Eat the Ones You Love (The Thirteen Book 2) (11 page)

“Jen, stop,” Declan said softly. “Stop this. You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes I do,” she said. “You think that you’re suffering now, Deck. And you are. But what they did to us in that place, and then what Sully did to me after, I can’t even tell you how fucking horrific it is. I can’t tell you how much pain we went through. I can’t even tell you how many times I died because I don’t even fucking know.”

“I’m sorry I said those things,” he said. “Please.”

“This isn’t about what you said,” Jenny said. “Faron is like me, too. But I suspect he’s an improved design, just like I’m a fucking improved design over her, whoever she is. He can die and come back to life and he’s dangerous. But he must have gone through even more than I did. Because there was no anesthetic at that point. At least I got it in the beginning. But even that isn’t the point. Benji knows where Faron is, so we think we know where to find that crazy fucker. And we will. Eventually.” Jenny looked down at the file again, at the coffee stain, at the notes scribbled in pencil. “I’m telling you all this because I have a sister. I have a fucking sister out there. And if you don’t want to help me find her, I’ll understand. I know Trix is on board and that will be enough. But I will be fucking goddamned if I’m going to let someone else like me be alone. Someone
just
like me. I won’t leave my family to fend for themselves ever again. I shouldn’t have left Casey even for one second. But I did. And now he’s dead.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Trix. She shrugged. “I know I said it was, but it wasn’t. We all knew what we were getting into. We could have left. Casey died and that’s sad as fuck. But it wasn’t your fault. It was Sully’s fucking fault. And if I could kill that motherfucker over and over again for all eternity, I would.”

Jenny nodded. She looked at Benji. “I’m not leaving you behind, Benji. If you don’t want to go I’ll understand. But if you do, you’re family.” Benji nodded at her, holding his face. The edges of his neck wound were starting to turn black.
 

Jenny looked at Declan. “When Faron asked me to leave with him, he said you could never love me, Declan. He said you and Trix weren’t like me. That’s fucking true. But I think he was lying about the love. I know that Trix loved Casey. I know that when I was dead, I had to fight myself because I loved you so much. I wanted to save you from myself.” He was staring into her, the way he used to, and she didn’t look away. “I know you’re really angry right now, and when you need to eat, it gets worse. I get it and I’m sorry. But if you don’t love me, maybe we should go our own ways. If you love me, though, help me find my sister.” Jenny felt a moment of
déjà vu
, but ignored it.

Declan smoothed back his hair just as he always had when he was alive and Jenny’s heart broke.

 
“Same as it ever was,” he said. “You’re not losing me that easy.”

Jenny relaxed and nodded to Trix. “Okay then. Load up the car. Let’s go find some Dregs.”

FOURTEEN

The car sputtered and came to a stop just inside Boulder. Jenny looked out at the small, deserted city. Wildlife had completely taken over, with vines and small trees growing in the middle of the street, and the mountains, as ever, looming above them. She didn’t like this place. Too quiet, and too many non-human species of animals. She thought of the mountain lion, sharing its prey, and seeming to accept her as a partner in killing. Here they would be just one among many species of killers. She hated the feeling that they were the monsters now.
 

But she didn’t really have much of a choice.

She looked at Declan.

“I thought we had forty miles left.”

Declan tried to shrug, but his midsection shifted and he grimaced.
 

“Maybe they drained the tank the same way they took the jugs of diesel,” said Trix.

“Maybe,” said Declan. “Jen, leave me behind. I can’t walk into town.”

“Fuck you, Munro,” Jenny said. “Wait here. We’ll find a way.”

Declan looked down at himself. He shook his head and looked at her. “Come on. I’ve held you back long enough.”

“Held me back from what?” Jenny said. “Just hang on. Trix, give him a knife.”

“Fuck you, what am I going to use?”

“Take his axe,” said Jenny. “He’s too weak to use it.”

Declan gritted his teeth.

“It’s not a commentary on your manhood,” Jenny said, irritated. “Just sit tight until we come back, okay? Do that for me?”

Declan finally nodded and Jenny, Trix and Benji got out of the car. Benji had taken a page out of Declan’s book and wrapped a piece of fabric around his neck, but couldn’t do much but paste a large bandage over his cheek.
 

“What are we supposed to do?” Benji said, his voice quiet, but clearly enunciated now. Jenny noticed that he didn’t like to move his jaw much. She suddenly felt guilty for complaining about her unwanted ability to regenerate. Benji was missing part of his face and neck. Forever.
 

“We can’t go to Expo,” said Trix.

“Why?” Benji said.

“We just can’t,” said Jenny.
 

“Time to find out where these fucking Colorado Dregs hang out,” said Trix.

“How do we do that?” said Jenny.

Trix pulled a pair of cracked and bent sunglasses out of her pocket and slipped them on. She smiled. “Just ask someone, cheerleader. You should know that by now.”

Jenny heard a motor and for a moment her heart sped up when the dune buggy came around the corner from the direction of the city. It kicked up a cloud of dust as the driver slammed on the brakes. Trix was smiling and walked toward him. The driver got out of the car, his hair a dirty, sad mohawk, his leathers old and torn. Jenny could smell him. Not just his blood, but his rankness, as someone who had given up on keeping clean.

“What the hell are you girls doing out here?” he said, smiling like a cat that had just found his dinner. He looked Trix up and down and licked his lips. She was still far enough away that he didn’t notice anything odd.

“Ran out of gas,” Jenny said.

“Can you help us out?” said Trix.
 

“Maybe,” he said, looking at Benji. His eyes flicked to the car, seeing Declan inside. “Just you girls, though. I’ll give you a lift.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” said Trix, walking coquettishly toward him. “I think you’re going to tell us what we want to know.”

“Listen, bitch, you don’t want to mess with me. You want a ride or not? There’s a price for everything.”

“That’s for sure,” said Trix. “Bitch.”

She was just inches away from him now. Too late, he reached for his knife, but Trix was already on top of him, knocking him to the ground. In a blur she had his knife in her hand and the man was gasping for breath.

“Fucking prick,” Trix said. “That was too easy.”

“What the fuck are you?” he said, gasping, the knife at his throat.

Trix took her sunglasses off and he saw her dead, white eyes.

“Hungry,” she said.

“Holy shit, it’s true. It’s fucking true. You’re real! You bitches are really, really real!”

“Calm down,” said Jenny walking over to him and crouching down. “You think you know who we are?”

“The Thirteen! The fucking Thirteen! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, okay?”

“For what?” snorted Trix. “You think you were ever a threat?” She smiled for real then and a smell of ammonia wafted up to Jenny’s nostrils. The greaser had pissed himself.

“Jesus Christ,” Jenny said.
 

“Get on with it,” Benji said. “Stop playing with him.”

“Tell us where the Dregs are,” said Trix.

“Why?” he said. “Why do you want them?”

“Never fucking mind why we want them,” Benji said, louder than Jenny had heard him in the time since they’d met. He walked quickly over to man on the ground. He was hot with anger, and it was frightening. He peeled the bandage away from his face and the man on the ground gagged and tried to scream, but he was too scared. It just came out as a hiss.
 

“
Where the fuck are the Dregs?
” Benji hissed into his face.
 

“Damn,” Trix said, impressed. “I like you.”

“In-in-in the old bank building,” said the dirty, piss-covered Heathen. “It’s not ten blocks from here. I swear! Please! You can’t kill me, it’s against the rules.”

“What rules?” Jenny said. “We’re not in Expo. The rules don’t apply. Especially to us.”

“You were going to rape us, asshole,” said Trix. “Don’t try to play innocent.”

“Fuck you,” he said. “I wouldn’t touch you. You smell like a corpse.”

“So will you,” said Trix.

The greaser sobbed. “Why? Why are you doing this? You’re supposed to be the good guys. You’re supposed to save the world.”

“That’s what happens when you trust the monsters,” said Jenny, turning to leave.
 

“Don’t go.” He looked at Trix then back to Jenny. “Help me.”

Jenny barely waited a heartbeat before answering.

“No,” she said.
 

She turned and started walking toward the building the man indicated. Her stomach growled as she heard the sounds of ripping and tearing.

“Let Declan eat, too,” Jenny called over her shoulder.
 
She forced herself not to turn back as the smell of blood filled her nose and mouth.
 

She might be a monster, but Declan needed to eat more than she did.
 

FIFTEEN

Jenny knew the building when she found it. On the edge of town, it was covered in indecipherable tags in black spray paint and almost entirely grown over with vines. Dirty clothes and garbage littered the entrance. The smell was revolting.
 

“Seriously?” said Casey, standing beside her once more. “You’re going to eat here?”

“It’s not a fucking restaurant,” said Jenny.
 

“Still,” he said. “This place is nasty.”

“Gross,” said Trix, joining her. She smelled like blood and Jenny had to take a step away from her. Casey was gone. Trix eyed her.
 

“Why don’t you just fucking eat?” said Trix. It wasn’t anger in her voice. It was concern.

“I can fight it.”

“You’re wasting away,” said Trix. “You can’t do this.”

“Why?” said Jenny. “It won’t kill me. For long.”

“Fuck you, Jenny.”

“Sorry.”

“What are you waiting for?” said Benji, catching up and wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

Without looking at either of them, Jenny said, “Did you let Declan eat?”

“Yeah,” said Trix softly. “Look, Jenny…”

“I know,” she said. “He’s hurt bad.”

“What do you have planned here?” said Trix. “I mean, I know you’re not the kind of bitch to plan things out, but fuck. He can barely walk. Are you just going to take care of him for the rest of his life? Bring him Dregs to snack on so he doesn’t get soft and rancid?”

“If that’s what I need to do.”

“Shit, man.”

“Are we going in, or what?” Benji said. “I smell Living.”

“We just ate,” said Trix. “We don’t need to be here.”

“We need gas,” said Jenny.
 

“You’re going to get it on the Black?” she said. “Jesus.”

“We’re in no shape to fight our way out of Expo,” said Jenny. “And that’s what it would come to, you know it. Zeke is always right about this shit.”

“We shouldn’t have let them go,” said Trix. “Those Heathens.”

“We should have killed them?” said Jenny. “What would that make us? Besides, it wouldn’t have mattered. They’re not the reason we can’t go to Expo. It’s not for us, it’s for them. We’re not animals. Not entirely.”

“Maybe we are,” said Trix. “I just killed some dude just because he was there and I was hungry.”

“He was a scumbag,” said Jenny.

“Maybe,” said Trix. “Doesn’t make me a hero. It was still murder.”

“No such thing as murder anymore,” said Benji. “Only survival.”

“Whatever you say,” said Jenny. “I’m tired of just surviving though.”

“Oh, isn’t this fun enough for you?” said Trix. “What happened to all your big ideas about saving the world?”

“Look around,” said Jenny. “There’s no world left to be saved.”

“You smell that?” said Benji. “Rotters.”

“You sure it’s not just you?” said Jenny.

“He’s right,” said Trix. “I smell Living and Undead. How is that possible?”

“Let’s find out,” said Jenny. She pulled out her knife and walked through the door.

“About time you had no fear,” said Trix following her in. “You have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing can fucking hurt you.”

“It’s not that I’m not afraid,” said Jenny. “I just don’t give a fuck.”

“What about your sister?” said Benji, his monotone, quiet voice strange in the corridor they’d walked into. The smell of piss was overpowering and Jenny could see a dead man lying in one of the puddles on the floor. “If I found out I had a sister that might be alive,” said Benji, meeting her eyes, “I might just give a fuck.”

“You know what I give a fuck about?” said Trix. “Getting the hell out of this shithole.”

“Do you really think people trade in a place like this?” said Jenny.
 

Trix shrugged and got a better grip on her axe. “Only one way to know for sure.”

Jenny followed Trix through a dirty doorway into what must have once been a bank lobby. Jenny gagged at the smell. Trix laughed.

“I smell blood,” said Trix.

The room was filled with people and stained mattresses and blankets and garbage. People were lying everywhere, many comatose, others moaning. A fire on the counter was guttering out with a rancid smell. They walked through the large open room, avoiding the places where people had defecated.

“I thought there were no more drugs,” Jenny said.

“There will always be drugs,” said Benji.
 

Someone moaned and a hand reached out, cold and clammy, and grabbed Jenny’s ankle. She kicked loose and the hand lost its grip. It was connected to a man who promptly passed out, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes. The track marks on his still-upturned arm looked infected.