I looked down, into the water. A shriek caught in
my throat. Beyond the glittering black surface, my mother’s face stared back at
me, frozen in terror. Her hands stretched toward me, the fingertips just
breaking the glassy surface.
Suddenly, cold fingers gripped my arms and pulled
me off my feet toward the water. I fought paralyzing fear to scream.
“No, no, nooo!”
Beyond my own frantic screaming, voices swarmed
around me. They were chanting. What were they saying?
A whisper trickled into my ear, "Eliza, join
us."
My feet sank into the cold water and slimy
tentacles slithered around my ankles and up my legs pulling me deeper.
Mercifully, my body juiced with adrenaline shot to
life. I was cold, shaking and sweating. The power of the nightmare was so
intense that it made me physically sick.
The door cracked. Startled, I pulled my face from
the pillow and gazed sheepishly at Cora standing in the doorframe.
"What happened, child?" Her dark face
was a mask of concern.
The memory of the night terror was still so fresh
that it was difficult to speak.
"I had a nightmare." I whimpered
pitifully.
She crossed the room. A grim expression spreading
across her face, she sank onto the bed beside me.
"Can you tell me about your dream? Eliza,
it's important you tell me about it." She demanded as if we were dealing
with a problem more serious than just a nightmare.
The tone of her voice and the way she squinted at
me, like she’d spied a black widow spider on my shoulder, sent a hot wave of
nausea rolling over me. Without thinking, I blurted it all out, recounting
every detail I could recall.
Cora frowned as she listened studying my face.
After a few pensive moments, she rose from the bed
and motioned for me to follow her. She plodded down the stairs and headed
directly to the back of the house and into the kitchen. She opened cabinets and
drawers pulling various items from each. I watched her work with curiosity.
"I know how to send bad dreams away."
She said determinedly.
I watched her use twine to tie some feathers and
what looked like small bones together. Then she connected them to form a
circle. She repeated the process over and over again until she had a pile of
nets. She handed them over to me.
We started in the living room at the front of the
house. Cora mumbled something low and musical under her breath as she hung one
of the nets on each window like a Christmas ornament. I followed her around the
house as she proceeded to adorn every window, humming the whole time.
When we finished, she towed me back to the kitchen
and headed straight for the pantry. She pulled out a jar of what looked like
flour. She sat down across from me at the kitchen table and reached for my
hands. I offered them, weakly. She closed her eyes and silently traced the
lines on my palms with her thumbs. Then she sprinkled the powder on my palms
and rubbed it into my skin. She rose and gently touched my temples and the top
of my head. I blinked as the white powder fell on my eyelashes. I sat silently
waiting for her to say something I would understand.
After a few minutes of reverent silence, she
opened her eyes and smiled.
"There now, it's goin’ be fine. Eliza, you
won’t be havin’ any more bad dreams.” She reassured me.
Mustering courage, I asked the question that
burned in my heart.
“Cora, what happened to my mother? Please tell
me.” My voice shook. Cora may have led the sheriff to believe that my mother
left me behind, but by the way she was behaving, I knew that wasn’t the case.
Cora inhaled deeply before answering.
“That’s a hard question to answer, child. I don’t
rightly know exactly where she’s gone or how she got there. But she called me
in for a reason, to protect you, until she gets back. And that’s what I’m goin’
do, best I know how.” She said gravely.
Then drawing herself up in her chair added, “Child,
someday, you will have to face the things that frighten you. There will come a
time when all this confusion goin’ sort out, then you’ll understand more ‘bout
your mama, more ‘bout yourself. Don’t you worry any about that today. You’re a
strong girl and when that time comes, you’ll be brave, won’t you?” She pressed.
I nodded in response, though I didn’t feel very
brave.
The next two nights were calm and dreamless. But
on the third night, I woke with a start to Cora's voice. It was still dark in my
room and I had a feeling that I hadn’t been asleep very long.
"Wake up, child, wake up." The urgency
in her voice was unnerving.
After all I had been through, I couldn't bear to
have my last thread of sanity shaken. I sat up in bed.
"Eliza, listen to me, child. It's time for
you t’ go." She whispered sternly.
"Go?" I balked.
"I been feelin’ your nightmare comin’ back,
lookin’ for a way inside. It won’t be long b’fore it breaks through.” She said.
"But… I need to be here. What about my
mother? How will she find me?" I begged feeling as if I’d found myself in
the middle of a new nightmare.
“Eliza, your mama wants you to be safe. You’re too
young to be messin' with this business. Child, you must go. We’ll call your
Auntie Jane. You can stay with her awhile." Cora said decidedly.
I was surprised to hear Jane’s name. And surprised
that Cora even knew about her.
Cora gently pulled me up off my bed and led me
down the stairs. She dialed and spoke quietly to Jane. From their conversation,
I knew it wasn’t the first time they’d spoken. Then she handed the receiver to
me.
Jane’s voice was light and soothing. And after her
coaxing, I agreed to go to her. The next day, I climbed on a plane, flew out of
Moco and into a new life.
4
The sound of a key in the
door startled me. It had grown dark outside and I hadn’t turned on any lights
yet. I shook my head struggling to return to the present. Jane burst in and
jumped when she saw me sitting on the couch in the dark.
"Oh Eliza, I'm sorry, were you asleep there?
You surprised me!" She said with nervous curiosity.
I recognized Adam's dark profile behind her in the
hall. "Hey, Eliza." He said cheerfully.
Adam was soft-spoken, gentle, and incredibly
loyal. I knew that he didn’t hold me responsible for the limits Jane imposed on
their relationship. I hadn’t seen him since their last tiff and it was nice to
hear his voice.
"Hey, Adam. Yeah, I got sick at school and
came home early. Guess I fell asleep out here." I mumbled haltingly.
Oh, where to start?
Jane flipped on the lights that lined the bare
industrial ceiling and analyzed my face suspiciously.
"Oh, hon, you don't look good. Have you been
crying?" She asked as she rushed toward me.
Adam lingered in the doorway, assessing the scene.
"Jane, I'm gonna get going. Eliza, it's good to see you kid. I hope you
feel better."
Concern flickered across his face as he backed out
the door. "Call you later, Janie."
Jane glanced back at Adam, giving him a
thank-you-for-understanding look.
“Thanks, Adam. Love you." She called after
him.
Adam's face lit up around a sheepish smile.
"Love you too, Janie." He said before he slipped out, quietly closing
the door behind him.
Jane's forehead crinkled as she studied my face.
"What happened? Why are you so upset,
babe?" She asked.
So much for hoping I just looked sick. An
involuntary reaction, I reached out and buried my face in her shoulder. Her
sweater smelled like the sea. The sea, musky perfume and just Jane comforted
me.
When I didn't let go after a few minutes, she
asked lightly, "What if we talk about it over hot chocolate?"
I nodded with my face still buried against her.
Reluctantly, I released her and we both headed for the kitchen. I climbed onto
a barstool as Jane pulled ingredients from a cabinet…cacao, sugar, salt, and
cinnamon.
"I want to talk about my mother." I said
shakily.
I’d come to Port Rune with the understanding that
I was only staying with Jane temporarily, until my mother was back. Cora had
sent me away with the assurance that if my mother could be helped, she’d
provide it, but my place was with Jane, far away from the troubles of Moco. At
first, the sheriff called regularly to report on the case, though nothing was
ever found. As the weeks, then months passed by the situation grew hopeless. It
was when a year had passed that Jane decided to renovate her loft to make a
permanent bedroom for me. By then, I’d lost hope in Cora’s ability to bring my
mother back and eventually the sheriff informed us that there wasn’t much else
he could do. Jane and I had grown close and I was happy living with her. We
talked about my mother less often and eventually, we stopped talking about her
altogether. And though she was never far from my mind, the pain of missing her
had quieted like a hibernating beast.
But now, with Ren’s arrival, that pain had woken
it up.
Jane paused before hesitantly glancing my way. Her
reaction confirmed that the topic of my past was as uncomfortable for her as it
was for me.
"Mmm, what do you want to know?" She
asked cautiously.
"I want to know what you thought of me, what
you know about what happened in Moco. I want to know everything." If I was
going to face my past, I needed to gather all the information possible to move
forward.
Jane stared thoughtfully into the pot of hot chocolate
she stirred on the stove before speaking.
"Ok.” She said pensively as she inspected my
face.
“I suppose you’re old enough to know now, Eliza. I
guess I expected you to ask one day.” She conceded with a sigh before
continuing.
“Well, I wasn't shocked when I got the call from
Cora, surprised, but not shocked. Everything was just such a mess down there. I
was so angry with your mom. I’m sorry to tell you this, babe, but it’s the
truth. I just couldn’t believe she did that to you. You probably don’t know this,
but the police called me a couple days after your mom disappeared. They were
desperate to find your next of kin. I… I was going to go down there right away
but then… well, you were with Cora and I thought… I hoped your mom would show
up. I had been worrying about what was going to happen to you. So when I got
the call that night, I moved quickly to get you out of there." She stated
frankly.
Jane began to pour the hot chocolate into mugs as
she continued with her side of the story.
"When I picked you up at the airport you
looked fragile. Standing there with your backpack full of books. You were so
tiny and pale with dark circles under your eyes. I remember looking into your
big green eyes and thinking that you looked like a little adult, carrying around
adult pain and worry. I was angry at myself for not getting you earlier and I
worried that nothing I could do would heal you." She sighed as if she
still shouldered some guilt, so many years later.
She stopped and looked at me with a pained,
pleading expression, waiting for a response.
"It's ok, Jane, this is what I want to hear,
go on." I put on a brave face and took a sip of hot chocolate.
She grimaced then grabbed her mug and circled the
bar to join me on a stool.
"The first couple of days you were here, you
hardly spoke. You spent hours in your room reading through the little stack of
books you’d brought from home. I guess some things never change! But at the
time it was unnerving. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to force you to
talk about anything you didn't want to, of course. I didn't know anything about
children and you'd been through things most adults never have to endure.
Finally, your silence broke. You just started talking. You asked me questions
about my travels and wanted to know all about Viva. You even laughed. I
realized then that you were one of the strongest, most resilient people
around." As she spoke, Jane reached over and laid a hand over my hand,
resting in my lap.
She continued, "I realized that no one could
mend your family, or bring your mom back. But I could make sure you were never
alone again and I could give you a safe, happy life. That was the promise I
made to myself. I hope that's how you've felt living with me, Eliza." Her
voice dropped to a whisper and her eyes filled with doubt.
Hating that she would even question what she had
done for me for even a second, I quickly responded, "Oh Jane, I love our
life. That's not what this is about." I shook my head vigorously in an
attempt to dispel any of her worry.
Jane examined my face and her expression morphed
from concern to curiosity.
“Well, if you’re not unhappy here then why are you
suddenly asking about all this now?” She asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and cast my gaze to our
twined hands resting in my lap, then removed my hand anxiously before speaking.
The truth was, I didn’t know how to answer her
question. She clearly didn’t know what Cora and I knew… that whatever happened
to my mother was somehow linked to my nightmare. She didn’t know that was the
reason Cora sent me to her. The nightmares didn’t follow me and I hadn’t
thought about the threat that lived in them for years.
"It’s just that… I’ve been remembering some
things from back then, things that scare me." My voice trailed and I gazed
around the room trying to find words to describe the emotions that swirled
within me.
"You’re going to think I’m crazy.” I
stammered hesitantly. My cheeks grew hot under Jane’s inspection.
“There’s a guy that just started at school and he
makes me feel strange.” I continued feeling more self-conscious by the second.