Elusive Echoes (7 page)

Ricky nodded.

"Kiss?"

"Some."

"Touch?"

Ricky's face flamed.
Oh, crap.
Sean's heart
sank to floor-level. Maybe no sex yet, but he was on the
path.

"Does the touching feel good?"

Ricky's head popped up, his eyes bulging
with panic.

Sean held up a hand and
smiled. "Okay, let me say that differently. I get that it feels
good physically. But does it feel . . .
okay
? Or does it make you
uncomfortable? Like you're doing something that's
wrong?"

Ricky answered slowly, looking conflicted.
"Kinda both, I guess."

"Do you feel like she's pushing you? Or like
you might be pushing her?" Sean flicked his eyes over the red and
white can he held and he shook his head. Man, he needed a stronger
drink. The soda definitely wasn't cutting it.

Ricky shook his head. "It just kind of
happened last Sunday."

Sean wracked his
brain.
Where had the kid been last
Sunday?
He choked. "At the church
hayride?"

"After."

"You were at Brother Bobby's
house after."
Maybe make that drink a
double.

Ricky shrugged again. "Yeah."

"So who was there with you?" Keeping it
light and casual, Sean took a long pull on his soda, tipping the
nearly empty can high.

"No one." Ricky blushed again. "I mean it
was just me and Lynn."

Sean froze, head tilted back, can still
raised to his lips. He swallowed the mouthful, lowered the can and
set it on the counter. "Higgins? Brother Bobby's baby girl? Lynn
Higgins?"

It shouldn't have been possible for Ricky's
face to become any redder but it did. The boy nodded, a wary look
in his eyes.

Sean pushed a hand through his hair. Maybe
he should just keep the whole bottle handy.

"She's really nice to me. And she doesn't
care that I'm a bas—that I'm . . . illegitimate."

If Sean hadn't already been sitting down, he
would have fallen to the floor. He shook his head to clear it,
trying to digest what Ricky was saying.

"Ricky, you're not—okay. One
thing at a time." Sean rubbed his jaw, struggling to choose the
right words. "I think because it feels kind of good and kind of not
that you aren't ready to go any further."
Please, don't go any further–especially with the preacher's
youngest daughter.
Sean reached into his
back pocket and pulled out his wallet. "I don't believe I'm about
to do this, and I don't want you to think of this as me giving you
a green light here, okay?" He pinned the kid with a hard stare.
"Because I'm
not.
"
He pulled out a square foil packet and held it up. "You know what
this is?"

The redness crept back into Ricky's face.
"It's a rub—ah, a—"

Sean nodded.
Yeah, now you got the idea, kid.
"It's a condom. It's okay to call it a rubber.
Heck, I don't care what you call it. Just take it, keep it in your
wallet. And if you end up in a position where you need to use
it—and I hope you
don't
—but if you do,
please
use it." He slid the packet across the table,
where it sat untouched.
Now what?
"Ah, do you know how to use it?" Sean squeezed his
eyes shut.
Please know how to use
it.
He took a deep breath and slowly opened
his eyes.

Ricky stared, then finally gave one quick
nod.

"Really?"

"Health class," mumbled Ricky.

Sean let out his breath in relief. "I mean
it, Ricky. I didn't give it to you because I'm saying go get laid.
I don't want you to need it for a long time."

Ricky nodded. The condom still sat
untouched.

"And it's a good idea to replace it every so
often. If it's been in your wallet for a while, like more than a
couple of months, toss that one and get a fresh one. If you need
more, if you need a fresh one, or if you use that one, there's a
box in my bathroom. You don't need to ask, just take what you need,
okay?"

Ricky nodded.

"About that other thing, being
illegitimate." Sean fought for control of his emotions. "People
calling you that?"

Ricky lifted one shoulder and looked
away.

"I'm reading that as a yes," said Sean. And
probably not the nice term for it, either.

"Some kids at school. It's nothing."

But it wasn't nothing. And Sean knew the
speech about it just being a word was useless. "Ricky." His voice
was hoarse as emotion clogged his throat. "I don't think of you
like that. None of us here do. We—I" He drew a deep breath. "I love
you."

Red flooded Ricky's face again. "Aw,
jeez."

Sean stood up and rounded the table. "Yeah,
I know. It's been a weird day. But I mean it, kid. You kinda grew
on me. A little." He rubbed Ricky's hair. "Now get upstairs and
play some video games."

Ricky stood, his manner more at ease. "Sean
. . . I. . ." His face contorted.

"I know, kid." Sean patted the kid on the
back. "Take the condom and get out of here before we have a chick
flick moment."

Still, Ricky hesitated.

Sean sighed. Nothing was ever, ever easy
with this kid. "Something else on your mind?"

"I don't have a wallet."

A laugh escaped and Sean realized his heart
felt a little less bashed than it had after his last encounter with
Mel. "Check my top dresser drawer. Ry and Sandy gave me one for my
birthday that I haven't cracked out yet. Take it." When Ricky
looked like he was going to protest, Sean gave him a little push.
"Hey, I said take it."

Ricky left the room and Sean let out a long,
slow breath. Standing in front of the refrigerator, he bashed his
head against the door. Twice.

"You look like someone dumped a load of
manure on your garden party," Justin said from the doorway.

"I may be wrong, but I'm
pretty sure I planned to be married and have babies, and
then
have the sex talk
with said babies when they reached the appropriate age, preferably
somewhere in their twenties." Sean banged his head again. "There's
just something about being barely thirty and having the sex talk
before all the rest that feels out of order."

Justin barked out a laugh as he moved to the
refrigerator and pulled on the door. "Beer? Not like that draft
stuff you'd have gotten if you went to see your lady, though." He
held up a bottle.

Actually, water sounded like a better balm
for his dry throat, and Sean shook his head, moving to the sink
instead. "Dad. Did you know kids are calling Ricky illegitimate?
And I'm thinking the kids learned it from somewhere."

In the middle of returning
the beer to the refrigerator, Justin's hand faltered. "The boy's
been calling himself that since he learned who his real father is.
MacKay himself started it—only that's not the way
he
put it."

Sean knocked back the water and set the
tumbler down with a sharp snap. "If MacKay wasn't already in prison
for murdering those women and for raping Ricky's mother, I'd have
to kill him just for putting that on the kid."

"And I'd have to agree with you." Justin
opened the cookie jar and took out a cookie.

"Do you know he sometimes slips and calls
you Dad?"

Justin smiled. "I've heard it a time or two.
Kinda working on something to help him out with that. Stopped in to
see his mom today."

"How is Brenda?" Sean felt himself going on
the defensive. He was well aware that Justin had guardianship
status at the whim of Ricky's mother and it could be revoked at any
time if she changed her mind. "Does she want the kid back?"

Justin shook his head. "She loves him,
misses him. She'd like to see him. But no, she wants a fresh start.
She thinks the boy needs one, too."

Sean let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Harsh. He's innocent in all this. But he gets to stay here,
right?"

Justin nodded. "I've been thinking for the
past few weeks. I know he's coming up on his eighteenth birthday
next summer, but I was considering asking him if he'd let me make
him my son."

Sean sat down heavily and looked up at his
father. Yeah, the old man was serious. "I think . . . I think
that's genius, and my bet is he'll like the idea."

"What about you?" Justin went for another
cookie. "Do you like the idea?'

"I do." Sean rubbed the back of his neck. "I
really do. He's already my brother in every way it counts. But
making it official . . . I'd like that. I gather Ry already
knows?"

"Yep. We talked to Brenda together. She
likes the idea. So now it's just up to the boy." Justin rubbed his
face. "Guess I need to find the right time to ask him what he
wants."

It was rare for Sean to see his father so
uncertain. That uncertainty meant he really cared.

A prickle of awareness eased into the back
of Sean's head. It always happened as a subtle sensation. He didn't
know where it came from or how it worked, but it was never
wrong.

"You can try now." He caught Justin's
attention and nodded toward the dining room. "You want to come in
and join the conversation, Ricky? Seems only fair since we're
talking about you."

The boy moved hesitantly into the room. He
had that fearful expression in his eyes again, like he was certain
his life was about to go to crap.

"How much did you hear, kid?" Sean leaned
back in the chair. If this was going to be Painful Conversation
Number Two, he might as well get comfortable.

"Justin and Ryan went to see my mom."

Sean raised an eyebrow. "That's all you
heard?" He didn't believe that for a minute. The boy was being too
careful.

"She doesn't want me back." The poor kid's
voice was shaking. Sean would bet anything he'd heard nearly the
whole conversation. But he'd focused in on the one thing that hurt
him the most. What he saw as his mother's rejection instead of her
gift of liberation.

"Ah, Brenda's—she
doesn't—"
Crap!
Sean glanced at his father.
Feel free
to chime in any time.
Justin bit into
another cookie and raised an eyebrow.

The kid continued his steady stare at
Sean.

"Ricky." Sean cleared his throat. "It's
not—it's never been a question about whether your mom wants you or
not." The words formed and tumbled out before Sean even realized
what he was saying. But he knew they were the right words by the
way they felt on his tongue and in his heart. "She loves you and
only wants what's best for you, and right now she figures we can
give that to you better than she can. She knows she's pretty messed
up, and she feels that she has to be able to get her own life
together before she'll be any good to anyone else. That's the only
reason she agreed to let you stay here."

When Sean finished speaking, Justin coughed
and swiped at his eyes. For the first time in his life, Sean saw
his father as vulnerable. It hadn't been contentment for Sean to
lead this discussion driving the old man. This mattered to Justin
McGee. A lot. The broken-heart-if-it-doesn't-work kind of mattered.
Sean rubbed the back of his neck.

Ricky's movement in the doorway broke him
out of his introspection. "So, ah, you get that you can stay here
no matter what, right?"

The boy nodded without speaking. His blue
eyes were so like Mac's they sometimes hurt to look at, and that
blue gaze clung to Sean now, seeking . . . something. Connection
maybe? Or maybe just love.

"What Dad wants . . . what we all would like
. . . is for Dad to adopt you to make it official and give you the
McGee name." Sean settled back to watch the emotions play over
Ricky's face.

"You'll be eighteen in just under a year."
Justin finally spoke up. "So maybe it doesn't matter to you. Once
you're an adult, you can legally change your name and it won't
matter who your parents are. If that's what you want to do. Or if
you want to stay with the name MacKay, that's up to you."

For a split second, the kid looked like he'd
been given the keys to Disneyland. Then the shutters closed on his
expression. The kid had a great poker face.

Ricky's mouth worked
soundlessly for a minute. "I could be—You
want
me?" Aw, jeez, the kid sounded
skeptical, like he didn't believe anyone
could
want him.

Justin chuckled. "Oh yeah, I want you, boy.
So you know, I think of you as my son already." Justin eyed the
cookie jar, then apparently decided against having another one.
"But I would like to make it legal, for the rest of our lives."

"And my name would be McGee?"

Justin nodded.

"Could I—could I change my middle name?"

Sean's gut heaved and he huffed out a
breath. He should have seen that one coming. Ricky's middle name
was Brody, the name of the man who'd raped his mother and fathered
him.

Again Justin nodded. "Got a name in
mind?"

"John."

And that made sense, too, thought Sean. The
given name of the man everyone had thought of as Ricky's father for
years; his mother's childhood sweetheart, and Sean's cousin.

"Ricky John McGee sounds good to me," said
Sean.

"Could we do it right away?"

The tension in Justin's features eased.
"It'll take a little time for the papers to go through the court,
but I've got them ready to go with our attorney. Could be you'll
have that name by the end of the year." He smiled. "That is, if
you're saying yes."

Ricky nodded. "Yes."

"Good. Now, get your backside back to bed
and quit eavesdropping." Justin's smile and the laughter in his
voice showed him for the soft-hearted man Sean knew he really
was.