Authors: Veronica Melan
His hands were warm and caring and it felt so good to sit on his lap, leaning against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. What would’ve been the right thing to do at this stage would be to stand up and assure him that I was not crying anymore, and that it was just an awkward incident, and that he was right - I should not be so upset, since it was just some dishes, but for some reason I continued sitting motionless not saying a word.
He was still holding me, stroking my hair, and his breath was gently touching my cheek while my sticky fingers were convulsively clutching his shirt as though it was a lifejacket, and I did not care if there was any stains on its fabric or not. It was overwhelmingly good to feel someone big and strong under my fingers... and close; to feel that there was someone warm next to me, someone who can help, protect and support me, or just sit next to me in silence; because even the silence would become comfortable when his hands were embracing me as they were now.
What am I doing?
This thought brought me right down to earth. I sighed and said,” Please forgive my behaviour - you were right, these were only plates, even though I broke a couple.”
Hulk smiled. Somehow I felt it.
“You are so cute when you get moody.” He replied quietly, “Would you like to get some pencils so you could mess up the walls as well?”
“But I can’t see.”
“That’s OK. You could draw on anything in your reach.”
“Get out!” I couldn’t help smiling too. Then, I grumbled resentfully, “I've got sticky fingers.”
“We’ll wash them in a minute. We’ll go to the bathroom and wash the jam off.”
“And my legs are covered in juice.”
“We’ll clean them.”
“And I didn’t find the yoghurt.”
“I’ll give you another one.”
“I don’t want another one...”
“Should I scrape off the one on the carpet?”
I poked his side with my finger, and Hulk laughed.
This conversation was almost ridiculous but somehow it felt warm and cosy; and homely.
I was surprised with myself for continuing to sit on the lap of a person who was justly regarded as my “owner”, but instead I felt so close to him as if he was a family member, or at least a close friend.
I moved, knowing it was time to leave the warm spot - otherwise the situation was going to get awkward .
“But still I am such butter-fingers. Such an embarrassment...”
“Shereen.” Hulk said, and his voice sounded very peculiar, as if he was intending to say something serious, “Just listen to me now, ok?”
“OK.”
“Please, let me take care of you and everything you might need.”
“But...”
“I haven’t finished.”
“I’m sorry.” I stopped, feeling ashamed and uncomfortable because of what he’d just said, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
“I’d appreciate it if you helped me out by telling me about your desires, otherwise I won’t know.”
I was silent. His heart was beating so close to mine, and his fingers were gently touching my hair. A wave of shivers went down my spine and this time it happened not because I felt embarrassed, but because he continued holding me in his arms. Suddenly all my body became… too sensitive.
“Will you do that for me?”
I slowly let the air out of my lungs and said quietly, “I will.”
His finger was gently stroking my cheek. One more movement like that - and the wave of excitement will reach the place where it’s not supposed to be. I did not move, afraid to provoke anything.
“But why, Hulk?” I asked quietly. It was very important for me to hear the answer to this question. I just could not help myself but ask, “Why are you doing this for me?”
His fingers gently walked around my chin, paused for a moment, then lifted my face. Now, his breath was on my lips. I began shivering, and I suddenly felt the need to change the position, because...
That last thought in my mind remained unfinished because he kissed me - kissed me slowly, carefully; tasting, soothing and enjoying me; a hot wave shot down through my body.
His lips weren’t in a hurry to disappear and at the same time they were not forcing me, as if saying - “Hello! Please, open the door; I am the new owner in here. And no, don’t offer me any objection, because they will not be accepted, because I am here for good, and to make sure that you are happy, I’ll take care of everything as you please.”
When the kiss ended (or just stopped for a few seconds?), I could still feel Hulk’s breathe on my lips, and the pulsation between my legs was so strong that I had to tighten my muscles, desperately desiring more... I am sure if I was able to see, this room would be spinning right now.
Now his thumb was slowly tracing my swollen lips, which made me press my legs together even tighter.
“Do you still need an answer to your question?” Hulk asked.
I was in dismay.
My nerves were stretched to the limit, blood throbbing in my ears, threatening to drown the thoughts that were not that worthy as they were flying in my mind like crazy. I wasn’t just nervous - I couldn’t find a place to rest for even a second.
Of course, Hulk was the reason for it.
He was not in the room right now; he left the office about an hour ago and I was standing somewhere by the sofa, not knowing which way to move. In fact, it didn’t matter if I was standing, sitting or moving - nothing could help me to calm down.
What has Hulk done? Why did he kiss me? Especially with the sort of kiss that made me melt down to the floor.
He didn’t let me go right away after that, and was still holding me in his arms, and I could still hear those words he said to me before he let me go.
Get used to my arms, baby. From now on it’s the safest place in the world for you.
Oh, my God! I almost wailed, and body covered with goose bumps. With his actions and with this kiss, Hulk clearly made me understand that since this day our relationship will change drastically. And for good. I didn’t know why I was so certain about the words “for good”, but I was.
Hulk is not a kid. He won’t play any games or pretend, he won’t comfort someone with kisses in order to just dry up the tears. If he came to the conclusion that our relationship must go to another level, then he’d given it some thought before. Somehow I felt Hulk’s thoughts, moods, everything about him - yes, he must have thought about it and not just once. And how precisely he chose the right time to express his affection - exactly when I needed someone’s support the most; but not just “someone’s”... (What’s the point in lying to myself?) but his, Hulk’s, support. How could anyone resist his kindness being completely blind?
Unable to bear the weight of my body, my knees suddenly became soft and buckled - I sat on the floor with a sigh, constantly twisting my fingers.
“I’ll be back soon” Hulk said before leaving.
And he will be back soon.
I begged the Lord to give me strength to make the right decision, because if I want to say “no” to Hulk - I must do it as soon as possible and not after I’ll spend another night with him. Will the night ahead bring me the nightmares as the previous one or will something different happen? I knew perfectly well what will definitely happen as soon as I felt better.
Hulk had switched to an “attacking” mode and he won’t wait for too long - he is not the type of guy who will be inactive or waiting for a special signal to proceed. He is not like Alex and it won’t be possible to live with him in the same room just as roommates. If Hulk asserts his rights for me as his woman, then he’ll want to possess every inch of my body - from the tip of my hair to my toes; from the first to the last thought in my mind.
So if I still want to say "no", I must to do it right now, weighing up all the "pros" and "cons." Yes, I have to come to the final conclusion before he gets back.
I tried to think logically.
I am Shereen Moore - a free woman (not from Tally of course) and I’m allowed to choose who I want to be with. This is clear. I don’t belong to anyone and therefore I’m not betraying or cheating on anybody. Alright, moving on... What will happen if I say “yes” to Hulk? Does that mean I’ll have to live my “happily ever after” in Tally? No matter what I felt towards Hulk, this prospect seemed rather frightening. How could I voluntarily choose “Area 33”, knowing that there was a normal world somewhere outside of this place? So, if I cannot imagine myself living here, I should definitely say "no".
That was the whole issue dealt with. It didn’t take much time to find the answer!
Before my logic had a chance to start clapping hands in joy, a strong feeling of longing appeared in my heart as if a heavy boulder laid on it which no logic could get rid of. Well, not everything was as simple as it seemed...
Damn Hulk!
Why did he have to change everything in one day - so directly and bluntly?
But then how else would he do it? Would it have been better if we just held hands for another ten years? Of course, not. My emotions could now be described by the word “hurricane”. That’s probably how any woman chosen by Hulk would feel, but I wasn’t “any” woman... I was me.
I remembered his kiss again and shook my head. So slow, so gentle and very significant, one of those kisses that doesn’t demonstrate the strength of a man to the full, but just hints about it - tenderly, tactfully but very clearly.
A languid spring immediately began to tighten in my stomach. How will it feel when he demonstrates his strength? And he will do it - it was only a matter of a few hours... At first his movements will be lazy, precise and slow in order not to startle and only when the heat will turn into a fire, Hulk will take what he wants to own.
Oh, God! What am I thinking?
I covered my face with my hands and groaned out loud. What else could I think about when Hulk turned my whole body into a big magnet located in the groin area and directed at him? How can I take it off? And should I even do that at all? Someone silly and happy inside of me immediately answered "no". I groaned again, this time silently.
How quickly can one become an idiot thirsty for physical pleasure? Am I that simple? Like an amoeba? Or has Hulk found a clever way to influence my complex chemical compounds? What the hell is going on with me? One kiss and now I’ve had to endure three hours of constant shivering...
The 3 hour time limit of course, I assumed at random, but it felt like at least a few hours had passed since he’d left the office.
And what am I going to do when he comes back? I cannot just stay silent and observe. I either refuse to play this game with him, or I surrender myself to this new relationship completely. It felt like I already knew the answer. My logic, however, immediately demanded a rematch, yelling at me that, in fact, I have not been offered anything yet.
Yes, nothing has been offered to me verbally, but Hulk has done it anyway...
I pressed my forehead against the sofa and finally stopped twisting my fingers.
Hulk has offered himself to me, thoroughly, his whole self as much as it was possible. Am I going to pass on him because I don’t like being in Tally?
No. I won’t. I can’t.
Even if I don’t say these words out loud, if I don’t dare to say them to myself in my mind, I still know that I love him. It’s that simple. Simple and prosaic.
I love him.
Very slowly I inhaled and exhaled. Now I have confessed everything to myself.
Was it that hard? No, not really.
The truth is never difficult to admit, if there is at least one particle of courage in you, and I never considered myself a coward, and therefore it was unfair to continue denying my real feelings by replacing them with suitable for the mood epithets.
Especially, not after what Hulk has done for me.
Yes, he is tough. Yes, he owns this ranch in the desert and piles of prisoners, who sow, plough and crumble the ore. Yes, sometimes people die on this ranch, yes, it’s always damn hot here and there is nowhere to go. Yes, it is impossible to make friends here or live any kind of my old familiar life; but if that was what our lives are destined to be like, we’ll stay here together. Because... Who knew... Yes, let it be like that.