She nodded and, as if stepping out of a trance, moved toward the cubicles.
I knew
I
was going to have a good weekend. A Tricia weekend.
Chapter 3
Allison
When I got home from work, I reviewed my options. I could throw myself on my bed and cry out all the frustration and disappointment. I could do laundry. I could watch a movie with Bub and eat a carton of ice cream. I could sink into blissful sleep.
The last one sounded best, but I had to feed Bub first. I kicked through a pile of my dirty laundry blocking the hallway, and then pushed over a pile of books that had collapsed next to it. When Jess was out of town, I turned into a slob. Only the presence of a roommate could get me to clean up after myself.
I huffed into the kitchen, nearly tripping over Bub in the process, and peeled the top from a can of Feline Delight. No, crying or moaning or sleeping or eating wouldn’t be enough. Nothing would be enough. I wanted to scream out my frustration, but the tenants upstairs would wonder if something bad had happened, so I punched a pillow on my couch, instead.
I’d bought fresh vegetables at the grocery store on Wednesday, but I was too tired to make anything with them. Instead, I opened up a package of Freddy’s Franks and microwaved a hotdog, listening to the humming sound as I stood in a daze. It spun around and around on the tiny glass dish inside. Pointless. Kind of like my love life. As the hot dog expanded, I sighed and wondered if maybe there was something wrong with me.
I had just turned thirty-two, so I wasn’t old yet, but compared to a lot of my friends, I felt ancient. It wasn’t so much my age as much as the fact that I couldn’t seem to find the right relationship. Most of my friends from high school were married with kids and had successful lives. Even my little sister had a family by now. I looked over at Bub and sighed. Maybe it would just be me and him for the rest of my life.
The most pathetic part was the fact that I had tried to get Joshua’s affection and had failed, miserably. I couldn’t even get his attention! I wasn’t model material, but still, I wasn’t ugly, either. I had some quirks, like getting snippy when I was misunderstood, but overall I considered myself a pretty decent person, and I felt like I deserved to be happy. So what wasn’t working? Just as I was about to list my flaws, the phone rang. Thank goodness, someone was saving me from myself.
“Hello? Hey Jess, what’s up?” I balanced the phone on my shoulder and poured some lemonade from the refrigerator. “How’s Paris?”
“Paris is so amazing, Alls. I wish you could see it!” Jess was in France with her boyfriend. She’d saved up for this trip for an entire year, so she totally deserved the vacation.
“What’s the best part so far?” I sat down on the couch with my lemonade and my hot dog. Bub jumped up and purred in my face. I started to feel a little better about being alone, and took a deep breath as I bit into my food.
“Well the sights are just incredible. But, the best part so far…” Jess could barely contain the excitement in her voice. “…is that Jeremy has set me up with a modeling gig, and I’ve got about three thousand new subscribers to my fashion blog!”
I wanted to be as excited for her as she was, but it was difficult given the day I’d just had. I took another bite of my hot dog and tears welled up in my eyes. “That’s so cool!” Maybe talking with my mouth full would help disguise my misery.
Jess deserved to be successful. She was gorgeous and savvy. When she first met Jeremy in Paris, they had really hit it off, and he treated her well. “I’m really happy for you,” I added quietly.
“Alls, what’s wrong?” Jess was probably standing with her hands on her hips, looking serious. I could tell from the tone of her voice.
I didn’t want to drag her down with my sob story, but I also couldn’t lie to my best friend.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not meant to find love.” I wanted to cry as soon as I said it, because I couldn’t help thinking that it really might be true.
“You are going to meet someone, Allison. I just know it.” I could picture her pacing the room with a look of concern on her face. Jess’s mother left her when she was only a baby. I always thought that this was why she seemed to have so much wisdom. She was forced to learn on her own, and to make life work in her favor. At the same time, she was graced with incredible looks, so it was hard not to still be a little jealous of her, despite her rough childhood.
“I just feel like I never will.” I ate the last bit of my hot dog and gently nudged Bub off my lap so I could get up. It had started raining again, and the dark sky was covered with a heavy blanket of clouds. I pulled the blinds closed, shutting out the gloomy weather.
“Keep taking chances,” Jess said. “You never know what will happen! And remember, Alls, I love you.”
As I hung up the phone, I smiled a little. At least I had a good friend to vent to. I looked over at Bub and envied his simple life. He seemed to understand how I felt, and came inching up next to my legs. Then he rubbed against them and purred. I sighed and leaned down to scratch behind his ears. Not knowing what else to do, I sat in front of my laptop on the coffee table. Opening it up, I spontaneously went to our company website, planning to hover the little mouse finger icon over Joshua’s photo.
Damn. I was the most pathetic loser.
I didn’t make it to the About Our CEO page, though, because the visions of happy couples on the homepage distracted me. I could see why Scintilla had so many positive reviews. They all looked deliriously happy. I read the company slogan:
Find the Spark!
It sounded simple enough. But it was totally not. I shook my head and explored more. One couple wore blindfolds. Beneath it read the caption,
Scintilla: the spark of love comes from within!
I let out a disbelieving snort, but continued to look at the pictures and even clicked on a few of the package descriptions. Joshua had done an excellent job at making the site—one that didn’t allow photos, email, or phone numbers until the first date—a memorable one. That’s what the photos of blindfolded people were about. He wanted the connections to be all about the heart and mind. It was yet another reason I’d fallen in love with him. It seemed ironic coming from a man who only dated supermodel lookalikes, but I knew somewhere inside, he had to be a romantic. Or maybe he was just really business savvy. I liked to think it was a little of both.
It was eight o’clock by the time I had finished exploring the site. I looked over at Bub who was curled up on a blanket, fast asleep. I shifted as I shut the laptop, and he opened one yellow eye to glare at me. “Well excuse me, your Highness,” I said.
He opened both eyes, as if daring me to do something about it. But I’d never been daring. Maybe that was my problem.
But maybe I
could
be daring! My computer was still on. Why not create a profile? If nothing else, it would be an entertaining way to spend the rest of the evening. Joshua had created the site so that multiple personality and character tests were available to anyone who wanted to use them. I tried about six before finally settling on my official profile.
I chose Phillygirl as my username. I listed my real age, 32, and I made sure to include as many of my “likes” as I could come up with: animals, being barefoot, walks in the rain, family, reading, matchmaking, hot showers, dried flowers, and cats. When it came to the section on my desires, I had to give it some thought. What were they, really? I decided that the most obvious ones came first: to find love with someone who sees me just as I am, to succeed in my career, and to hopefully begin a family.
The entire process was exciting. At about ten o’clock, when I was almost finished, I got up to have a hot chocolate and a few cookies before sitting back down. It was still raining outside. Maybe by the end of the weekend it would be nice enough for a walk in the park. I liked to get outside as much as I could since I spent so much time inside the office. I sat back down in front of my computer, a chocolate chip cookie in hand. There was possibility here. I was taking a step for myself, and taking Jess’s advice to “keep taking chances.” After making sure I liked how everything looked, I logged off for the night.
That night, Joshua came to me in my dreams. I was at work, filing papers and making copies, just like I did every day. Yet the entire office appeared to be completely empty, and I started to wonder what was going on. Faint music played in Joshua’s office, so I knew he, at least, was there. I walked away from my work duties and decided to ask him why everyone was missing.
When I stepped into Joshua’s office, I could hear the music better. There wasn’t much of a melody, only a kind of rhythmic drumming. He looked at me with a strange expression. Something was different, but what? His hair was still short and utterly touchable, and his stubble was the same length of sexy. His eyes were different, though. Suddenly it hit me: this was the first time he’d actually recognized me, really saw me for who I was. It felt like he stared into my eyes for an eternity. When I thought my heart couldn’t handle the suspense any longer, he finally stood up from behind his desk and stalked forward. He had the strength, power, and sinuousness of a mountain lion.
He took one of my hands in his. “You know, I never realized how beautiful you are. You are so intelligent, and so clever.”
His deep brown eyes seemed to penetrate my soul. Before I could even absorb his words, he gently cupped my face. I could feel the warmth of his fingertips on my skin, and it sent a tingle down my spine. Electricity gathered in my abdomen.
He moved in closer. His breath was warm on my cheek. Instinctively, I closed my eyes, and his lips met mine. Our mouths and breaths mingled in the quiet space of his deserted and spacious office. The drumbeats I’d been hearing grew louder, building in speed.
Joshua grabbed me by my waist and pushed me against the top of his desk. He kissed my neck, first softly, and then with more force, his lips trailing heat over my skin. The rest of the world fell away. He moved his hands along my back, and yanked my sweater over my head. “Tell me you want this,” he said.
I nodded and stuttered, “Y-yes.”
He tossed my sweater onto the floor. I stood before him, waiting to see what he would do next. He ran his fingers over my breasts, and I let out a soft whimper. When he un-hooked my bra, I felt so vulnerable standing bare before him, but he gathered me in his arms and kissed me again.
I closed my eyes, wanting to feel his body as close to mine as possible. He yanked off his shirt, and I watched with amusement as the buttons popped off in the process. He then pinned me back onto the desk and ran his lips over my bare stomach, along the waistline of my pants. I sighed and wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer.
“I’ve wanted this for the longest time.” I whispered into Joshua’s ear. I ran my hands through his thick, gorgeous hair. He continued to kiss me, and then he flicked his tongue playfully on my bare stomach. I sucked in my breath, not wanting to open my eyes because I was afraid that if I did, the sensation might disappear.
Before I knew it, Joshua’s pants were on the floor, and so were mine. He gently spread open my legs and then eased himself on top of me. I could feel his breath on my neck, and I knew what was coming next.
He entered me softly, and I could tell that this was going to be the best sexual experience of my life. I had waited so long to feel him, to savor his touch. He moved inside of me like a masterful artist, making sure to paint his canvas with the softest strokes.
The darkness from the office couldn’t conceal the light in his eyes. They glimmered with love and lust every time he moved inside of me, and I held him as tight as I could, hoping it would last forever.
Suddenly, I woke up from the dream. I squirmed beneath my comforter, feeling the wetness between my legs. I’d actually had an orgasm in my sleep. How did I get so lucky as to have a dream like that? Everything about Joshua’s touch, his taste, and his voice…everything about it felt like him. My face heated as I tried to recall each moment. If this were the kind of dream I was going to have every time I ate too much chocolate before bed, I just might start to make it a habit.
Chapter 4
Joshua
I got out of my BMW on Monday morning and tried to figure out why it always seemed like it was raining in this city. I was starting to wish that I had moved to San Diego, when suddenly the tiny sprinkle above transformed into a massive downpour. “Shit!” I was soaked in a matter of seconds. I hustled to the front door. I could already feel the water inside my brand new shoes, and I wanted to roar as I barreled into the building.
As soon as I got inside, I tripped on the entry carpet. The movement made me lose my grip on my cup, and I spilled coffee all over my suit. Christopher rounded the corner, dry and happy, waving a pastry at me. “Cheerio!”
“I’ll show you Cheerio,” I grumbled, flipping him off.
“Only in your dreams,” he said with another wave.
Getting wet was one thing, but losing my double espresso from Connie’s Coffee Shop was another. Now everyone in the entryway could tell I was in a foul mood, and I’d much rather play my emotions close. I chucked the empty coffee cup into the trash and attempted to wipe off my clothes as I walked.
I caught up with Christopher at the elevator. “Bad day, huh?” he asked. He wasn’t joking anymore. He must have been able to tell I was beyond pissed.
The elevator dinged its arrival, and he waved me in before him.
“I’m not in any mood to be social.” I glared at him and tried to bar the door, but he knocked my arm aside and followed me into the elevator.
“It went that bad on Friday?”
Persistent fucker. I really didn’t want to get into the details. The entire weekend had been ruined by my birthday dinner.
Christopher handed me the napkin from his almond croissant and I used it to dab some more at my jacket.
“We’re breaking up,” I said. There’s some sort of admitted defeat when a relationship goes sour, and I hated admitting defeat. I shifted my stance and then looked out the long pane of window that was getting pelted with raindrops.