Drowning in the East River (14 page)

He stopped walking as his mind came up empty. "Fuck!" He dropped his hands into his jacket pocket. His mother's ring weighed down his coat, bouncing noticeably as he walked on the crooked cobblestones.

The last three days had passed with lightening speed since Jessica had told him about the baby. He knew he needed to move quickly, for everyone's sake.

The Conlon family lived in a high end brownstone just off Houston Street on the Lower East Side. The family's dry good store brought in good money, allowing them to live in a fairly high-end neighborhood.

David stepped up to the door and pulled the chain. The chime sounded deep in the recesses of the house.

Anna came to the door, her eyes looking him up and down harshly. It was an intimidating beat before she finally spoke. "Can I help you?”

"Is Jessica available?”

Anna jumped in, her voice icy. "Just a moment." She slammed the door, leaving David waiting on the front step. He could hear voices inside the front room.

David turned and looked off to the street, running a hand through his hair. He strained to hear what was being said, but it was just muffled tones.

He spun as he heard the door to the house reopen behind him.

"David,"
Jessica said, stepping out of the house onto the stoop. She tightened her coat around her waist, before throwing her arms around his neck. She sighed deeply as she pulled herself into the embrace, the tension in her body seemed to melt away at his touch. "I missed you.”

"Hi," David said, holding her tightly. He ran a hand through her thick hair, which trailed loosely down her back.

"Sorry," she said. Her face was surprisingly pale in the gas lamp light coming from the foyer window. She stood up quickly, straightening the lapel of his jacket. "I'm glad to see you.”

"I missed you too," David replied, running his hands over the back of his neck. The skin prickled and burned. "Can I take you out?”

"I'd like that," Jessica replied. He saw her eyes shift inside the living room window. Her tone dropped as she caught sight of Anna watching them through a crack in the curtains. Her hand fluttered across her stomach as she shifted her eyes back up to him. She sighed softly as she continued, “I just need to let them know.”

As Jessica reentered the house, David forced out a centering breath. He glanced out to the street, snow had just started to fall. Big, fluffy flakes were visible under the street lamps. His stomach pulsated with the nerves which had been building in his stomach for the last three days as he turned back to the doorway.

"Where are we going?" Jessica asked, looping her arm through his as she shut the door quietly behind her.

"Have you had supper?”

Jessica shook her head. "I haven't been able to hold anything down all day." He could hear the exhaustion weighing down her voice. As they passed under one of the gas street lamps, he could see the deep circles under her eyes. She looked exhausted.

"Can we stop for a second?" David asked, wrapping his fingers around the ring box in his pocket.

"What's wrong?" Jessica asked.

David exhaled sharply as he pulled the ring box out of his pocket. He spoke slowly, thinking through each word as he said them. "I know this isn't how I envisioned doing this…”.

"What are you doing?" Jessica asked, glancing up and down the street quickly. Her voice cracked with emotion as she continued. "David?" She looked at him with wide eyes, not quite sure how to react.

David paused, before he continued quickly. "Jess... do me a favor and let me get this out."

Jessica nodded her head. She was chewing her thumbnail like she always did when she got nervous. Emotion brimmed in her eyes as she realized what he was doing.

David gingerly got to one knee. His back didn't feel like his own, his skin felt tight and rigid. Meeting her eyes, the speech he had practiced the entire walk over flew from his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, centering himself. He continued slowly, doing the best he could. "Jessica, this isn't the proposal you deserve. And you have no idea how truly sorry I am that everything has came together in the way in has, but will you marry me?”

"Yes," Jessica said, her voice overwhelmed. She held out her hand, allowing him to slide the ring onto her finger. "Yes, I will.”

The next picture he picked up was of Jessica and Thomas sitting on the steps outside of the apartment. There was snow on the ground. Thinking back, the picture had been taken just before Christmas. Jessica crouched on the steps, her arms wrapped around Thomas' waist as he played in the snow. They were both grinning ear to ear. Closing his eyes, he could still hear them laughing as he took the picture.

Tucking the last two pictures into his wallet, David piled the rest of the pictures into the box and slid it back onto the shelf. Walking into the kitchen, he sprawled Anna's address onto the box, ensuring the container of memories would be mailed to Thomas.

The building felt oddly silent as David moved around, collecting the few clothes he needed to take with him. With over 100 families living in such a tight space, the building rarely felt this quiet. He walked in the direction of the bedroom, pausing a moment with his hand on the doorknob.

The bedroom had been scrubbed clean, probably while Anna was sitting with the baby. The bed was clean, and white sheets were gently laid out at the foot of the bed. David shifted his eyes as he noticed the faded red stain on the otherwise clean mattress.

With just enough clothes to get by, David picked up his suitcase. He kept his eyes focused on the front door, trying to avoid getting pulled into memories which would pull him back from his decision.

He took one last look around the room as he pulled the door closed and once again stepped into the hallway. David took the stares two at a time on his way out of the building.

"I won't lie," Jessica said, looking over at David as they walked across the grass of Battery Park. Her voice cracked slightly; she forced out a chuckle to cover the frog in her throat. "I wish you didn't have to go over there.”

The late afternoon sun hung high in the sky. The early summer air was still pleasant, it would be for a while more before the humidity nestled in tightly over the city.

"It's something I have to do," David said, he took a look around the park as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She was wearing a baby blue, satiny dress. It was cut very high on her shoulder, exposing her toned arms underneath. The material was cut in a 'V' around her breasts, revealing a lacy fabric underneath it. It was his favorite dress, and she had worn it specifically for him.

He let his arm dangle to his side, enveloping her hand in his as they walked.

Jessica rested her head against his shoulder as they walked towards the Aquarium. Her heels clinked softly on the peach pavement which wound through the park. She was definitely thinking things through, after a moment, she spoke again. "I can understand that, I guess.”

He looked over at Jessica, a smile crossing his lips. Her face was pursed in concentration, and he could see the nerves in her posture. David brushed his finger against the slightly upturned tip of her nose. "You're worrying…”.

She stopped walking, and abruptly turned to face him, her hands on her hips. A blush spread across her normally porcelain cheeks."Of course I'm worrying! Haven't you read what the papers are reporting?”

He never argued when she was like this. Jess knew she was more well-read than he was, and she wasn't afraid to argue until she made her point. “Jess...".

Jessica looked over at him. She was giving him adequate time to respond. When he didn't say anything, she continued, "I- I kinda like you. I don't want anything to happen to you.”

"It won't," David said.

They passed from the warm sunlight into the shady outer rung of the New York Aquarium. A group of people were crowded tightly around the sea lion enclosure in the middle of the room.

"Let's go over here," Jessica said. Her arm was looped through his; she gently guided him towards the dark outer wall of the aquarium. There were dozens of smaller exhibits lining the walls, which were shrouded in a comforting, intimate darkness.

"Are you all right?" David asked, reacting to the suddenness of her movement. He followed her lead, letting her direct him towards a wall lined with tanks of exotic fish.

He ran her other arm through her hair, which was streaked with sweat. Her voice was quiet as she continued. "I want some privacy, just you and me.”

"I think we came to the wrong place for that," David said, his eyes glancing in the direction of the six or seven exhibits in the middle of the room. There were dolphins, small wales, even a walrus in one of the smaller, corner tanks.

"It's your last day," Jessica said. She stopped walking. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling herself tightly into his body. "Can I help it if I'm feeling possessive?”

He wrapped his arm around her body, bracing his other hand against the back of her head. He could hear her sucking in sharp breaths, trying to collect herself. “Baby..."

She stepped back and looked up at him; her eyes were wide and puffy. Her voice went up an octave, as she continued. "I know. I know." She stopped, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

He couldn't repress a chuckle. "What do you know?”

"Don't you belittle me..." Jessica replied, pulling back. She dropped his hand, folding her arms across her chest.

David bit back his smile, putting on a serious face before continuing. "I'm sorry. What do you know?”

"I shouldn't..." Jessica stopped abruptly, and suddenly took off like a shot, in the direction of the main entrance of the aquarium.

"Jess!" David shouted, after her. He jogged after her, zigzagging through groups of people. He shielded his eyes as he stepped into the unrelenting sunlight. He stopped, scanning the busy park for her.

Jessica was sitting on an isolated park bench; her chin was braced in her hands as she stared onto the river through a thin bank of trees. He stopped, taking his hat off his head. As he sat down, he ran his fingers through his hair, wiping at the sweat building up on his forehead.

"Talk to me," David said, sitting next to her on the bench. He reached over, resting his hand on top of hers. He looked over at her, squeezing her hand gently. He paused, making sure to check his tone. "What was that about?”

"I'm fuckin' scared," Jessica said, squeezing his hand in return. She twisted on the bench, looking over at him. "I'm sorry…"

"Will you stop apologizing.”

"There's something about this which is about you being a man, and proving your Dad wrong. I've been hearing for six weeks from everyone how I need to be loving, supportive, understanding and feminine... and I'm having a lot of trouble doing that.”

"I love you," David said, wrapping his arm around her.

"I just don't want you to go over there and get killed. Not for that..." She took off her hat, and slowly fanned herself with the wide brim. "I feel like such a bad person, because I can't wrap my head around this. I know what you need from me, and I'm sorry that I can't give you that.”