Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘Karl came dressed as Mr Incredible and at some point in the evening, the Flash decided to tell him a superhero-themed joke.’
‘Dare I ask what the joke was?’
‘I believe it was something along the lines of: “What’s the difference between Batman and a Scouser?”’
New guy widens his eyes.
‘I know the one.’
‘Well Karl didn’t, and when he heard the punchline…he got a bit punchy himself. He launched at The Flash, the two of them crashed through the buffet table and they had to be pulled apart. If you look over at the table, you can see where the leg was repaired. The best part of the tale is that no one actually knows who The Flash was. So not only did he not get into trouble, but Karl doesn’t feel like he properly avenged Liverpool. He swears he’ll find out who it was, one day.’
As I realise how quickly I’m getting through my drink, I puff air out of my cheeks and I examine my glass.
‘Gosh, what is this?’ I ask. ‘It’s…powerful.’
‘Just a little something I picked up while travelling Europe. Balkan vodka – there are thirteen health warnings on the bottle,’ he announces proudly. ‘I was in Serbia and there was this rugby team from Yorkshire on a stag party. One of them thought he could knock back neat shots. You should’ve seen the paramedics trying to get him onto the stretcher. You don’t drive, right? Probably don’t drive today.’
‘I don’t drive,’ I assure him. ‘Do you?’
‘Yes, but not today, babe.’ He laughs. ‘Maybe not tomorrow if you come back to mine after work and have a drink with me.’
We are interrupted by a loud, exaggerated cough. For a moment, Will just hovers near our table, staring at us, before walking over to grab a glass of orange juice and taking his position in the centre of the room to make a speech.
‘Think the boss thinks we’re up to no good,’ the new guy whispers to me, giving me a pally nudge that Will definitely notices. As he gives his speech, he can’t take his eyes off us.
‘We’re a family here at Starr Haul, and it’s always sad to say goodbye to a much-loved member of the team. But I, for one, am proud of Charlie for leaving to open her own café,’ Will says, trying to direct his words at Charlie, but his eyes keep darting back to me and the new guy. ‘If Charlie ever needs any support, I’m sure you’ll all join me in extending a hand.’
‘I know what she needs supporting,’ new guy jokes to me, as he raises his hand.
‘Put your hand down,’ I snap.
‘But if you raise your hand for the easy ones, you don’t get asked the hard questions,’ he reasons. He’s clearly underestimated the strength of his vodka. I’m definitely feeling tipsy, and new guy is definitely acting it.
I reach up and take his hand, slowly bringing it back down to the table. Will, who seems to have one eye constantly on us, notices this too.
‘Charlie truly was, er, the bread and butter of the…the canteen,’ Will babbles, the distraction clearly ruining his perfectly planned speech. ‘Basically, we’ll miss you,’ he adds, clumsily, wrapping things up. ‘To Charlie.’
We all raise our glasses.
‘So, drink, after work?’ new guy starts again once we all go back to chatting amongst ourselves.
‘I’m just…I’m not really interested,’ I tell him, unsure how best to get out of this one, but panicking as I spot Will approaching us. If I tell him I have a boyfriend he might start asking me questions – questions that I won’t be able to answer.
‘You’re clearly interested in drinking – you just made short work of eighty-eight per cent vodka.’ He laughs, and I widen my eyes at the alcohol content. No wonder I’m feeling it.
‘I’m not actually much of a drinker,’ I tell him.
‘So we’ll drink tea and play video games. Your nerd knowledge clearly needs a bit of expanding.’
With Will nearly at our table, I need to do something to defuse the situation.
‘Is it so hard to believe not every single girl finds you attractive?’ I ask harshly.
‘Shit, Candy…’ new guy laughs ‘…it’s an invitation to play few games of Battlefield not a blow job.’
And, of course, this is the part of the conversation that Will catches. He stares at us, like maybe he’s expecting an explanation but neither of us offer one up.
‘Well, this is about as awkward as a Tinder date.’ New guy laughs again.
‘Sorry to drag you away from the party, Candice, but I’ve got something urgent I need you to take care of.’
The new guy raises his eyebrows but takes the hint. He scribbles something down on a piece of paper and hands me it.
‘If you change your mind,’ he says before wandering off.
Will stares at me for a second, so I theatrically screw the new guy’s number into a ball, making it clear I have no intention of using it. Will gestures with a nod of his head for me to follow him, before we make our way to his office in silence.
Caroline is sitting by her desk, manning the phone.
‘You get off to the party,’ Will tells her. ‘Candice will answer the phone for a while.’
‘Thank you, Mr Starr,’ she says with a smile, before subtly narrowing her eyes at me.
As soon as she has gone we step inside Will’s office. He closes the door behind him, unbuttons his suit jacket and takes a seat behind his desk. I hover in front of him like a naughty child hauled before the head teacher.
‘You know how difficult it was to organise this trip, don’t you?’ Will asks. ‘Squaring it with all the appropriate people, booking hotels, getting the car ready for the journey, making it seem like it was absolutely vital that someone stop by each branch of the firm to make sure that everyone was happy this week, and that that person be me specifically?’
‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,’ I reply, giving him an answer to each of his questions. I am never usually so cheeky with Will, and my behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed. That’ll be the vodka.
‘So you know that I am doing all of this because I don’t want to lose you.’
I nod my head.
‘So why do I feel like I need to worry about you and the new lad in IT?’ he asks. ‘You’re always together, laughing and joking – having inappropriate conversations.’
‘That’s all him. And no, I don’t want you to fire him,’ I say before Will has a chance to suggest it. ‘He’s just being friendly.’
‘Candice, take it from a man – he is interested in you. All you would need to do is say the word and he’d be all over you. Do you know how that makes me feel?’
‘But I’m only interested in you,’ I tell him as I walk around his desk and take a seat on his lap. ‘We were just having a chat and a drink at the party, that’s all.’
I lean forward and give Will a reassuring kiss while we have a moment alone together. It’s a slow, sexy kiss. The kind that would usually lead to other things, except…
‘You’ve been drinking,’ Will says accusingly. ‘The two of you have been getting drunk at work. I could fire you both for this.’
‘It was one tiny, little drink,’ I tell him, suddenly aware of how tipsy I sound, but equally aware of the fact that, the harder I try to disguise it, the more tipsy I seem. ‘To toast Carly leaving.’
‘You mean Charlie?’ he asks angrily.
Isn’t that what I said?
I place my hands on either side of Will’s face and look him in the eye.
‘Look, it was daft. I’m sorry. But nothing is going on between the new guy and me – I don’t even want to be his friend. You know I’m head-over-heels in love with you.’
Will softens a little. ‘It’s just…I worry. You know why I worry.’
‘I know why you worry,’ I tell him. ‘But it’s fine. This trip means everything to me – to us. This is our chance to see how we function as a proper couple, to figure out our future.’
Will nods thoughtfully. ‘Good.’ He pinches my cheek. ‘OK, we’ll figure all this out while we’re away.’
‘What’s the plan for Friday then?’ I ask.
‘Well, we’ll need to set off nice and early. Caroline has made all the arrangements – apart from the hotels, obviously. I sorted that so she wouldn’t pick up on the fact we’re sharing a room. I’ll swing by your place, pick up your lovely self and your luggage and get straight off for the ferry to The Isle of Man, and a week of bliss.’
‘I can’t wait,’ I tell him honestly.
‘Can you do me a favour, please?’ he asks.
‘Anything,’ I reply.
‘I know we’re going to figure everything out while we’re away but, in the meantime, can you keep clear of the IT department?’ he asks. He must be really worried, to be trying to keep me separate from the new guy.
‘Sure,’ I reply. Anything to keep him happy and to show him that I’m serious about this.
‘Also, what’s a Tinder date?’ he asks.
‘It’s a new low for single people,’ I reply, not really answering his question.
‘Not us then.’
‘Nope, not us.’
‘Right, get back to work, you lush,’ he teases, slapping my arse playfully as I stand up.
‘Yes, boss,’ I giggle, unable to hide my excitement. This trip really will be make or break for us, but I just can’t imagine it going any way other than perfectly. We love each other, we get on so well, the thought of me flirting with other guys drives him crazy – you don’t get much better than that, do you?
Moments after leaving Will’s office and sitting back at my desk, the new guy turned up with a slice of cake for me. With Will just in his office, I panicked. As amazing as the cake looked…
‘I told you,’ I don’t eat junk, I reminded him.
‘I can vividly recall the speed at which you made two doughnuts disappear this week,’ he reminded me in turn, ‘which proves you do.’
‘That was a one-off from my usual diet,’ I replied, but that wasn’t enough of an explanation for the new guy.
‘Who told you that you need to lose weight?’ he asked. ‘Because if you really are doing this for yourself, someone needs to have a word with you, and if someone has told you that you need to, then I’ll be having two words with them and the second one is “off”.’
I could have been almost touched by the new guy’s concern for me, but I was just so worried about Will walking out and catching us fraternising that I panicked, snapped at him and insisted that I was definitely doing this for myself and that my willpower was flawless. Now I’ve had to make a mental note to never eat junk in front of him again, because I just know he’ll be all smug about it.
Despite my afternoon getting off to a rocky start, it’s not enough to take the spring out of my step as I climb the stairs to my flat. I feel on top of the world right now, so much so I can’t help but sing to myself as I unlock the door. I walk through the door as I get to a part of Huey Lewis and the News’s ‘The Power of Love’ that my limited vocal range just cannot pull off, only to be greeted by Amy and her gaggle of bridesmaids. Everyone laughs at me.
‘Sorry, just really happy today,’ I say by way of an explanation.
‘Why, have you finally met someone?’ Amy’s nosey younger cousin Jackie asks. That’s the thing about secret relationships, to everyone else I seem like I’m eternally single.
I smile widely.
‘Oh my God, you have,’ Jackie squeaks, sounding delighted for me. I like Jackie; she’s like a fun, energetic little springer spaniel. The same cannot be said for Amy’s friend Lea who is, to put it bluntly, a fucking bitch. We’ve never really got on, and the amount I’m having to see her for wedding-related stuff is really bugging me. It’s only as I’m standing here in the living room with Amy and the other bridesmaids that I realise we’ve got one final dress fitting this evening, just to make sure everyone’s dress still fits nicely.
‘So you’ll be bringing a plus one to the wedding?’ Lea asks in disbelief.
‘Yep,’ I reply confidently. I see Amy pull a face, but I’m confident. My week with Will is going to be perfect, we’re going to work everything out and I just know he’ll come to the wedding with me. He’s really going out of his way to make this work. I’m sure he’ll understand that I need him to do this.
‘Well I’ll pencil it in,’ Lea says, making a note in Amy’s wedding planner.
‘Use a pen,’ I tell her, full of confidence. ‘In fact, I’ll get you one.’
Before I have a chance to start launching stationery at Lea, Amy grabs my dress and steers me towards my bedroom to try it on. I completely forgot we were all meeting here, so I stopped at the shops on the way home to get a few bits for Friday, just in case I didn’t have time tomorrow. Everyone has tried her dress on except me.
As Amy closes my bedroom door behind us, I notice the parcels on my bed.
‘It’s a good job I was in,’ Amy starts, ‘there was a delivery for you.’
I tear open the larger box like a child on Christmas morning. Inside is a Louis Vuitton suitcase and a holdall, and a note that reads: ‘New luggage for the start of a new journey. Love Will.’
‘From your fancy man?’ Amy asks, and I nod. ‘They look expensive.’
I open the second box to find a garment bag with a note attached that reads: ‘Not to be opened until day seven.’
‘Well, these are going to make my present seem shit,’ Amy sighs.
‘You got me a present?’ I smile. ‘Why?’
Amy hands my a little piece of card with a silver bracelet attached. The card reads: ‘good luck’ and the bracelet has a little silver horseshoe charm hanging from it. I love it!
‘Aims, that is beautiful,’ I tell her honestly as I remove it from the card to put it on.
‘Just a little something to wish you all the best on your little life-changing trip,’ she says pulling a face, but I know that she cares about me and it means a lot.
‘One thing though,’ I start. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in luck? I thought we were all fully in charge of our own destinies?’
‘Oh, we are,’ she admits. ‘But you need all the help you can get.’
I laugh.
‘Right, let’s get this dress on and off so I can get you guys out of here, get to bed and get on with the first day of the rest of my life,’ I squeak excitedly.
I chat as Amy helps me into my dress. It’s baby blue, and one of those multi-way bridesmaid dresses that you can wear several different styles, depending on how you fasten it. It’s actually a really beautiful dress, which surprises me. Not because I don’t think my friend has good taste, but because I was expecting something hippy-chic to match her usual style. Her wedding dress isn’t as hippy-esque as I’d feared it would be, but I’m yet to see what her fiancé, Ted, will be wearing. He’s a beardy, plaid-shirt-wearing hipster, so you know it’s going to be something cool.