Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress (8 page)

Thomas:

Yup.

Priss:

Oh, I can see that. Would you mind if I
tagged along to see the dragon?

David:

Sure! Come along! (Exit David and Priss)

(Enter Knights’ Girls who step forward and
deliver their lines as a chorus.)

Knights’ Girls:

They hunt for a dragon, and we say OH
MY!

Some fellow among them might possibly
die,

Dragons are scary and can make one dead,

Then there’d be one less bachelor to
wed.

Nothing good comes from hunting dragons,

These boys should stick to baseball and red
wagons.

(Exit Knights’ Girls. Enter Britomart, who
confronts Sir Thomas.)

Britomart:

Halt Knight!

Thomas:

Okay.

Britomart:

I am Britomart, Lady Knight. I am cursed to
challenge all the knights in Celestria until I am defeated.

Thomas:

Okay. (They fight)

Britomart:

Alas, you are doomed, Knight. You see I am
destined to slay every foe I face until I meet the simplest man in
the realm. (They continue to fight.)

Thomas:

Okay. (He strikes and she falls.) Goodbye.
(Thomas exits.)

Britomart:

But Wait!

(Steps forward and speaks to the sky.)

Oh, great guardians above,

Can this thing I feel be love,

I’ve been defeated by his sword,

But his face has struck a chord,

Of love within this sad, sad breast,

I now of men have found the best!

(Exit Britomart)

(Enter the Queen)

Queen:

Alas! Why is it that I was not married to a
man who could love me? I have been a dutiful daughter and a dutiful
wife. I have born two strong young Princes to be heirs to my
husband. All I desire in life is love, and love is the one thing I
do not have.

(Folds her hands in prayer)

I ask the sky and stars above,

Why is it I cannot have love,

Though many years we two are wed,

He does not care if I am dead,

A cold and wintery life is this,

If never falls a wedded bliss,

If he shall never know love true,

Then I forever shall be blue.

(Enter Phoebe)

Phoebe:

Your Majesty. Your royal father has sent you
a gift.

Queen:

What is it?

Phoebe:

This royal locket. It was forged high in the
mountains by the cloud giants for Queen Nepsis of the
Antediluvians. Now it is yours.

Queen:

It is very beautiful. Pity it cannot bring
me love.

Phoebe:

Take heart, Majesty. Love will come for you
someday. You will get what you deserve. Everyone does.

Queen:

You always know what to say, Phoebe. (Exit
Queen)

Phoebe:

It is my duty and my charge, Your Majesty,
to always say the right thing. Even when there is no right thing to
say, I still say it. And who appreciates it? Only the Queen. No one
else. (Exit Phoebe)

(Enter the King)

King:

I am tired of ruling. Perhaps I should give
the city over to a regent and go upon a crusade against the goblins
or the Eskimos.

(More Poetry)

The crown lies heavy on the head,

And chases sleep from out my bed,

The people, nobles-- beggars too,

All count on me. You know it’s true,

And who have I to count upon?

None but those who grovel and faun,

On Myo’s arm I sometimes lean,

Though she has prove she’s quite mean,

For the Prince’s help I would be
pleased,

But his tutors say he’s RPCed,

So I’m alone and feeling weary,

I order all eyes to be teary!

(The king lies down to sleep. Enter Penny,
sneaking. She pours a potion on the king’s head.)

King:

(Waking) What is this? An assassin! (Grabs
Penny) Guards!

Penny:

Alas, I am always being grabbed.

King:

You shall squeal.

Penny:

Like a stuck pig, Your Majesty.

King:

You will spill the beans.

Penny:

Like a rotten gunny-sack, Your Majesty.

King:

You will tell me your master’s name.

Penny:

Like a scared school girl!

(Enter the Queen, wearing the locket and
Phoebe)

King:

(Seeing the Queen) Oh sweet angel. Oh
blessed thing! Oh object of my desires! Where did you come
from?

Queen:

Well, I’ve been here all the time.

King:

Was I so blind that I could not see such a
goddess, such a creation, such a vision?

Queen:

Yes. Yes you were.

King:

Come with me. We will never be apart
again.

(Exit King and Queen)

Phoebe: I must confess that I know not what
to say. (To Penny) You had best come with me.

Penny:

Yes.

(Exit Phoebe and Penny. Enter Myolaena.)

Myolaena:

Here’s one of my pretty plots brought to
ruin by wretched chance. Fear not. I have others. (Exits)

(Enter Waiting Women, who step forward and
deliver their lines as a chorus.)

Waiting Women:

Our dreams have been answered: Hooray for
the Queen,

We’re happier now than we’ve ever been,

No more will we have to mop up her
tears,

We shall sit and enjoy her laughter for
years.

The timing is perfect for this to come
‘bout,

The Prince is grown up and about to move
out,

We are so happy for the Queen we do
love,

And wish that all the world might find
love.

Unfortunately we’re all mired in such
bogs,

Life would be better if men weren’t such
dogs.

(Enter David, Thomas, and Priss)

Priss:

Well, we’ve searched every cave and cavern
in the countryside.

David:

I don’t understand why the dragon wasn’t
there.

Priss:

Perhaps he flew south for the winter.

David:

Sir Drake never mentioned anything about
that at the academy.

Priss:

Perhaps the dragon heard you were coming and
was frightened away.

David:

That’s probably it! And what dragon wouldn’t
be frightened to see us coming?

Priss:

(Steps forward to address the audience with
his poem.)

Oh what fools these humans be,

And they have yet to watch TV,

I’ll be you gold coins to tomatoes,

They turn into old couch potatoes,

They dance like puppets on little
strings,

When I feel the need to stretch my
wings,

And when I feel the need to play,

Like tennis balls they mark the day,

There is one fair human maid,

In quest of whom some plans I’ve laid,

And she may soon be quite dismayed,

And that…

David:

(Steps forward and interrupts Priss with his
own poem.)

The gods above have shined on me,

And shed their tears for they can see,

That among them, none’s my match,

And for women, I’m a catch.

I have the sharpest rapier wit,

Of knowledge, I have every bit,

Of beauty, there can be none better,

All women love but none can fetter,

I must be free to roam and venture,

Till I am old, and… um… and need a
denture.

(Enter Myolaena)

Myolaena:

I would be happy. I would be merry. If
they’d burn the rhyming dictionary!

Thomas:

What? Ho!

David:

Stop Sorceress! The king has ordered your
arrest.

Myolaena:

Arrest me? How can a fuzzy kitten arrest me?
You are a fuzzy kitten! (Waves her hands to cast a spell, but
nothing happens.) What’s wrong? You are a fuzzy kitten!

David:

It’s no use Sorceress. My friend Priss has
given me a charm to protect me from your spells.

(Enter the King)

King:

You have conspired against me, Myolaena. You
must be punished.

Myolaena:

You can’t do anything to me. You need me.
Who will protect you from the hordes of goblins and monsters? Who
will enchant your armor, breed your winged horses, or transport
your armies through the ether? You need me.

King:

Quite right, and besides the results of your
plots have rendered me a certain service, in providing me with the
most delightful creation of womanhood.

(Enter the Queen. She takes the King’s
hand.)

King:

But you must be kept in check. I have
decided you must be married. Your husband will become the object of
your plots, and save the rest of us much trouble. You shall marry
Sir David!

David:

Sire! I like this not!

Myolaena:

No! I’ll not be given over to that braggart.
I’d turn myself into a toad first. I would rather marry that great
fool, Sir Frontal Lobotomy (gestures at Thomas).

King:

Very well. Marry Sir Thomas.

Thomas:

Okay.

(Enter Britomart)

Britomart:

Hold! I claim this man by right of his
conquest. No man has ever made me feel the way that he has.

Myolaena:

Supreme. Another melon-head heard from.

Britomart:

Can you imagine going through life with the
thought that there may be no one for you to love? Can you imagine
living such a terrible life?

Queen:

I understand your pain, Lady Knight.

Myolaena:

Oh, can we just get on with this?

King:

Very well. Sir Thomas will marry the lady
warrior.

Thomas:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a wife now,

Yup.

King:

We will have to find another husband for
you, Sorceress.

Priss:

If it please your Majesty, I will have the
wench.

King:

Fine. The wedding will be on the morrow.
(Exit King, Queen, Knights)

Priss:

Come now my wife to be. I will show you whom
your husband really is.

Myolaena:

I cannot marry just anyone. My husband must
be of noble ancestry.

Priss:

My dear. I can trace my family back to the
dinosaurs.

Myolaena:

What is it about you that I find strangely
compelling? It’s as if I can refuse you nothing.

Priss:

Oh, how I have wanted you. I’ve laid plots
and cast spells to bring all this about. I will show you arcane
mysteries that you can only imagine.

Myolaena:

Oooh, keep talking that way.

The End.

Wesley Allison lives in Henderson, Nevada
with his wife Victoria, daughter Rebecca, his son John, and their
iguana Cissy. He has taught English and History at B. Mahlon Brown
Junior High School for sixteen years.

Books by Wesley Allison

Princess of Amathar

His Robot Girlfriend

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress

And coming soon:

Senta and the Steel Dragon

Mike Smith's life was crap, living all alone,
years after his wife had died and his children had grown up and
moved away. Then he saw the commercial for the Daffodil. Far more
than other robots, the Daffodil could become anything and
everything he wanted it to be. Mike's life is about to change.