Earth (11 page)

“You could tell him you’re a lesbian. Then he
can’t get mad at you,” Steven said with a big grin on his face.

“If he thinks I’m dating Jensen, that won’t
work.”

“Shay, you’re dating the new guy?” Crystal
asked as she suddenly appeared next to us in the wave of students
entering the school. She looked completely awe-struck as she looked
at me.

“No! No! Crystal, that’s not what I said!” I
tried to explain quickly, but she was shuffled away from us in the
press of bodies and I didn’t think she heard me. She just kept
glancing back at me with a smile until she found a couple of other
girls we knew and bent her head towards them. I had the sinking
feeling that I was the topic of discussion. “Oh no…” I groaned
miserably. I heard Jodi and Steven snickering together at my
despair. At least Jodi was no longer glaring sideways at me. “Oh
shut up, you two!” I snapped, shoving Steven sideways into Jodi,
but they just erupted in hysterical laughter.

I heard the whispers and saw the glances all
day and spent most of my energy blocking out the emotions of the
girls in most of my classes. I felt the knives of jealousy, the
tingle of curiosity, and wanted nothing more than to throttle Tracy
every time I saw her. She was probably the object of some of those
same feelings, but she was lucky enough not to have to deal with
feeling them like me.

I was so grateful to get into my fifth hour
teacher assistant elective; all the girls in that class were
sophomores and weren’t as aware of the junior class dramas. Another
reason why I loved this elective was because of Mrs. Porter. I had
taken her History class last year and aced it and, since I took so
much of her grading off of her hands, she pretty much let me do
whatever I wanted if I was having a bad day.

“Hey, Mrs. Porter,” I whispered to her, ten
minutes into class, crouching down by her desk and handing her a
stack of freshly graded essays I had done yesterday. I was
whispering because she had set a pop quiz and the class was silent
as a tomb. She even went so far as to turn out the lights to
discourage cheating, only the dim light from the windows let them
see their papers.

“Hi, honey,” she smiled at me, taking the
papers with a grateful sigh. “Are you ok?” she asked, knitting her
eyebrows at me.

“Kind of a crappy day,” I said, shrugging as
if it was no big deal.

“Oh, well, honey, why don’t you just sit in
the back and relax. Read a book or catch up on some homework or
whatever. Here,” She reached for her purse and a hall pass. She
pulled out two one dollar bills and pressed them with the pass into
my hands. “Go get us each a soda out of one of the machines and
then just sit back there and relax.” I loved this woman.

“Sure, thanks!” I whispered brightly. “Diet,
right?” Most women over 25 drink diet even if they are thin, like
Mrs. Porter.

“Right,” She winked at me before I stood up
and walked out. I took a deep breath after I shut the door behind
me, smiling to myself. There was something special about being
outside of class when everyone else was trapped inside. It was like
being home alone. I decided to take my time on my errand, choosing
a soda machine that wasn’t the closest one to class, planning to
explain that the closer one was out of diet.

I crossed the quad so that if someone asked
me where I was going I could easily say the bathroom and be in the
right direction. I was enjoying my walk, trying to be careful not
to take too long, when I heard someone walking along behind me. I
was in school in the middle of the day surrounded by full
classrooms, so I wasn’t worried, but, like anyone else, I had to
look over my shoulder to see who it was.

I saw, as I glanced as casually as I could,
the figure of a guy leaning into his locker, rummaging through the
items inside, but the locker door obstructed my view of his face. I
couldn’t stare long enough to see who it was or else I’d risk
looking completely obvious, so I just continued to the soda machine
around the corner and ran right into Jensen. Literally ran into
him. His chest was like a wall of bricks and I stumbled backwards,
losing my balance. He reached out and caught my hand in his to
steady me. How mortifying! And the only rational way to deal with
mortification is to get irrationally angry.

“Are you kidding? You’re following me now?” I
said as incredulously as I could.

“Actually, you ran into me, so really I could
ask you the same question and not sound as irrational as you.” He
was in my head again.

“Then excuse me.” I sounded like an insolent
brat, but I couldn’t help myself. There was just something about
Jensen that bothered me and since I couldn’t figure it out, I just
lashed out and reacted.

“You’re excused.” He was smirking as if he
found me amusing and that just stoked the fire in my emotions. I
huffed a little and bit my tongue as I stepped around him, walking
to the soda machine, punching the buttons a little harder than
necessary. I didn’t really expect him to go away, but it still
bugged me that he stayed. “That doesn’t seem like an appropriate
use of a hall pass…”

“Well, when the teacher specifically asks you
to go get her a soda, then really, it is appropriate.” Why was I
explaining myself to him? “And what about you?” I turned to face
him, both sodas balanced in my left hand. “Loitering the halls
hardly seems any better.”

“Leavin’ early.” He flashed a small slip of
paper I recognized as an off-campus pass and leaned casually
against the wall in front of me.

“You don’t seem in a hurry to go.”

“I didn’t think I’d be running into you.”
That natural smile I had admired didn’t make another appearance and
I realized I was hoping it would. Time to go.

“Well, I have to go back to class,” I didn’t
want to look like I was trying to get away from him as if he made
me nervous, but I didn’t want to hang around either.

“You always seem like you’re in such a hurry
to get away from me.” Jensen was smiling down at me, not enough to
show teeth, and I suddenly had the mental image of a lion having
trapped his prey.

“It’s not that I’m in a hurry to get away
from you,” I said as I stepped around him, making my way to the
open space of the quad. “I just have to get back; it should only
take so long to get a couple of sodas.” I turned and started
walking away. I could feel his eyes on my back, but I just squared
my shoulders and refused to look back.

In English, Jodi noticed that although Ian
was in class, Jensen was not. I chose not to enlighten her about my
meeting with him when she asked if I had any guesses where he might
be. I had a strange sense of disappointment when I stared at his
empty chair in front of me, just now realizing how much of my
English class was now spent tracing patterns in the freckles on his
neck. History was just as uneventful. No one to sneak glances at,
no gnawing in my stomach wondering if glances were being snuck of
me. I was really getting on my own nerves.

I was never so happy to have a week be over.
I had never been the topic of so much gossip and superficial
dislike; female jealousy was a strange and dangerous thing. The
game tonight was an away game and Jodi never expected us to go to
those. Since I was going to be taking care of Steven’s cousin’s
room tomorrow, I told them I needed the night to prepare, so they
didn’t give me any grief. Steven promised to go anyway so Jodi
wouldn’t be left alone and that caused any feelings of
disappointment to fade quickly from her face.

I wasn’t kidding about needing the night to
prepare since the blessing would be done in the middle of the day
to draw on sun energy, but I was also really looking forward to
some alone time. I spent the evening watching mindless T.V. and
taking a long hot bath before curling up into extra covers and
pillows, hoping the relaxing environment would chase any nightmares
away. I was wrong.

I woke up in the darkness somewhere between
too late and too early to know what time it was, gasping for breath
and tasting moist earth. I had clawed at something in my dream and
mimicked it in real life, snagging jagged scrapes in the extra
blanket I had draped around me. The dream was fading from me faster
than any of the others ever had. It was like catching glimpses of
the countryside through the breaks of a passing train. Green and
yellow and silver light blurring past me. Falling again as freezing
air whipped passed me. My hands reaching for anything to catch my
fall. My knee coming down hard on a moss covered stone and the
searing pain racing up my thigh. A hand reaching out and taking
mine, pulling me from the ground. Jensen’s worried face, urging me
to hurry, his voice in my head but his lips not moving. And finally
the raking claws on my right calf.

I didn’t have to check my leg to know the
welts were there, raised and angry. My breathing was still ragged.
I didn’t try too hard to steady it, allowing myself the time to be
scared and upset since my dream self couldn’t have that luxury.

Part of me knew I needed to investigate these
dreams, stop them somehow. They were obviously too dangerous, I
shouldn’t be waking up with injuries. But seeing as how each time
the thing touched me it was losing more and more ground, maybe next
time it wouldn’t be able to touch me at all and I could simply
escape the dream in its natural resolution.

But there wasn’t anything natural about this
dream. I wasn’t even completely confidant that it was just a dream.
I think I cried myself to sleep, after having turned the T.V. back
on for some comforting light and ambient noise. It was a blessedly
dark and dreamless sleep.

I woke up entirely drained, feeling as though
I might as well have not slept at all. I couldn’t dwell on that
though; I was doing a blessing in just a couple of hours and needed
to be in a calm, neutral mood. I took my time getting ready, going
through three cups of coffee and causing my mom to yell at me from
the living room to make another pot when she heard the third cup
being poured. Caffeine addiction is hereditary.

I had told Steven to meet me at his aunt’s
house at eleven thirty so that we had a half hour to set up and
make sure everyone was out of the house. His cousin, Alexis, was
eight months old, but apparently had never been able to sleep in
her own room. She cried anytime she was left alone, but she never
really calmed down, even when someone was in there with her. I had
a feeling I would be banishing something today.

When I pulled up in front of Steven’s aunt’s
house, there were more cars parked on the street than usual and I
had the horrible impression that all of the owners were inside the
house I was going into. I don’t advertise what we do; people ask
questions, or talk and rumors start to spread. I took a deep breath
and grabbed the backpack I brought with me and walked up to the
front door. Steven opened it before I could knock and pulled me
inside with a hug.

“Hey!” He said brightly and I was overwhelmed
with the most fantastic, mouth-watering aromas. I would be forced
to stay for lunch when we were done. I composed myself and hitched
a glare onto my face. “I know, I know! But don’t worry, they’re all
outside and most of them don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Most?” I asked in a strangled whisper.

“Well, my aunt and mom, obviously, and my
Abuela.
” he listed off easily.

“She’s not gonna throw holy water on me again
is she?” The first time I met Steven’s grandmother, it hadn’t gone
smoothly.

“No!” He said, waving his hands at me
frantically. “She misunderstood, you know, you being white and
all.”

“Promise?” I demanded.

“Yes, she was the one who insisted on lunch
to thank you.”

“Oh… well, then, I guess that’s ok.” There
was no way I was going to say no to homemade Mexican food.

“So, where’s Jodi?” Steven asked.

“She’s not feeling great,” I said as I slowly
turned around, trying to get a feel for the entire house. “I got a
text from her before I left that said she was gonna try to knock
out on cold meds to get better.”

“Ah,” Steven said simply with a nod of his
head.

“Ok, go out and get Alexis, make sure your
aunt knows to keep everyone out, and I mean it. Until we’re done no
one can come in.” I turned to go find Alexis’ room when Steven
stopped me.

“We’re done? I’m helping?” He looked
genuinely confused.

“Of course?” It came out a question. Why
wouldn’t he want to help?

“Oh, ok…”

“What’s up? You don’t want to help?”
“No! I do, I just thought you understood they won’t think I can do
this stuff.” He gestured at the room at large.

“If they stay out, they wont see you do
anything. Mostly you’re just helping me, you can tell them that.
Like handing me stuff or helping set up.”

“That’s not all I’m doing, right?” He seemed
offended.

“Of course not! Right now you’re going to go
get Alexis.” I grinned at him and walked away. I didn’t need him to
tell me where her room was; the heavy angry energy was pulling me
towards it. Before I opened the door, which was white with Alexis’
name decorated on it at chest level, I mimicked a pentagram over my
body the way a Catholic would cross himself. I took one last breath
of fresh air before I opened the door and stepped in.

No wonder the poor baby couldn’t sleep in
here! Who could? It was practically rancid, but I knew the parents
couldn’t feel it. Children can still see and feel the magical world
around us. As we grow up we lose our belief and eventually can’t
see it or feel it unless, like Steven, Jodi and I, we work very
hard at keeping our eyes open.

I had laid out a large white cloth on the
floor, set up a bowl of consecrated water at one corner, a bowl of
pure dirt in another and a candle in the middle when Steven came
in, a plastic bag in one hand and Alexis on his hip. She was trying
to get away from him when he stepped inside, but I knew it was more
that she was trying to get out of the room. Then she looked and saw
me and smiled a huge, nearly toothless smile at me, reaching her
arms out to me excitedly. I laughed and reached for her,
transferring her to my hip and bouncing her instinctively.