Echoes From The Past (Women of Character) (31 page)

The atmosphere in the truck
changed subtly. Tensely, Christie grips her hands in her lap.

"I’d like to scatter Ellen’s
ashes on your property."

"The meadow?" he asked
quietly.

Christie tried to see his face but
the night was dark all around them, not even a streetlight offering any light.
Some of the tension eased from her shoulders. "Yes. I guess I’m not
surprised you know."

"I’ve seen how much you love
that meadow."

"It’s so in tune with what
Ellen would have wanted. What do you think?"

He sighed. "Of course,
Christie. I know how important it is to you."

Relief filled her. She relaxed
fully against the seat, feeling slightly dazed now that it was almost over. She
had Garrett’s consent, and in the end, it had been so easy. "You have no
idea how much this means to me."

"I think I might," he
said quietly.

Christie looked up at the sky.

It’s time to be at rest, Ellen.
Time to let everyone find peace.

"So where do you go from
here, Christie?" he asked, his voice low and intent.

She looked at his profile,
momentarily highlighted by the headlights of a passing vehicle.

"Are you leaving once you
scatter your sister’s ashes?" he ground out, as if the words were torn
from him. "I want you to stay."

"I can’t seem to focus on
that until I take care of Ellen’s ashes." She fiddled with the door
handle. "It seems to be common knowledge that we, uh, have feelings for
each other. Of course," she added dryly, "after that kiss tonight,
anyone wouldn’t have to guess."

Garrett turned onto a two-lane
highway. "For the record I never worry about anyone else’s opinion. Are
you concerned about what others might think if you stay on here?"

"Others ... meaning
who?"

"Darrell."

Christie shot him a surprised
glance. "Why should I care what Darrell thinks?"

"He came all this way to see
if you were okay. It sounds like there’s something really intense between you
two."

Christie sat bolt upright.
"Believe me, there’s nothing between Darrell and I, just some unresolved
stuff that involves my sister and of course, my nephew." Christie
swallowed hard, deciding to get some of it off her chest. "Most of the
time we’re barely civil to each other. I can’t seem to deal with this anger I
have toward him. I’ll grant you he seems different than he used to be but I
don’t know if the change in him is real. He said he’s sorry for abandoning my
sister and he’s a good father to Eric, but there’s just something sticking in
my throat when I look at him."

Garrett ran a hand through his
hair and nodded solemnly. "Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to forgive the
hurt, but if you hang on to it, after awhile that’s all you’ve got." He
heaved a deep breath. "Look at Les. He’s not the first man to lose his
job, but he lets it eat at him instead of looking for another job. The way he’s
treated you is proof of him trying to shift the blame for the mess he’s made of
his life. Now he’s hip deep in trouble and I don’t know how he’ll ever get
out."

Christie pondered his words.
"You’re right. The anger’s balled up in a tight wad inside." She
lowered her voice. "Sometimes I’m afraid what will happen if I release it.
Maybe I’ll go off the deep end and snap. The idea of a total loss of control
terrifies me. All my life I’ve always tried to do the right thing, but
sometimes I wonder if I’ve been too rigid, maybe even unfeeling."

He pulled the truck into the farm’s
driveway and drove up to the front of the barn. Turning off the engine, he
turned to face her, his arm along the back of the seat. "Take care of
Ellen’s ashes in whatever way you’re comfortable with. Once your mind is at
ease, let’s see if there’s a way we can meet in the middle. I'll admit right
out I want you to stay, Christie. I’m sorry for blaming you for helping her
leave. That wasn’t right and I’m ashamed of myself.

"My marriage with Judith near
the end was pretty bad, but I made my own share of mistakes. I've seen the
other side of the coin, too. I know people can be happy together." He
grinned and shook his head. "Hell, look at Ruth and Sam. They’re as happy
as can be. If you knew Sam before he hooked up with Ruth, you’d wonder how Ruth
had the nerve to look twice at such a surly guy."

His hand touched her shoulder.
"What I’m saying is, caring about you is important to me, and that caring
involves looking out for each other. Are you game?"

For the first time in days,
Christie felt a ray of hope. Her thoughts raced wildly. Could it be possible to
find such happiness? "I want to stay, but I can’t move forward until I
resolve the past."

"Fair enough. So let’s set
about resolving the past."

Christie looked at him in
surprise. "You make it sound so simple." She looked out the truck’s
wide windshield. "There is nothing simple about my past."

Garrett reached a hand behind her
head and gently pulled her toward him, careful not to jostle his daughter.
Christie liked the way his mouth touched and lingered on hers. His kiss
generated heat all the way through her body. Garrett said he wanted her to
stay, at least until they figured out if things could work.

Christie had always relied on
herself. That way, there was no room for disappointment or hurt. Could she
trust Garrett? What if he changed his mind again? Slowly, she sank back into
her seat.

"Christie, I know I hurt
you," he said, his voice deep with regret. "And saying I’m sorry
seems pretty inadequate, but I regret how I acted. Please think about staying."

"I have to tell you,"
she murmured doubtfully, "I’ve always taken care of myself. It’s been
easier than relying on someone else." She searched his face in the dim
light. She wanted to hold his words close to her heart, hoping that if they
both acted responsibly, they wouldn’t hurt each other. Would the instability of
her past always make her question what he said?

"It’s hard to stop a lifetime
of fears and worries." When she looked at Garrett she had the crazy notion
to throw caution to the wind. Her heart and soul demanded that she let him talk
her into staying. How she wanted to believe that he’d never hurt her again.
Could anyone live up to such a promise? Sometimes being hurt just went along
with the package, but then, so did forgiveness.

"I uh -- I have something for
you." She smiled at him and unzipped the backpack she’d stashed behind the
seat. "Ally let me borrow her backpack." Carefully she lifted out a
tissue wrapped rectangle and held it out to him. "This is for you."

With his surprise evident, Garret
took the package and pulled the tissue wrapping away to reveal the simple
framed photograph of Hannah.

"Ally had that developed for
me. I thought you’d like that picture of Hannah and the puppies."

He smiled at her. "It’s
perfect. Thank you." He placed his hand behind her neck and urged her
close to him, his mouth sure and wanted on hers. Christie savored the kiss.
Heaven.

Hannah signed, then mumbled in her
sleep. Garrett gave a soft laugh, opened his door and leaned in to lift his
sleeping daughter from the truck. "She’s exhausted." Looking at
Christie over Hannah's head, he said, "Thanks for coming tonight."

"It was fun. I like your
family and your friends."

"Would you like to go dancing
some night? There’s a few decent places in town."

"That sounds like fun."
She’d love to be close to him as they danced. Reluctantly, she turned away,
knowing she had to get up early in the morning. "Goodnight Garrett."

"’Night, Christie."

Before she entered the barn,
Christie looked back at Garrett across the shadowy driveway. "Happy
birthday." On impulse, she blew him a kiss. He laughed aloud and she told
him to hush, he would wake Hannah. Christie slipped inside the door, excitement
thrumming in her veins. She wouldn’t let him go. That knowledge wound around
her and became a conviction.

###

Late the next day Christie walked
her apartment floor, then sat in her rocker and rocked furiously. Standing, she
paced once more and stared out her window. Darrell was in the yard below where
Hannah and Eric were playing on the tire swing. Christie put her arms around
herself, enjoying the sound of Hannah and Eric’s laughter on the late afternoon
air.

She wiped her damp palms on the
back of her jeans. She had asked Darrell to come up to her apartment. She
wanted to tell him her decision regarding Ellen’s ashes. She hoped he and Eric
would be a part of this but she expected an argument. Having come this far, she
wouldn’t back down, but she was nervous.

Finally, there was a knock on the
wall outside her door.

She stood by the window, feeling
curiously unsettled. She turned to see Darrell standing in the open doorway.

"You still leave your doors
open?"

She shrugged, unwilling to discuss
something they both already knew.

Darrell leaned against the
doorjamb. "Eric asked me if you’re going back with us." He crossed
his heels. "Are you?"

 "No."

He lifted a brow. "I guess I
can wait a couple more days, but I’m due back at work by the end of the week so
you have to be ready by then."

Steadily, she said, "Garrett
has asked me to stay and I’m seriously thinking about it."

Darrell walked across the room to
her, his eyes narrowed. "You’re going to take him up on that offer?
Christie, I can’t believe you!"

"Lower your voice, Darrell.
Sound travels and I really don’t want --"

"Christie, first you take off
without saying where you’re going! Now you’re thinking of staying here so you
can hang out with Judith’s husband?"

"It’s not like that."

"How long do you think this
will last?" Darrell sank down into her rocker and put his hands on his
knees. He stared at her like she was a stranger. "When did you get to be
so selfish? I’ve never seen you act this way."

Christie clenched her fingers
together. "What way, Darrell? Thinking only of myself? Maybe it’s time I
started doing that."

"Eric is your nephew, what if
he needs you and you’re too busy down here having a good time?"

"He’s your son, the judge
gave you custody. You act like you’re mad I’m staying, but it has nothing to do
with you!"

"You’ve said that before, but
it does have something to do with me. I feel responsible," he added
gruffly, surprising her. "Ellen would have wanted me to look out for you.
Do you really want to stay in the middle of nowhere? How can you think about
throwing everything away? Your life is in New York. It’s where you
belong."

"What am I throwing
away?" She asked in exasperation, walking away from him. "An empty
apartment? A job where I spend all day in family court being reminded of what
people do to a child in the name of love?" She lowered her voice.
"What’s so crazy about being with people who care about me? I love it
here. I feel at home in a way I’ve never felt before. Everything out here is so
fresh and green."

"It’s new. A novelty!"
he snapped, his voice disparaging. "This is a nice place, but it’s also
the first time in twenty-five years you’ve been out of the city. Ellen used to
say you were city through and through. You’ll miss it in no time flat." He
looked around the room. "Look at you now, staying in this place over a
barn. You don’t belong here. You don’t belong with him. I’ve been talking to
people who knew Judith. She couldn’t hack it, what makes you think you
can?"

"How dare you interfere! You
had no right asking about my sister. And you’re wrong." Christie held back
her temper. Why did he think he could tell her what to do? "Where do you
think I belong, Darrell?"

"With us in New York."
Darrell stood up and walked quickly to her. "You'd be there for
Eric."

She shook her head. "I can
visit." She took a deep breath. "I am choosing to stay here."

"Hell, Christie, until six
months ago you were an A student at one of New York’s most prestigious law
schools." He narrowed his eyes. "Have you told your cowboy that bit
of news? He’s got a nice place but it’s nothing compared to what you could
do."

Christie pressed her palms
together tightly. "That’s what I wanted six months ago. Maybe I don’t want
that anymore."

"You’re throwing away your
scholarship?" he asked incredulously.

"I’m not throwing anything
away." Christie paced the floor restlessly, hugging her arms around her
waist. "This isn’t why I asked you to come by," she said abruptly.
"I know you don’t like the idea of scattering Ellen’s ashes, but I’ve
found a wonderful spot. I would like you to be there tomorrow at four. Maybe once
we put this behind us, we can get along together as a family."

Darrell spun away from her, his
hands dug deeply into his pockets. "Christ Christie, why did you have to
start this again? Why couldn’t you just bury her like everyone else does the
dead? You just won’t let her go."

Christie stiffened her spine.
"Because it’s what she wanted."

"And you always did what she
wanted!" he snapped.

"I cared about her. I tried
to make her happy."

He swung toward her. "And I
didn’t. That’s what you’re saying. That’s what it always comes down to. You’re
so much better than me."

"I didn’t say that."

"I loved her!" he
shouted.

Christie felt as if she bled
inside. "You walked away."

"I couldn’t stand to see her
wither away until there was nothing left."

"You cared about yourself
more."

"I never stopped loving
her."

"You wished she’d die."
The words were horrific and fell from her lips in the midst of anger. She
stepped back at the torment she saw in his face and suddenly knew he’d never
stopped loving her sister, but he’d dealt with it in the only way he knew how.
She put her hands up to her mouth, the fear inside escalating as emotion spun
out of control. Numbly, she took a step toward him. "I didn’t mean it, I’m
sorry --"