East of Redemption (Love on the Edge #2) (25 page)

Her eyes shifted to the floor, and she hugged her arms around herself. It only took a moment for it to click in my overtired, overexcited brain. My shoulders dropped.

“That’s not what this is about, though, is it? It’s because
you
won’t be here.” I swallowed the rock that had lodged in my throat. I’d thought, perhaps, she’d want to stick around for a beat, give me enough time to make everything I’d done wrong up to her. “That’s understandable.” I nearly choked on the words. “I promise to keep you updated on the excavation’s progress, if you’ll allow me.”

She snapped her eyes up to me. “
Keep me updated
?” She scoffed and popped her hands on her hips.

I braced myself.

“I’ve stayed with you throughout every single one of the life-threatening, bullshit obstacles that has gotten in our way. I never turned back when I had more than grounds to do so.” She didn’t need to yell, her quiet tone was sharper than any amount of screaming ever could be. “And now that I need a minute to think about what happens once we set foot outside this cave, you shut down? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What would you have me do, Rain?” I stepped closer to her. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t see your father’s death all over me. Tell me you don’t see me as a murderer.”

“You’re not a murderer.” Fresh tears coated her eyes, the battle in them clear.

“Maybe not, but if I’d made
one
right choice that day . . . he wouldn’t have died—”

“Stop!” She finally yelled, and it felt good, the raw power in her scream. I deserved worse. “You have to stop, Easton. You can’t keep this up. He would’ve never blamed you, and I know that because I don’t, and I was his fucking carbon copy.”

I swallowed hard, the pain in my chest cracking, like a chisel hammered into its center. “You can’t say it.”

“What?” She asked.

“You still haven’t said it.”

She pressed her lips into a line.

“You see why I’ve pushed you away all this time? The look in your eyes right there.” There wasn’t much left to hurt within me, but that look managed to hit every single exposed nerve I had left. “You see him.”

She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head. “If you believe that, then ask yourself the same question.” She opened her eyes, fresh tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m your mirror, Compass. You look at me and see only the darkness in yourself.” Her shoulders dropped, the fight clearly going out of her. “I don’t know where we go from here”—she motioned around the chamber—“but you have to lead the way.”

The realization that there was still work to do—and not knowing if she referred to that or where we went from this point in our relationship—snapped me worse than a broken rappel line.

With no words capable of explaining what I wanted from her—forgiveness and love I didn’t deserve—I simply pointed to the table. “Have to load up what we can. Then we can move.”

She silently packed away a variety of the precious stones and a few goblets, while I took an instrument that weighed more than any trumpet I’d ever picked up. Once I triple checked that our packs were secure, I tilted her chin up to meet my eyes. “There is a significant weight difference now. You’ll have to adjust your balance for it.”

“Got it.”

Her voice was soft, defeated. The happiness we’d shared in the find had disappeared. Reality weighed heavier than the treasure in our packs, and the closer we got to the cave’s entrance, the worse I felt.

I should’ve been ecstatic. I’d made a discovery that the world would soon swoon over. I’d honored Harrison’s death by returning to the cave that swallowed him and locating the treasure he’d spent his whole life hunting. And I’d told Rain the truth. Though, where I had been stupid enough to hope for redemption, I quickly realized I would get exactly what I deserved—a lonely life full of study, survival, and risk. Not love.

By the time the cool night air hit my face as we left the cave behind and returned to camp, I’d accepted my fate. At least I’d had her back for a few fleeting moments. That was more than I could have ever asked for. As she retired to her tent, and me to my still-standing branch enclosure, I prayed at least some day, even if it was decades from now, she’d forgive me.

Rain

THE TRIP BACK
to the small village where we’d stayed before embarking on the expedition went much faster and smoother than the trek out here. My hatred for Corrine doubled, realizing how safer we would’ve been if we hadn’t been forced to lose them so they wouldn’t discover the treasure’s location.

And for a damn good reason. I would rather take the dangerous road six times over than have her or her team anywhere near my dad’s cave. Near the treasure he’d talked about, hunted for, since before I was born.

Despite the quicker trip back, it was still long in the sense that I had no idea what to say to Easton. He’d shut down after we’d spilled the dark truths in the depths of that cave—him with the guilt he carried, and me with the uncertainty of how either of us could look at each other without causing the opposite a significant amount of unnecessary pain. Right now, I only saw his back—how he had left me, stripped me of any right to fight for our relationship when I would’ve done anything to keep him regardless of what had happened with my father. And that pain sliced open the old wound as if I was eighteen years old again, fatherless, and without the love of my life.

He had adopted his robotic “I’ll keep you updated” bullshit tone instead of saying what was on his damn mind.

I would’ve spoken my mind, if I’d been able to sort through one of the millions of emotions attacking my heart. I felt like I’d completely taken on the weight of Easton’s secret, and while I was happy to lift the load from him—because regardless of his actions, he didn’t deserve to live like that—I still had a hard time
breathing,
let alone figuring out how to handle him now that we weren’t obligated by an expedition to work with each other.

Unloading our packs into the same hotel room we’d left was both a relief and totally sucked. In the mountain range we’d shared something. We’d gotten a taste of how exquisite it could’ve been between us all these years had he not intentionally pushed me away.

Now, back in reality, where showers thankfully existed alongside food and wine, the magic feeling of being the only two people in the world had burst, and I mourned the loss.

“I’m going to call the IAA,” Easton said. The first words he’d uttered to me in the last three hours.

“Shower.” Leaving him at the nightstand where he’d picked up the phone, I climbed under the scalding hot water minutes later.

It was the most glorious shower I’d ever experienced, just hot enough to burn the dirt and grit out of my skin. I was thankful Easton was making good on the promise I’d made to the
Safegaurds,
whom I was sure would get wind of our return before we’d even eaten. I thought about asking Easton to include them in the excavation of the cave, after he’d made a proper, legal claim on it, but it wasn’t my place. This was his find, and he would run the dig how he wanted, and
with
whomever he wanted.

And I honestly didn’t know if that included me. How could it? I obviously acted as a portal to the most painful moment of his life. Even if he truly did want me to stick around, how could I do that to him? To me? It hurt like hell thinking of the years he’d robbed from us—how one choice altered the course of our lives.

The memory of his body against mine, his lips, his scent, took over my thoughts as I towel dried my hair. It replayed with such sensory strength, my entire body reacted, my skin tingling in all the places he’d touched, my nipples hardening against the fabric of the robe I wore. An ache wrenched between my thighs, the powerful need as strong as it’d ever been. Maybe there would never be a time where I didn’t want Easton to consume me. So, I knew where my body stood. My heart? She was a complicated, broken-once-before bitch who needed to get a grip before she let it happen again.

Because how else could this end? Maybe we stayed together and we’d be happy for a period of time, but then one day Easton would wake up and look at me and realize I was nothing but a reminder of the worst day of his life. And then he’d leave me again. Make the decision without including me. Just like he had. And this time, knowing what I did now, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to put the pieces of my heart back together again.

Easton

IT TOOK SEVERAL
emailed pictures of what we’d taken out of Harrison’s cave before the IAA believed me. Once they did, we were in business, and within an hour I’d received the general mock-up claims form—which I’d requested be placed in Harrison’s name. I’d also called Calev, buying another favor with a promise to let him poke around once the excavation started. He was a good man, and definitely not the one who’d ratted out our location to Corrine, and the information I wanted had been well worth the promise.

“I ordered you some food,” I said as Rain finally came out of the bathroom. She’d been in there for so long and been so quiet, I’d worried she’d fallen asleep.

“Thank you. I’d wait a few minutes before you hop in. I may have used most of the hot water.”

“You think?” I tried extremely hard to not focus on how unbelievably delicious she looked. Her hair was still wet and hung down to her shoulders, her skin pink and soft in the parts peeking out from the thick, hotel robe she wore. “That’s all right,” I finally said, not at all thinking about how nothing but a piece of terrycloth covered her body. “I only need a quick one, and then I have some business to handle. Will you be okay?”

“Of course. What business?”

“Things I need to check up on.” I wasn’t going to lie to her if she pressed further, but I really didn’t want her to know. She’d be against it, or would want to come. Neither did I have the energy to handle at the moment.

She sighed and sank onto the bed. “All right.”

“Eat. Get some rest. We’ll figure out everything else in the morning.”

I walked into the bathroom, diving into a much-needed cold shower. When I finished, dressed in fresh clothes that made me feel like an entirely new man, Rain was already tearing into the sandwich I’d ordered her. I snatched mine off the tray and devoured it in a matter of bites.