Authors: Donald Westlake
Which didn’t mean the damn stuff was clean. Far from it. Their flashlight beams still glowed dimly on murky brown water full of drifting hairy tendrils and clumps of stuff that Dortmunder could only hope were not what they looked like. But visibility was a lot better than last time; by which is meant,
some
visibility existed. It was possible for a light beam to cut at least partially through the sludge and drifting guck and pervasive brownness of the water to show the slimy gravel and rusty track over which they were passing, the furry tree stumps on both sides.
At one point, Kelp had poked Dortmunder’s arm to direct his attention to a low stone wall they were traveling by on their right, with more stone walls going away at right angles into the murk at both ends. A building foundation. That was spooky; people used to live there. Way down here, in the dark.
The Hornet had still been moving at that time, the old stone foundation gradually receding away behind them. But now it was stopped, with no town at all in sight within the short uncertain range of their lights. As with the last time they’d been down in here, spatial disorientation had taken place, so it was impossible to tell if they were still on a hillside or had reached flat ground. So who knew how much farther it was to Putkin’s Corners?
Oh, well. Time to go to work. Dortmunder got to his feet, putting one foot on the soggy seat as he turned, holding the flashlight with his left hand as he picked up the pole from the back with his right. Beside him, Kelp, moving more easily without this useless steering wheel in his way, was doing the same thing.
Kelp elaborately mimed, with his entire body, a counting cadence: One, two,
three;
ready, set,
go.
On the first two, they positioned their poles, more or less even with the rear tires, pressing down into the gravel roadbed. On
three,
they pushed, and the Hornet moved forward, but only as long as they kept pushing.
One, two,
three;
forward.
One, two,
three;
forward.
One, two,
three;
forward.
One, two,
three;
up.
One —
Up?
Dortmunder and Kelp stared at each other in wild surprise, goggle–eyed inside their goggles. Shakily, Dortmunder aimed the flashlight over the Hornet’s side, down at the ground, which was farther away.
Jesus
Christ!
Now
what?
Only the front tires still touched the tracks. As the rear of the Hornet swayed gently back and forth, still lifting slowly, tilting them forward, Dortmunder and Kelp turned this way and that, bewildered, losing the poles, bumping into each other. The Hornet, off balance, tilted ever more forward and now leftward as well, the right front tire lifting off the rail as delicately as a mastodon’s foot.
The Ping–Pong balls! They’d misunderstood the buoying capacity of two large trash bags full of Ping–Pong balls, that’s what had happened. Trapped in the trunk of the Hornet, now that they’d reached the increased pressure of this depth, they were lifting the rear of the car.
And if Dortmunder and Kelp tried to keep poling them deeper, closer to Putkin’s Corners, despite the Ping–Pong balls? No way. But what could they do instead? Gotta think. Gotta think! Gotta have a minute to think!
Dortmunder made frantic pushing gestures at Kelp: Sit down! Sit down, you’re rocking the car! Kelp, not sure what Dortmunder wanted of him, moved this way and that, stumbled forward, blundered into Dortmunder, and grabbed the steering wheel beside Dortmunder’s elbow to regain his balance.
Now all the weight was on the Hornet’s left side, and suddenly the car flipped right over, catching the two of them within itself like a clam rake snagging a couple of clams. Both their flashlights went tumbling away into the murk.
BCD! That’s all Dortmunder could think when he found himself in the dark again, underwater and lost again, enclosed inside the Hornet. Scrabbling all over himself, he found the right button, managed to lift his left arm up into the area around the steering column, jammed the button down
hard,
and the BCD filled right up with air, just as it was supposed to, increasing his buoyancy wondrously, pressing him ever more firmly against the Hornet’s upside–down front seat, increasing the Hornet’s buoyancy as well, moving the whole mass slowly and ponderously upward, through the black water.
Gee! Bob thought, I’m coming up with
so many
insights! I’ll have to write all of this down on paper when I get back to my desk in–the dam so I’ll be able to talk about it all with Manfred, next time we —
Something broke the still surface. Out a ways, off to the right, near where the bubbles had been. Something … something hard to make out.
Bob stood up straighter, taking a step away from his car, squinting toward that unknown object emerging out of the reservoir.
Not
a sea serpent, he told himself jokingly; he knew all about that sort of thing now, knew the deep wellsprings of self–discontent that had led him to that particular error. This would simply be some sort of fish, that’s all, surfacing briefly; probably the same one that had caused the bubbles a little while ago.
But, no. Not a fish. Still not a sea serpent, but not a fish either. Starlight glinted mutedly on metal. A machine of some sort. Round constructions on top, a wider metal surface below, angling away, downward into the water. Hard to see details in the dark, but certainly metal, certainly a machine.
A submarine? In the
reservoir?
Ridiculous. It couldn’t possibly —
And then, with a sudden leap of the heart, Bob
knew.
A spaceship! A flying saucer! A spaceship from the stars,
from the stars!
Visiting Earth secretly, by night, hiding here in the reservoir, taking its measurements or doing whatever it was doing, now rising up out of the water, going back, back to the stars. To the stars!
Bob ran forward, arms upraised in supplication. “Take me with you!” he screamed, and tripped over a root, and crashed flat onto the ground at the edge of the water, knocking himself cold.
“I had to bury a soldier on Staten Island once,” Tiny reminisced, leaning on the winch.
Tom, hunkered down on his heels beside the tracks like a refugee taking five, said, “Because he was dead, I suppose.”
“Not when we started,” Tiny said. “See, what we —”
Stan, looking out at the reservoir, said, “What’s that?”
They all looked. Tom slowly rose, with a great creaking and cracking of joints, and said, “Tires.”
“The Hornet,” Tiny said. “Upside–down.”
“Floating,” said Stan.
Tiny said, “I don’t think it’s supposed to do that.”
Stan said, “Where do you figure John and Andy are?”
“In the reservoir,” Tom said.
Tiny said, “I think I oughta winch it in.”
Stan said, “Did you hear somebody shout?”
They all listened. Absolute silence. The rear wheels and axle and a bit of the trunk and rear fenders of the Hornet bobbed in the gloom.
Tiny said, “I still think I oughta winch it in.”
“I’ll help,” Stan volunteered.
Tiny turned the winch handle rapidly at first, taking up a lot of slack, while the car sat out there like a newly discovered island; then the rope tautened, the winching got harder, and the Hornet wallowed reluctantly shoreward.
The car was still several yards offshore, but in water only perhaps five feet deep, when a sudden thrashing and spouting took place on its left side, and Dortmunder and Kelp appeared, apparently fighting each other to the death, struggling, clawing, swinging great haymaker lefts and rights. But, no; what they were really trying to do was untangle from each other, separate all the hoses and equipment and feet.
Kelp at last went flying ass over teakettle, and Dortmunder turned in a great swooping circle, found the shore, and came wading balefully forward, flinging things in his wake: face mask, mouthpiece, tank, BCD. Emerging from the water too wild–eyed for anybody to dare speak to, he unzipped the wetsuit, sat on a rail to remove the boots and peel off the legs of the wetsuit, stood in nothing but his underpants to heave the boots and wetsuit into the reservoir (just missing Kelp, who was still struggling and floundering and falling and scrambling shoreward), and turned to march away, between the tracks.
“Oo! Oo! Oo!”
He stopped, growling in his throat, grinding his teeth, and turned about to march back to the reservoir. “Oo! Oo! Oo!” Wading into the cold water, he felt around in it for the boots, found them, carried them back to shore — “Oo! Oo!” — sat down again on the rail, pulled the boots on, stood in nothing but his underpants and boots, and this time
did
go marching away down the railroad line.
Mildly, Tom said, “If I’d blown it up to start with, we would’ve all saved ourselves a lot of time and trouble. Well, live and learn.” And he followed Dortmunder away toward the highway.
“Naturally,” Mom said, and slashed the cab back into the flow of traffic, causing a great tide of imprecation to rise up into the air behind her.
“We would’ve been late,” Stan said from the backseat, “if I hadn’t told Mom to come down
Lex
and forget
Park.
”
“Know–it–all,” muttered Mom darkly.
May shifted around in the seat so she could see Mom and Stan and Andy and Tiny all at once. “I want to thank you all for coming,” she said.
“Sure, May,” Tiny said, his voice like a far–off earthquake. “All you gotta do is ask.”
May smiled at him. “Thank you, Tiny.” To Mom, she said, “And thanks for letting me use your cab.”
“My pleasure,” Mom snarled, blatting her horn at a tourist from Maryland, sightseeing out the window of his Acura Silly.
“The problem is,” May said, “John still won’t even talk about it. Not even talk. So we couldn’t meet at my place. If he knew I was —”
Andy said, “May, believe me, I understand John’s position on this. I was trapped inside that car, too. Now, I’m not one of your broody kind of pessimistic guys, you know me, but I got to tell you, May, I had a minute or two there, down in there, when I was seriously rethinking the various choices of my life. ‘What could I have done instead,’ I was saying to myself. ‘What could I have done different, maybe in third grade, maybe last year, that would have me now at the VCR store putting
To Catch a Thief
in my armpit instead of where I am?’ A situation like that can give you those kinds of thoughts.”
“I know that,” May said. “I know you and John went through a terrible experience. But it’s been two weeks, Andy, and
you’ve
gotten over it.”
“Well, not entirely, May,” Andy said. “The fact is, I still have to carry a flashlight when I open my closet door. But at least I’m washing my face again, so there’s been some improvement.”
“John washes his face, all right,” May said, “but he
will not
talk about the reservoir, or the money, or Tom’s plan to blow up the dam.”
“I think,” Andy said carefully, “I think he’s trying to restrict his involvement with the situation.”
“When Tom moved out,” May told them, “I made him promise to let me know where to get in touch with him, just in case John came up with a new idea. Tom was going away to East St. Louis, Illinois, to pick up another of those money caches of his, and he told me when he’d be back, and he promised he’d call me as soon as he was in New York again, and that’s
tomorrow.
If I don’t have anything to tell him tomorrow, he’s going to find a couple of people to help him, which won’t take long —”
“Not for that money,” Tiny agreed. “Take him an hour, maybe, unless he’s picky. Then it’ll take two hours.”
“By the end of this week,” May said, “he could have that dam blown up and that entire valley destroyed and everybody in it dead.”
“You know,” Stan said thoughtfully, “I looked over that terrain while we were up there, and I’m not sure Tom could get outta there if he goes the dynamite method. The way the roads are, the way the hills are, he might not have an escape. I mean, he’d get the money, drive down in there in a tractor or an ATV or something, maybe a backhoe, yank the casket up outta the ground, drive back up out of the mud, but when he gets to the road I
think
he’s screwed. I could study the terrain some more, but that’s my first impression.”
“Tom won’t listen to that,” May said. “He’ll go ahead and do it anyway, and he’ll get caught, and they’ll put him back in prison where they should
never
have let him out in the first place, but all those people in the valley will be
dead.
It won’t matter then if Tom says, ‘Gee, Stan, I guess you were right.’ ”
“That’s true,” Stan admitted.
“We need another plan,” May told them. “We need some other way to get to that money that isn’t dynamite and that Tom Jimson will go along with. But John won’t even talk about it, and he absolutely won’t
think
about it. So what I was hoping from this meeting, I was hoping one of
us
would come up with something I could tell Tom, something that would at least slow him down, some kind of plan, or even an idea for a plan.
Something.
”
There was a little uncomfortable silence in the cab, punctuated by Mom’s maledictions against the world of drivers and pedestrians and New York City traffic conditions generally. At last Tiny spread his catcher’s–mitt hands and said, “May, that ain’t my field. I pick up heavy things, I move them, I put them down, that’s what
I
do. Sometimes I persuade people to change their minds about certain things. I’m a specialist, May, and that’s my specialty.”
Stan said, “I’m a driver. I’m the best in the business —”
“He is,” his Mom said, as she swerved around a wallowing stretch limo driven by a Middle Eastern refugee who’d cleared Customs & Immigration earlier that morning. “I’m his mother, but I’ve got to admit it, my boy Stan is a good driver.”
“The best,” Stan corrected. “But, May, I don’t do plans.
Getaways
I can do.
Vehicles
I can drive; there isn’t a thing in the world with wheels and a motor I can’t drive. I could give Tom Jimson
very
professional advice on how he’ll never get away from that county if he blows the dam, but that’s about it from me.”
May said, “Andy? What about you? You have millions of ideas.”
“I sure do,” Andy agreed. “But one at a time. And not connected with each other. A plan, now, a plan is a bunch of ideas in a row, and, May, I’m sorry, I’ve never been good at that.”
“God
damn
the State of New York!” Mom cried, sideslipping past a pipe–smoking psychiatrist in a Mercury Macabre. “They give
anybody
a license to drive a car!”
“They also released Tom Jimson,” May pointed out.
Tiny cleared his throat. “Usually,” he said, “what I’d do at this point is go to the guy that’s the problem and give him a little vacation in the hospital for maybe three months. But the truth is, Tom Jimson — I don’t care if he’s seventy
hundred
years old — he’s the nastiest guy I ever met. I wouldn’t say this about almost anybody else, but I’m not absolutely one hundred percent sure he’s the one would wind up in the hospital. And then you’d
never
change his mind. He’d go ahead out of spite.”
May frowned, saying, “Tiny, how can he be that dangerous?”
“He doesn’t care,” Tiny said. “That’s what it comes down to. He knows everything there is to know about doing the other guy and not getting done yourself. He’s the only guy I knew, when we were in stir, that could sleep with a twenty–dollar bill stickin out of his hand. See, me,” he went on earnestly, “if I gotta do a little pressure somewhere, I do what I do and that’s it. I mean, unless you really annoy me, I don’t break bones I don’t haveta break. But Tom, he
likes
to go too far. It’s tough for a normal human being to gear up to that kind of viciousness right away.”
May sighed. “What are we going to do?”
“Well,” Stan said, “I think maybe we shouldn’t watch the TV news much the next few weeks.”
They were all abruptly flung forward when Mom had to slam both feet onto the brake to keep from creaming
two
bicycle messengers snaking through the traffic with big flat square packages strapped to their backs. One of them looked around over his shoulder through his goggles and surgical mask and rode one–handed long enough to give Mom the finger. Mom stuck her head out the window to give him the verbal finger back, and then turned to glare at May and say, “You want a vacation?”
May blinked at her. “A vacation? No, I want —”
“It’s the same thing,” Mom snapped. “You want to take care of this problem with the dam.
I
want a vacation. If you’ve got a brain in your head, May, you want a vacation, too.”
Spreading her hands, wondering if traffic conditions had finally driven Murch’s Mom over the brink, May said, “I don’t know what you mean. What’s the connection?”
“I’ll tell you the connection,” Mom snarled. “I’ve got the idea. I know how to stop Tom Jimson.”