For a moment she stared longingly at the bathroom door, but relieving herself might wake Zakk, and she thought she could wait until she got home, or until she found a public toilet. She tiptoed to the door, almost tripping on her shoes, which she’d kicked off sometime during that strange backwards dance to the bed.
Shoes on, she raced down the stairs and to the street, not looking back. The map on her phone estimated it to be a twenty minute walk back to her flat. It was four thirty—close enough to the start of the day to make it safe for her to walk through streets deserted except for a few early workers, yet dark enough so no one would see her walk of shame, her clothes crumpled, her arms crossed in front of her to hide her braless state.
Chapter Three
By a stroke of good luck, Kitty’s days off for the next week fell on Monday and Tuesday. Kitty spent the time hiding. She had enough food to eliminate the need to shop. She pulled the curtains and watched old movies on TV, anything to stop herself from thinking and remembering and wishing she had acted differently, or been different… Or had just had a clue about how to deal with the situation.
The last thing she wanted to do was encounter Zakk. If he hadn’t worked at the steelworks, maybe she wouldn’t have had to see him ever again. But he did work there, so on Wednesday, instead of taking the direct path to her office, she took the long way around, avoiding the industrial sheds and furnaces.
The formal atmosphere and the convention of no social chit-chat suited her mood. At eleven forty-five she went to the tearoom for her allowed break, sitting at the lone table, her cup of tea clasped in her hand. The door swung open and Jenny walked in.
“Oh, hey, Kitty. So, what happened on Friday night?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Kitty lied. “I had dinner then went home.”
“With Zakk?” Jenny grinned.
“Alone. I went home alone.” That was the truth. She’d just left out a few details. She took a sip of her tea and hoped she looked innocent.
Jenny’s shoulders slumped. “I thought there might have been more to tell. Especially since Zakk came in looking for you on Monday morning.”
The tea in Kitty’s mouth sprayed out and splashed the front of her shirt. She grabbed a tissue and swiped at the mess. Without raising her head, she asked, “What did he want?”
“He didn’t say,” Jenny replied. “He just asked if you were in. I told him your next rostered shift was today.”
Kitty stood and tossed her half-full tea in the sink. “I, um, better get back to work,” she said, and bolted from the room.
One o’clock—the time she’d normally stop for lunch—rolled around, but she stayed at her desk. Two o’clock passed and she kept typing. At five past two the outer door to the office slammed open and one angry, large male stormed in, disturbing the air-conditioned calm.
“What the hell happened, Kitty?” Zakk yelled. “One minute you’re sound asleep and the next, you were gone.”
Kitty’s face flamed and she looked around the office. Only Jenny was there, and she seemed struck by sudden deafness and blindness as she pounded away on her computer.
“Zakk—not here, please.”
“I waited for you to come out to lunch,” he said, his temper reflected in his clipped sharp tones. “I’ve been watching for you out of my office window since twelve thirty.”
“I didn’t stop for lunch,” she said. His eyebrows rose and she spoke rapidly. “I was, er, too busy.”
“You’re entitled to a lunch break,” he replied. “Take it now and we’ll talk about what the hell happened on Friday night.”
“I have work to do and I’m staying here to do it.” Her hands flexed and clenched above the keyboard. “There’s nothing we need to talk about.”
“There’s something
I
need to talk about. If you won’t come outside with me then we’ll have this conversation here.” He braced his arms on her desk, his head level with hers, and looked at her. “Why, Kitty? Was it so bad…? Was
I
so bad you couldn’t even bother to say goodbye?”
His mouth twisted and in his brown eyes Kitty saw something she hadn’t expected, hadn’t even considered. She’d hurt him. Disappearing hadn’t been considerate. It had been selfish and rude.
“I’m sorry,” she forced out past the heavy weight that settled on her chest. ”It wasn’t because
you
did anything wrong. I—”
“It’s not you, it’s me?” he spat out. “You are honestly going to resort to
that
tired old line?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “If you don’t respect me enough to be honest or to come up with a halfway believable reason for why you took off without saying goodbye, I guess there’s no point me being here. I’ll just crawl back under a rock somewhere and leave you alone.”
Faced with his anger, forced to see how wrong she’d been, Kitty knew she had to talk to him. Anything else would be an insult. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think… We do have to talk and we can’t do it here.”
Zakk stalked silently to the door and held it open. Without speaking another word, they walked outside. Zakk led her to a seat in the far corner of the courtyard, and she sat down and braced herself. Zakk had said what he needed to, but there was something she must do first.
“I apologize. I thought by leaving I’d save you the embarrassment of having to deal with me in the morning. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“Offend me?” He paced backwards and forwards in front of her. “You had me so worried I could barely think. How did you get home? What did you do to make sure you were safe? You didn’t take a taxi.”
“I walked,” she said. “It wasn’t that far and anyone about at that time in the morning wouldn’t be interested in bothering with me, so…” She blinked up at him. “How did you know I didn’t take a taxi?”
Zakk stilled and thrust his hands in his pockets. He looked at the ground and, even though he did not meet her gaze, Kitty could see the faint flush of color on his cheekbones. “I called the taxi service to see if they had picked up anyone from my address. If you’d taken a cab, at least I’d have known you were safe. I have a mate who works in dispatch, so I…”
A warm glow started near Kitty’s heart, a warm glow suddenly swamped by a cold wash of guilt. Ensuring people’s safety was part of Zakk’s nature, a part she’d trampled over with her thoughtless behavior. “I didn’t think about a taxi,” she said.
“What
did
you think? What the hell went through your mind that you scurried out of there like I was some kind of monster?” He lifted his gaze at last and looked at her. His eyes were bleak and cold. “You want to explain that to me? Because I’ve had four days to think about it. Four days when I had no clue about where you were, whether you were okay, and why you’d rather take to the streets alone than speak to me, even just to say goodbye. Four days I’ve tried to think about an explanation and I haven’t been able to come up with anything good.” He turned and sank down onto the seat beside her, elbows resting on his knees, head dropped into his hands.
Nausea churned in Kitty’s stomach. She’d been so focused on herself—on her fears, her insecurities—she’d never thought about Zakk’s vulnerabilities. Shame soured her mouth and tightened her throat, but she had to make amends, had to show him the fault did not lie with him. “I…” She swallowed and started again. “I’m older than you, and nowhere near as attractive.”
“Bull—”
With a lifted hand, she cut him off. “No. I need to say this. I don’t have much sexual experience. I divorced when my daughter was four years old, and she’s nineteen now. I devoted myself to raising her and there hasn’t been anyone…in that time. With her at university I was free to come to Australia to fulfill a dream—adventure, sun, golden sand and surf.” A short laugh huffed out. “That didn’t turn out quite the way I planned, but I did meet you.”
“Kitty, I—”
“No, please. If I don’t say it now, I might not have the nerve to do it later. I have a tendency to avoid things that are too difficult.”
“I noticed that,” he muttered, but he lapsed into silence and let her go on.
“You are very attractive, and on Friday night I guess I just lost my head. I took what I wanted, and hang the consequences.”
“But that’s good. Why shouldn’t you have what you want? What we wanted? Why run away afterwards?”
“Because you wouldn’t want me,” she cried in anguish. “I couldn’t bear to see you realize what you’d done. Couldn’t bear to see you thinking—
Oh my God, how do I get out of this?
—when morning came and you were sober.”
“When I was sober?” Zakk’s shout echoed off the walls of the buildings surrounding the courtyard. “I was never drunk in the first place,” he went on, lowering his voice. “I was going to drive you home.” He spread his open palms wide. “What did I do to make you think I had had too much to drink?”
Beside him, Kitty shrank a little. “Well, too much alcohol can make me behave in a way I normally wouldn’t.”
“Oh, great,” he groaned. “You’re telling me you slept with me because
you
had a few drinks? Terrific—just terrific. Thank you for delivering the final blow to my self-esteem.” He rubbed his hand over his chin. “I suppose I should be grateful you’re not accusing me of sexual assault.” He stopped and directed a piercing look at her. “You’re not, are you?”
“How could you think such a thing?
I
wasn’t drunk. I knew what I was doing. But you’re younger than me and far out of my league.”
“I wanted you and I was completely sober.” He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “I knew exactly what I was doing and who I was doing it with. Maybe you
are
older than me—I hadn’t thought about it and it doesn’t matter. And I don’t understand why you think you’re not in the same league. You’re gorgeous, all soft and smooth and pretty. After what we did on Friday night, how could you doubt I find you attractive?”
Kitty opened her mouth to reply but couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t seem needy or argumentative or stupid, so she said nothing.
“Kitty? Talk to me. Are we okay?”
“Of course.” Her lips wobbled when she tried to smile. “In any case, it should be me asking you that. I was the one who behaved badly. I’m sorry I ran out without having the courtesy to say goodbye.”
The fingers wrapped around hers tightened. “As long as your departure had nothing to do with disappointment.”
“No!” she gasped. “It was wonderful. You were wonderful.”
“Then will you come out with me again?” Zakk asked.
“Again?” Her eyes narrowed. He wanted to see her again? Even after she’d acted like a complete idiot?
“Yes, again. I don’t do one-night stands, and I don’t think you’re the type to do them, either.”
“No. I’m not. I, um, haven’t been the type to do anything like that in a long time.”
“Exactly my point,” Zakk said with a smile. “We have something here. That night with you was special. You’re special. Of course I want to see you again.”
Her mouth curved into a wide smile. So what if her laugh lines highlighted her age. Zakk’s answering grin was proof enough that, for now, it didn’t matter.
“Saturday night, then?” he asked. “I know a nice place to eat.”
“That would be…lovely,” Kitty said. They stood up, ready to go back to work.
“Kitty,” Zakk said as he leaned toward her. “I need to know your address so I can pick you up on Saturday. A phone number would be good, too.”
“I guess it would help.” With a laugh, she gave him the details.
He entered them into his phone and smiled, a devilish light in his eyes. “This time if you run away, I won’t have to scour the kingdom looking for a woman who fits the shoe substitute she left behind.” He winked. “Which is good, because there are a lot of women in Wollongong who might fit that bra…but there is only one you.”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’d like to make the kiss count,” he whispered. “But a lot of windows overlook this courtyard. I think we’ll save the best stuff for later, when we’re on our own.”
He sauntered off.
Kitty watched him go, his long stride flexing the muscles of his shapely backside, leaving her warm and breathless.
* * * *
Kitty spent a lot of time thinking about Zakk and what would happen after their dinner. His open admiration excited her, made her feel desirable and exciting. Unfortunately, her staid and limited wardrobe, brought with her from the UK, did not fit the image the new Kitty wanted to project.
Three hours of Thursday late-night shopping—grabbing clothes from racks, taking them to change rooms, sucking in her stomach, tightening her bra straps and looking over her shoulder in front of wraparound mirrors under the unforgiving glare of fluorescent lights—had put a dint in her newfound confidence.
Her feet hurt from the constant walking, and she was almost ready to give up, when in the window of an upmarket store she saw
the
dress. The black cotton splashed with a scattering of soft blue and green floral looked elegant, cool and beautiful—neither formal nor informal, but both—perfect for either a fine dining establishment or something more casual.
Kitty took a deep breath and walked inside. The assistant lifted her chin and looked down her nose. Kitty squirmed, sure the woman had accurately estimated the cost of every item of clothing she wore.
After a moment, she spoke. “May I be of assistance, madam?”
“I’d like to try on the dress in the window,” Kitty said.
“Perhaps madam would prefer to try it on in the change room,” the woman said. Nothing in her aloof manner indicated whether she’d just made a joke, or if she was being ridiculously snooty.
There was a moment’s awkward silence. The urge to turn tail and escape was strong, but her desire for that dress was stronger. “Do you have it in size twelve?”
Maybe this was one of those stores that only carried clothes for stick thin models. Maybe the sales assistant would laugh out loud. With her hands clenched by her sides, Kitty waited.
With no discernible expression, the woman said, “I believe we have one in stock. I’ll check out the back.”
When she returned, she carried a swath of black fabric over her arm.