"Except the innocent man who dies for a cause he doesn't care about or understand!" Caramon said angrily.
"Don't be such a baby!" Kiiri snorted, polishing one of her collapsible daggers. "By your own account, you did some mercenary work. Did you understand or care about the cause then? Didn't you fight and kill because you were being well paid? Would you have fought if you weren't? I don't see the difference."
"The difference is I had a choice!" Caramon responded, scowling. "And I knew the cause I fought for! I never would have fought for anyone I didn't believe was in the right! No matter how much money they paid me! My brother felt the same. He and I—” Caramon abruptly fell silent.
Kiiri looked at him strangely, then shook her head with a grin. "Besides," she added lightly, "it adds spice, an edge of real tension. You'll fight better from now on. You'll see."
Thinking of this conversation as he lay in the darkness, Caramon tried to reason it out in his slow, methodical fashion. Maybe Kiiri and Pheragas were correct, maybe he was being a baby, crying because the bright, glittering toy he had enjoyed playing with suddenly cut him. But—looking at it every way possible—he still couldn't believe it was right. A man deserved a choice, to choose his own way to live, his own way to die. No one else had the right to determine that for him.
And then, in the predawn, a crushing weight seemed to fall on Caramon. He sat up, leaning on one elbow, staring unseeing into the gray cell. If that was true, if every man deserved a choice, then what about his brother'? Raistlin had made his choice—to walk the ways of night instead of day. Did Caramon have the right to drag his brother from those paths?
His mind went back to those days he had unwittingly recalled when talking to Kiiri and Pheragas—those days right before the Test, those days that had been the happiest in his life—the days of mercenary work with his brother.
The two fought well together, and they were always welcomed by nobles. Though warriors were common as leaves in the trees, magic-users who could and would join the fighting were another thing altogether. Though many nobles looked somewhat dubious when they saw Raistlin's frail and sickly appearance, they were soon impressed by his courage and his skill. The brothers were paid well and were soon much in demand.
But they always selected the cause they fought for with care.
"That was Raist’s doing,” Caramon whispered to himself wistfully. "I would have fought for anyone, the cause mattered little to me. But Raistlin insisted that the cause had to be a just one. We walked away from more than one job because he said it involved a strong man trying to grow stronger by devouring others . . ..
"But that's what Raistlin's doing!" Caramon said softly, staring up at the ceiling. "Or is it? That's what they say he's doing, those magic-users. But can I trust them? Par-Salian was the one who got him into this, he admitted that! Raistlin rid the world of this Fistandantilus creature. By all accounts, that's a good thing. And Raist told me he didn't have anything to do with the Barbarian's death. So he hasn't really done anything wrong. Maybe we've misjudged him . . . Maybe we have no right to try to force him to change . . ."
Caramon sighed. "What should I do?" Closing his eyes in forlorn weariness, he fell asleep, and soon the smell of warm, freshly baked muffins filled his mind.
The sun lit the sky. The Night of Doom ended. Tasslehoff rose from his bed, eagerly greeted the new day, and decided that he—he personally—would stop the Cataclysm.
It was rather pleasant, lying among the red Yule roses, so called because they grew only during the Yule season. The weather was warm, too warm, most people said. Tas grinned. Trust humans. If the weather was cold, Yule-type weather, they'd complain about that, too. He thought the warmth was delightful. A trifle hard to breathe in the heavy air, perhaps, but—after all—you couldn't have everything.
Tas listened to the clerics with interest. The Yule parties must be splendid things, he thought, and briefly considered attending. The first one was tonight—Yule Welcoming. It would end early, since everyone wanted to get lots of sleep in preparation for the big Yule parties themselves, which would begin at dawn tomorrow and run for days—the last celebration before the harsh, dark winter set in.
"Perhaps I'll attend that party tomorrow," Tas thought. He had supposed that a Yule Welcoming party in the Temple would be solemn and grand and, therefore, dull and boring—at least from a kender viewpoint. But the way these clerics talked, it sounded quite lively.
Caramon was fighting tomorrow—the Games being one of the highlights of the Yule season. Tomorrow's fight determined which teams would have the right to face each other in the Final Bout—the last game of the year before winter forced the closing of the arena. The winners of this last game would win their freedom. Of course, it was already predetermined who would win tomorrow—Caramon's team. For some reason, this news had sent Caramon into a gloomy depression.
Tas shook his head. He never would understand that man, he decided. All this sulking about honor. After all, it was only a game. Anyway, it made things easy. It would be simple for Tas to sneak off and enjoy himself.
But then the kender sighed. No, he had serious business to attend to—stopping the Cataclysm was more important than a party, maybe even a couple of parties. He'd sacrifice his own amusement to this great cause.
Feeling very self-righteous and noble (and suddenly quite bored), the kender glared at the clerics irritably, wishing they'd hurry up. Finally, they strolled inside, leaving the garden empty. Heaving a sigh of relief, Tas picked himself up and brushed off the dirt. Plucking a Yule rose, he stuck it in his topknot for decoration in honor of the season, then slipped into the Temple.
It, too, was decorated for the Yule season, and the beauty and splendor took the kender's breath away. He stared around in delight, marveling at the thousands of Yule roses that had been raised in gardens all over Krynn and brought here to fill the Temple corridors with their sweet fragrance. Wreaths of everbloom added a spicy scent, sunlight glistened off its pointed, polished leaves twined with red velvet and swans' feathers. Baskets of rare and exotic fruits stood on nearly every table—gifts from all over Krynn to be enjoyed by everyone in the Temple. Plates of wonderful cakes and sweetmeats stood beside them. Thinking of Caramon, Tas stuffed his pouches full, happily picturing the big man's delight. He had never known Caramon to stay depressed in the face of a crystal sugared almond puff.
Tas roamed the halls, lost in happiness. He almost forgot why he had come and had to remind himself continually of his Important Mission. No one paid any attention to him. Everyone he passed was intent on the upcoming celebration or on the business of running the government or the church or both. Few even gave Tas a second glance. Occasionally, a guard stared sternly at him, but Tas just smiled cheerily, waved, and went on. It was an old kender proverb—Don't change color to match the walls. Look like you belong and the walls will change color to match you.
Finally, after many windings and turnings (and several stops to investigate interesting objects, some of which happened to fall into the kender's pouches), Tas found himself in the one corridor that was not decorated, that was not filled with merry people making gleeful party arrangements, that was not resounding with the sounds of choirs practicing their Yule hymns. In this corridor, the curtains were still drawn, denying the sun admittance. It was chill and dark and forbidding, more so than ever because of the contrast to the rest of the world.
Tas crept down the hall, not walking softly for any particular reason except that the corridor was so grimly silent and gloomy it seemed to expect everyone who entered to be the same and would be highly offended if he weren't. The last thing Tas wanted to do was offend a corridor, he told himself, so he walked quietly. The possibility that he might be able to sneak up on Raistlin without the mage knowing it and catch a glimpse of some wonderful magical experiment certainly never crossed the kender's mind.
Drawing near the door, he heard Raistlin speaking and, from the tone, it sounded like he had a visitor.
"Drat," was Tas's first thought. "Now I'll have to wait to talk to him until this person leaves. And I'm on an Important Mission, too. How inconsiderate. I wonder how long they're going to be."
Putting his ear to the keyhole—to see if he could figure out how much longer the person planned to stay—Tas was startled to hear a woman's voice answer the mage.
"That voice sounds familiar," said the kender to himself, pressing closer to listen. "Of course! Crysania! I wonder what she's doing here."
"You're right, Raistlin," Tas heard her say with a sigh, "this is much more restful than those garish corridors. When I first came here, I was frightened. You smile! But I was. I admit it. This corridor seemed so bleak and desolate and cold. But now the hallways of the Temple are filled with an oppressive, stifling warmth. Even the Yule decorations depress me. I see so much waste, money squandered that could be helping those in need."
She stopped speaking, and Tas heard a rustle. Since no one was talking, the kender quit listening and put his eyes to the keyhole. He could see inside the room quite clearly. The heavy curtains were drawn, but the chamber was lit with soft candlelight. Crysania sat in a chair, facing him. The rustling sound he heard was apparently her stirring in impatience or frustration. She rested her head on her hand, and the look on her face was one of confusion and perplexity.
But that was not what made the kender open his eyes wide. Crysania had changed! Gone were the plain, unadorned white robes, the severe hair style. She was dressed as the other female clerics in white robes, but these were decorated with fine embroidery. Her arms were bare, though a slender golden band adorned one, enhancing the pure whiteness of her skin. Her hair fell from a central part to sweep down around her shoulders with feathery softness. There was a flush of color in her cheeks, her eyes were warm and their gaze lingered on the black-robed figure that sat across from her, his back to Tas.
"Humpf," said the kender with interest. "Tika was right."
"I don't know why I come here," Tas heard Crysania say after a moment's pause.
I do, the kender thought gleefully, quickly moving his ear back to the keyhole so he could hear better.
Her voice continued. "I am filled with such hope when I come to visit you, but I always leave depressed and unhappy. I plan to show you the ways of righteousness and truth, to prove to you that only by following those ways can we hope to bring peace to our world. But you always turn my words upside down and inside out."
"Your questions are your own," Tas heard Raistlin say, and there was another rustling sound, as if the mage moved closer to the woman. "I simply open your heart so that you may hear them. Surely Elistan counsels against blind faith . . .."
Tas heard a sarcastic note in the mage's voice, but apparently Crysania did not detect it, for she answered quickly and sincerely, "Of course. He encourages us to question and often tell: us of Goldmoon's example—how her questioning led to the return of the true gods. But questions should lead one to better understanding, and your questions only make me confused and miserable!"
"How well I know that feeling," Raistlin murmured so softly that Tas almost didn't hear him. The kender heard Crysania move in her chair and risked a quick peep. The mage was near her, one hand resting on her arm. As he spoke those words, Crysania moved nearer him, impulsively placing her hand over his. When she spoke, there was such hope and love and joy in her voice that Tas felt warm all over.
"Do you mean that?" Crysania asked the mage. "Are my poor words touching some part of you? No, don't look away! I can see by your expression that you have thought of them and pondered them. We are so alike! I knew that the first time I met you. Ah, you smile again, mocking me. Go ahead. I know the truth. You told me the same thing, in the Tower. You said I was as ambitious as you were. I've thought about it, and you're right. Our ambitions take different forms, but perhaps they are not as dissimilar as I once believed. We both live lonely lives, dedicated to our studies. We open our hearts to no one, not even those who would be closest to us. You surround yourself with darkness, but, Raistlin, I have seen beyond that. The warmth, the light . . ."
Tas quickly put his eye back to the keyhole. He's going to kiss her! he thought, wildly excited. This is wonderful! Wait until I tell Caramon.
"Come on, fool!" he instructed Raistlin impatiently as the mage sat there, his hands on Crysania's arms. "How can he resist?" the kender muttered, looking at the woman's parted lips, her shining eyes.
Suddenly Raistlin let loose of Crysania and turned away from her, abruptly rising out of his chair. "You had better go," he said in a husky voice. Tas sighed and drew away from the door in disgust. Leaning against the wall, he shook his head.
There was the sound of coughing, deep and harsh, and Crysania's voice, gentle and filled with concern.
"It is nothing," Raistlin said as he opened the door. "I have felt unwell for several days. Can you not guess the reason?" he asked, pausing with the door half ajar. Tas pressed back against the wall so they wouldn't see him, not wanting to interrupt (or miss) anything. "Haven't you felt it?"
"I have felt something," Crysania murmured breathlessly. "What do you mean?"
"The anger of the gods," Raistlin answered, and it was obvious to Tas that this wasn't the answer Crysania had hoped for. She seemed to droop. Raistlin did not notice, but continued on. "Their fury beats upon me, as if the sun were drawing nearer and nearer to this wretched planet. Perhaps that is why you are feeling depressed and unhappy."
"Perhaps," murmured Crysania.
"Tomorrow is Yule," Raistlin continued softly. "Thirteen days after that, the Kingpriest will make his demand. Already, he and his ministers plan for it. The gods know. They have sent him a warning—the vanishing of the clerics. But he did not heed it. Every day, from Yule on, the warning signs will grow stronger, clearer. Have you ever read Astinus's Chronicles of the Last Thirteen Days? They are not pleasant reading, and they will be less pleasant to live through."
Crysania looked at him, her face brightening. "Come back with us before then," she said eagerly. "Par-Salian gave Caramon a magical device that will take us back to our own time. The kender told me—”
"What magical device?" Raistlin demanded suddenly, and the strange tone of his voice sent a thrill through the kender and startled Crysania. "What does it look like? How does it work?" His eyes burned feverishly.
"I-I don't know," Crysania faltered.
"Oh, I'll tell you," Tas offered, stepping out from against the wall. "Gee, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that I couldn't help overhearing. Merry Yule to you both, by the way," Tas extended his small hand, which no one took.
Both Raistlin and Crysania were staring at him with the same expressions worn on the faces of those who suddenly see a spider drop into their soup at dinner. Unabashed, Tas continued prattling cheerfully, putting his hand in his pocket. "What were we talking about? Oh, the magical device. Yes, well," Tas continued more hurriedly, seeing Raistlin's eyes narrow in an alarming fashion, "when it's unfolded, it's shaped like a . . . a sceptre and it has a . . . a ball at one end, all glittering with jewels. It's about this big." The kender spread his hands about an arm's length apart. "That's when it's stretched out. Then, Par-Salian did something to it and it—”
"Collapsed in upon itself," Raistlin finished, "until you could carry it in your pocket."
"Why, yes!" Tas said excitedly. "That's right! How did you know?"
"I am familiar with the object," Raistlin replied, and Tas noticed again a strange sound to the mage's voice, a quivering, a tenseness—fear? Or elation? The kender couldn't tell. Crysania noticed it, too.
"What is it?" she asked.
Raistlin didn't answer immediately, his face was suddenly a mask, unreadable, impassive, cold. "I hesitate to say," he told her. "I must study on this matter." Flicking a glance at the kender—"What is it you want? Or are you simply listening at keyholes?"
"Certainly not!" Tas said, insulted. "I came to talk to you, if you and Lady Crysania are finished, that is," he amended hastily, his glance going to Crysania.
She regarded him with quite an unfriendly expression, the kender thought, then turned away from him to Raistlin. "Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked.