Authors: Robert Asprin
Tags: #Contemporary, #Fiction, #Fantasy, #General, #Dragons, #Fantasy fiction, #Domestic fiction, #Brothers and sisters, #Swindlers and swindling, #Vieux Carré (New Orleans; La.), #Vieux Carre (New Orleans; La.)
Yo Mama’s Bar and Grill was a shotgun-style bar just off Bourbon Street across from Preservation Hall and Pat O’Brien’s. Other than a small upstairs dance floor, there was nothing to distinguish it from any of the dozens of bars in the area except its selection of tequilas and that it served the best hamburgers in the Quarter.
Griffen had discovered it his first week in town and had taken to stopping in two or three times a week. While the local cuisine was interesting and he had made a point of trying the gumbos and jambalayas, he still favored a basic burger or Chinese meal when his stomach demanded something familiar. When he found out that the regular graveyard shift bartender, Padre, shared his love of old movies and trivia, it cemented Yo Mama’s as one of his hangouts of preference.
One of the few difficulties was determining exactly when was a good time to drop in. Too early in the evening, and the place was packed with tourists. Too late, and it was full of service industry people stopping in for a drink and a burger before going home or moving on to another club.
Usually, Griffen tried to stop in somewhere between eleven at night and one in the morning. While never empty, the crowd had usually thinned enough at that point that he could chat with Padre without interrupting the flow of service.
This particular evening, he was seated at one of the booths enjoying a Peanut Butter Burger with a baked potato while idly watching a movie on AMC on one of the televisions that bracketed the bar. Specifically, it was
The Great Escape
, which he had seen often enough that he could almost recite the dialogue without the closed caption subtitles at the bottom of the screen.
A heavyset biker type came in and began to walk down the bar with a heavy, almost lurching step.
This in itself was not unusual, as this stretch of St. Peter was a favorite gathering point for the bikers, and they would wander in and out of three or four bars with their beers while joking with each other or comparing the relative merits of their bikes. For the most part, they kept to themselves and didn’t hassle anyone, so they were generally treated like any other customer.
Something about this newcomer, however, caught Griffen’s eye. Mildly curious, he watched the man, trying to figure out what made him different.
On the surface, he seemed not unlike the standard issue biker. Medium-length dark hair that looked like it could use washing, a thick mustache perched in the middle of a heavy-jowled face with a couple days’ beard growth adorning it, black T-shirt with the arms cut off, blue jeans with a chain running from the belt to somewhere in his back pocket, and scuffed black boots. Still, there was something…
Griffen suddenly realized that the man was not interacting with anyone. Usually, when one of the bikers came in, he would nod to the bartender and greet any other bikers in the place, even if just with a wave.
This man was just walking along, glancing neither right nor left, with his eyes fixed on something on the back wall. Without looking back, Griffen knew there was nothing on the wall the man was staring at. It was simply that unfocused gaze of someone who was totally out of it…or who was watching everything without looking directly at any specific point.
Griffen glanced over at Padre. The bartender was standing blank faced, showing no reaction to the man, not even a glance.
Then he noticed that the group of three bikers at the front of the bar were putting money on the counter and gathering up their beers with a quiet, forced casualness.
At this point, the pieces began to add up, and Griffen was not even a little surprised when the man slid into the booth with him, still not looking at anything.
“Is there something I can help you with, officer?” Griffen said, pushing his plate to one side.
The eyes finally focused and the man gave him a long stare. Griffen stared back. At last, the man gave a small nod as if something had been confirmed to him.
“Detective Harrison,” he said. “Vice.”
Griffen had not had that much experience dealing with the police. If anything, he avoided them like the plague. While he generally respected them for doing a job he wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, it always made him a bit uneasy to be around anyone who held automatic authority over him.
Perhaps if he hadn’t just been watching a movie involving Allied POWs outwitting their German captors, he would have reacted differently. As it was, he felt an overwhelming impulse to give this man a hard time.
“I repeat: Is there something I can help you with?”
“You’re Griffen McCandles,” the detective said, ignoring the question. “Word is that you’re taking over for Mose.”
“Mose who?” Griffen said, deadpan.
Harrison stared at him for a moment, then heaved a big sigh.
“Look, kid,” he said. “I ain’t wired or trying to trick you. Don’t worry, and don’t try to be cute. Just to keep things straight, let me fill in a few pieces for you.”
He leaned back in his seat.
“Mose’s games…the operation you’re slated to take over…it’s protected. Not a grift or payoff, at least not much. I figure some palms are greased somewhere, but mostly he’s protected ’cause a lot of the powers that be who run this city also sit in on his games. The word is that we’re supposed to leave them be, just in case some politicos get caught in a raid. We couldn’t spring them without letting everyone else go and that shit would be too embarrassing to tolerate. For them, and for me…us. What I’m tryin’ to say is, I’m not tryin’ to trip you up or trick you into self-incrimination.”
“Okay,” Griffen said. “But I still don’t know what you’re talking to me for.”
Harrison’s eyes closed slowly, and when they opened again they were flat and expressionless.
“I just thought it would be nice if we met face-to-face,” he said. “Clear the air, so to speak. Also, if you struck me as solid, I thought I’d ask a favor of you.”
Griffen shrugged.
“I suppose…if it’s within reason.”
The detective leaned forward and gave a humorless grin.
“You’re new in town, Griffen. Still getting used to the way we do things down here. All I’d ask is that you don’t make it too hard for us to turn a blind eye to your doings.”
“Like how, specifically?”
“Oh, nothing much. Don’t be too loud and open with illegal games that should be secret. Keep a lid on things much as anyone can around here. And if you should happen to end up with a body at one of your games, could you drag it outside or maybe even break up the game before you call the cops? That way we don’t have to ignore what’s going on around it. It’s a little thing, but we’d appreciate it.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Griffen said.
“Good. Glad we understand each other.”
The detective started to slide out of the booth.
“Is there any chance you could do me a favor in return?”
The policeman froze, then slowly turned his head to stare.
“
You
want
me
to do you a favor?” he said slowly.
“Nothing big.” Griffen shrugged. “Obviously you can say ‘no’ if you don’t want to do it.”
The detective sank back into his seat and twitched his fingers in a “give it to me” gesture.
“Like you said, Detective, I’m just a kid. I’m still learning how things work.” Griffen hesitated a second. “One of the things I’ve heard, though, is that the police don’t like the Feds messing in local affairs. Is that right?”
“Keep talking,” Harrison said.
“Well, I’ve picked up a rumor that I’ve been targeted by someone in Homeland Security. A guy by the name of Stoner. Word is that he’s looking for me and might use his federal clout to have law enforcement across the country help him find out where I am and what I’m doing.”
The detective leaned back and cocked his head.
“Exactly what have you done to earn that kind of heat?”
“I really don’t know, sir,” Griffen said as sincerely as he could manage. “I just graduated from college about a month ago. Other than running a few card games while I was in school to pick up some pocket money, and this thing I am doing now with Mose, I can’t think of a single thing that would warrant that kind of attention. That’s part of what makes me nervous.”
Not as nervous as the George made him, but at least it was clear that Stoner and George were unconnected. Their styles seemed far too different.
“Again,” Griffen continued, “I’ve never experienced it, but I’ve heard that once the Feds get a bee in their bonnet about someone, it’s hard to get them to let go. One version I’ve heard is that Stoner might try to say I should be watched for suspected terrorist involvement.”
“Terrorist?” Harrison snorted. “Yeah. Suddenly since 9/11 every penny-ante pissant they want to mess with gets the terrorist label slapped on. But a terrorist poker game. I’ll admit, that’s a new one.”
He stared at Griffen for a long minute, then got to his feet.
“All right, McCandles,” he said. “I’ll keep an ear open. Just don’t get in the habit of asking for favors. Got it?”
“Got it,” Griffen said. “Thanks, Detective.”
“Don’t mention it,” Harrison grunted. “Please!”
“You
did what
?”
“I asked him for a favor,” Griffen said into his cell phone.
“Detective Harrison? Harry the cop?” Jerome’s voice came back to him over the phone. “I should have warned you about him, Grifter. If there are three cops in the entire city of New Orleans who hate our operation and having to lay off it, they’d all be him. Finding a way to bust us up would make his entire incarnation.”
“I don’t know,” Griffen said casually, smiling as he did it. “He seemed reasonable enough to me.”
“Detective Harrison? Are we talking about the same guy? Big white biker-type dude? Looks like a circus bear gone bad?”
“That’s him.”
“Maybe you’d better tell me about this conversation from the top.”
Griffen complied, starting with Harrison sitting down at his booth and ending with his request about Stoner.
When he was finished, there was a long moment’s silence.
“That might do it,” Jerome said at last. “If there’s anything Harrison hates more than our protected gambling operation, it’s having Feds come traipsing around what he considers to be his private turf. Particularly if they don’t bother to check in first.”
“Yeah, and somehow I didn’t think our first meeting was the right time to ask his thoughts on the possibility of a professional killer named George being on my trail.”
“Yeah, why don’t you wait till the second date for that sort of thing, Grifter. Or, ya know, maybe never would be a better idea.”
“Probably right. So, you think he’ll do it?” Griffen said.
“Fifty-fifty chance,” Jerome said. “If nothing else, it might give him something to focus on except us for a while. All in all, I don’t see a downside to this.”
“Just thought you should know,” Griffen said.
“Yeah. Grifter? Remember when we were talking about luck and instinct?”
“Yeah?”
“I’d say you’re giving them both a real workout.”
Griffen was shooting pool at the Irish pub as he waited for Fox Lisa to get off work. He had never been much of a pool shooter in college, but had started taking the game up since arriving in New Orleans. Much of the social life in the Quarter revolved around the clubs, and one of the main pastimes and subjects of conversation was pool.
In the time he had been shooting, he had noticed a marked improvement in his game, which in turn encouraged him to practice more. He had even been asked to join one of the pool-league teams, but had refused because his schedule was so uncertain. The house shooters remained friendly, however, and were more than happy to show him some drills or to advise him on the ins and outs of position play and spin.
He was just lining up what he hoped would be an easy combination shot, when a minor stir rippled through the bar, and he glanced up to check the reason.
Gris-gris had just walked in alone, and was scanning the place. When he saw Griffen, he held his hands up in a “no hassle” gesture and walked over to him.
Since everyone knew there was bad blood between the two of them, half the bar was watching closely. Some craned their necks to see better, while a few others left their seats to drift a little closer to the action.
Gris-gris stopped a few paces from where Griffen stood.
“Mr. McCandles,” he said.
“Gris-gris.” Griffen nodded back. “And it’s ‘Griffen’ or ‘Grif’ to my friends.”
Gris-gris’s face split with a wide grin.
“Listen. If you got a minute, I need to talk to you. Can I buy you a drink?”
“No problem,” Griffen said. “Hey, Steamboat! Can you take over this rack for me?”
Passing the stick over to his replacement, they stepped to the bar, gathered their drinks, and retired to one of the circular tables along the wall…the same one, in fact, that Griffen had been sitting at for his last meeting with Gris-gris.
More and more, Griffen found himself sitting with his back to the wall, facing the doors, wherever he was. No sense letting anyone, local or more dangerous threat, have an easier drop on him. He tried not to overthink his new paranoia, especially when it seemed to be justified.
“So, what’s up?” Griffen said, settling into his chair.
Gris-gris looked nervous, fidgeting with his drink as he talked.
“There’s a couple of things I need to talk to you about,” he said. “Let me get the first one out of the way so you don’t think the second one has anything to do with it.”
“All right,” Griffen said. “Shoot.”
He immediately wished he had used a different word, but Gris-gris didn’t notice and plowed on.
“Well, first of all I wanted to tell you that I’ve thought about it and decided to keep my game with your organization. I’ll be using your network and paying you a percentage like before…including the payments I missed during our little difference of opinion.”
Griffen kept the surprise off his face and simply nodded.
“That’s great, Gris-gris,” he said. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”
He made a little toasting motion with his glass that Gris-gris returned.
Instead of continuing, however, Gris-gris kept fidgeting uncomfortably, glancing around the room.
“What’s the other thing?” Griffen said, prompting him.
Gris-gris seemed to gather himself.
“Well, you see…”
He broke off and took another sip of his drink.
“What it is…” he began again, then stopped.
Griffen frowned at him.
“You’re starting to worry me, Gris-gris,” he said. “Talk to me. Are you in trouble with the law? Do you need money?”
Gris-gris shook his head.
“Nothin’ like that,” he said. “Look. What I’m trying to say is that I want to date your sister…if it’s all right with you, I mean.”
Griffen sat back in his chair and blinked. For a moment, he could think of absolutely nothing to say.
“Hey, if there’s a problem…that’s cool.” Gris-gris said hastily, misunderstanding the silence.
“No. It’s just…you just caught me by surprise is all,” Griffen managed at last. “You know, this is the first time anyone ever asked my permission to date Valerie. We’ve always pretty much gone our separate ways.”
“Then it’s okay?”
“I don’t have a problem with it,” Griffen said. “I figure it’s her decision to make.”
Besides, Griffen thought, the rumor mill has been so good that he has worried less and less about her. Here, the town protected his “little” sister.
“I understand that,” Gris-gris said. “I just didn’t want you to think I was sneaking around behind your back to hit on your sister. Some guys get real upset if they think you’re trying to pull a fast one.”
“Well, I appreciate you letting me know,” Griffen said, finally starting to recover from his surprise. “It’s always good to keep communication lines open.”
“Speaking of that,” Gris-gris said, “I don’t have any way to get in touch with her…or you for that matter. That’s why I came looking for you here.”
“We can fix that easy enough,” Griffen said. I’ll pass you both our cell phone numbers before you leave. In the meantime, let me get the next round here.”
As he went to the bar to get the drinks, it occurred to Griffen that he should probably check with Valerie before giving out her cell phone number. The more he thought about it, though, the more he was convinced to let things go as they stood.
Why should he be the only one to have to deal with surprises?