Authors: Teegan Loy
I
KNEW
we were in deep shit when Andy’s red-haired guard frowned and gave me the evil eye before opening Andy’s giant doors. I tried to diffuse the situation by smiling at Ms. Loe, but it didn’t work.
Andy sat at his giant desk, watching us like a hawk when we walked into his office. It made me feel like I’d stepped into the principal’s office. I reminded myself I was an adult who was making this man a ton of money. I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders.
“Gentlemen, please, sit down,” Andy said.
We sat.
“There’s been a lot of chatter online lately,” Andy said.
Jade and I glanced at each other and shrugged.
“This RheartJ stuff needs to calm down. Everyone thinks you boys are together. Showing off that tattoo of yours didn’t help matters, Rylan.”
The blood drained from my face and Jade shifted uncomfortably, immediately unhooking his ankle from mine. I stared at him.
“We are…,” I started. Jade kicked me. “Ow!” I shouted and glared at him.
“I think you should be more affectionate in public with the girls,” Andy said.
“Would a sex tape leak help you out?” I said under my breath.
“This isn’t a laughing matter, Rylan,” Andy shouted.
“I never said it was. We’re doing the best we can. We can’t control what people are writing on the Internet.” I glanced at Jade, but he wouldn’t even look at me.
“You fuel the rumors,” Andy said.
“I don’t understand what the hell the problem is? We’re selling out concerts, the album is doing great. Who cares about our private lives,” I said.
“Right now, it’s only speculation, but if you out yourselves, everything could be over. Are you willing to take that chance? Are you willing to give this all up just so people know you’re together? Trust me, I’ve seen it happen before.”
Jade said nothing and it irritated me. What was more important to him? The fame or me?
Andy handed a piece of paper to each of us.
“You have a few days off. Here is what you and the girls will be doing.”
I scanned my paper. Jade’s name was absent from my itinerary. Maggie and I would be hanging out in New York City while Jade and my sister hung out at Disney World. I fucking hated this.
“This is crazy. Jade is my best friend. I don’t want to go to New York with Maggie. We planned to hang out in LA and lie low.”
“Not happening,” Andy said.
I kicked Jade’s chair. “It’s just for a few days, Rylan,” Jade mumbled.
I closed my eyes and stood up, almost knocking over the chair. “Is that all?” I asked.
Andy nodded. “I expect you at the airport bright and early with a smile plastered on your face and Maggie draped over you.”
I crumpled the paper, stuffed it into my pocket, and made sure to slam the office door a little harder than usual. Ms. Loe actually gave me a sympathetic nod.
“Rylan,” Jade called, chasing after me. “Wait.”
“Leave me alone,” I grumbled.
“Rylan.” He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. “It’s just for a few days.”
“Fuck off, Jade,” I said. “Go talk to your girlfriend.”
Pete waited for us with the car. I frowned and climbed into the front seat, leaving Jade in the back by himself. I spent the car ride texting Maggie. She met me at the front door and tried to drag me into her bedroom. I headed for the pool.
Jade and Kelli were scheduled to leave that afternoon. Maggie and I wouldn’t leave until tomorrow. I stayed outside while Jade packed for Orlando. We didn’t even say good-bye.
When I heard the door slam, I went to our room, lay face down on the bed, and cried. The morning came early. Ella showed up to make sure I looked presentable. I put on one of Jade’s T-shirts. Ella spent ten minutes trying to talk me out of wearing it. The fans would know it was his.
“That’s the fucking point,” I argued.
“Oh, Rylan,” Ella said. “At least put a shirt on over it.”
“Fine,” I said and slipped into a button-up shirt. I left it wide open. I didn’t give a fuck. I needed it.
Pictures showed up online the minute we stepped off the airplane. Maggie let me have a couple of drinks on the flight, so I was pleasantly drunk. It was easier for me to deal with the stupid paparazzi. Dave tried to stay out of sight, but if anyone got too close to us, he’d swoop in and herd them away. We made several scheduled stops on the way to our hotel. I forced a smile to my face and let Maggie drag me through several shops. We stopped for coffee. I didn’t know how excited fans could be to find out what the hell I ordered at the coffee shop. I really wanted a shot of tequila or at least a cold beer.
Two hours later, Dave finally gave us the thumbs up. It was time to go to the hotel where we had a few hours to ourselves before we had to go for our scheduled dinner date.
Andy had some secluded secret date set up at some dark and romantic expensive restaurant. Of course, the cameras were on us the minute we arrived at the restaurant.
Secluded and secret, my ass.
Maggie ducked her head, hiding behind her newly dyed purple tips as the flashes from all the cameras went off. I sort of wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
The RheartJ fans analyzed the shit out of the new photos. They said I looked miserable. They were right.
Back at the hotel, Maggie surfed the web to find out what Jade and Kelli were doing. The pictures were everywhere. They were having a great time, and it made me feel sick to my stomach. They were at Disney World, posing with Mickey Mouse and a bunch of other characters.
“That was supposed to be Jade and me,” I said. “It was on my bucket list.”
Maggie closed her laptop and handed me a mini bottle of whiskey.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Maggie said. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I swear I didn’t know it would be this bad.”
“It’s been no picnic for you either,” I muttered. “I don’t know how you deal with all the hate on the Internet. I can’t even look at that shit anymore.”
My phone chirped. It was a text message from Mrs. Morgan. On one of her trips home, Maggie had hooked Mrs. Morgan up and taught her how to send text messages. She was worried about us. The pictures popping up on the Internet weren’t helping.
“You created a monster,” I said, flashing her my screen.
“She’s worried about you. I’m worried about you,” she said.
“This is what Jade wants. I don’t have a choice,” I said.
Maggie pursed her lips but held her tongue. I wasn’t up for an argument. I emptied the minibar and passed out, feeling no pain until someone was banging on the door, yelling my name.
“Rylan,” Dave’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Open up.”
I wondered what Andy had planned for us this morning. It was too fucking early to leave the room, and I felt and looked like shit. There was no way I could pull off the happy boyfriend shit with Maggie when my boyfriend was miles away with my sister, running around with Mickey Mouse. I pulled open the door, ready to shout at Dave.
“Jade,” I gasped. “What are you doing here?”
He pushed me into the room, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me forcefully against his chest.
“I missed you,” he said. His mouth found mine, and he kissed me hungrily.
“How?” I whimpered. He held my face in his hands and stared into my eyes.
“I couldn’t do it. We were supposed to go to Disney World. It was on your list.”
“You remembered,” I gasped.
“Um,” Maggie said. “I’ll go find another room.”
“Where’s Kelli?” I asked.
“She stayed in Orlando. The bungalow is really secluded so no one will know I left. We took about five hundred pictures yesterday, so she’ll keep posting them over the next few days. Everything will be fine if it stays nice and sunny.”
“I don’t give a fuck anymore. I need you,” I whimpered.
“I saw the pictures of you online. You were wearing my shirt,” Jade whispered.
“I hate this,” I mumbled.
“I know, but I’m here now,” Jade said.
“Why do you want to keep doing this?” I asked.
Jade sighed. “Do we have to talk about this now?”
“We’ve never talked about it at all,” I said.
“Fuck,” Jade said. He sat down on the couch and pulled me next to him. “Are you sure you want to hear all this fucking shit?”
“I need to hear something.”
“I’m scared to come out. What if Andy’s right and everyone turns against us? What the hell would I do then?”
“You can do anything,” I whispered.
“And make this obscene amount of money?”
I wanted to shout at him that money wasn’t everything. I mean, it was good, but fuck, we had plenty of money already, and the royalties would keep coming for at least a little while.
“Look, I had a less than stellar childhood and the fucking money is great. I can finally take care of my sisters and myself. I don’t ever want to be without money again, and I’m scared if I quit, I won’t have anything again.”
It was hard to hear him say that when I was sitting in front of him. I wasn’t with him because he was a famous pop star or had loads of money. I would do whatever it took to make sure he had everything he wanted and needed, but I could see it deep in his eyes, there was no arguing with him.
“No matter what we do, there will always be people who hate,” I said.
“Someday, I’ll tell you all the disgusting details of my life.”
“Do you wish I was a girl?” I asked.
He snorted and twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. “Well, it would make my life less complicated, but no,” he said. “I love you.”
“You’re just too ashamed of me to say it in front of people,” I muttered.
“Please give me some more time, Rylan,” he begged.
He stared at me with those big brown eyes, and I caved, sliding my lips across his cheek and down to his mouth. Jade moaned and rolled me onto my back, then climbed on top of me. His hard dick dug into my thigh.
I decided he was the most important thing in my life. The other stuff could wait. I still didn’t like what we were becoming, but at the moment, none of that shit mattered. He left Disney World to come to me, and I needed to hang on to that thought.
“Make love to me, babe,” Jade whispered.
My muscles tensed and I flew off the couch to find the lube. It wasn’t often he asked me to top, and I was going to take advantage of it.
The sex was slow and loving. There were soft kisses and gentle caresses. I made him stay on his back so I could see his face the entire time I was in him. He came whispering my name over and over. I told him I loved him.
It broke my heart to think that because we were both guys, our love was somehow devalued.
As I was cleaning up, he ran a finger over all the hickeys on my neck.
“I think you’re part vampire or something,” I said. “Andy is going to know we did something crazy when the close-up pictures of my neck flood the Internet.”
“What’s he going to do? So he yells at me. He always yells. It was worth it,” Jade said. “I had to see you.”
I fell asleep wrapped around him. Word on the Internet was that we were both holing up with our girlfriends getting some much-needed alone time. The RheartJ shippers had their own theories, which included Jade and I sneaking off to an undisclosed location. Our crazy fans should consider a career as detectives. Although they had no concrete proof, their theories were freakily close to our reality.
Jade left two days later. How he managed to sneak back into Disney World without anyone noticing him I would never know. If I didn’t know the details, no one could drag them out of me. I was in awe of him, though.
After the separate vacations and hundreds of photos posted, things calmed down for a few days. We all relaxed, which was a huge mistake. The paps nailed us together outside the studio. I guess I looked at Jade wrong, or right, depending on which camp you were in. The RheartJ stuff went crazy. There was nothing we could do to stop it, and Andy was getting seriously pissed off. I didn’t know what else to do. We couldn’t even talk to each other without pictures ending up online.
Andy pushed us to spend more time with Maggie and Kelli. It was starting to get to me. I loved Kelli to death, but I wanted to kill her every time she put her hands on Jade.
I felt like I was constantly on the edge of a major freak-out. We never seemed to get a break anymore, which meant we didn’t get enough alone time. The pressure to crank out some new songs for the new album and get ready for the tour of larger venues was killing everyone. Andy still hadn’t told us where we were booked. Supposedly, he was telling us tonight and announcing it to the world the next day.
Most bands got a break between albums and touring, but we were working nonstop because Andy wanted to keep pushing forward. Money was flowing like mad, and I had to admit, I liked that part, but I didn’t get to enjoy it.
It had been another stressful, long day, and I was at the end of my rope. Andy brought Kelli over to the studio so she and Jade could leave together. Andy had Kelli sit on Jade’s lap, and they tweeted a bunch of lame pictures. I stood out in the hall and tried to get my emotions under control.
Kelli poked her head out the door to tell me I was wanted inside again.
“Stop acting like you enjoy kissing Jade so much,” I snapped at Kelli.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Rylan,” Kelli said. “Andy is on my case every five minutes. Do this. Do that. Make it look real. Shove your tongue down his throat. Next thing they’ll be asking for is a fucking sex tape. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
She had a point. Jade and I had an interview yesterday with some fucking magazine, and Ella made a point of putting the interviewer between us. I fucking hated all this shit. At first it was a game, but now it irritated me. I couldn’t remember all the rules.
“We go back on tour in a few days,” Jade said. “So you guys get a break.”
“Wrong,” Kelli said. “Andy told us he wants both Maggie and I to be there for the first month of shows.”
“Oh, that’s just fucking great,” I said. I tossed a pile of lyrics on the floor, left the room, and slammed the door for the effect. I knew I was playing the drama queen, but this was slowly driving me crazy. I was losing myself, and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing anymore. It wasn’t fun, and if Andy was trying to break us up, he was doing a great job.