Eli was built. After all our work for the past hour trying to get the lift, his muscles sculpted nicely across his chest, shoulders and back. He didn’t look puffed up like the guys from cheer
who
spent hours in the weight room until they resembled the Hulk. Eli was a well-trained athlete. A thoroughbred. Then another thought struck.
Please don’t make me feel up his chest.
Now my face turned pink.
“Nothing like the bloom of youth to make my day!” Tyson grinned and rubbed his hands together.
Eli and I looked
every where
but at each other.
“Now that you both know the other is fully capable of executing this lift, let’s try it again.”
“Can I put my shirt back on?” Eli reached for it.
“No, I think you should leave it off ’til you get this right.” Tyson grinned some more. I don’t know who was more embarrassed,
me or Eli
. Tyson had a definite evil streak.
Eli shook his head in resignation while I avoided looking at him. I know I should have been totally checking him out, which I sort of was, but yikes. He stood right next to me, half naked.
Eli held my hand and placed his other firmly on my hip. As we prepared to start, I whispered, “Please don’t let me fall.” If I was going to put all my trust in him, I needed reassurance.
His eyes flickered from guarded to soft. “I promise,” he said.
And then he winked.
That was always our sign. We used to communicate across a dance studio with looks and gestures. Whenever I was nervous or upset, he’d wink, and I knew everything would be fine. It caught me off guard that he remembered.
I jumped, he lifted, and up I went. He kept a strong grip on my left hand and a solid hold on my hip. I held the pose while he moved across the stage and we did a pretty decent release.
Oh yeah! Eli’s former embarrassment about dancing shirtless must have fed his adrenaline. His knowing wink had fed mine.
Tyson whistled low. “Nothing like a little motivation.” He tossed Eli his shirt, which Eli couldn’t seem to put on fast enough. It left his hair ruffled as he pulled the close fitting shirt into place. I hadn’t realized how
good looking
he’d become. I didn’t know what to do with that, so I pushed it out of my mind.
Thankfully Tyson moved on, and we worked the rest of the number, including more tricky, but awesome lifts. Tyson kept talking about this being a dance of love and passion, and told us that we needed to show it when we danced. There were a lot of close romantic moves where Eli holds me, and we’re supposed to look longingly at each other.
I blocked out Tyson’s words. I was not ready for that. Dancing together I could handle, and I thought we did a pretty good job managing to do the lifts together, but acting romantic was hitting too close. The guy didn’t want to hang out with me, how was I supposed to pretend he wanted to kiss me.
Pretending to be in love would be too dang embarrassing. The way Eli acted around me was so confusing and I couldn’t begin to figure out what he was thinking. Ignoring whatever emotions I was having about him seemed the best way to go.
As Eli and I practiced the number, we faked the romantic emotions and never actually looked in each other’s eyes. I figured we’d save that for the show, but definitely not now!
Tyson let it slide. Thank God. I could only deal with so much in one day. But then I knew something was up, because Tyson kept biting the inside of his cheek, the way some people do when they are trying hold something back, like a laugh, which is exactly what he was doing.
“You want to share with the rest of the class what’s so funny?” Eli asked.
Tyson folded his arms across his chest and grinned. “I’m just trying to figure out how to break this to you.”
“You already made Eli dance with his shirt off. What could be worse?” Big mistake. I never should have opened my mouth.
“It’s actually not worse, depending how you look at it.” He started to chuckle then caught himself.
“Well, what?” Eli asked.
Tyson tried to keep a straight face, and bit the inside of his cheek again. “You kiss.”
Eli and I looked at each other,
then
snapped our heads away at whiplash speed.
“That’s it. You kiss. The dance ends with a kiss.” He looked from one of us to the other and chewed on his cheek again.
A huge silence filled the theatre.
Bigger than an elephant in the room.
Bigger than a monster truck. Kind of like if a giant shark tank from Sea World sat on the stage between us.
The only time Eli and I had ever kissed was the day I quit dance and pushed him out of my life.
Not good. I sighed. But this was theatre. It wasn’t real life. So we had to do a stage kiss. Awkward, but it meant nothing. If Eli could man up to plant one on me, I could meet him halfway.
“No problem,” Eli said, as if he’d only been asked to do a triple time step, but his jaw was set and his arms were crossed tight over what I now knew were rock hard
pecs
.
Shit
. He better not even think about tongue action!
“Great. Then let’s get on with it,” Tyson said, still grinning.
Now?
Didn’t I get a chance to shower and brush my teeth first? Or at least get some gum.
“You just finished your
last
move. Eli, take her face gently in your hands, lean in and kiss her.” Tyson said it like he had just asked us to shake hands.
We looked at each other, both pretending it was no big deal, but clearly neither of us was hyped about the kiss.
“Any time now.” Tyson chimed.
Eli shot him an evil look and then turned back to me. I pretended I didn’t have a care in the world and avoided meeting Eli’s eye as long as possible.
He stepped closer, bursting my personal space bubble. He took a bracing breath, slid one hand past my neck. Eli’s fingers splayed through my hair and cupped my jawline. His other hand brushed past my chin, and his thumb touched my cheek. He held me. Our eyes met.
Then he pulled away.
I didn’t know if I should be relieved or mad.
Tyson broke into laughter.
“What’s so damn funny,” Eli demanded.
“I’m sorry, that’s not fair. It’s just that I remember my first stage kiss, and it was horrible, so I know what you guys are going through. I’ve waited a long time to watch someone else suffer like I did.”
I shifted from one leg to the other. Let’s hurry up and get this thing done! What was I supposed to do? Tell Eli to man up or I’d plant one on him myself?
“Come on, let’s just get it over with,” Eli said.
“Fine,” I snapped.
Before Tyson could intervene with more snarky commentary, Eli came at me like a missile on a target. I squeezed my eyes shut and we did it.
Yup
.
Way awkward
.
Eli’s lips were tight and flat, and mine were, too. We just sort of pushed our mouths together and called it a day.
Nothing soft, nothing pleasant about it.
When we were done
mooshing
our faces, I looked away, afraid to see the disappointment in Eli’s eyes. It was the world’s worst kiss. I haven’t kissed much, but I’m pretty sure this one was the most horrible kiss on record. Does MTV give out worst kiss awards? It was like when I was in middle school kissing my arm for practice.
Tyson burst out laughing, which really added a nice touch to the moment. “You guys suck! I mean really suck!”
I crossed my arms, but really wanted to curl up in the fetal position under a blanket. We were trying to be civil with each other and that kiss was so embarrassing. But if we were going to stay mad at each other, that made it all the more embarrassing.
I don’t know what Eli thought, because I refused to look his direction. What happened to his first try? I would have liked to know how that one felt. He appeared to have the goods to deliver a hot kiss, but what I got sure sucked. Not that I wanted a hot kiss from him. I didn’t know what I wanted from him. Yes I did. I wanted friendship.
“I’m sorry. But you guys crack me up. Have I told you two how much fun I’m having working with you?”
“Yeah, we’re totally feeling the love,” Eli muttered.
“Okay, seriously. Nice try.” He chuckled. “No. Actually that was terrible, but at least you put it out there. You get points for that. If you want to be serious performers, you need to reveal your vulnerable sides. The audience can tell if you’re just going through the motions or if you really mean it.”
“Listen up, here’s the best advice I can give you. Jump in the backseat of Eli’s car sometime and practice. That way no one’s watching and it’s just the two of you. You can figure out whose nose goes this way and whose head goes that way. Have a couple of beers and go at it.”
We stared at him like he was growing a horn from his forehead.
“Scratch that. I keep forgetting how old you are. No beer. Making out, okay. Beer, not okay.”
I swallowed. Eli shook his head toward the floor with a smirk. “Tyson, you are insane.”
“It’s a tried and true method. What can I say?” Tyson said. “Some very enjoyable moments as I recall.”
Eli looked at me with his hands tucked deep in his front pockets. “What do you think?”
I swallowed again.
Alone with Eli.
With our sole purpose to be locking lips.
Déjà vu
. My eyes darted from Eli to Tyson and back again.
“Um. I have a voice lesson. I have to go.” And I all but ran from the theatre. What a chicken. I drove across town to skip around the room and breathe properly for Gloria, but all I could think about was figuring out how to kiss Eli.
Since Capitol High got out a little after three, I always showed up early to practice. I still needed to do everything possible to catch up.
Eli showed up early today too, but kept his distance.
“Hey guys, let’s work your duets while we’re waiting for everyone else,” Tyson said from behind the piano.
I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want to sing that duet. It’s like my stomach dropped out of my body. I’d only had two voice lessons so far. I didn’t even know the song yet.
Eli stepped up to the piano, biting back a
smirk,
he glanced up past his blonde bangs with one of those,
‘this
oughta
be good’
expressions. I guess he was still annoyed I ran out yesterday. Plus, despite our years apart he knew me well. Singing wasn’t my thing. Dance, yes.
Singing, no.
In choir, I’d be one of the last people Ms. Fuller would give a solo to. Ever. Gloria keeps telling me I have a voice the size of a lion, but that I’m using it like a kitten. Whatever that means.
So here’s the thing about Eli. He’s really talented. I mean, like, amazing. He doesn’t just dance, but he sings and acts too. He’s been doing it since he was little. You name a show, and he’s probably been in it. And the way he sings is just not fair. It’s like he was born with these amazing pipes. And he knows it.
He also knows that I don’t love to sing. Well, that’s not true. I love to sing, but alone in the shower. Is there stage fright for singing? I have it. Choir is fine. I’m with sixty other people, but God forbid if someone could actually pick my voice out of a crowd.
I grabbed my music and lay it open on the piano. Tyson played the intro. He gave me a reassuring smile, then nodded to Eli for his entrance. Eli sang the first verse, his voice strong and pure like the deep water of a dark lake. I swear he was ten times better than the last time I heard him. It was eighth grade and his voice teacher had a concert of all her students. Eli sang last and brought down the house.
Crap
. The next verse was mine. Well, sink or swim. Tyson gave me my cue, and still I was late. I sang the lines, and I was mostly on key, but it sounded breathy and weak. I wanted to crawl under the piano.
But Tyson smiled, the poor man, stuck with me pretending to be a singer. Eli, on the other hand, didn’t hide his feelings. He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. After that, I didn’t look at him.
The third verse we sang together. It’s hard to sing and stay on beat with someone else when you don’t look at them, but I just wanted it over. Eli brought out the big guns and showed off his beautiful baritone vibrato. Like we didn’t already know. I swear the stronger he sang, the worse I sang.
“Good job, guys. Let’s run it again, this time just the third verse. Willow, I need more from you. Get your gut behind it and give me some volume.”
I knew Tyson must be disappointed, or more likely, panicked. Maybe he should recast the lead again.
We sang it again. Tyson watched me and nodded a lot in a vain effort to make me feel I was okay. The whole time I felt Eli’s eyes bore into me. The rest of the cast started showing up, but Tyson still made us run it a couple more times. Instead of getting more comfortable, I was mortified as other cast members watched. They didn’t even whisper to each other, they just stared at me as my voice came out breathy and flat. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me, because there was no way to get out of this situation with dignity.