Authors: Amber L Johnson
I stared at him. “I guess I want you to be a part of this. This life—the one I have with Gwen and the kids. And to accept I’m not Cece. I’ll never be her. I’m not going to have the career you want for me, because it’s not what I want. This is. I want you to see what I’m doing and how I’m changing. That this job means everything to me.” I met his gaze and sighed. “I
am
changing, Dad.”
“And I can see that.”
“But mostly? I want to be better.” I chewed on my lip.
“Better?”
“Yeah, I want to be a better man. A better father . . . kind of. I know I’m not their dad, but I’m as close as it gets for those two. Which means I want to be better. Better than you.” My heart stopped as the last three words slipped from my mouth.
Geoffrey nodded and took a deep breath. “Every parent wants to be better than his own. That means you want what’s best for those children.” His mouth turned up into a smile. “And I
am
proud of you for that. Maybe someday you’ll understand it’s the exact way I’ve always felt about you. Yes, I have certain expectations. But I’d rather you do what makes you happy, so we can at least have you around.”
I felt my shoulders relax. “Thanks.”
There was a soft knock on the door, and Cece paused in the doorway. “Cake?”
We walked out to the backyard where everyone except for Brady was assembled around the table. A chocolate cake lit up with candles was sitting in the middle. The sky was starting to darken, and the fireflies were emerging from the woods around the house. Gwen smiled, and I wondered if she was thinking about the night before, like I was.
I stood there, surrounded by my real family, and the family I wanted to make my own, as they sang “Happy Birthday” before I leaned over to blow out the candles. As my mom cut the cake, Gwen leaned in to whisper in my ear.
“What did you wish for?”
“I don’t need to wish for anything when I already have everything I’ve ever wanted.”
She grinned, then grabbed a plate of cake and took a seat next to my mother, like they’d known one another their entire lives.
When we were stuffed, waterlogged, and overheated, Gwen and I gathered our things to leave. Gwen packed up the kids after saying her goodbyes. The children said thank you and hugged my parents, making me proud they were such good kids. I hugged both my parents, too, and as I made my way to the Hyundai, I promised to visit again soon.
Gwen grinned as I buckled my seat belt and, as my birthday came to a close, I got my last birthday present. I reached out and took Gwen’s hand in mine. I wanted her hand in mine more than anything else right then. And I held it all the way home.
Chapter 23
Act Naturally
I walked in from the garage, carrying grocery bags into the noisy kitchen. There was a flash of blond hair by the kitchen table—Bree was shaking her butt and singing into a wooden spoon while Brady jumped around swinging his arms like a madman to the music.
Gwen sang along and rocked her hips in her tiny shorts and tank top, her ponytail swinging back and forth. I stood back and watched her, the gorgeous young woman that she was. She wasn’t a boss, or a stand-in mommy. Gwen, in that minute, simply was who she was.
Brady spotted me and ran to hug my legs, and Gwen’s cheeks flamed bright red as she scrambled to turn down the music and compose herself.
“Don’t mind me,” I said, walking toward the refrigerator. “I liked that little dance number.” I raised my eyebrows at her and started putting the groceries away.
Her shoulders shook with silent laughter, and then Bree stepped in between us, looking between my face and Gwen’s. She opened her mouth to say something, but the doorbell chimed through the house.
“I got it!” Brady yelled. “It’s Tess and Josh!”
Gwen shot me a wide-eyed look and wiped her hands on her shorts. “A four-year-old answering the door is completely safe, I’m sure.”
I stared at her ass as she walked away. When she’d cleared the door, I returned my attention to the groceries, and Bree was still staring at me. With a deep sigh, I stooped to her eye level.
“What’s up? You look like you want to ask me something.”
She pursed her lips and leaned forward to whisper, “Do you love her?”
I lost my balance and fell right on my ass. My bony ass, with very little cushion, that bruised when it made contact with hard surfaces.
“Shit.” I moaned and stood up, rubbing my left cheek.
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Screw it. Tell the truth.
“I love all of you, Bree. You’re my family now.” I smiled to appease her.
“First, we don’t say ‘shit’ and second, you
love
love her.” Her face lit up like a thousand-watt damn lightbulb.
I laughed, shaking my head and making weird ‘pfft’ noises and some snorts. “I . . . huh? No, no. Bree, I love all of you, like, the same.”
She planted her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. “Boys are
so dumb
.” She turned on her toes toward the living room.
“Admit it! Best game of your damn life!” Ian slapped me hard on the back and I tipped forward with the weight of the bowling ball in my hand.
“Relax. Stop getting so excited about the bumpers,” I said. Brady stood next to me and I shooed him away with my foot. “I don’t want to hit you in the face, buddy. Then you won’t be able to spend the night with Josh.”
His eyes widened and he stepped back three feet, giving me way more room than I needed.
“Don’t choke!” Tess shouted as I completed a graceful arc, and I jumped to let go, sending the ball wobbling down the lane. It bounced from bumper to bumper, spinning, and then knocked down all the pins.
Tess’ jaw dropped and I gave her a cocky smile. “Strike? Gotta love those bumpers.” I sauntered back to the seats where Cece and Gwen were laughing at Xander and Joshua, who were having some sort of nacho eat-off. Joshua had Xander beat by half a plate, but there was cheese all over his face and hands. I was both impressed and grossed out at the same time.
“I’m going to puke.” Cece said and made dry-heave sounds. “Oh, God, I have such a weak stomach.” She clutched her sides and bent over, laughing and retching. “He’ll smell like cheese for two days straight!”
“Which one? Xander or Joshua?” Gwen asked with a snort.
“Ugh, Xander smelling like cheese is not my idea of a fun time,” Cece said, catching her breath and wiping her eyes. “This is disgusting.”
Ian shook his head and took a drink of his beer. “Classic mistake, man. You drank beer first. Now the kid is kicking your ass.”
“No swears!” Bree shook her head and stomped her foot on top of Ian’s, and he choked and sputtered on his beer.
“Sorry, Miss Bree.” He chuckled and patted her head.
“I’m not a
puppy
,” she said and slapped his hand away.
“Andwew, hewp?” Brady tugged on my shirt, and I looked down at his pitiful face while he dragged his ball across the floor.
I didn’t make a big deal out of the fact that he was trying to say my name right. I just grinned at him. “Come on, li’l man. Let’s get another strike for Miss Tess, whatcha say?”
Tess made a face while I scooped Brady up and held him by the waist.
“Okay, bend.”
He folded in half, his arms hanging loose and his hands gripping the ball with all his might. I swung him between my legs and back.
“Let go!” I said, and the ball went sailing down the lane, bouncing and hitting the bumpers until they knocked down all the pins, giving us yet another strike.
“I win!” Brady jumped out of my arms and shook his booty, waving his arms like a maniac.
I joined in with him, mimicking his moves and making a fool of myself, too. He giggled and gave me a high five before scampering off to watch Joshua finish eating his nachos.
A warm hand gripped my arm, and I turned to look down into Cece’s eyes. She was smiling, her head cocked to the side, and biting the inside of her lip.
“How do you do it?” she asked.
“Do what?”
“This. I had no idea you’d be so good with them. You’re surprising the hell out of me.”
“Should I be offended?”
She tugged on my arm and shook her head. “You should be
proud
of what you’ve done for them.” Her face tightened and she looked away. “I’m proud of you, little brother.” She lifted her eyes back to mine, and I knew it was the truth.
“Are you getting all sappy on me?” I asked, and she scrunched up her face. “Come on. Admit it. You
miss
me.”
She snorted and shook her head.
“Admit it! You missed me while I was gone.”
“Did not. You’re a pain in my ass.”
“You miss me. You miss whoopee cushions and pennies in the cabinet,” I said, poking her in the side.
“I don’t miss any of that shit. You’re
annoying.
” She giggled and then straightened, setting her jaw. “Having you in my apartment was like living with a toddler.”
“Oh, please. Just admit you miss me, Cece.” I planted my feet in front of her and grabbed her arms. “Admit it or pay the consequences.”
“Grow up.”
“Suit yourself. You must love getting punished. Does your boyfriend know about your fetish?” My grip tightened on her arms, and she squirmed. “So stubborn. Just say it and I’ll let you go.”
She squealed and twisted. “I’ll never admit it,
Dee.
” She laughed and struggled while I shuffled her backward toward the lanes.
“Remember you had your chance,” I said with a sigh. “Say it now or—”
“No! I don’t miss you, you overgrown child!”
“Just like Dad.”
I knocked her legs out from under her with my foot and held her above the ground. “You know you love me.” Then I gave her a swift push down the lane. She landed on her ass and slid about halfway down before she grabbed onto one of the bumpers and skidded to a stop.
“Fun!” Joshua ran past me and dived down the lane, colliding with Cece while she carefully made her way back. Brady was next, then Xander, and then Ian. They slipped across the floor, collided with each other, and fell one by one into a pile.
I stood off to the side, my mouth hanging open.
“See? You’re just all kinds of trouble.” Gwen tsked from my side. Bree stood next to her, her arms crossed, a disapproving look on her face.
I took a deep breath and then pointed toward our table. “I’d say we have about two minutes before we get kicked out. Better get our stuff together now.”
Chapter 24
Can’t Buy Me Love
We spent the summer as a family—dinners with the kids, and weekends of marathon sex when they were with Debra. We talked a lot and spent time just the two of us after I wore Brady down enough to go to sleep. Gwen and I fell into a routine during the week, careful to not show too much affection in front of Bree, but she seemed to have radar for that kind of thing.
We’d sneak into the living room and watch a movie, or we’d sit out in the backyard and just talk. I was pretty sure I’d never tried so hard to get to know someone in my entire life.
There were a thousand times I wanted to tell her I was falling in love with her. That I
did
, in fact, love her. But I’d never been in love, and I could hardly wrap my brain around it.
I loved everything she did. Like the way she looked irritated when I told an offensive joke, only to burst out laughing a second later because she was just as perverted as I was. Or when she tripped on a flat surface and then looked behind her like there was a bump in the flooring that had caused her to do it. The way she concentrated on certain things, like brushing Bree’s hair and putting it into pigtails. Or how she’d kiss Brady’s knees when he fell in the grass.
Toward the middle of August, I chewed on my thumb as I waited for Gwen to meet me downstairs in my apartment before we went to the Black Hole with our friends. I was going to nut up and tell her I loved her. And it scared the shit out of me to think she might not want me to say it yet. Everything had been going so well, and we just kind of
were
. We were together, and we knew it.