Dying to Remember (The Station #2) (5 page)

I'm sitting
on the ground of the playroom with three boys and two girls, waiting for the
youngest boy to reach me and pat my head with a 'duck' or 'goose' when the door
opens and Mallory smiles at me from the foyer. I see the flit of yellow fabric
behind her and recognize it instantly. I'm on my feet, kissing the top of the
bewildered boy who has his hand resting on the girl I was sitting next to, and
I'm through the door before Laney has a chance to take her hand off the knob.

After
wiggling through the partially blocked doorway, I step into the foyer to see
Kerry-Anne, who all but throws herself into my arms immediately. It's funny,
every time I see her I expect her to look older. But that won't happen here, of
course. Kerry-Anne will be fifteen forever. And Mallory, like me, will never
age beyond eighteen.

"Hey,
I've missed you," I say with a laugh as Kerry-Anne bounces on her toes
with excitement. She lets go only long enough for Mallory to move in for a
quick hug.

"We keep
missing each other, so I came here as soon as I bumped into Mallory. She told
me you're
working
here," Kerry-Anne has a look of awe on her face
as she visually takes in the room and its meager details. It's the walls that
draw all the attention. The room is devoid of furniture; the only thing of
substance being the admission counter in the center of the room, so the space
seems larger than it really is.

"The
poor girl practically ran here when I told her about your new job,"
Mallory says with a smile.

"Well,
it's temporary, but fun," I say.

Laney steps
into the foyer and ushers us toward the door with her arms stretched out wide,
"Go on, and go take a break. We will be here when you come back," she
says as she gives us a gentle shove out the front door.

"Wow, a
break?" I laugh as the three of us naturally gravitate toward the
fountain.

"I know,
right? Sounds like your job is awesome," Mallory says.

"It has
some perks, that's for sure."

"Have
you heard from Niles? You know, about your volunteer status?" Mallory asks
me as we walk around the fountain rim till we find an open spot large enough
for the three of us to sit down next to each other.

"No, not
yet. Have you even seen him around?"

"I saw
him earlier, talking to that mentor woman…Edith, right?" Kerry-Anne asks.

"Yeah,
Edith. Where were they?"

"Over by
the Training building. It was a while ago. Wish we had days here so we could
figure that sort of stuff out," Kerry-Anne replies.

"Wouldn't
that be nice," I say sarcastically. "I take it Mallory filled you in
on the details?"

"Oh my
gosh, yes. Are you okay, how are you?" Kerry-Anne leans forward and takes
my hand between hers. The bowl that is her shiny black hair bounces around her
ears. I laugh at how large my fingers seem wrapped around her dainty ones.

"I'm
okay; it sure has been a lot to take in."

I glance up
at the passing crowds while Kerry-Anne strokes my hand as a mother would and
talks to me about who-knows what. I've zoned out completely. My eyes are only
focusing on the soft heather-grey shirt that is moving through the milling
people, coming closer to us.

He's barely
stepped out of the group before I whisper his name,
"Sloan."

***

The only time
we break eye contact is when a tall woman with streaks of silver highlighting
her fire-red hair accidentally bumps into Sloan as she passes by him. They
exchange simple apologies and then he's moving slowly toward the fountain
again. The sea-color of his eyes shine brightly even from a distance, and I
instantly get lost in them. The after-world stops around me and I'm swimming in
the blue when Kerry-Anne tugs on my arm.

"Hmm?"
I mumble without blinking.

"Is that
him?"

"Hmm?"

I hear
Kerry-Anne and Mallory whispering beside me but I ignore them. Sloan is now
close enough for us to hear each other speak, if words were something my mouth
could actually form at the moment. My brain has ceased sending basic signals to
the rest of my body. I'm sure I'm not breathing. This seems to be a regular
thing around Sloan…this loss of basic functions.

There is
something about him that draws the eye of everyone he passes. Women do
double-takes, teen girls giggle. The men glare and teen boys scowl. For him to
spot me in the crowd makes me nervous, because those same people then turn
around and stare at
me
. I'm sure anyone watching him assumes he is on
his way to speak with Mallory; Station Barbie Extraordinaire. I glance over at
the leggy blonde and she's smoothing her skirt carefully over her crossed legs
and struggling to keep her mouth closed.

 
Great,
maybe he's coming over to say hi just to meet
her. Without intending to, my
face sets into a frown as Sloan finally reaches the fountain.

"Hey,"
he says quietly while scanning my face.

I nod at him,
sure that my tongue has dissolved into mush and if I open my mouth only
toddler-like babble will come out. After he gestures at the fountain to my
right where no one is sitting nearby, I nod again.
My God, Piper - speak,
girl!

"Hi,"
I say. We are close enough to touch now. And I'm aware I'm not breathing
normally.

"I love
this place," he says as he drops a hand into the water.

"Really?"
I look around, dumbfounded. I've never heard anyone say they
love
the
Station.

"The
fountain, I mean," he says with a smile.

"Oh.
Yeah, me too."

We stare
awkwardly at each other in silence. Great. All coherent speech has failed me
now that he's smiling at me. This is very different from getting a glimpse of
his reflection off the microwave or a three second glance in a bathroom mirror.
I have no words. None. Thankfully, Kerry-Anne speaks, reminding me that there
are still two other people sitting nearby.

"So, you
must be Sloan?" she asks with a big grin plastered on her face.

Suddenly she
reaches her thin arm over my lap to shake his hand. I have to lean backwards to
keep from touching them. She gives me a wink after pulling her hand back and
rests it in her lap.
She did that on purpose…the brat!

Mallory leans
forward and repeats Kerry-Anne's gesture with her own introduction. Both times
Sloan had to lean over me, coming close enough for me to smell him. The
standard Station-issue grapefruit fragrance radiates off his hair and threatens
to choke what little oxygen I have left in my lungs. It takes all my control to
not inhale as deeply as I can when his head is mere inches from my nose.

A few yards
away two women not much older than us but definitely not in our age group are
chatting quietly while batting eyelashes in Sloan's direction. His passive
observation of the women around him reminds me of my time as his Volunteer…when
he seemed uninterested, or distracted, from the beautiful women so eager to
give him attention. I guess he hasn't changed much.

I remember
what it felt like, being inside his mind. The thought that he's sitting right
next to me now, fully aware that I've literally seen him naked, causes a blush
to spread from my neck up into my face. Out of habit I chew on my lower lip,
and as I do I sense him watching me.

Unable to
bear the silence much longer, I ask a question that should distract both of us
from my current embarrassment, "So, how's training going?"

He blinks,
surprised I think, that I brought up the most unpleasant part of a new
arrival's existence at the Station.

"It's
going okay, I guess. I'd rather sit
here
all day, tell you the
truth."

Now he's
smiling again and I can't help but laugh, because that was something I thought
every second of my own training. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Um,
Piper, I need to borrow Kerry-Anne for a second, I'll see you later,
okay?" Mallory says as she pulls Kerry-Anne up to her feet and begins
walking away from the fountain with a smile. I'm not sure if I should scream
for her to stay or give her a gentle kick to send them on their way. I go with
the latter, though I don't actually move, but I give Mallory a knowing wink and
watch as Kerry-Anne's yellow sundress bounces and twirls around her knees with
each step. I clench my jaw to keep from laughing out loud as I hear her
innocent voice questioning Mallory about where they had to rush off to.

"They
seem nice," Sloan says.

I nod in
agreement, "Yeah, they are. Funny that I have more friends now that I'm
dead then I did when I was alive."

"Wow,
that's true. I mean, I didn't have any good friends…and now I have you."
He squirms and I watch as his own cheeks flush a pale shade of pink.

Not sure how
to change the subject, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind,
"Did you know that Mallory was my Volunteer?"

His blue eyes
widen slightly, "No. I didn't."

"Yeah,
she was with me…you know, when I ended it."

"How did
you?"

"How did
I do what…kill myself?

He winces but
nods his head.

"Pills."

Sloan looks
out into the direction that Mallory and Kerry-Anne hurried off to with a slight
nod. "Do you regret it?"

For a moment
I'm quiet, thinking about his words carefully. Not that I haven't mulled them
around incessantly in my own brain since the moment I woke outside the massive
Station gates.

"Yes. I
do."

"I
wonder if I would have still done it, had you stayed with me."

My mouth
drops open so far I'm afraid my jaw has come unhinged. I jump when he shifts so
that his torso is facing me, bending his left knee in such a way that makes our
legs touch. I stare at him, unable to move, unable to blink. And there is
no
question now; I am definitely
not
breathing.

He shifts
even closer, like he's about to share a secret, placing both his hands on
either side of the fountain rim, and for a second I'm terrified he might kiss
me. But instead he says, "I'm sorry I didn't thank you before. I should
have. I remember what you did for me, and I'm sorry I didn't keep your words
with me after you left."

Something in
my brain kicks it into over-drive and I'm able to find words briefly even
though the emotionless syllables fall out of my mouth like pebbles. "I'm
sure it's just the feeling of me that you remember. You know, like an
impression." I try and laugh but Sloan shakes his head.

"No. I
remember you. I remember all of it. The early morning runs. The
pineapple…" he pauses and we both laugh softly, "…and I remember the
baseball glove. All of it. It was you there, not some
impression
."

"Oh. I-I
don't know what to say, Sloan." And it's true.

"I know.
I just, well…wanted you to know I'm thankful, is all. And I'm sorry."

"Don't
ever apologize. Not to me. Okay?" I ask him.

"Thanks."

His faded
jeans feel soft against my bare thigh as he leans forward and brushes his lips
against my cheek before quickly pulling away with a shy grin. First my heart
implodes, shrinking into itself before popping like an explosion inside my
chest. This process seems to repeat a million times over the next five seconds
as we simply watch one another.

"I
should get back…you know, to the Training Department," he eventually says
while standing. The muscles in his arm ripple slightly as he raises a hand up
to his hair, pushing the dark waves back off his forehead.

"Me
too." I jump up a bit too fast, nearly bumping into his chest.
"Sorry," I say with a laugh.

A smile
erupts across his face while he repeats what I said to him not a minute ago,
"Don't ever apologize. Not to me. Okay?"

After we grin
at each other and wave our goodbyes, we walk away in opposite directions across
the Station. Even with the massive fountain in between us, I've turned around
twice to find him in the crowd looking over his shoulder, smiling at me.

I practically
skip my way back to the Ones building. The negative rain cloud that had been
hovering over me, threatening to wring itself out on my head, was finally
drifting away. I had been dying to remember this feeling and now I had it
again. No matter what it took, I was holding on to this with all my might, like
a crazed rodeo rider.

I finally feel…happy.

If I thought
the exceedingly happy mood that has me perched atop my favorite velvet throne
would last very long I'm mistaken after I enter the Ones building. Niles is
standing near the counter talking to Laney. I know the moment I see him that he
is there to give me news about my volunteering status.
Poof goes my throne.

"Hey,
Piper. You really are a popular girl today," says Laney with a tight
smile.

"I guess
so," I try and laugh but it sounds more like a vocal seizure.

"Piper,
I came to collect you," Niles says, all business.

"Collect
me?" I try and laugh again, but the sound is simply unpleasant so I snap
my mouth shut to avoid any more verbal diarrhea, and nod a goodbye at Laney
while moving back outside with Niles.

I allow my
eyes a few seconds to readjust to the brightness around us. He places an arm
loosely around my shoulders as we begin walking and says in a comforting tone,
"Before I tell you where we are going and who we will be speaking with, I
need you to understand you aren't in trouble. You've done nothing wrong, okay
dear?"

I don't trust
my voice so I only nod.

"I'm
taking you to see the Mentors and…" he pauses to glance around us, and
only when he seems satisfied that no one is close enough to hear, he continues,
"…and the
Keeper
."