Dust (20 page)

“Why?” Burke asked. “It won’t hurt.”

“I know. I’m afraid if I start, I won’t stop,” I answered.

“The problem with that?”

“The problem is, alcohol dehydrates you.”

“Yeah-yeah, well one shot isn’t gonna turn you into a fuckin’ prune. Here.” He showed me the bottle again.

“No. And why are you drinking? Didn’t you place yourself in charge of our lives or something?”

Burke grunted. “You think this bottle is gonna affect me. I think not.” He took a drink. “Not after the past twenty-four hours.”

“Burke?” I spoke softly. “What are we gonna do?”

“Jo, that’s a pretty open ended question. What are we gonna do about what? About Tammy? Nicky? The world?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” I stared at the fire. “The move. The barricades.”

“If they exist.”

“Why do you doubt that?” I asked. “Why would Tammy lie?”

“I’m not saying she’s lying. I’m saying she may not know.”

I laughed. “What in the world are you talking about?”

“She’s irrational, Jo.”

“Bull shit.”

“No, not bull shit.” Burke argued. “I’m being serious. She’s adamant about not getting help. Twice she got up and wandered from the dinner table. And both times she didn’t realize she had done it. Plus, why doesn’t she remember Dan’s name?”

“She knows his name.”

“She asked Rod his name.”

“She’s not crazy if that’s ... ”

“No.” Burke cut me off. “I’m not saying she went Nicky. I’m saying she’s not well. Sick people. Fevered people don’t think or see things correctly. What if she was fevered and was delirious or something.”

“OK. But what if she wasn’t. Then what? I believe her, Burke. She sounded rational when she told us about the barricade. Assume they are there. What are we gonna do.”

“I still want to leave in a week. Six more days and ... ” Burke quickly looked up.

“I heard that,” I said in reference to a scuffling sound.

Burke stood and lifted his shotgun.

“It’s me. Tanner Niles.” Tanner called out in the darkness. “Don’t shoot. I’m making my approach.”

Burke looked at me inquiringly and whispered, “What’s he doing here?”

Even though a part of me knew the answer to Burke’s question, I shrugged and stood as Tanner walked down the driveway.

He looked different. He wasn’t wearing the hospital scrubs that I was accustomed to seeing him in. Instead he wore camouflage pants, a tee shirt, and open camouflage jacket. From a distance I may not have recognized him if he hadn’t called out.

“Evening.” Tanner walked up to our campfire, immediately extending his hand to me. “Hey, Jo.” After shaking hands with me, he reached to Burke. “Burke. How are you?”

It was barely noticeable but Burke hesitated in shaking hands. “Tanner. I’m doing. So ... what brings you here?” he asked as he sat back down.

“I’m taking Jo up on her offer. She said if I ever needed a break from the station. I was welcome here. And I really needed to get away from there.” Tanner shifted his eyes to me. “You remember, don’t you?”

“Of course,” I said.

Tanner released a breath. “Oh, good. I’m ... I’m not intruding, am I?”

Oddly enough, Burke answered. “No. Have a seat. Sit with us. We’re only talking.”

“Thanks. But, before I do. I brought you something.” Tanner slipped his hand into his jacket, as he did, the fire illuminated two things that he wore. Both caught me by surprise. The handle of a revolver extended from a waist-side holster, the other item dangled from his neck.

I don’t know why I did it—obviously my curiosity took over my rational thinking—but I reached out, and took hold of the dog tags that hung from the silver chain. Then, as if I didn’t realize he wore them, I pulled the tags slightly so the fire would brighten the engravings.

“Jo?” Tanner chuckled my name.

“These are yours,” I said dazed.

Burke let out a sarcastic scoff. “He’s wearing them, isn’t he?”

I snapped a quick scolding glance to Burke, then after looking once more at the tags, I raised my eyes to Tanner. “Captain Niles? I thought you were a doctor.”

“I am. I’m also a marine.”

“That makes sense.” I mumbled.

“What makes sense?” Tanner asked.

“Oh, that you were there. You know, at the station. Working. It's a military thing. I think. Not sure.” I finally released the tags. “I’m sorry. I’m rambling. You were ... ”

“Giving you something.” Tanner returned to reaching into his coat. “I brought you a gift.” From under his jacket he pulled out two foil bags, both were about eight inches long, full, and round. “Water.” He handed the first one to me. “Coffee.” He placed the second pouch in my other hand. “The coffee is concentrated. That bag makes one of those big urns we have at the station. Not sure if you guys are coffee drinkers ... ”

“We are.” I smiled, yet couldn’t take my eyes off the gift that enthralled me.

“Good,” Tanner said. “Obviously that bag of water isn’t enough. But, it’s easy, you can use it a little at a time, and if you don’t have water for it, you can drink it as is, like ... ”

“Espresso.” I finished his sentence.

“Yeah. Powerful stuff. Enjoy.”

“I will thanks.” I glanced down to Burke. “Look, Burke. We got a gift.”

“I see.” Burke poked the fire. “I hoped it was antibiotics again.”

Immediately, Tanner looked at Burke. “Is someone sick?”

I answered, “Tammy. Nicky.”

“Do you want me to take a look at them?” Tanner asked.

At first I started to say, ‘yes’, but I stopped myself. “That’s not why you’re here, Tanner. You’re here to get away from sickness. Besides, we finally got Nicky settled, and Tammy ... she won’t let you near her.”

“Denial,” Burke added.

“Yeah,” I said. “Plus, she is on the first floor ... ”

Burke interrupted, “Which is a good thing because she fuckin stinks.”

It was evident by Tanner’s face that not only did this comment from Burke pique his curiosity; it made him smile in a quirky way. “She ... stinks?”

I nodded. “Stinks.”

“Bad too,” Burke said.

“It’s not bad.” I huffed. “The odor is just there.”

Again, Tanner questioned “She ... stinks.”

“Not a dirty stinks,” Burke said.

And I added, “Or a feminine stink.”

“Jo.” Burke cringed.

“Stinks.” Tanner nodded once. “I see. Where is she?”

***

We tried to tell Tanner that getting through to Tammy was useless, but he insisted on trying anyhow. He knocked, called out to her, and when she told him to ‘go away’; he attempted only once more then asked to see Nicky. He also requested—if I didn’t mind—if he could give the kids a ‘once over’ since he was there. I agreed, but only after I reminded Tanner it wasn’t necessary and being a doctor wasn’t why he came to our shelter. He gave me ‘humor me’ look and I led him to the bedroom area.

Nicky was receptive to the help, and Craig was grateful for Tanner’s presence. I left Tanner there, figuring I’d attempt to put his gift to good use. When I arrived at the kitchenette, Burke had already begun that task.

The tin coffee pot rested on out mini sterno stove, I could hear the liquid contents inside rattle in their pre-boil state.

“Pretty neat, huh?” I walked up behind Burke.

“Yeah, it is. I don’t know if I made it strong, weak. We’ll find out.” Burke turned around. “I put the rest of the liquid coffee in a jug to keep it.”

“Thanks,” I folded my arms.

“Where’s he at now?” Burke asked.

I looked over my shoulder. “He was with Nicky. He might be with the kids now. He said he wanted to check on them.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. To be nice.”

“Makes no sense.”

“What?” I chuckled in disbelief over his comment. “What makes no sense?”

“Him being nice,” Burke said. “He comes here. Brings the coffee. Plays doctor making house calls. Why?”

“Burke.”

“No, Jo. Aren’t you curious? I am.” Burke spoke in low voice. “What’s he want? What’s his gain?”

I stared at Burke only a second, then I turned and walked away from him. I didn’t answer. Maybe because I didn’t feel it deserved an answer, or because I didn’t have one. Either way, I was angry that Burke would even ask such a thing.

My search for Tanner brought me to the kid’s room. Simon’s giggles and Tanner’s whispering voice were my guide. I stopped in the doorway, arms folded, watching.

Tanner sat on the bed across from Simon. Simon was jingling the dog tags. “And that’s why I have to wear this funny necklace.” Tanner told Simon.

“So you been a marine a while then?” Davy asked as he sat on the floor.

“A long while,” Tanner answered. “And I’ll let you guys get back to your game.” He brushed his index finger down the bridge of Simon’s nose. “Be good, Simon.”

“I will.” Simon giggled. “And I’m gonna win.”

“I bet you are.” Tanner stood up. He paused, lifted one of Matty’s pictures, chuckled with a shake of his head and set it down. “See ya’ guys.” Turning, he saw me in the door.

“You seem very good with kids,” I said.

“I should be.” Tanner looked back at the kids, then exhaled. “I have ... I had ... three sons. Excuse me.” He walked by me and out of the bedroom.

I felt his air of sadness hit me like a gust of wind. His words left me breathless, and standing there. I hesitated before moving and following him, taking a few moments to think about what I would say to Tanner. I drew a blank.

Tanner was seated at the fire alone when I walked outside. Only two words slipped from my mouth as I made my approach. “I’m sorry.”

Tanner gazed up at me.

In handling the situation, I called upon my experience and feelings as a mother. If anything, what would I want said to me? An acknowledgement of what was told was at least in order. I walked slowly to the campfire and sat down next to him. “How old are your sons?”

Tanner folded his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. “My oldest just turned nineteen. He’s in the service. Stationed in Germany. In fact, that’s where I was just before everything went to shit. Checking on him. Seeing how he’s doing. My other two. Sixteen and fifteen. They were home, with my mother when it happened.”

“Where is home?”

“Washington DC.”

“What are you ... ” I paused. “Never mind.”

“What am I doing here in Pittsburgh?”

I nodded.

“Mobilization of all medical personnel. Especially military med staff.” Tanner took a deep breath. “I could have stayed around the DC area. But ... I knew. You can say I knew for sure about my two sons and mother. I didn’t want to be close.” He winked softly. “My oldest, well, I don’t know if I’ll ever find out for sure. I tried. Useless.” He shrugged.