Elizabeth C. Main - Jane Serrano 02 - No Rest for the Wicked (3 page)

“
Eliot Pattison. That Chinese policeman in Tibet,
”
Bianca offered.
“
Nonviolence as a path to solving murders
.
”

I raised my eyebrows. My, my. Quite a change from last year, when Bianca’s choice for protagonists had been the dog detectives, Bipsy and Mr. Potts.
”
I know you mean well, but
no
more projects
right
now.
”

“
If that’s the way you feel, then we’ll have to get more punc
h from
what we have
.
”
Bianca
flourished a
cop
y
of
yesterday’s front page.
“
T
errific
window display?
”

“
What’d I tell you, Jane?
”
Tyler held up his page in support.

“
You
, too, Bianca?
You can’t
use
that
poor man’s murder to sell books.
”

Bianca waved her hand.
“
You gotta go with what works, Mom,
if
you want Ty’s gra
ndpa to succeed in the market.
”

“
The
T
-shirts and postcards are still selling, thanks to the website and the blog,
”
Tyler added.
“
C
utting-
edge stuff. Thornton’s
has made it to
the
twenty
-
first century
, in spite of Grandpa
and you pushing
Plato and Shakespeare. Good luck with that. Look,
w
e’re
sorry
that guy’
s
dead, but that shouldn’t stop us from getting a publicity bump
. W
e’ll
make it tasteful. Right, Bianca?
”

“
Sure. Think of
Hamlet
, Mom. You
wouldn’t object to using him
in
a window display
.
”

When I opened my mouth to protest, Tyler
neatly
cut me off.
“
Or maybe you’re too classy to sell books now, fancy new degree and all.
”

Low blow. Tyler knew how long I’d pecked away at classes at the U of O for years just to finish college, let alone my M.A. I’d recently begun taking courses toward a Ph.D. in English Literature. I hoped it wouldn’t take another twenty-five years.

“
Hamlet was a character in a play.
”

Tyler was relentless.
“
Face it
,
you and Grandpa weren’t making
a
profit before we took over the marketing. Think of it this way
.
W
e
sell a bunch of
cra … crummy
books
, you’
re in a better position
to
sell
more classics
.
It’s
just using marketing expertise to spread culture.
”

“
And a window display containing pictures of a murdered man is spreading culture? No way
.
That’s final
.
”

My two young entrepreneurs raised their hands in simultaneous, well-orchestrated
gestures
of surrender
.
“
Fine
,
”
said Bianca,
“
but
what about
the online club
?
”

“
Gotta
keep our ideas
fresh
,
”
Tyler chipped in.

I knew when I’d been outflanked.
“
Okay. We’ll give it a try
.
But
no window displays using that picture
.
”

The triumphant smiles Tyler and Bianca exchanged told me
the
y’d
already
achieved their primary aim
by
secur
ing
my agreement
about
the online club.

“
You’re the boss
,
”
Bianca said. Now
that I was on board, Bianca was all business.
She dropped the newspaper on the counter and held
out
her hand for a list Tyler instantly produced.
“
T
he
books for the first subscription series.
I say Eliot Pattison and
Ty want
s
G.
M. Ford
.
He’s violent
.
Makes a nice contrast
.
”

“
H
e’s
also
funny and a Northwest writer. Maybe he’d come here to do a signing. Jane could contact him.
”
Tyler was ready to go, and even more ready to hand off tasks to me.
“
That Buddhist stuff sounds boring, but some people
m
ight
like it.
”

“
We could all stand to learn more about Buddhism.
”
Apparently my daughter hadn’t become so immersed in capitalism that she’d abandoned her long
-
standing interest in Eastern culture.
“
More educational than Minnie’s true crime. She still wants the killer plumber
.
”

Tyler
pantomimed
a
gagging
reflex
, but
nodded
.
“
W
hatever
Minnie reads, her church friends
read, too. She’s sort of like a
… what do you call
those counties that always vote on the winning side in an election
?
”

“
Bellwether?
”
I asked.

“
Yeah. That’s it. Minnie gives us a whole different demographic.
”
My budding young marketing whiz was on a roll. Demographics, yet. I tried not to smile as he explained his logic.
“
Expand
the fan base. Thinking pure thoughts all the time at church
must
get old
.
Minnie and her friends sure like the gory stuff
.
”

Bianca agreed.
“
W
e
can try it, see how i
t goes. Who do you want, Mom?
”

“
Donna Leon.
Q
uality
writing
,
Venetian setting, strong family interactions, not much violence.
”

“
Sounds boring as the Buddhist,
”
Tyler said,
“
but
we want
balance
.
How about a six-month rotation: lots of blood, then exotic setting, then tough cop, philosophical detective,
maybe a
quaint English village … and, of course,
”
Tyler shot a look at Bianca,
“
adorable animal detectives. How about a parakeet that sings clues?
”

“
Is there one?
”
Bianca asked.

“
He’s putting you on,
”
I said.
“
Bianca,
how about
Alix?
She mentioned reading
Julia Spencer-Fleming.
”

Bianca wrinkled her brow.
“
The helicopter pilot priest? Doesn’t grab me. Too far-fetched.
”

“
As opposed to Bipsy and Mr. Potts?
”
I chided.

Bianca crouched by Wendell and cupped his silky black ears with her hands.
“
Don’t let them make fun of doggy detectives. You did a great job for us.
”
She pulled another treat from her pocket to soothe his presumably wounded feelings, though he didn’t look all that distressed to me. She popped back up.
“
Say, did Ty tell you about Wendell?
”

“
Yes, that’s great, but what about Alix?
And where is
she?
”
I jumped in quickly. Once Bianca got started on Wendell’s exploits, it would dominate the conv
ersation for some time to come.

Bianca looked thoughtful.
“
I
thought she’d be here by now. S
he’s been preoccupied
this week
,
probably
with the new wedding
ideas
. Let me tell you about Wendell.
”

Recognizing an unstoppable force, I leaned against the wall and allowed myself to be treated to a second, even more enthusiastic recitation of Wendell’s spectacular entrance into the wedding biz. Maybe Wendell could also be hired to give guided tours of the bookstore so I could return to selling books and taking classes. Ah, the good old days of obscurity.

“
Hey, you listening?
”
Tyler waved a hand in front of my eyes.
“
If all this marketing stuff is too low-brow for you, maybe you’d rather hide out on the third floor and write your dissertation
.
Hey, how about using some famous fictional killer, like Lady Macbeth?
”

Bianca picked up on his enthusiasm.
“
Classy, Ty, and not so obviously commercial. I like it. If you could use a bunch of four-syllable words to compare Lady Macbeth’s motives to that of a real-life regular guy killer, we might even get a publishable book out of it. We could sell it right here at Thornton’s, along with our regular mysteries. Boy, ‘Murder of the Month’ was a stroke of genius as a name for the book club.
”

She and Tyler exchanged high fives.

“
I’m not sure if you’re smart or nuts. The jury’s still out on that.
”

“
Know what, Bianca?
”
Tyler spoke in a stage whisper.
“
I think your mom’s just bent outta shape
’
cuz she hasn’t figured out yet who killed that guy. That headline brought in a ton of customers, and look at the mail piling up. I gotta tell you, we’re going national again, with or without the window display.
”

“
Forget it. This murder investigation has nothing to do with us, especially whe
n it comes to window displays.
”

“
But your fans—
”
Bianca’s protests were drown
ed out by a shout from outside.

“
Help! It’s Alix!
”
Minnie Salter came huffing her way up the sidewalk, clearly agitated and calling out
before she reached the store.

We all converged on the doorway, but the expanse of lawn outside was empty and quiet
.
Minnie leaned gasping against the door frame.

“
What is it, Minnie?
Should we call 911?
”
Bianca asked
, brow furrowed with concern
.

“
Not me. Alix
,
”
Minnie
snapp
ed
.
“
We
were on our way here when
that idiotic sheriff of
ours
pulled up
in his patrol car
. Arnie said … he said . .
.
”

“
Where’s Alix?
”

Minnie poked the air angrily, causing multiple bracelets to jangle and bright neck scarves to flutter like captive birds.
“
I told you.
He wasn’t a bit nice about it either. You know, I don’t think
Arnie
learned a thing from us last year.
Wasn’t our fault we solved the murder and made a fool out of him. He never would’ve figured it out.
”