Driving Me Mad (39 page)

Authors: Lindsay Paige

Tags: #romance, #depression, #mental illness, #contemporary, #mental health, #social issues, #anxiety, #new adult

Between that and his
sarcastic tone, I laugh. Dad grins. It’s the first time I’ve
laughed since I left the psych ward.

“You’re welcome.”

The rest of the afternoon is
spent with us watching TV. Dad manages to talk me into joining them
for dinner. Dad’s right. I need to heal and move on. As soon as
possible, because this hurts too fucking much. Somehow, I need to
do the impossible and forget all about Trace Lexington. At the very
least, focus on my anger.

My parents drive me back and
even help Rebecca and me move into our new apartment. After they
leave, Rebecca and I flop down onto the couch. Being back in town
and not talking to Trace is harder than I thought.

“Stop thinking about
him.”

I turn my head to look at my
best friend. “I’m not,” I lie.

“Yes, you are. You get this
look on your face.” She lays an arm over my shoulders. “You’ll be
fine without him. You’ll be okay, I promise.”

I nod even though I don’t
believe her. Faking it is harder than I thought it would be. Maybe
that’s where I went wrong with Trace. I was completely honest with
him. If I had lied, maybe he wouldn’t have thought he was making me
worse.

Absentmindedly, I grab my
wrist and start squeezing. I can only get better, right? It can’t
get much worse than a stay in the local psych ward. At least I hope
not. But with my luck, who am I kidding? I’m a jobless graduate who
can’t maintain a relationship, has never had a job, and suffers
from anxiety and depression. Oh yeah. My future is looking so damn
bright.

Ha.

“Okay,” Rebecca starts,
standing and disappearing into the kitchen. She calls over her
shoulder, “You aren’t ready to stop thinking about him yet. That
means ice cream straight out of the carton, fried pickles from your
favorite restaurant, and Sun Drop.” She walks back into the room
carrying all of the items.

“How’d you get the pickles?”
I ask curiously and reach for those first.

She laughs. “You would go for
that over ice cream.” She shakes her head and sits back down. “That
errand your mom had to run? It was to get those. I figured we’d end
up here.”

“You’re the best best
friend.” I pop a pickle into my mouth. God, it’s been too long
since I’ve had these.

“I know. Do you think you’re
up for bashing the ex yet?”

“I don’t know.” I stuff my
mouth with food.

“Try it. What about Trace
sucked?”

I try to think about it, but
the only thing I can think of is, “He could use better timing when
breaking up with me.” I frown. “I don’t want to talk about him,
Bec.”

“Fine. Let’s talk about my
ex.”

My eyes widen. “You and
Dustin broke up?”

“Yeah. He has some issues he
needs to work on and I didn’t want to hang around for it.”

A good friend would ask her
to say more. A good friend would wonder what kind of issues he had.
A good friend would say I’m sorry. But all I can think about is how
that’s basically why Trace broke up with me. I have issues and he
didn’t want to be with me while I worked on them.

“Let’s just watch TV,”
Rebecca says with an apologetic look.

I nod and eat my fried
pickles. Later that night, I’m lying in bed, doing what I shouldn’t
be doing. Thinking about Trace. I just want to check on him. He
wasn’t in great shape either when I left. I cradle my phone in my
hands. Before I can change my mind, I dial the digits so my call
will come through as an unknown caller. Trace answers on the fifth
ring.

“Hello?”

My chest tightens at the
sound of his gorgeous voice. Tears start falling without
permission.

“Hello?” he says again. “Who
is this?”

But then I realize he doesn’t
sound sad. Not even a little. He doesn’t sound like a man who
misses the girl he supposedly loves. He doesn’t sound like he’s
going through a hard time. He sounds just fine. I hang up and throw
my phone across the room. Here I am, completely devastated, and he
can’t even sound upset when he answers the phone?

God, I hate him.

I hate him for doing this to
me. I hate him for breaking up with me. I hate him for making me
fall in love with him. I hate him! I wish he’d never moved to town.
I wish we’d stayed friends. Then I wouldn’t be lying in bed with a
broken heart.

I’ll focus on myself, try to
get back to a better place, and forget all about him. I have to
worry about getting and maintaining a job now. I can’t let my
parents take care of me forever. I focus on everything else and try
to forget about Trace. As long as I never see or hear from him
again, I’ll be fine.

Eventually, Trace will be a
faint memory. That’s all I ask, so this pain will go away. For all
I care, Trace can go to hell.

***

H
ey, y’all! As
someone familiar with depression and anxiety firsthand, characters
who deal with these issues are my favorite to write and one of
which I am most passionate about. To learn more about these topics
or to learn ways to seek help, consider checking out the websites
of the
National
Institute of Mental Health
(http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml),
Anxiety and Depression Association of
America
(http://www.adaa.org/), or the
American Psychological
Association
(http://www.apa.org/index.aspx).

Both characters also have
suicidal thoughts. Please reach out for help if you find yourself
having suicidal thoughts. For those in the United States, there’s
the
Suicide
Prevention Hotline
(http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).
You can also call the hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Never be afraid to ask for
help—for yourself or someone you know who needs help. Every life
matters.

***

T
hank you,
Kristalyn Thornock, for being with me for every chapter of yet
another book. You’re one of my best friends and you are
always
helpful. I’m so grateful to have someone like you on
this journey with me.

Thank you, Heidi Grubb, for
taking the time to provide feedback. You’re the best! I’m glad I
can make you laugh with my ‘pizza butter’ typo.

Thank you, Shannon Page, for
editing my book and being a pleasure to work with. I can’t wait to
work with you again!

Thank you, Robin from Wicked
by Design, for working with me and giving me a set of covers that
may just be my favorite yet!

Thank you, Julie from JT
Formatting, for taking my book, putting the final touches on it,
and making it beautiful. You are the best formatter ever!

Last but not least, thank
you, reader, for taking the time to read this story.

***

L
indsay Paige is
the author of multiple Young Adult, New Adult, and Sports romances.
She has also coauthored sports romances with Mary Smith. Along with
writing, she loves reading, watching hockey, especially the
Pittsburgh Penguins, and finding funny terrible puns and recipes on
Pinterest. All the while, she is also focused on completing
college.

Lindsay resides in North
Carolina and is inspired by the world around her and the people in
it. She is currently working on numerous solo works.

Lindsay has written
the following books/series:

Bending Under
Pressure

Bold as Love
series

Bracing for Love
series

Don’t Panic

Sanity series

Without a Doubt

You Before Me

She has co-written
the following series:

The Penalty Kill
trilogy

Oh Captain, My
Captain series