Emerge (7 page)

Evan pulls back from me, jaw clinched tight. I can’t quite read his face, but it’s obvious I’ve hurt him. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, a huge hurt we could never fix. He opens his mouth, but then snaps it shut, open, closed.

”Evan, I know I’m kinda being a bitch. And yes, I’m assuming the worst of you and putting words in your mouth, or girls in your bed, so to say, but I can’t sit back and wait to live out an episode of
Gossip Girl
. It would literally kill me.”

I try to move closer to him, but he backs away from me, without a word, and walks away.

“Evan?” My shaky voice squeaks out through the silence.

Nothing; he just keeps walking.

Chapter 9

Speechless

~Evan~

D
id that just happen? Is this real life? Of course it is, only life could pull off such sick irony.

I’ve worked my whole life to keep my nose clean, get good grades and push myself to be the best football player I can be. And right when all that hard work starts to pay off, it jeopardizes the only thing in life I’ve worked harder for…Laney Jo Walker.

Does she honestly believe I’d cheat on her at college? And why would she give me a free pass? Is this so she doesn’t have to stay committed to me? Of course it isn’t, she’s never even kissed another guy! What the hell is she thinking then? Why is she doing this? How do I fix it?

This is because of her mom, it has to be. Laney doesn’t trust easily. She doesn’t put herself in any position where she sees a chance of real hurt. That’s why we’re here right now.

I just walked away from her. I never do that, but I honestly had no idea what to say, or what not to say. Shouldn’t I be pissed that she thinks I’ll go all manwhore? When do I ever assume the worst of her? Never.

I have literally never been so absolutely at a loss in my whole life. Clearly it’s time to call in back up…so I go find him.

“Dad, can I talk to you?

“Sure son, what’s on your mind?”

Turn off the TV, Dad, this is a biggie.
“Um, well, it’s about Laney, and me, and…damn Dad, I just don’t even know.” There we go, got his attention now; TV off.

“Evan, start at the beginning, son, and when you get to the part where you’re ready for my advice…stop.”

My dad really is the most uncomplicated genius alive.

“Well, Laney thinks that since we’ll be at different colleges, we should break up. She thinks I’ll be tempted with parties and girls and do something to hurt us forever, so she basically wants to let me off the hook now.”

I guess I
kinda
get it and she’s right about the girls. I mean, they’re the same way in high school, but I barely even cared when she
wasn’t
mine. There’s no way I’ll care about any floozies when I finally
have
her to lose.

“How could she have no faith in me, Dad? I’m not some big player, what do I do?”
Come on, Dad, spit out a cure-all,
please.

“Geez, son, you set out to stump a man, you really go all out,” my dad chuckles, scratching his cheek. “Bottom line is, that sweet lil Laney is a realist. She was forced to put up a guard. She’s got the oldest soul I’ve seen, always has, and she’s brave enough to put all her fears out on the table. Gotta respect the hell outta that, cause a woman who actually
tells
ya what you’re doing wrong, hell, before you’ve even done it; rare breed there.” He laughs a bit, probably because he never has a clue what my mom is mad at him about.

My dad’s right, Laney is something very special. I guess I should appreciate the fact that she’s being honest with me and telling me how she feels, because it gives me a chance to fix it.

“Son, you
know
she’s right about the girls. You’re a good looking young man, new athlete on campus. They’ll be sniffing around you every chance they get. How’s she know you’ll be able to handle that? Better yet, do you know you’ll be able to handle that? You could worry the same thing about her, you know. First time living out from under her dad’s roof, first time you guys have been apart, and boys will notice her, son. Maybe you ought to cool off and see where things go? That out of sight out of mind stuff can get tricky.”

“Dad, guys notice her now. Girls notice me now. She will
never
be out of my mind. I want Laney,
only
Laney.”

“Yeah, I know. Now go tell her.”

Chapter 10

Backburner

~Laney~

I
may be almost nineteen years old and about to start college, but
The Fox and the Hound
is a classic, and this really is therapeutic; anything Disney is
,
really. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve made Evan sit through this movie; basically anytime he’d screwed up and I felt he needed a reminder of friendship. Right now I’m watching to remind myself. Oh, here it comes…

“Copper, you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re mine too, Tod.”

“And we’ll always be friends forever. Won’t we?”

“Yeah, forever.”

Wait for it, wait for it….and there’s the tears.

I can’t fight with Evan.

In a few weeks he’ll be gone. There’s no way I’m spending our dwindling time together fighting. Time right now is precious. He is precious. I’m not too proud to extend the branch first, but I’m snuggly, so a text will have to do.

Laney: Hey Tod

….oh I know he got it, the text
and
the reference. Is he really ignoring—

Evan: Hey Copper

Laney: You’re my best friend

Evan: And you are mine, and so much more, forever

Laney: Where are you?

Evan: Sitting under your window

Laney: Creeper

Evan: Guilty

Laney: Movie?

Evan: Open up

The window isn’t locked and he knows it. He chastises me for it constantly, but I’m actually proud he held out for once and let me come to him. I want things to be okay so badly. I hate fighting with him and feeling insecure, but I couldn’t live through him cheating on me.

Cheating is more than betrayal. It’s letting a selfish, physical need take over with blatant disregard for the other person’s feelings, as if they’re of no value. If Evan ever treated me with that type of disrespect, it would change us forever. It would hurt way more than this.

Do I want to think of him with another girl? Hell no. But thinking of him not caring if he hurts me, even for the few minutes it takes to get to the goal line hurts much worse. If we’re not “together,” not only is he not physically cheating, he’s not
emotionally
cheating…the ultimate deal breaker for me.

I scoot over and make room for him, pulling down the covers. “Evan, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt me. Please say we’re okay.”

I feel him sigh, reaching out his arm so I can snuggle in against him. He’s so warm and solid; this is the best spot in the whole world.

“This is all because I broke a promise to you. I’ve never broken a promise to you and this is why; look at us. I’m supposed to be with you, I said I would be.” He looks so sad and broken. “Laneybaby, I’m so sorry I walked away. I just had to make sense of what you said and how it made me feel. All I heard was that you don’t trust me, but I realize you were saying that you do trust me, enough to tell me your fears. Maybe you were a little harsh.” He smiles slightly, but not a real smile. He props up on one elbow, looking down at me lovingly, desperately. “I get what you’re saying, Laney, I do. There’ll be girls and parties, but there’ll be boys and parties where you are, too. All I can tell you, with all my heart, is that there is only one you. I’d never risk this; us.”

God, he’s amazing. I know he believes everything he just said, and I know he’d die before he consciously hurt me, but girls can be persuasive and so damn manipulative. Alcohol and college are the matches to their gasoline.

“Not everyone leaves for good, Laney. Not your dad and not me. Life doesn’t overwhelm us all. It throws snags, but we’ll deal, together, like we always have.”

He’s right, he’s not a runner. Maybe I’m overreacting and imagining the worst.

“You know what, Ev, can we just forget I said anything? We’ve still got weeks left before it’s even an issue, and maybe all the girls there will be really ugly.”

He laughs and places a kiss on my forehead. “We’ll curb it for now, cause I’ve got time left to show you I belong to only you. Prepare to be wooed and subdued,” he says with
my
smile, half love and respect of a best friend, the other half love and sultriness of my man and forever; the smile only for me.

“Woman, you went a lil’ crazy, so you know I’m picking the movie, right?”

“As long as it’s in this room, pick away.” Like he’d leave this room right now, surely he’s not dying to tell my dad how he missed using the front door.
Oh yeah, Evan, you da man. Pick the movie, Mister All Powerful, cause you win.

I don’t even ask—he chooses Robin Hood. He thinks it’s the “manliest” of my collection. I try to hold my eyes open, memorizing how often he breathes, the sound when he blinks, the exact speed he rubs my arm…but soon I am asleep.

Chapter 11

Exploration

~Laney~

S
ummer is bliss as Evan and I spend every second we can together. We fish a lot, lay out by the lake, and look up at the stars. Our slumber parties are a nightly occurrence. Tonight when he shows up, I have big plans of my own. His text pulls me out of mentally writing “Make Your Move for Dummies.”

Evan: Hey Sugar Bear. Leaving gym, home 2 shower, then b there. Maybe 1 hr.

Laney: Hurry…safely.

Evan: Why, what’s up?

Laney: Lil chilly in this outfit. Need snuggled.

Look at me, all suggestive siren. I can’t very well send him to the University of Orgy without some clue of what he’s missing.

My phone starts ringing, “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers. It’s our matching ringtone that Evan picked out. It only plays when we call each other.

“Hello?”

“Woman, you can’t be telling me stuff like that over text when I’ve gotta drive to you. You trying to kill me?” He’s actually groaning out his words.

Hearing him so worked up sends goosebumps across my skin. “Oh, I’m sorry, my bad. I didn’t think of that.”
Lie.
I’m kinda good at this game.

“What are you doing right now? Where’s my Laney?” His soft chuckle sends warmth throughout me.

“She’s right here, under her covers, all chilly and lonely.” That was my best innocently sexy voice, which I didn’t even know I possessed.

“I’m hanging up now, baby. I’m gonna run off the road. See you in just a bit.”

Oh Lord, now I actually have to face the music. I’m sooo scandalous! Bout time!

I jump out of bed and quickly brush my teeth, spray on some body mist and brush out my hair. I take one last look at my new ensemble; boy cut pink sleep shorts and a matching cami. I almost put it back at the store, losing my nerve, but I’ve got a point to make.

“
H
ey, sleepyhead.”

I rub my eyes, waiting for them to readjust to the dim light. I must have dozed off waiting for him, but his sweet, throaty words in my ear, his arms around me, and his body pressed against mine from behind is a welcome wake-up call.

I roll over to look at him, shaggy brown hair still wet from his shower and latent heat in his blue eyes. “Hey, sorry, I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be sorry, I love sleepy Laney. I missed you.” He rubs his nose along mine; I love it when he does that.
How will I live without this? No, stop that.

“I missed you, too.”

“Mmmm, good. Gimme some sugar.”

I smirk and lean in, placing a silky kiss on his lips. He groans, running his long fingers through my hair and sucking my bottom lip eagerly.

“By the way, loving the new pajamas, baby girl.” His hands explore timidly, feathering across arms and back, slipping lower with each sweep.

“Ah Laney, damn,” he grumbles as I pull away and place wet, open-mouthed kisses along his neck.

That voice of his, so sensual, does things to me and I know he feels my nipples harden against his chest. I run my hands under his t-shirt and over his rock hard abs, slowly making my way up his chest. God, he has a nice body, touching it burns me from the inside out. My hand tugs on the hem of his shirt.

“Off, now,” I breathe out.

He moves to pull it off from behind his neck, such a provocative move. I’ll have to work on my girl equivalent. He’s looking at me through heavy lids and smoky, carnal eyes; ones I’ve never seen, but like. I know he’s dying to touch me, but would never do so on his own. I have to give him the okay.