia had
slowly poured herself a stiff drink as well, her mind racing to figure out
what to do next.
Watch yourself Lavinia, with your inheritance robbed
while Father was dying, by that gold-digger thief Annabelle, James is your
only security now.
With a plan forming in her mind she belted back her
drink, then poured herself another.
Turning to face James, knowing precisely what his weaknesses were,
she had cooed, “Here darling, have a little more.” Gliding over to him,
feeling his scornful eyes on her, Lavinia decided to seduce him.
After refilling his glass, she slithered between his knees and rested
herself on the floor facing him. With the grace of a cat, she had placed the
open decanter next to his foot on the thick Persian rug, beside the heel of
his shoe. Seductively she had said to him, “You are absolutely right, I
haven’t been myself darling.”
Sultrily she traced his thigh, resting her glass on his knee and slowly
and sensually, she had begun moving her glass over his knee all the while
batting her eyes as if she were helpless. “You know the pain I suffered at
the hands of Benjamin. And seeing him and Felicity act as if they were
perfect makes me sick. Then if that wasn’t bad enough, with poor Father’s
death on my conscience and then learning how traitorous my own sister
was, well I suppose it’s been more than I could bear. You can’t imagine my
pain and how helpless I’ve felt, considering that she tricked father into
changing his will in his weakened state to secure all his holdings except for
that worthless townhouse.”
Forcing herself to shed a single tear she had whimpered, “I suppose it
has soured me, and I’ve been taking it out on you. Oh please forgive me,
James.”
“Lavinia, we’ve discussed this before, several times in fact.”
Dismissing the act that Lavinia claimed Benjamin had committed against
his wife, he addressed Annabelle’s inheritance instead. “Even if Annabelle
was able to achieve such a dubious deed, which is doubtful, knowing her
and the Squire as I did, the townhouse is clearly not worthless. Of course
it’s not Ashwillow, but with my holdings, you are well cared for.”
“I know darling. You know so much more of financial matters then I
do . . .” Taking the last sip of her brandy, she swirled it across her mouth to
ease some of the sting her words were causing her. Laying the glass on the
floor she smiled up at him, allowing her hand to slide down over his knee
and into his inner thigh, resting it there trying not too appear too obvious.
“Darling, I try, truly try to forget the past, honest I do. But when I saw
how everyone was making such a fuss over Felicity and Benjamin at that
backwoods, little tart’s wedding, as if they were so pure and perfect, it just
sickened me. Do you remember how I told you the day I had caught that
little harlot, kissing Benjamin’s thumb, soaked to the skin? Well when Elise
had mentioned that behind every good man is a better woman, I nearly lost
my mind. All I kept thinking was what would people think of the virtuous
perfect Felicity if they knew the real truth? Why as hard as I try, I don’t
think I will ever be able to forget that awful stormy day at the vicarage.
Why it’s just like it happened yesterday . . . There she stood, her dress
clinging to her bosom, full of silky mud showing through that thin cotton
frock of hers all the while batting her eyes up at him, enticing him with her
purity and goodness. I can assure you that was anything but pure! More
like a lioness after its prey.”
“Right. I do recall you telling me that story before, but never with such
vivid detail.” James, feeling the effects of the drink, relaxed in his chair,
able to see Felicity in his mind with her pert nipples pressing against a
cotton frock.
“Go on Lavinia, tell me more,” he mumbled feeling aroused by
thinking of Felicity as a seductress.
Lavinia knowing the time was definitely right to further seduce him,
slid her hand up his leg and began to unfasten the ties of his trousers, while
caressing his manhood to further arouse him.
“Darling, she may well be able to fool some of those naive people with
her sweet and innocent act, but take it from someone who knows, she
seduced Benjamin only to take something away from me. Whom she
despised. You remember that dreadful outburst at the vicarage I told you
about and how she kept trying to prove worthy of my acceptance of her?
Why would have that been necessary if I hadn’t found her out? She and I
both knew what sort of harlot she actually was, with no real breeding. I tell
you I don’t trust her. Why I even blame her for Benjamin’s actions now.
She drove him insane, bewitching him all the while, fooling her aunt and
uncle into leaving her such a large inheritance. And I helped her to
succeed. It does make me wonder though, who she might try to get her
claws into next. Precisely why I became so distraught this evening. At the
reception when you greeted her and kissed her hand, with all her droll dear
friends around her, well darling, I just lost all of my senses becoming
insanely jealous. Which is understandable, loving you as I do . . .”
“Oh darling you can’t be serious, she and I were only being polite,”
James mumbled, enjoying the sensual touch of Lavinia’s hand caressing
him.
“Darling you mustn’t be fooled by that so-called innocent act of hers. I
know her type. She appears to be a soft harmless kitten, when in reality
she’s nothing more than some alley cat.”
Feeling his manhood exposed from his skillful wife, he looked down at
her and feeling his drink, his words slurred. “An alley cat you say?”
“Yes darling, ruthless and scheming. I was just so worried that she was
now after you that I was beside myself. She hates me you know, and I still
remember our arguing over her in Father’s garden.”
“Don’t be absurd . . .”
Kneeling in front of him, her body seductively leaning against his
manhood to further arouse him, she extended her hands to him outwardly.
“James, you do forgive me for my foolish jealousy, don’t you darling?”
“Of course, I do . . .”
“Then show me darling,” she suggestively cooed, gently tugging at his
arms to draw him near her as she leaned back on the carpet. “Come prove
to me that you want only me.”
Lunging from the chair, James fumbled at her petticoats, freeing her
from the cumbersome undergarments. As James entered the moistness of
her body, the vision of Felicity that was so perfectly painted for him,
remained fresh in his mind, until his hunger was satisfied. Upon fulfilling
his desires, he lay lifeless across Lavinia, despising himself for allowing
himself to be gratified by his wife, while lusting after another.
Lavinia struggled to free herself from under him and after successfully
pushing him off her, she sat up, looking appalled at the sight of her
husband.
“Well that was hardly worth the bother,” she had said disgusted, while
arranging her torn undergarments.
Stretching for the open decanter, she had leaned against the chair
occupied by James only moments earlier. Pouring another brandy, she then
looked at the man before her in contempt. Raising her glass as if cheering
him, she had said, sipping slowly at her drink, “You’re right about one
thing, James. Things
are
different between us. I find you as loathsome as
Benjamin once was.”
Hearing his wife say such words, James lay on the floor as anger and
rage filled his tormented mind. No longer would he try to help his wife
forget the past. It was his turn to lash out. The love he had once felt for
Lavinia had now vanished. He had been unable to avenge her honor before,
but he would avenge the marriage that had been taken from him. And as he
lay there hating the life he was forced to endure knowing Benjamin went
unscathed living a peaceful existence, James fell asleep vowing to rectify
that.
Finishing her drink she entered their suite and went into her powder
room where she looked into her reflection, and felt defeated.
Nothing is
going my way. Maybe it’s time to change my strategy. He wants sweet; well
that is exactly what he’ll get! I can be just as sweet and wholesome as that
tart Felicity, and that puritan Miranda, whom everyone adores. Then
maybe I can manage to get some of that money he holds so tightly.
Tearing her dress deliberately, Lavinia stared into the mirror.
Now
James, live with the guilt of forcing yourself on your wife just as you think
Benjamin did, you pathetic bastard.
As she walked to her dressing bureau to get a clean nightdress Lavinia
smiled, leaving her torn dress where James would surely see it when he
came to.
How easy it is to be a poor helpless kitten
.
Now protect me, you
shell of a man.
So deep in recalling the prior evening events in his mind, James barely
heard Benjamin saying, “James, are you alright, old man?”
“Yes, I was just reliving the whole incident in my mind again. As I told
you, our intimacy was consensual, never forced. The only sin I committed
was seeing another in my mind as I had her, but it was not by force,” James
said, omitting whom he had fantasized lusting over to be able to perform
for her advancements.
Inhaling a deep breath, searching for the appropriate words to guide
him, Benjamin asked, “James, was this other woman Rebecca?”
From the moment he had arrived, everything up to this point was a
ploy to win his trust so that he could avenge his ill-fated marriage, until
Benjamin had asked him about Rebecca. The guilt James felt regarding the
way he had treated his first wife was genuine. Precisely why he had
allowed himself to continue living such a hellish existence with Lavinia
these past three years, telling himself daily he deserved such pain for the
sins he had committed against Rebecca. So as he answered Benjamin, his
reply was sincere.
“No. What I did to Rebecca, God rest her soul . . . the guilt of such
unwarranted deeds against her and our marriage lay heavy on my soul, but
it was not her in my mind.”
“Have you asked for our Lord’s forgiveness for the sins you committed
against Rebecca and your previous marriage?”
“Countless times,” James said earnestly. “Rebecca deserved better and
I failed her. She knew when we married I was in love with another, but she
never questioned who . . . or why.”
“James, look at me. The heavy burden you carry with you daily cannot
be masked with alcohol to alleviate the pain. The drink will destroy your
very existence if you are not careful. God has forgiven you long ago, when
you asked Him for forgiveness. So now you too must learn how to forgive
yourself and carry on. We all have reminders of how imperfect we are, but
the true test of a man is his inner strength. To learn by his past mistakes and
move forward, is what God expects from us.”
Hearing Benjamin say that, he wondered if that was how he could live
with himself, after he had done what he had done to Lavinia. James barely
heard Benjamin continue.
“You and Lavinia have been brought together as husband and wife.
You must honor this marriage and work at making it a strong and sacred
union in the eyes of God. Have you addressed with Lavinia what you recall
from last evening’s events, with the exception of seeing this other woman I
mean? Not one of force, but that of consent?”
“Yes. This morning as she accused me.”
“And?”
“She supplied the dress and the torn pantaloons.”
“Well this does present a problem. If you are certain you did not force
yourself on her, then you have only one thing to do and that is try to
convince Lavinia of your love for her. No matter what it takes. Throughout
our difficult past, one thing above all else that I was always certain of, was
that you and Lavinia loved one another.
“You have just confessed to me, it was the love you felt for her that
prevented you from being the husband you should have been to Rebecca.
And from my own experience, from our short-lived relationship, I know it
was you Lavinia desired, certainly never I.”
“Are you so sure though, that what we desired from one another was
love, or lust?”
Such a candid question left Benjamin feeling awkward having
wondered the same thing himself.
“Only you, Lavinia, and God know the answer to that. And even if that
were the case, Lavinia is now your wife and you must make what once was
wrong, right. Not by force or liquor as a shield to hide from, but rather seek
the truth in your heart, and live your life as God intended, in peace with
your wife.”
“That may prove to be difficult. I’m not sure I can do that alone.”
“James, you are never alone.” Benjamin smiled at him knowingly,
adding. “God will be with you always. Lavinia is your wife, for better and
for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do
you part. These words are not just said to make your marriage ceremony
filled with sweetness. Those words were a serious oath that you agreed to
take with God. You must obey this oath and do as He has intended, without
hesitation or regret. With His guidance, you will reap the rewards. This I
am certain.”
“I will try.”
“Good.” Satisfied that he had been able to assist James, Benjamin said,
“Nothing in life that you value comes easy. I have painfully learned this
lesson myself. But trust me James, just put your trust in Him and I am
confident you will be blessed.”
A gentle knock at the door alerted both men to look in that direction.
“And speaking of God’s blessing, if I’m not mistaken, I believe my dear
wife has come to tell me it’s time for the noon meal. Which, I must lead
our rather large family in prayer.” Standing, Benjamin shook James’s hand
heartily.
“God be with you, friend.” Then turning his attention to the door, he
said, “Come in.”
“Darling, sorry to disturb you . . . Oh, Mr. Sterling, how fortunate that
you are still here. Cook told me of your generous donation to our needy
cause. I can’t tell you enough just how much we appreciate this.”
James’s face turned crimson, remembering how he had found such
pleasure fantasizing about her in his drunken state and said, “I’m pleased
that the tins will come of some use.”
“Good use? Surely you jest! Why single-handedly you have managed
to feed our dear growing family for at least a week. How can I ever thank
you enough? Please come and join us for noon meal, and meet some of the
children, that is, if time allots of course?”
“What a splendid idea, dearest. This will give you a chance to meet
Jessup and Christopher as well.” Turning to Felicity, Benjamin explained.
“As it turns out James has agreed to take on both these lads as apprentices
at his warehouse.”
“Why that’s wonderful. You really are our benefactor, heaven-sent, I’d
say,” Felicity exclaimed, smiling fondly over at James.
“Now that is definitely a false statement, if ever there was one.” James,
looked away embarrassed, thinking,
If she only knew. . . .
“Now don’t be too hasty there James. God does work in mysterious
ways.”
“Benjamin, that may be true, but I can assure this was a sheer stroke of
luck. But in the future I’m sure to remedy that.”
Felicity looked on in puzzlement, but knew not to meddle in her
husband’s work. “Well whatever the reason for your generous donation,
I’m grateful. Please join us, before the soup gets cold.”