Read Eluding Nirvana (The Dark Evoke Series Book 2) Online
Authors: V.L. Brock
The ache in my jaw was tremendous. But I wasn’t going to cower away. I couldn’t. No more.
Like a cockroach scurrying to the nearest sofa when blinded by light, I’d crawled on my hands and knees away from the foot of the bed. My face prickled by the trickling of blood as it flowed from my wounds. After a dazed, futile attempt of pushing myself up onto my knees to stand, blood droplets falling to the ground, a powerful arm clutched around my middle and I was hauled back into his squatting body.
“
You forget everything I have done for you. You think you can free yourself of me that easily, bitch? Well, let’s see about that shall we?”
When I heard a familiar rattling sound
emerging from out of his back pocket, and my gaze landed on a familiar small bottle when he held it in front of me, I willed myself to struggle in protest with every power I had, just to free myself.
“No, no, no, no…”
The grip behind his immobilizing clutch grew stronger as my arms and legs flailed.
“It’s okay, Kady
baby,” he strained, yet his tone was almost placating. Popping the lid free with his thumb, he fished out one of the blue pills before my struggles sent the bottle, and the remaining contents, scattering across the carpet.
Merciless, h
e held me by the jaw like a dog, coaxing my jaw open. With my lips rolled over my teeth, I shook my head frantically to avoid his intentions.
My hands rose to his in an attempt to pull him off me.
“Stop fighting me, Kady,” his strained voice vanished, and with my throbbing jaw snared in his right hand, the pill was concealed in his left palm as he balled his fist.
My face contorted in agony as w
ith everything I had, I forced myself not to gasp or yell at his winding strike upon my ribcage. But I couldn’t take this beating silently. Not with the force behind the second battering of my ribs. I gasped. And as my mouth opened to catch vital air, Liam’s fingers were rammed down my throat, placing the tablet on the very back of my tongue.
I ga
gged. My shoulders were heaving, my arms and legs thrashing in my desperation.
Still, Liam held my head back
against his shoulder, forcing my mouth shut and rubbed my throat. “You’ll feel better after a nice sleep, then all this…” I’d fought against it for too long, and soon after, the motion of his fingers rubbing over my throat prompted my swallowing reflex. Body turning lax from wrangling for what seemed like an eternity, I was finally let go.
When he
stood, straightening out his attire and dusting himself off, he delivered a swift kick in my injured ribs. I doubled over with a pain-enthused cry, feeling his eyes boring into me. I felt that deranged, sickening smirk plastered over his face as he watched the result his assault had on me. “…Will be better, and we can go back to normal. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to wash your blood,”––he motioned to his hands––“and the remnants of Liv’s pussy juice off my cock. You stay there until I’ve finished. Understand?”
I simply nodded and panted through the winded sensation as I shielded my ribs in my right hand.
“Good girl.”
Time drifted as I concentrated on my breathing. The door to the en-suite was ajar. Only the sound of cascading water from the shower and Liam singing
,
My Girl
was heard.
You can’t live like this, Kady. When w
ill enough be enough? When he puts you in the hospital, or when you end up in the damn morgue? You need to get out of here.
Those words were my mantra. They were repeated ferociously and impassioned until I found the strength in my trembling body, to push myself up onto my feet.
I reached for my purse on the bed with my gaze transfixed on the en-suite door, before tiptoeing out of the room and down the stairs while Liam continued to sing a song, which I’ll most probably never have the courage to listen to again, for as long as I live.
After thrusting my feet into my boots, I staggered out of the house, carefully closing the front door behind me and down the steps to my car.
My ribs smarted as I battled to fill my lungs with a purifying breath. I was sitting in the driver’s seat gazing up at the house. Anyone who passed could see that my bedroom light was on. If only they knew what just happened in it.
We never truly comprehend how many houses we pass each day that mask domestic abuse, be it mentally, emotionally or physically.
There is never one group worse than the other. It affects us all the same, and like a rock dropped into water, it’s only so long before ripples form…
I knew that
my decision and my strength to leave him were sure to cause ripples before too long.
I had to get out of
there before he realized I was missing…
The seatbelt was drawn across my body, the engine roared to life as I slammed the door shut and
speedily backed out of the driveway and down the street.
A red light had me pulling
up opposite Bricksdale Square. I rummaged through my purse for my cellphone as I waited. Pulling up my contacts, I scrolled for his number and pressed the green button. The handset was stationed in the hands-free dock as I waited for him to answer.
“Hello?”
“Walker?” I gasped.
“Kady? What’s the matter, darlin’? Is everything alright?”
Throughout everything that had happened that day, after how I left him less than an hour and a half ago, he was still worried about me. That notion made the corners of my mouth lift. The stinging of my split lip drew a wince from me.
“Yes,” I answered.
“What’s the matter?”
Pulling off as the light turned green, I gushed, “Yes, Walker. My answer is yes. I’ll leave with you.”
His heavy sigh vibrated and rustled over the speaker. I was driving with blooded streaks down my face, and a thick, split lip, but the sound of sheer relief coming from him had me smiling. “Really? You’ll…” he trailed off like he could see I was nodding my aching head. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up.”
“No, I’m in the car;
I’m on my way to you.”
After a beat,
my name fell from his lips sounding like, Katy. My stomach started to tie itself in knots. Bells were ringing loud and clear in my ears. Each breath I made, I endeavored to listen to over the muffled buzzing.
“Kady? Are you there?”
All at once, my body began to feel very, very heavy; it was almost like I was sinking further into my seat. My heart was aching and racing a rough, jagged rhythm, while haziness hijacked my vision. “Yeah, I’m here.” I discovered just about enough energy to form the words, although they vibrated and lingered in my head like an echo. My eyelids grew heavy, I felt myself slipping. “Walker, keep talking to me,” I slurred.
A long, appreciative groan left his throat while
I overheard him flop back into his seat. “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me, darlin’. Kady…I–I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
Everything felt like I was on the cusp of unconscious.
Deep breaths were drawn into my lungs, as I contended with that potent urge to let my head fall forward. Although I couldn’t feel my legs and lights beyond my windshield were distorting and dancing, I smiled at his words while my eyes surrendered to a protracted blink. “I lo––”
The
car was sent spinning. Repeatedly slamming on the breaks, endeavoring to end the rapid rotations, I was forced back into my seat by sheer G-Force alone, as a result of the trucks impact hitting the side from the juncture. Nothing was going to stop it. That I knew.
An eternity had passed before everything was brought to a standstill, yet it was all over b
efore I could decipher through my clouded head what was happening.
I was tipped onto my side watching the events
unfolding horizontally through partially closed lids. The commotion of tires screeching and horns blaring were distant as the traffic came to a standstill, and I observed the world around me resuming in slow-motion.
“Kady? Kady? Talk to me, darlin’. What’s happened?” his fraught voice traveled over the speaker.
When I tried to call out to him, a groan took place of his name.
“
Kady––”
My body was heavy…
“Kady––”
My head was aching…
“Darlin’, talk to me, please. Where are you, so I can come to you?”
Focusing on the sound of his voice, I was calmed by the notion of
, if those few moments were to be my last, I wasn’t alone…as my anchor, he was there with me, holding onto me for as long as he could, just as he’d always promised.
I reached
out for the handset as though reaching for his hand, alas, my arm was too heavy. Energy was one thing I didn’t have.
Energy and time.
That I knew.
“Kady
, can you hear me, darlin’? Kady––”
I let the
lingering sound of his voice calm me, as I was taken by darkness…
I ran like I was striving for first place in the Boston Marathon. The downpour had eased, and the water which had seeped through the satin material of my emerald dress, warmed my body like a wetsuit.
At the end of the tree-lined street, I
hailed down a late night passing cab. When he came to a stop, I yanked open the door and slipped into the sticky backseat. His beady eyes examined me through the rearview mirror, an expectant look on his face.
“I don’t have any money––”
“Do I look like I give free lifts lady? This is a cab. No fare, no ride.”
My wrist slipped through
the cuff of my Rolex. “Here,” I passed it through and dropped it into his palm. “It’s not a fake I can assure you. Just please, can you take me to the Pavilion?”
After a brief moment of studying the
gold watch, he smiled like his winning numbers had just been announced, and pulled off.
I had no idea how long it was before we
came to a stop outside the dilapidated structure for the second time that night. Pulling the release on the door, I voiced my thanks in frantic gasps before slamming it shut and knocking on the bay window to the right of the communal entrance. When the baldheaded man peeked out of his drapes, I waved my hand in the universal language of, ‘come here’.
“Second time toni
ght, lady,” he muttered disapprovingly as he opened the door, allowing me entry.
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s the last
time, I promise,” I called back as I sprinted up the creaking steps, overlooking the cries and shouting coming from the passing apartments. Ignoring the stench and the pornographic graffiti which lined the shabby walls, I only focused on one thing…on one person…
Chest heaving, my ribs ached
and lungs burned and grated with each pant. I knocked fanatically on the green door.
“Alright, alright,
” I heard him call; still, his acknowledgment didn’t stop my incessant knocking. “Wha––” Hard, exasperated eyes thawed as soon as he saw me standing there in the hallway beyond his threshold. “Kady…”
Hanging my head, I drew breath after breath
, pushing past the pain in my heart, lungs and throat as the starvation of oxygen tortured my body. From the ground, my gaze scoured the length of his frame which was clothed in a tight black tank and gray sweatpants.
“I remember,” I panted.
Cocking his head, he dropped his weight through his hip, his arms folded across his chest while he braced his shoulder against the doorway.
My own desperate gaze hunted his eyes with as much in
tensity as he had shown earlier that night, when he begged with me outside McGinty’s to tell him what I remembered after serenading me with our song.
I swallowed harshly. “I remember everything…”
The End.
~
Walker
~
The floorboards groaned and creaked with every step I took as I paced from the coffee table to the front door of my apartment. My hands found their way into my hair, my nails scraped across my scalp as though attempting to hunt and rid the voice which had haunted me since that morning, out of my Goddamn mind.
How the fuck could he do that?
How the fuck could someone do something so sadistic to the person they say they love?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done some fucked up shite in my time, shite that my Ma and Da wouldn’t be fucking proud of, but still, I was taught to treat people with respect. So that’s one thing I make sure to do. Even that sick, twisted bastard. Does it come easily? It did, until I saw through their perfect fucking relationship, until I saw the marks he purposely left behind on her perfect flesh.
I snatched the pack of Marlboro’s from the coffee table as I paced back for what seemed like the millionth time in twenty minutes. Usually only a social smoker, I’d rarely have a cigarette unless it was outside a pub, but at that moment, I needed something to focus my hands on for as long as fucking possible.
Flipping the pack open, I took out a stick, pressed it between my lips as I tossed the remnants onto the table, probably getting lost to the pile of chaos spread across it. The smell of gasoline escaped the Zippo lighter as I flipped it open, struck it against the material of my thigh and lifted it to light the cigarette.
Like a fucking saboteur in WWII France, I lurked around the corner listening to the vile things he told his coworker inside the office. The vicious and toxic words haunted me as I sucked back and held the chemicals in my lungs, while helplessness mocked me. I hadn’t felt that level of weakness since I was seventeen and watched my ma as she gave up the fight. The one thing I needed her to keep doing, she fell to. And after this last stunt Liam had organized, I knew without a shadow of fucking doubt, this would be what Kady finally fell to.
Well, fuck you, Liam DeLaney you fucked up bastard.
Kady needs someone to protect her, that should fall under her partner’s responsibilities, but that was never meant to be. How can the one person you spend your life with find pleasure in crushing the life and soul of someone so heartened and beautiful? How can a man find pleasure in abusing his woman?
I paced again, taking drag after drag of the cigarette, my thumb instinctively flicking the butt as I felt both agitation and rage simmering in my blood. No man should lay an abusive hand on a woman for his own liking. And no man should purposely cause their woman to question their own sanity.
My hand balled into a tight fist as I passed the door, the hasty thumping on the opposite side ricocheted around my cold bare walls, making me jolt. All I wanted was to punch something or do something to take this shitty feeling away. With the amount of anger festering inside of my body, I wouldn’t doubt for a moment that I could send the already cracked wall crumbling to its end.
“About fucking time,” I complained under a weighted sigh after yanking the door open, then resumed with my wild pacing, taking another draw from my Marlboro.
“Sorry it took me so long,” she apologized, closing the door behind her with more poise than I could ever muster at that point. “What the fuck has happened?”
The floorboards turned into cement, causing me to pause mid-stride. On shaky legs I turned to face the woman who had been there for me in my time of need, the woman who never once judged me for my escapism, but was there to help clear me up afterward. Letting my head drop, I outted the cigarette in the glass ashtray. My warm, smoky hand met my mouth as though I was going to be sick, still she didn’t once touch me. She knew beyond all reason not to.
“Walker? Talk to me. What’s happened?”
“He…he…” My thumbnail scoured down the center of my upper lip as I tried desperately to find my voice beyond the lump in my throat. This kind of shite you expect to see in some sick thriller movie, not in actual life, and certainly not to someone you know. Shaking my head, I drew my hand away and lifted my gaze to meet red block-dyed bangs. “He’s had her put into Pinewood.”
“What?!” her eyes widened, and even I could notice her jaw tighten as the shriek rang loudly in my ears. “So that’s why she hasn’t been taking my calls.”
Motionless, I could just find the energy through the resentment and anger…anger, no, this wasn’t anger––this was fucking fury, and shook my head. “I knew something wasn’t right, I could feel it in my damn bones.”
I fished for the pack not giving a flying fuck about the stack of papers being knocked from the table in the process. For a blinding moment, those papers were Liam DeLaney’s head and the table was his shoulders. I drew out another cigarette and lit it. The silver smoke danced and swirled weightless and aimlessly into the air as I took a deep draws and blew it out between tight lips.
“How the Hell did you find this out?” Laurie asked, taking up the brown chair and dropping her purse to the floor.
The floorboards were wearing with how frantic my pacing was growing, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to try and burn out the adrenaline along with the ball of mixed emotions which were wreaking havoc on my body. “I went to his office to ask about my paycheck. He wasn’t in a meeting because the door was open, but he was talking to another one of the architects. I was going to leave it, check back later but the guy asked if Kady was getting better now that she was in Pinewood, and I couldn’t move.” The tip of the cigarette glowed ruby red as I took another draw.
“Better?”
Under my fucked up exterior I felt every organ attempting to escape my body. I didn’t blame them, I wanted to fucking escape it, too. “He’s saying she attacked him with a knife, Laurie. A FUCKING KNIFE!” I shouted, and regardless of how hard I tried, I just couldn’t breathe. I wanted to protect her, but despite that ever growing need, I realized that I couldn’t. And that ripped the heart from my chest and shredded it into a million pieces. I can’t protect her, without make it worse
for
her.
FUCK!
The boiling of my blood was the hottest I’d ever felt, the thumping in my head, the ache in my heart; the helpless and sickening twist of my gut was going to kill me. I tried distraction. The smoking stick between my lips was evidence of that, but it wasn’t helping in the slightest. Nothing was helping. It may have been years, but once again, I felt the weight of that label, the one which screamed ‘failure’, smothering me. I failed my Ma when I left, and now I was failing Kady, too.
Dragging it from my lips, I muttered, “I can’t do this,” more to myself as I quickly
outted the cigarette in the ashtray. I didn’t care that the glowing cherry separated from the stick and was a potential fire hazard as I reared up, and like a startled charger, I hurtled down the hallway, booting the leg of the table as I did so. “I can’t fucking do this, Laurie!” I yelled.
“Walker, come on. We can do this together. You’ve been doing so well. We knew these moments would come, remember just breathe. You need to breathe,” The sound of Laurie’s footsteps trailing me down the hallway came to a sudden end when I slammed the bedroom door closed behind me, then twisted the lock. “Okay,” she said, reluctant. “Five minutes, Walker. If you’re not out by then, then I’m coming in. I’ll kick the door down, so help me God, Walker.”
I didn’t bother answering. As a matter of fact, the selfish part of me, the part that I’d been trying for months get under control since pulling myself out of the fighting scene, wasn’t even listening to what she’d said. For a while, those fights were my back-up, they gave me what I needed, without the need of myself adding to the canvas of my self-mutilation.
When I sat my arse on the edge of the bed, the old iron springs groaned and squealed, while a black candle was taken from the beside unit drawer, the lighter pulled from the back pocket of my jeans. Once the wick was set alight, I doubled over and scrambled to find my safe box from under the bed. The moment I held that box in my hands, although my heart was jittering and my arms shook, I felt safe, I felt control.
Placing it on the bed beside me, I flipped open the lid. Razor blades, penknife, glass shards and a broken porcelain ornament with a deadly pointed edge stared back at me. I stopped falling. The items that lay in that box were my safety net, catching me from the lumbering feelings that I was desperate to rid myself of. The ones I urgently need to escape from.
It’s strange how something like this can be named a safety box. I think only people who function in this way can understand the reason why it has such an inapt name.
The objects in the box shuffled as I drew the small, sharpened knife and set the case onto the planks of my floor, before yanking the white T-shirt from my body. Have you ever been so angry that all you want to do is cry but just can’t? That’s how it feels every time, and each time that need grows more powerful than the last. Nothing makes sense when your head is cram packed full of rage. You need something to shock you into thinking clearly before you lose utter control. And losing control to this is the only way to stay one step ahead. It’s the only way to stay somewhat in charge.
Fuck that saying;
never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion
; this was the quickest route to stability for me.
Absorbed on the implement, I watched its edge glow a burnish orange from inside the flickering flame, before lying back onto the bed. I watched the man in the mirror above me as my head sank into the pillow. A man filled with so much hurt and so much grief that all he can do is mutilate his body t
o feel a measure of normalcy.
Silver stripes, blemishes and the hideous weathered flesh mocked me from the mirror. I hated looking at myself. I hated having to watch as I caused my own destruction. But there was no other choice. I’d lost complete control already in my life; this was my way––the only way––to ensure I didn’t push those boundaries and lose it again. Focusing on that permanent reminder, the damaging result that the lack of control could cause, was the only way I could keep myself focused, and remain on that very edge instead of hurling myself from it, in a brief second of desperation.
A deep breath was sucked into and held in my lungs while the heat of the blade was felt as I paused idle a hairsbreadth from a section of unmarked flesh. Clamping my teeth together, I lowered the blade. Slowly slicing the cutting edge down the hideously marred flesh, my face screwed tightly as I breathed through the pain while the sharp burn spread on each side of the growing laceration.
Only when the pain struck was I able to free myself, my mind and body of the rage and helplessness I was being strangled by. I wasn’t only slicing through my flesh; I was slicing through that overwhelming surge of adrenaline, and allowing myself to be carried back to my body’s natural balance. It was a way to feel control in a situation where control was nonexistent.
The warmth of the blade, the burning of the scored wound alongside the seeping of lifeblood had me steadied, numb. Watching and feeling the fury bleed from me brought a form of life––of inner peace, and as the clouds shadowing my judgment began to dissolve, I could focus on the most important problem: how to get Kady home.
Sitting on the old chair with wooden arms opposite the sofa with a green medical kit resting in her lap, her warning tone hit me like a brick wall as I surfaced topless from the opening. “You’re lucky; I was just about to kick down the damn door.” Laurie may be a foot shorter than me, but Jesus Christ c
ould she give me a telling off.
She looked up at me as I ran my hand through my hair and rubbed my neck.
That was another thing I loved about Laurie, she never stared. She never just looked at what was standing in front of her. She saw
it
––she saw
me
as a man, and each time she was totally unfazed by the tales of pain and release that stood in her presence. Had it be anyone else, they would’ve stared at the train wreck in front of them with cold, assessing stares, completely repulsed by the spreading of chaos over my body.
“Come on,” she tapped her thigh as though summoning a canine as she often did. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I didn’t care about the blood oozing from the gash or the fact that it trickled down my skin as I walked toward her, swiping my cigarette pack along the way. I was sparking one up while Laurie carefully slipped her hands into a pair of latex gloves and ripped open the antiseptic wipe.
“Fuck,” I hissed, the smoke leaving my mouth in a rushed cloud. That wipe stung like a bitch.
“Really?” she peeked up from the seat. “You can handle doing that, but a wipe is painful?” her directness of the situation amused us both, and with a look of concentration, she went back to cleaning the stream of blood oozing down my torso as I held my head back to the ceiling. “So have you got any ideas about how we’re going to get Kady back home?”
I wish I did. Short of coming up with a prison break plan and helping her escape, I had no idea how to move forward with this one. What I did know with undeniable fact was I had to see her. Kady meant everything to me, and knowing what he was doing to her and that I was powerless to stop it, was killing me. No way on this God’s green Earth would she ever attack him, I’d bet my fucking life on it.
“I need to see her. That’s the only thing I can think of right now. I need to make sure that she’s alright.”