DreamALittleDream (12 page)

He pointed at Cael’s hand. And looking down, Cael
could see he no longer held a paintbrush in his hand,
but a black pistol.

“How-?”

Then Cael watched in horror as Sam slowly morphed
into Max Haring, his now dull brown eyes filling with a
look that could only be described as pure evil.

“Come here, slut,” Max growled, reaching out with his
red hands and grabbing him. Cael screamed, but it was
no use, Max held on tight.

“No!” Cael screamed, fighting the unbreakable hold.

The gun was knocked out of his hand, and Cael watched
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in horror as it slid over to lie beneath the bed of his two
dead lovers.

“Time to play, Cael…”

“Cael! Cael!”

Cael jerked awake at the frantic voice, eyes opened as far as they could go, gasping for breath as tears continued to run down his cheeks.

Aiden had arms wrapped around him in a tight hold, and Jake was cupping his face, shouting Cael’s name.

Cael whimpered in relief, seeing both his lovers alive and whole, and he turned into Aiden’s embrace, clinging now instead of being held. “You’re okay, you’re okay,”

Cael kept repeating, burying his head in Aiden’s neck, crying now in happiness.

“Yeah, babe, I’m okay. We both are, calm down, love, and tell me what’s wrong,” Aiden soothed, running his hand up and down Cael’s trembling back.

Cael just shook his head. “It wasn’t paint,” he mumbled softly from the safety of Aiden’s neck.

He let Aiden and Jake sooth him, while he promised himself that he would never draw the picture of his lovers' dead bodies in their bed; he didn’t need to. It was something he’d never forget. Finally, he pulled back, his trembling subsiding and his sobs turning into light sniffles.

“Better?” Aiden asked.

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Cael nodded, wiping his cheeks and nose. He watched Aiden and Jake share a long look, and then Aiden sighed with a nod. Jake sat forward and took Cael’s hand in his large one. Cael watched in amazement as his small hand was completely engulfed in Jake’s larger one.

“Sweetheart, who’s Sam?” he asked. Cael jumped and tried to jerk his hand back, but Jake held on; not tight enough to hurt, but enough to let Cael know that he wasn’t going to be let go.

“H-how?” he began, but Jake just shook his head.

“You cried out his name when you were having the nightmare,” Jake explained softly. “You also said his name in your sleep this morning."

Cael sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. They weren’t going to let it go this time, he could tell from the determined looks on their faces. The time had come to tell them the truth, and he only hoped they still loved him when it was all over.

Cael glanced up to see both men were watching him silently, focused completely on him. Normally, Cael would think that was a good thing, but right now, when all he wanted to do was hide away, it was highly debatable.

Taking a deep breath, Cael tried to prepare himself for what was to come.

“Sam was my boyfriend. I killed him.”

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“You -- What? You did what?” Aiden asked, completely horrified. At first he thought perhaps Cael had been joking, but judging by both the seriousness of the topic and look in Cael’s eyes, he could tell it hadn’t been.

Cael sighed and curled into himself. “It’s a really long story.”

“We’ve got time,” Jake interjected. Aiden glanced over and could see the same look of shock and horror reflected back by his lover.

Cael nodded and stood. He moved over to the floor in front of them. After Cael sat down, Aiden couldn’t help but notice how his little lover put the coffee table between them to function as some sort of barrier.

“It all started my senior year of high school. I’d just been transferred to a new foster home in a brand new town, and I didn’t know anyone. I met Sam in my English lit class. He was the first person to be nice to me. He didn’t seem to care that I was a foster kid or that I wasn’t as smart as everyone else. And he liked my art.”

A small smile curved Cael’s mouth before the haunted look returned to his eyes and it faded.

“It didn’t start out as a relationship. We were just really good friends, you know. We did our homework together and helped each other on school projects, ate lunch together, that sort of stuff. Sam always stood up for me when people made fun of me; he always looked out for me. He even stopped some football players from beating me up once. He was my best friend, and it wasn’t until
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the year was almost over that I realized I was in love with him.

“One night, we went out to the lake with a group of kids for a party. I really didn’t want to go, but Sam did, and I couldn’t deny Sam anything. I wandered off from the party after a while; everyone was drunk and hooking up with someone. I felt awkward, and I didn’t want to see Sam hook up with some random girl. I was wandering down by the water when Sam found me. He asked me why I wasn’t with someone. Instead of telling him I wasn’t interested, I told him the one I wanted wasn’t available. He asked who it was I wanted. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe it was because I wanted him so bad and he looked so pretty sitting there under the moonlight and stars, or maybe I hoped he’d be too drunk to remember, I’m not sure. One minute we were sitting there, and the next I kissed him. I was sure he’d push me away and not want to be my friend anymore; instead, he froze for a minute and then pulled me closer for the kiss of a lifetime. Turns out he wanted me too. We ended up having sex right there on the beach. He was my first. ”

Cael stopped for a breath, and Aiden could see the tears filling his eyes again.

“We were only together for a few weeks before Sam decided he should tell his dad. His father was a priest at a little church in town; his mom had taken off years before. I didn’t want him to, but Sam said his dad would be okay. That his father loved him and would accept him for who he was, regardless of who he loved.” Cael let out a choked sob, the tears flowing in earnest now.

“That night, his dad went into Sam's room after he was sleeping and shot him in the head. Later, when he was
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arrested, he claimed he did it to save Sam’s soul.

“So you see, Sam loved me and he died because of it. I killed him! Everyone who loves me dies; first my mom and dad, then Sam, and now…” Cael stopped as his voice finally broke, and he cried like his heart was breaking all over again, burying his face in his hands as his sobs racked his small body.

“Sweet Jesus,” Jake whispered, and Aiden glanced over to see that Jake was crying, too. He sniffed and tried to wipe away his own tears. Aiden watched, frozen, as Jake stood up and walked around the coffee table to gather Cael into his arms. It was the first time in his adult life that his psychiatric training had failed him. Jake carried a still crying Cael back over to the couch where Aiden was waiting, and he did the only thing he could think of; opened his arms to receive the boy.

“Oh, my poor love,” Aiden soothed, kissing the top of Cael’s trembling head and rubbing his back. Jake rocked him slowly, shushing his tears.

“Sweetheart,” Jake said, hugging Cael closer. “What happened was not your fault. Sam’s father was to blame, not you. Sam loving you had nothing to do with how he died. His father was sick, murdering his own son because he couldn’t handle it. This was never your fault.”

Cael shook his head, pushing away from Jake, still crying. “It was, it was my fault. I saw it happen and I didn’t tell him. I was scared and didn’t say anything, and he died because of me!”

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“But - but Cael, I thought you weren’t there?” Aiden asked, now completely confused.

“I wasn’t,” Cael said softly.

“Then how did you see it if you weren’t there?” Jake asked, his voice echoing the same confusion Aiden felt.

Cael looked over at him, eyes filled with shame and fear.

“I dreamt it,” Cael finally whispered.

Jake looked at Aiden, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“You dreamt…” Aiden paused. “Cael, are you trying to tell us you dreamt you boyfriend’s death? That you’re psychic?”

When Cael nodded, Aiden couldn’t stop his disbelief from showing. Unfortunately, Cael didn’t miss it.

“You don’t believe me,” he whimpered, eyes filling anew. “You think I’m crazy now, don’t you? You’re going to kick me out, get mean, and lock me away again. I knew it, I knew you wouldn’t believe me,” he cried. Aiden tried to take his crying lover into his arms, but Cael pushed him away. It hurt, Aiden realized, as he lowered his arms and watched as Cael tried to push Jake away, too.

“Let me go,” he sobbed, when Jake still didn’t release him. “I’m a freak, just like my foster parents said. You can’t love me ’cause I see things I’m not supposed to.

No one can love me. I don’t deserve it! I’m a bad boy, a
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demon boy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can’t help it! Please let go! I’ll go away, and you can pretend I wasn’t here, please. Let go!” Cael was completely hysterical now, fighting Jake’s hold with all he had.

Jake easily pinned down Cael’s flailing arms, before pulling the kid closer to his chest. “Hush sweetheart, hush now. I believe you, I do. Calm down, sweetheart.

That’s a good boy…” he kept whispering until Cael finally slumped against him, exhausted.

“Y-you believe m-me?” Cael asked, his voice so small and heartbroken it crushed Aiden completely. He could only watch in pain as Jake nodded.

“Yeah, sweetheart, I do. My grandma was like you. She used to dream about things sometimes, things that were going happen to someone she knew. She was always right. I grew up knowing to always believe her when she said she saw something. So yes, sweetheart, I believe you. I’ve been a cop long enough that I‘ve seen things that just can’t be explained by rational thinking alone. I believe you,” Jake soothed, placing gentle kisses on Cael’s head and rubbing his back in relaxing circles. It wasn’t long before Cael was completely boneless. “You are not a demon, sweet, you’re gifted, like my grandma.

If you say you are, then I believe you.”

“Oh, oh,” Cael whimpered softly, wrapping his arms around Jake and clinging. “No one ever… Thank you,”

he whispered shakily.

Jake turned Cael’s face up gently and placed a kiss on his still trembling lips. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

He glanced over at Aiden, eyes filled with sympathy.

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Aiden was sure he looked as miserable as he felt.

“Sweetheart, look at Aiden,” Jake coaxed. He waited until Cael did as he said. “I don’t think he meant to doubt you. I think it’s just hard for him to understand.

He’s a doctor, his life is science and reason, treating people who aren’t special like you, but who actually have serious problems. It’s what he does. It’s hard for him to believe anything without proof.” Jake gently kissed Cael’s temple as he reached out with one hand to take Aiden’s. “He’s confused right now, but he’s not dumb. Maybe if you explain more, he can make a more educated decision, huh?”

Cael stared at Aiden for a long moment, and Aiden tried to convey his regret for his actions and his constant love through his eyes, waiting breathlessly for Cael to decide if the younger man wanted to trust him again. Aiden knew he’d messed up, but he was willing to try and fix that now. He just hoped Cael could see that.

It was a tense moment, and then Cael nodded slowly. “I can show you,” he said softly. “I draw what I see when the dreams come.” Cael seemed so unsure, it was all Aiden could not do to cry himself at the broken trust between them.

“Okay,” he said hoarsely. This time, when Cael went to get up Jake let him. He walked toward the stairs, shoulders hunched, little arms wrapped around himself as he walked up them.

Aiden and Jake sat in a tense moment of silence, before Jake squeezed Aiden’s hand he still held in his.

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“You should listen to him,” he said in a low tone.

Aiden shook his head. “You really believe him?” he asked, hating the doubt in his voice.

Jake nodded. “I do. Like I said, my grandma was like him. Do you? Or more importantly, can you let go of your medical training long enough to try?”

“I don’t know,” Aiden confessed, feeling like shit. “It all seems so far fetched, but he’s so adamant… I just don’t know.” He hung his head in shame.

Jake let go of his hand long enough to lean over and place a gentle kiss on his lips. “You owe it to Cael, and even more to yourself, to try, baby. Keep an open mind and just try.”

Aiden nodded, sitting up straighter, a new resolve strengthening his shoulders. “You’re right, Jake. I owe it to both of us to try, especially after all Cael’s been through. I will, I’ll try.”

They sat in silence until Cael returned, three battered sketchpads clutched to his chest. Again he studied Aiden for another long minute and then slowly held them out.

“I always draw after I dream one of my dreams,” Cael explained, wringing his hands as Aiden accepted the sketchbooks with care. “I always date them on the day I dream them, too. Some are hard to understand, but some are clearer than others.” He bit his lip, looking at Aiden as though he was facing the inquisition. As if Cael had done something wrong. It broke Aiden’s heart knowing he was the one who put that look on his little love’s
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face.

Standing up, he pulled Cael to him and kissed his little love as gently and reverently as he could. “I’m sorry, honey. I believe that you believe these things, but it’s hard for me. I will try to keep an open mind when I look at these, okay?” Cael nodded, and Aiden kissed him again. “I’m going to go look at these in the kitchen, so we both won’t be as nervous and I can take my time, okay?”

Cael nodded slowly. “Okay,” he replied quietly.

Aiden sighed, glancing over at Jake in helplessness. Jake nodded.