Authors: Denise Hunter
The ringing stopped, and the silence was deafening. She stared at the phone. Was he leaving a message? How long should she wait before she checked? Meridith turned and paced the area behind the desk, her flats clicking on the wood floor.
Ridiculous how her breath caught, how her heart fought the confines of her rib cage. He probably wouldn’t even leave a message. She drummed her fingers against her legs. How long had it been? Twenty seconds?
And why was she so eager to hear from him? What was wrong with her? Did she enjoy being made a fool of?
She stared at the silent phone. She just needed closure. Hearing his explanations, even if she couldn’t guarantee their reliability, would help her put Jake behind her—and from a safe distance. She’d never survive a personal encounter. Didn’t trust herself to resist the warmth of his eyes, the crooked grin, the woodsy smell of him.
This was safe. Safe closure. Just what the doctor ordered.
It had been at least a minute, right? She turned on the phone and found a message waiting. She punched in her code and waited.
“Me again, please don’t hang up, Meri. Meridith.” He sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was. I was afraid of losing the kids . . . now I’m afraid I’ve lost you.”
There was a pause, and Meridith pressed the phone to her ear, afraid she’d hear the click of him hanging up.
“I miss you, Meri. I love y—”
Meridith jabbed the Delete button, and Jake’s voice was gone. She knew her limits.
It was quiet after dinner. The kids had disappeared upstairs once again, and Meridith didn’t bother calling Max down to do dishes. After starting the dishwasher, she dried her hands and started up the back stairs.
She couldn’t put off the conversation any longer, couldn’t stand the silent treatment another day. She couldn’t say much more than she’d already said, but maybe now that they’d had time to settle down, they’d see reason. Maybe they’d actually see their own part in this fiasco.
The stairwell was dark, but she felt her way up, using the handrail Jake had installed. Her mind flashed back—was it only four days ago?—to the kiss they’d shared in this darkened space. She’d been so happy. How could she have forgotten how quickly things can change?
She reached the top of the steps. Noelle’s door was closed, but a thread of light seeped from underneath. The boys’ door was open, and the light was off.
Might as well get it over with. She raised her hand to knock.
Noelle’s voice carried through the door, and Meridith paused.
“But why?” Noelle whined. A sniffling sounded. “I don’t want to!”
Another pause. She must be on the phone—with Jake?
Meridith lowered her hand and leaned closer.
“I hate her!” The sound of a little foot stamping. “All right. Here he is.”
“Can we come over?” Max’s voice. “We don’t want to stay here anymore.”
The words were like a punch in the gut.
“That’s not fair,” Max said.
She wondered what Jake was saying, briefly considered finding the other extension. But it would infuriate the children if they discovered she’d eavesdropped. Anyway, she didn’t want to hear Jake’s end, didn’t want to be hurt anymore.
“No, she doesn’t,” Max said. “. . . Then why’s she making us move?”
Meridith folded her arms across her middle, pressing them against the ache.
“Let me talk to him,” Ben whispered loudly.
“But we want you to be our guardian—” Max’s voice broke. Now he was crying too. Max sniffled. “Love you too. Okay. Here’s Ben.”
“Uncle J?”
Meridith held her breath. Ben was the one softest toward her.
“Can we come live with you?”
Meridith’s heart cracked in two.
“But I miss you and I don’t want to move to St. Louis. Noelle said there’s no ocean there or nothing, and Mom and Dad are here. They wouldn’t want us to leave them all alone.” His voice cracked.
Meridith turned from the door and tiptoed to her room. It was true—you heard nothing good when you eavesdropped. She closed the door quietly behind her.
The children didn’t want her. She’d come here because they’d needed her, because she wanted them cared for until their uncle returned.
Well, he’d returned all right. And he was nothing like she’d thought. She was so confused. Maybe she should call Rita. But she was too drained to review it all. Anyway, God knew what she was dealing with, no explanations required.
She fell onto the bed and stared at the white ceiling. “What am I supposed to do?”
She wasn’t sure what she expected. A burning bush would’ve been nice. She’d settle for an audible voice or a vision or anything except the silence that rang through her room.
She thought back to the phone call she’d received in the middle of Delmonico’s kitchen, to the shock that her father was gone, that he’d left her custody of his kids. So much had changed, but one thing remained the same: she still wanted what was best for the children. She’d initially thought that was their uncle, then she’d become convinced it was her.
But maybe she was wrong. Maybe Jake was the better guardian for them. The kids thought so. Jake must think so too. He’d gone to great lengths to stay near them. He could keep them here on the island, if not in Summer Place, provide them with stability. That was her goal all along, wasn’t it?
She forced the words out. “Are they better off with Jake, God?”
But if that were true, why had she been her father’s first choice?
She was glad he’d left them to her. No matter what came of this mess, she was better for having come, for knowing her siblings. Her father had left her the precious gift of his children. Was she now supposed to relinquish them, after she’d grown so attached to them?
But maybe the children weren’t the gift after all. Maybe the changes they’d caused in her were the real gift. Her breath stopped on the threshold of her lungs.
That’s it, isn’t it? The children aren’t mine to keep. They were only mine for a season. They belong to their Uncle Jake, and he belongs to them.
The influx of air stretched her lungs, pressed against the hollow spot. Meridith set her fist on her stomach. A knot swelled in her throat, aching and burning. She didn’t realize how much she’d come to love the children until just now, when she thought of giving them up, of leaving them, and she wondered how she could bear to lose them when they’d only just become a family.
Jake trudged up the apartment stairs and fumbled in the darkness for his key. When he opened the door, the stale smell of warm air greeted him. He flipped on the air-conditioning and pulled off his work boots.
Wyatt was right, Comfort Heating and Plumbing was busy, and Jake was never more glad for it. He’d worked from sunup until bedtime right through the weekend. It helped keep his mind occupied, kept him from dwelling on where Meridith was, what she was doing, what she was thinking, if she’d listened to his messages. It was enough to drive a man insane.
The message light flashed on his phone, and despite all reason, his hopes bobbed upward like a sunken buoy. He pushed the button and waited for the machine’s recording to give way to the caller’s voice.
“Hi, this is Meridith.” The formal tone of her voice tempered his hope.
“After reflecting on the situation, I believe it’s in the children’s best interest to grant you guardianship. I’ve contacted the attorney who handled my father’s will, and a hearing at the probate court on Broad Street has been scheduled for this Wednesday at three o’clock to transfer the guardianship and sign the documents.”
What?
“Unfortunately, the contracts for Summer Place have been signed, but the proceeds, what little there is, will go to the children. The closing is set for the end of June, so I imagine you’ll want to stay here until then. My flight to St. Louis is scheduled for Wednesday after the hearing, so I’ll bring the children with me and you can—you can take them from there.” She cleared her throat, and the tremor he’d thought he heard in her voice disappeared. “I guess that’s all. If you have any questions, they can be directed to the attorney . . .” She left his name and number, then hung up.
Jake played the message again, catching the details this time. She was leaving the kids to him? Leaving them here? He swiped the phone off the table, and it hit the wall with a thump.
This wasn’t what he wanted. Yes, he wanted the kids, but not at Meridith’s expense; they needed her.
He
needed her. Hadn’t she listened to his messages? Didn’t she know he loved her? If only he could make her believe it.
How had his resolve to get the kids ended in such disaster? With him losing Meridith, with her losing the kids and going back to her lonely life clear across the country.
Or would it be lonely? Now that the kids were out of the picture, was she planning to reunite with Stephen? That thought set him on a disturbing path that winded and curved its way to an ugly dead end.
Would Meridith go back to that after what they’d shared? It seemed inconceivable.
He had to do something. Something to make Meridith see how sorry he was. To see that he loved her, that they belonged together, all of them.
The phone rang, and Jake retrieved it from behind the TV, surprised it still worked. Maybe it was Meridith. She wouldn’t get voice mail this time.
“Hello.”
“Uncle J, it’s Noelle, guess what?”
He stuffed down the disappointment. “I know, I heard.”
“We get to live with you! I’m so happy! I mean, I know we’ll still lose Summer Place, but at least we’ll be together, and we’ll get to stay on the island, that’s the important thing.”
He thought of Meridith telling the children, how happy they must’ve been at the news, how hurt Meridith must’ve felt at their reaction. Didn’t the kids have a single heart among them? Didn’t they see how much Meridith had done for them, how much she’d sacrificed for them—
was
sacrificing even now to give them what they thought they wanted?
“Uncle J, isn’t it great?” Noelle was saying. “We can be together now!”
He tempered his frustration. “I need to talk to you kids. Not over the phone, in person, and someplace we can be alone.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
The kids were out of school now, and Meridith kept such a close eye on them. “Where can we meet before Wednesday? What are your plans tomorrow?”
“We’re going to Rita’s to swim in the afternoon.”
“Is Meridith going?”
“She has an appointment with the attorney. That’s why we’re going to Rita’s.”
Maybe it would work. “All right. Don’t say anything to the boys.
I’ll try to be there.”
“All right . . .” He could hear the shrug in her voice.
Jake retrieved the phone from the floor and set it back on the table, feeling more hopeful than he’d felt in days.
Meridith knew Wednesday would arrive, but she’d no more than blinked and she was walking into the courtroom with the children in tow. Her eyes scanned the rows of empty seats, the tables up front. Jake wasn’t there yet. Instead of calming her, his absence produced more adrenaline.
Over the past weeks she’d become accustomed to his presence, and the recent days had been like withdrawal. Maybe she didn’t recognize him for who he was while he’d been with her, but she recognized the changes his presence had brought about. Changes in her.
She went forward and took a seat behind one of the tables, and the children seated themselves behind her. She could hardly look them in the eye. Could hardly bear their excitement.
They’d been quiet. Their anger seemed to have drained away in the wake of her announcement two days prior. That was something. At least, that’s what she tried to tell herself as she smoothed her blouse and checked the buttons on her jacket.
She laced her fidgety hands on the wood table, then checked her watch. She was a couple minutes early. Eager to get this over with, and yet . . .
She heard Max behind her, swinging his feet under the bench, his shoestrings tapping against his shoes. An ache swelled inside so great it felt as if it would consume her. She would miss them so much.
“Where’s Jake?” Ben whispered.
“Shhhh,” Noelle said.
Their voices echoed through the big empty room.
What was she going to do without them? Without Max’s dimpled grin, Benny’s hugs? She’d even miss Noelle’s sassy comebacks. She’d never see them after today. They would go on living separate lives. How could she bear it?
Meridith tightened her clasped fingers. She had to stop thinking about it. Come six o’clock she’d be on a plane bound for home and she could cry her eyes out if she wanted. But for now, she wouldn’t think ahead to what awaited her in St. Louis. Or rather, what didn’t await her.
With the children out of the picture, Stephen would no doubt come knocking on her door. But as quickly as the thought formed, she dismissed the notion. How could she settle for the backyard when she’d experienced the world?
And yet, how could she embrace the world when it was so big, so scary, so dangerous?
One day at a time, Meridith
. All she needed was a secure foundation, and she had that. Everything else was a bonus.
A door creaked behind her, and she heard the children rustle in their seats. She wouldn’t turn. Couldn’t look.
God, help me
.
Her heart lodged in her throat, a huge throbbing mass. She heard Jake’s familiar footsteps echo through the room, getting closer. Would he stop at her table?
The footsteps drew closer, closer, and Meridith thought she’d stop breathing. But then his steps faded and a chair nearby squawked as he settled into it. She tried to tell herself she wasn’t disappointed, but that didn’t explain the profound emptiness that welled up inside her.
Another door opened, this one at the front of the courtroom. The judge appeared, a bailiff. The black robe swooped over the judge’s rotund form. He took a seat, then called the court to order, his jowls shaking.
This was it. It was really happening. It was the right thing for the kids. They were staying here with their uncle where they could visit their parents’ graves and keep their friends and have the stability she was unable to provide.