“But your life had a different path than his.”
“I know that now, but at seventeen I was devastated.”
Chloe thought about all her aunt had asked, all she’d asked herself. “I can’t regret loving Billy,” she said slowly. “Knowing what I know now, I would do it all again. I would love him and I would sit next to him on the bed and watch him die.”
“We aren’t always guaranteed a happy ending,” Charity said. “But that doesn’t mean we are allowed to stop loving. That is our purpose. Our great gift and sometimes the source of our sorrow. The world has much to offer, but first we must be willing to accept what is given. Love doesn’t come for free, but it’s always worth the effort.”
“You’re telling me not to be afraid to love Arizona.”
“I’m telling you that you’ll regret turning your back on the gift, if that’s what’s offered. But there are no promises, Chloe. You know that.”
She didn’t know. That was the problem. “In some ways we’re so much alike, but in others…” She shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been doing. Here in Bradley, I mean. In my life. I keep telling everyone, including myself, that when I have the right number and types of articles, I’ll go to New York and find a job with a big magazine. Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“No. You’re very talented.”
Chloe smiled. “Thanks, Aunt Charity, but that’s not what I meant. I’ve been sitting here wondering what I’m waiting for. Why do I need the perfect article? If I can’t get a writing job, I’ll bet there’s something I can do at a magazine. I can intern, or be an assistant for a while. I already work for a reputable publication. I know the industry. But I’ve been waiting for exactly the right circumstances.”
Her aunt nodded. “You’re starting to wonder if that’s a symptom for something else.”
“Exactly. I’m starting to think I don’t want to leave Bradley. That I love this old house and this town. My family, my job, my friends. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that to be a ‘real’ writer, I had to go somewhere else. Otherwise, I didn’t really have a dream. But my dreams can work here just as well. I don’t have to move away and I’m starting to think I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. No one is making you go. I’m sure your editor at the magazine right here would be thrilled to know you were staying.”
“But what about Arizona?” Chloe asked softly. “I’ve just figured out that all I want in life is right here in my own backyard. Just like in the movies. There’s no place like home. But the man I’ve fallen in love with doesn’t have a real home. He travels the world.”
“I see your point. It’s an interesting dilemma.”
Chloe rubbed her temples. “He’s not perfect. In fact, I’m very clear on his flaws. He can be stubborn and he does impulsive things that make me crazy. But he’s a good man, with a kind heart. He’s not perfect, but he’s exactly right for me.” She looked at the older woman sitting across from her. “I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s easy. Follow your heart.”
“But it’s not saying anything. I’m torn. On the one hand I want to stay in Bradley. On the other, I love Arizona. I don’t see how I can win. Even if I asked him to take me with him and he agreed, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be happy.”
“There’s another solution. Ask him to stay here.”
Chloe shook her head. “That’s not possible. You know him. He would hate being tied down to one place. All he knows is traveling. He’s not interested in putting down roots.”
“Maybe he’s tired of what he’s been doing and wants to try something else. What does it hurt to ask?”
“No,” Chloe said firmly, wishing it could be otherwise. “He’s not that kind of man. He doesn’t even believe in love.” She tried to make herself smile and had a feeling that it came out all wrong. “I would need him to love me and I don’t think he can. So there’s no point in asking him to stay. Letting him go is the right thing to do.”
Charity rose to her feet. “At the risk of destroying our newly found rapport, your logic is completely flawed. Frankly, I think you’re afraid. If you don’t ask, then he won’t say yes and you don’t have to put anything on the line.”
“That’s not true. How can you say that? By not asking, I’m guaranteeing myself that I’m going to get hurt. Do you think I want that?”
Charity stared at her. “It’s not that simple. If you don’t ask him to stay or even hint that you have strong feelings for him, then Arizona is probably going to leave. While you won’t be happy with that, at least you’ll be safe. You already know you’re going to feel pain when he’s gone.” She reached out and grasped Chloe’s hand. “You’re trying to maintain control. If you confess your feelings, then you don’t know what you two will decide. You don’t know how much you might hope and then be disappointed. Or worse, that he might agree and then you’re stuck with him. What then? You might have to actually deal with loving him. You’re afraid. It’s easier to let him go than to put yourself on the line and ask for what you want. The real terror isn’t that he would say no…it’s that he would say yes.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“S
O
THERE
I was, up to my knees in mud in the pouring rain, staring directly at the white sapphire.” Arizona paused long enough to motion to the beautiful gem displayed in a lit glass case at the front of the lecture hall.
The video camera panned to follow his gesture. Instantly the picture on the screens on both sides of the huge, filled-to-capacity lecture hall changed from a silver screen-size view of Arizona’s handsome features, to a close-up of the gem.
“I knew if I could just reach a couple more inches, I would hold it in my hand.” He smiled. “Talk about living a fantasy.”
He paused for effect and gave Chloe a quick wink. She blushed and made sure the camera was still pointing at the gem. As she was in the front row and directly in Arizona’s line of vision, he could see her easily. She didn’t mind if the people around them noticed the wink, but she didn’t want it on the videotape or broadcast to the large crowd. Cassie nudged her, then gave her a knowing smile.
“I would guess he’s completely smitten,” her sister whispered.
Chloe’s only answer was a shake of her head, but she knew her blush gave her away. Whether or not Arizona was smitten,
she
was head over heels for the guy. She’d attended every one of his lectures over the past week. She could listen to him talk forever.
“I leaned forward,” he continued. “Then I felt it. The steady pressure of the anaconda going past me, then turning so it was between me and my prize.”
The audience gasped. Chloe found herself also caught up in his story. It had been like this each of the previous nights. Arizona wove fabulous stories from his life. They were made all the more enthralling because they were based on truth. But it was more than that. He had a way about him, about his speech patterns and word choices. While other lecture series could inform and even intrigue, his brought the audience right to the moment. He was a born storyteller in the great oral tradition. Had this been a hundred years ago, he would have plied his trade around campfires. Considering all the places he went to, he probably did.
“You can imagine what I was thinking,” he said. “That this seems like a great time for a break!”
There was a moment of stunned silence, then a burst of laughter. Everyone applauded.
As the crowd began to circulate through the room, Arizona moved to the stage stairs. Chloe, Cassie and Charity stood up. Chloe glanced toward Arizona, but before she could move toward him, he was surrounded by adoring fans.
It had been like this every night since the lecture series began. The giant ballroom filled to capacity, the mesmerized audience, Arizona the center of attention. Last night, after the lecture, when he’d led her to his bed and held her gently, he’d asked if she was angry with him.
“I don’t mean to ignore you,” he’d told her.
She’d explained that she understood completely. When he made the audience laugh or gasp or applaud spontaneously, he was just sharing his gift. She wasn’t thrilled with the pretty young women who seemed to stand so close, but there wasn’t much she could do about that. He’d responded by tickling her until she begged for mercy, all the while telling her she should know better than to think he would be interested in anyone but her. They’d ended up lost in passion.
Later, alone in her own bed, she’d thought about what he’d told her. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to think he wouldn’t be interested in anyone but her. However, she had her doubts.
“I’m going to force my way into that crowd,” Cassie said as she eyed the group of people around Arizona. “Tonight is the last night of the series. I want to tell him how much I’ve enjoyed myself. He’s leaving in a couple of days and I might not get to see him again.”
“I’ll join you,” their aunt said. “What about you, Chloe?”
“No, thanks. I think I’ll head the other way and get something to drink.”
She started to make her way through the crowd. As she did, bits of conversation drifted toward her.
“Oh, John, he makes it sound so exciting. Do you think
we
could go to South America?”
“Of course, Lily. Let’s call the travel agent first thing in the morning.”
A little farther down she heard another couple planning a photo safari to Africa. So it went until she broke free of the crowd and found herself in the relative calm of the ballroom’s foyer.
When she was in front of the bar, she reached for her small handbag.
“Can I buy you a drink, pretty lady?”
She spun toward the familiar voice and saw Arizona standing next to her. Despite all the time they’d been spending together and the fact that she’d been seeing him every day for more than two weeks, he still had the ability to make her toes curl.
“How did you escape?” she asked. “Last time I saw you, you were holding court with at least a dozen loyal fans. Including my sister and aunt.”
“I spoke to them, told everyone else I needed a couple of minutes to rest, then used a side door to sneak down the back corridor away from the crowd.” He nodded at the bartender. “What would you like?”
She gave her order. He took a glass of water for himself, then led her over to a couple of chairs in the corner of the foyer.
“I think it’s going well,” he said.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “There’s an understatement. You have them completely in the palm of your hand. But that’s not a surprise. I’ve seen it happen every night.” She met his gaze and smiled. “I’m impressed, as usual.”
“Thank you. I’ve been to some interesting places and people like to hear about my adventures. I’m lucky.”
It was more than luck, she thought. “You don’t just tell them what happened to you, you also inspire them. I would say at least half the people in that room are talking about taking a trip somewhere they wouldn’t have gone before hearing you. Maybe you should talk to the airlines about getting a finder’s fee or something.”
He chuckled. “Like a travel agent. There’s a thought.” He shifted his chair closer to hers and slipped his arm around her. “The truth is many of them will change their minds when they find out how much it’s going to cost, or when they get the list of vaccinations required for the travel. But some will go and seeing the world will change their lives.”
“Always a good thing,” she said, then wondered if she was wrong to want to stay here, in Bradley. Had she discovered her true self or was she simply afraid? Aunt Charity had called her a coward. She didn’t want to believe that about herself, but what other explanation was there?
“It’s not just travel that changes a person,” he said, then leaned toward her and kissed her cheek. “You’ve changed me. I’m a better man for having known you.”
His words warmed her down to her soul. “I would like to say the same thing, but I’m not a better man. In fact I’m not a man at all.”
“Brat.” He grinned, then squeezed her once and stood up. “I have to get back. We’re on for later, right?”
She nodded. They’d had a standing date for after the lectures ever since the talks had started.
“Good.” He took a step away, then returned and kissed her on the mouth. “I hate how little time we have left. I want to spend all of it together.” He kissed her again. “I wish I could talk you into coming with me. Ah, well, another time.”
And with that, he was gone.
Chloe slowly made her way back to her seat. Her head was spinning. Had he meant what he’d just said? Did he plan to ask her to go with him? No, he wouldn’t. They got along well, he cared about her and he would miss her. But that’s all it was. Arizona wasn’t about to fall in love and she…
Chloe settled down next to her sister and aunt and tried to pay attention to the rest of the lecture, but for once, Arizona’s wild tales couldn’t keep her attention. Her mind raced around as she tried to figure out what was right for her…for both of them. If the truth were told, she
would
like to travel some, see parts of the world. But she wouldn’t want to live somewhere else for any length of time. She wouldn’t want to be a nomad. She needed roots and family around her. Arizona—what did he need? Was she wrong not to talk about this with him? Maybe Aunt Charity was right about her being a coward. Maybe she should try to figure out a way to explain the situation so they could look for a compromise.
The rest of the lecture passed in a blur. Afterward, the three women made their way to the reception. Aunt Charity and Cassie would stay an hour or so, then leave. Chloe would be there until Arizona told her he was ready to duck out, then together they would head over to his hotel.
She’d just filled her plate from the buffet line when one of the administrators from the university came up beside her.
“Ms. Wright, isn’t it?” the elderly gentleman asked. “I’m Dr. Grantham, a vice president at the university.”
“Nice to meet you,” Chloe said, not quite sure why she was being singled out. “Yes, I’m Chloe Wright.”
“Please.” He motioned to a table off to the side. “If you have a moment, I would like to speak with you.”
“Sure.” The hair on the back of Chloe’s neck prickled. She had a sudden premonition that she wasn’t going to like what this man had to say. She glanced around, then spotted Cassie and motioned that she would be joining her shortly.
When she and Dr. Grantham were seated, he gave her a disarming smile. He was older, with white hair and thick white eyebrows. He looked like an English peer.
“Yes, well, this is a bit of a delicate thing. I hope you don’t think I’m intruding or prying. This is about our mutual friend, Dr. Smith.”
Chloe put her plate on the table. Her stomach tightened around the knot forming there.
“What about Arizona?” she asked.
“The university has offered him a full professorship. We think a man of his experience and talent would be a great addition to our faculty. We included a generous package with plenty of time off so he could continue to explore the world.” Dr. Grantham’s mouth straightened. “Much to our disappointment, Dr. Smith turned us down.”
Chloe told herself to keep breathing. That the tightness in her chest and throat was just shock and not an actual seizing of her body. She wasn’t going to die…it just felt like it.
“You offered him a job?”
“Yes. He was very polite, but said he wasn’t interested in settling in one place.” Dr. Grantham gave a humorless laugh. “I can only imagine how many other institutions have offered him as much or more. I don’t suppose we ever really had a chance, but we had to try.”
Chloe nodded. They had to try. They’d failed. Just as she would fail if she asked him to compromise so they could maintain their relationship.
Relationship! What relationship? She was simply a convenience to him.
“I was hoping,” Dr. Grantham continued, startling Chloe, who had nearly forgotten the other man was still sitting at the table, “perhaps you could have a word with him. I’ve noticed you two seem to be particular friends. You might be an influence.”
Chloe bit back a choked gasp. Particular friends. It was a gentle phrase from another time. She was willing to admit that she and Arizona were friends. Of course they were. They had fun together. They were lovers. She was
in
love with him. But she had no influence over him. Nor did she have the courage to tackle the subject. Not now. Not when she’d just found out that he’d been offered a chance to stay in her world and that he’d refused it. He couldn’t have spoken more clearly. When his time here was up, he wanted to leave her.
She didn’t doubt that he cared…in some way. In
his
way. After all, he’d warned her from the beginning that he didn’t believe in love. She shouldn’t be surprised that nothing had changed. She’d been the one to break the rules, not him.
“I don’t think I can help you,” she said stiffly as she rose to her feet. “Arizona is his own man.”
“I see.” The elegantly dressed Dr. Grantham suddenly looked like an old man.
Chloe fought against guilt. Wasn’t it enough her heart was breaking? Did she have to be responsible for the university, too? She sucked in a breath. “I’ll do what I can,” she said. “I’ll say something to him. But don’t expect a miracle.”
Dr. Grantham beamed and shook her hand. “We’ll appreciate anything you can do.” Then he rose and left her.
Chloe stared after him. She would keep her word and mention the offer to Arizona, but she knew it wouldn’t matter. Nothing mattered except the fact that in two days, Arizona would be out of her life forever.
* * *
“D
R
. S
MITH
,
MY
wife and I have enjoyed your lecture series so much,” the older man was saying. “You bring your experiences alive. We feel as if we’d been there, don’t we, honey?”
His wife smiled. “Yes, indeed. William and I were just saying that we should travel more. Maybe Egypt or Africa. What do you think, Dr. Smith?”
“There are advantages to both,” Arizona told them. “Go through a reputable travel agent and confirm everything in advance.”
The couple nodded eagerly and started talking about pyramids versus photo safaris. Arizona felt his attention drifting as he glanced around the room. He knew what he was searching for…make that
whom.
Chloe. Always Chloe. Normally he enjoyed the “meet and greet” part of the evening, but for the past couple of nights he’d wanted to run out directly after his lecture, grab Chloe and escape to his hotel room. He wanted to be alone with her, not talking to all these people.
He tried telling himself it was just sex, but he couldn’t buy it. He’d had lovers around before and he’d always been able to focus on what he was doing. In fact if Chloe told him they couldn’t make love that night, he would still be as anxious to get her alone. Yes, he wanted to touch her and hold her, but he also wanted to talk with, spend time with her. Be in the same room, listen to her laugh, watch the light in her eyes.
He scanned the line for the buffet, then saw Cassie and Charity sitting at a table. Chloe wasn’t with them. He frowned and continued to search, at last spotting her in the company of Dr. Grantham. The courtly older gentleman had approached him just yesterday, offering him a position at the university. The offer had been generous, and were he a different kind of man, he might have considered taking it and settling down here.