Down the Hidden Path (19 page)

“What are you talking about?” Until she asked, he hadn’t realized he’d said that out loud.

“Different girlfriends I had. They didn’t want you around me.”

She rolled her eyes. “That was high school.”

His hands clamped down on her knees. Didn’t she realize that thing was still there? Maybe he’d not known it then, but now it was screaming like a banshee, bright as a dang neon sign. Like the LED lights at the Neon Moon. She had to sense it. Feel it. “Gray, did you ever think about what might have happened if . . . if you’d told me and if we’d—”

She flew out of the chair. “How many times do you think my mind shot down that path? But it’s a dead-end road, Jeremiah. I could never be with someone who doesn’t love me.” She brushed her hair back, tilted her jaw defiantly. “I deserve better.”

And that’s when the night at the party entered his mind, wrecking his intentions. He’d watched two dirtbags from the movie crew hit on Gray. And he hadn’t liked it. He’d even admitted it to her, saying she deserved better. She also deserved better than him. Still did. Because he had been too stupid back then to see what they had. And now, with David in the middle of their relationship, he didn’t know if he’d be able to navigate any better. After all, he was still the same person. Older, hopefully wiser, but who knew? And she seemed so fragile. Still, he’d like to try. “Maybe it’s not a dead-end road, just a hidden path. Sometimes you have to explore a little to know what you’re dealing with.”

She moved across the room, away from him, out of reach from the possibility he offered. She stopped at the window. “Sure. If it was just us. Maybe that could happen. But we have to consider David. I won’t take any chances on him getting hurt by us sending mixed signals. I’m sorry.”

He hated the fact that she was right. If things worked out between them, great. But if they didn’t, David would be hurt again. Miah stood from the bed and walked to the window to stand beside her. Outside, the snow was beginning to melt. It had been a beautiful snow. Perfect, almost. But now there were real-world decisions to make and none of them were going to be easy. “How soon do you think David should return to school?”

“I want to go back next week.” They both turned to find him at the bedroom door.

Gray painted on her happy face that almost masked the concern. “That’s soon.”

He nodded. “I know.”

Miah split his glances between mother and son. This was out of his league.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather take another week?”

“It’s been almost three. Also, I don’t want to go to Laver. I want to transfer to River Rock.” With that, he turned from the door and left. Footsteps on the stairs confirmed he was out of earshot.

Miah looked at Gray. She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“In the ‘Instructions to Guardian,’ it talks about River Rock for high school.”

Gray nodded. “Yes. There’s a really great science department.” She hugged herself. “I mean, I asked Wilson what he thought of transferring David now. You know, fresh start and all, but I didn’t know if it was a good idea or a terrible idea.”

“What did Wilson say?”

She bit back a bitter smile. “That you’d be making that call.” Her mouth twitched and Miah knew something about that wasn’t exactly true.

She forced out a breath. “He never answered because he was trying to let me down easy about you being given guardianship.”

“Why don’t we go talk to the counselor at his school?” Miah stacked the documents together because it seemed more efficient to do that than leave them spread all over his room.

“At Laver? I can already tell you what they’re going to say. They won’t want to lose him. Laver detests the idea of kids leaving there for the science program at River Rock.”

His mouth dropped open. “It’s a school. She’s the counselor. Shouldn’t the child’s best interest be at heart?”

“It is, to a degree. Welcome to middle-school politics, Miah. The counselor will absolutely believe it’s best for him to stay right there. I guarantee it.”

“She won’t be an unbiased professional, is that what you’re telling me?”

“She’s a woman who has poured her heart and soul into the care of the kids at Laver. You can’t expect her to think it would be better for him to be uprooted when we could just make the thirty-minute drive each day.”

“This is so hard.”

Gray nodded.

“Fine. Tomorrow morning, we go to River Rock. Talk to the counselor there. If we’re not satisfied, we drive to Springfield or even over to Branson. We get perspectives from as many professionals as we feel we need to make a solid, informed decision.”

Gray crossed her hands over her chest. “Are you going to handle every situation this thoroughly?”

Of course he would. He was a good soldier. When he didn’t answer, she tilted her head back and laughed. “We are in for one interesting ride.”

As she stepped past him to leave the room, she reached over and brushed a hand across his arm. It was the most contact she’d instigated and it sent tremors down his spine. “Don’t worry, McKinley. You’re doing okay.”

Was he? He didn’t really think so. The snowmobile had given David a scar he might have for life, and the fishing was . . . well, it was a fiasco. For a guy who prided himself on doing things well, Miah was lacking in this area.

“Hey, did you hear me?” Gray reached up and gave his arm a little shake.

“Back in high school when I messed up, you were always there to smooth it out. I never—” The words caught in his throat, but he needed to say this, had to say it. Right now. “I never thanked you.”

His hand came up, slowly made its way to her cheek. Her skin was dewy soft and smooth, cool like the granite that held her together. For the quickest instant, she nuzzled into his touch. “You’re welcome.” And there in the depths of her eyes he saw the desire to take another path, a path with him. A road that might lead nowhere or might lead to the very thing they each desperately wanted. But before he could act, she steeled herself and stepped away from him.

“Gray?” He hated the alarm in his voice.

She half turned and threw him a look over her shoulder, long black hair catching the light. “Yes?” Her hand was planted on the doorjamb. Maybe to keep herself from rushing back.

“We gonna be able to do this?”

Something flashed across her features. Something that both stopped his heart and kick-started it again. “Of course.” But her mouth twitched when she said it and Jeremiah knew she wasn’t convinced, and that, in fact, this whole thing could blow up in their faces and the one who would really suffer was David. For the first time since he’d gotten the news that he was a father, Jeremiah understood all Gray had gone through to keep David a secure, happy kid. For the first time, he understood her sacrifice. And for the first time, he was distinctly aware, a large part of his heart loved Gray.

Miah’s chest hurt, a dull aching he wasn’t accustomed to, so he dropped his gaze to it. His hand followed and rubbed against his T-shirt where a traitorous heart beat just beneath the thin cotton material. In another time, in another life, he could have had her. Could have had every ounce of her to call his, but he’d blown that opportunity without even knowing it was before him. His chest burned. His hand fisted into the material of his shirt. “She’s still too good for you,” he said to himself, because there was no one left to hear. Gray was gone.

CHAPTER 11

Gray had to admit it. She was impressed. Jeremiah had called the school in River Rock and discovered the counselor would be in for a few hours the following day even though school was canceled. He cleared the drive with a big yellow tractor David decided to name Buttercup, and had dressed in his best jeans and a nice shirt. He was nervous as a cat, and when she wondered if he might claw through the chair arms in the school office waiting area, Gray reached over and placed a hand on his. “Relax, tiger.”

He hooked a thumb at the office behind them. “I didn’t know she’d want to talk to David. I mean, what if she says the wrong thing? He’s doing well right now. No nightmares for days, I just . . .”

Gray squeezed his hand, then let go. “She’s a counselor, Miah. She’s trained for this. Relaaaaaax. You made the right call to come here, to get this counselor’s opinion. If we aren’t convinced it’s all for David’s best interest, we’ll talk to another.”

His eyes met hers and held. And right there in the molten gold of his irises, everything shifted. His voice became a whisper as he raised her hand to his lips. “I couldn’t do this without you.” And there on her knuckles, he placed a kiss so lightly she had to fight the urge to reach over and capture the sensation. Suddenly, the tension about David was gone and a new tension was there, bright and hot and rising to the surface on the heat she’d inadvertently created.

Gray tried to lean out of the trajectory of his gaze, but Miah was Miah and he was so darn sexy, even the Greek gods would be jealous. The feel of his lips on her hand remained even though the touch was long gone. Before her, the wide glass window separated the offices from the extensive hall. She placed her focus there, hoping it would slow her racing heart. But she was inundated with memories of a past life when Miah would pick her up in the mornings and together they’d drive to school while talking about their nights and making plans for the weekends. This was their old high school. The middle school had taken it over when the new high school was built a few years back. And it didn’t help that these were the corridors where she first fell in love with Jeremiah McKinley. “We sure spent some time walking these halls, didn’t we?”

“Yeah.” He reached over and grabbed her hand for a quick second. “It’s kind of comforting to know David will be here. Feels familiar, you know?”

“Comforting for you. You were the demigod of River Rock High. For all of us peasants, it might have been a bit different.”

His face troubled. “Do you think he’ll have a hard time adjusting?”

She sighed and took a peek over her shoulder to make sure David was still in the counselor’s office. “He’s a unique kid. He’d have a hard time adjusting anywhere.”

“Should we leave him at Laver?”

She shook her head. “He didn’t really have any friends there. At least here he has Stacey.”

“Yeah. What’s up with those two? Running off almost every day since he met her.”

“They formed a bond quickly, that’s for sure.” She smiled. “Don’t you see it? They’re us, Miah. Way back when.”

“But we don’t know what they’re doing, and that bothers me.”

She laughed. “If David were a year or two older, it’d worry me, too.”

“Do you think she’s the reason he wants to attend River Rock?”

She’d thought about it quite a bit, actually. “Partially, yes. But he was having a hard time at Laver.”

Miah pivoted in the too-small chair. “What do you mean?”

Gray ran a hand into her hair and scrubbed at her scalp because every time she thought of it, she got angry. “There was this kid, really popular, and he took a dislike to David. Anyway, the bullying escalated until one day when I showed up and saw three other guys around him.”

Miah went from zero to furious in less than a second.

“They weren’t being physical or anything, just . . . I could see it in his eyes, in their body language.”

“This is good then.”

Gray offered a smile. It was good if the same thing didn’t happen here.

“Mr. McKinley, Ms. Smith, please come in.” The counselor at River Rock turned to David. “While I visit with your birth parents, David, you can go check out the library I told you about. Miss Carpenter is in there moving some things around; she’s our media specialist.”

He reached out and shook her hand. “It was nice meeting you, Ms. Forrester.”

She blinked, gave him a smile, trying to hide her surprise. “You too, David.”

He headed down the hall and Miah and Gray went in her office.

“He’s quite a remarkable young man.” Ms. Forrester sat down behind her desk, but her general body language seemed friendly. She wore a silk blouse that was tucked into jeans, probably casual because of the snow day.

Gray fought the urge to slip her hand into Miah’s. Instead, she threaded her fingers together and kept them on her lap.

“I wanted to speak with David because sometimes adults can go around and around the heart of a subject without ever really getting to it, when all they need to do is ask the child.”

Miah leaned forward. “What is the heart of the subject, Ms. Forrester?”

Gray shot him a quelling look. Maybe that’s how a soldier handled men in his charge, but his directness with Ms. Forrester might not be appreciated. They needed an ally, not an enemy.

She rolled a pencil over and over between her fingers. “I like your candor, Mr. McKinley.”

Gray watched him as he shot Ms. Forrester one of those skin-melting
smiles. “Please, call me Jeremiah.”
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me
. Gray’s eyes trailed to Ms. Forrester. Putty.

She needed to intervene. “Ms. Forrester, what do you feel is the best decision for David?”

She blinked, leaned back, and placed the pencil in a holder on the edge of her desk. “Most counselors would suggest waiting until the end of the school year. David lives in River Rock now, correct?”

Jeremiah scooted forward to the edge of his seat. “Yes. With me. Gray owns a home here, too, at the edge of town.”

Her heart lurched.
Don’t tell her the address. The house still looks like a demolition site
. Her silent prayer was answered.

“So, River Rock is inevitable. He lives here. Right now, we need to look at the pros and cons of waiting until the end of the school year to uproot him.”

Jeremiah rubbed a hand over his face. “Yes, ma’am. That’s exactly what we’ve been trying to figure out.”

“Having spoken to David, I think he would do fine changing schools now. He seems to be very intelligent, self-aware. Decisions like these all come down to the individual child.” She offered them a smile. “And I think he’d be very happy here. He’s already made a friend, Anastasia.”

“She lives down the lake from us,” Miah said.

“Anastasia is a good girl, a jewel. Her older brother is on the basketball team and is a natural leader. He’s in David’s class. It might be nice for the two of them to become friends. Could make an easier transition for David.”

In her heart, Gray had known this was the right decision. But her heart had been wrong so many times, she no longer trusted it. Her elation must have been obvious.

“My recommendation agrees with you, Ms. Smith?”

“Very much. I think David needs a fresh start.” Something squeezed her hand. She looked down; there, fingers interlocked with hers. Miah’s hand. Her gaze trailed to him in question. He only smiled in answer and squeezed again.

Ms. Forrester took turns looking at one, then the other. There were questions in her eyes, but she must have decided to shelve them.

It took a moment for Miah and Gray to realize it was time to go; they were too busy grinning like fools at one another.

Ms. Forrester cleared her throat. “David can start school on Monday, if that’s agreeable to you. We are just launching into a major fund-raiser. Most of the kids get involved, and I think it would be a great opportunity for David to get to know some of his classmates.” She thought a moment. “Do you know anything about bees, Mr. McKinley?”

He shot her another Oscar-winning smile. “No, ma’am, and it’s none of my business, but bees may not be the best fund-raiser.”

She laughed. “Agreed. No, that’s not what I meant. When two separate colonies of bees need to be put together, the beekeeper dusts them all with powder. You see, the bees are so busy cleaning the powder off themselves and others they don’t even realize strangers have been introduced to the colony. By the time the hive is clean, they’re all one big happy family.”

And Ms. Forrester leaned back in her chair with her mouth pursed and waited for one of them to give the moral of the story. Gray shot a blank look over to Jeremiah, who sat beside her, a thoughtful expression on his face. His chin dipped. “I get it.”

Huh? Gray’s hand squeezed his. If he thought he could bluff his way through this, he was wrong. Ms. Forrester was an educator. She could probably sniff out a bluff from a mile away. But then Miah continued.

“You see this fund-raiser as a way for David to be introduced to the hive. Everyone is busy, all working toward the same goal. Everyone’s on the same team.”

Forrester winked. “Exactly. This is our biggest event to raise money for the basketball team. It would be great for David to get involved.”

“Yes. Absolutely. Anything we can do.” Miah reached out and shook her hand.

“Also, his attendance and yours at afterschool events . . . helps kids acclimate. I realize David isn’t a sports kid, but if he supports them, they’ll support him.”

Miah was still shaking her hand. “Anything we can do. Anything at all. Please. Just keep me informed. I’d be glad to help out.”

Gray stood at her car door, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
You need to do this
, she reminded herself. It had been ten days since they’d met Ms. Forester. Gray had run out of excuses to continue staying at the lodge. All she needed now was a strong enough shot of courage to propel her into the driver’s seat and down the road.

She’d already loaded her suitcase into the trunk and said good-bye to David. She had to be strong now, but her hand trembled as she reached for the handle. All her planning to make a clean break crumbled when she heard the front door open. She closed her eyes and knew the exact moment Miah stepped behind her.

The heat and warmth of his body near hers was unhinging. Already she’d begun to feel cold, like a person roaming the earth utterly alone. The heat he offered, she drank in, letting it saturate her soul and all those icy rooms in her heart. The chill had nothing to do with the weather; it was not because of the lack of sunshine, but because in a few minutes, she’d be home in an empty cottage where even her grandmother’s imprint continued to fade. What hope did she have of David’s imprint being there and being enough to keep her company?

Miah’s hands closed on her shoulders and tilted her back so that her spine rested against his chest. For a few moments, she allowed herself to enjoy it, the strength he provided, the wall behind her.

His breathing was deep, long, and for a stretch of time he did nothing but hold her, shore her up. Because that’s what she needed and he was Miah, the one able to take the shaky ground and make it solid. He’d always had that power where she was concerned.

He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have to go.”

Her eyes closed, shutting out the words because she did,
she absolutely did
have to go. Because staying meant risk. And she was so tired and so frightened of once again losing him, there was no fight left in her soul.

His cheek nuzzled against the hair on top of her head. “You could stay.” He wasn’t being pushy, but there was an intensity to the words that told her they were headed down a path that could end up destroying everything they were trying to build.

She forced strength into her body and turned to face him. “And what, Miah? I can’t just keep finding excuses to spend the night here. Especially now that the driveway’s clear and David’s back in school. I have a home. And you and me . . .”

There was a smoldering look in his eyes and she knew he was considering the possibilities.

“I wake up . . . in your bed . . . and there’s a big part of me that just wants to come find you.” She shouldn’t be admitting this to him, but Gray knew she was a terrible liar, so the truth would have to do.