Emergence (Book 2) (39 page)

"M'lady?" A voice drifted in from the study, followed by a young girl who bobbed a curtsy half-way up the steps as her eyes landed on Ciara and then drifted to the floor. She carried an armful of clothing. "Your pardon, m'lady, the Lord General has sent these for you and asked if you would meet him in the stable yard once you've changed."

She scurried in to deposit the clothing on a chest at the foot of the bed, setting Ciara's worn boots on the floor beside it.

"Shall I help you change, m'lady?"

Ciara shook her head. "No. Thank you. I'll be fine." The girl curtsied again, but Ciara called her back before she could leave. "Would you wait for me? I'm not sure how to get to the stable yard from here."

"Of course, m'lady." She looked around, then sat on the top step to wait, her back to Ciara.

The clothes weren't Ciara's but were similar to what she had worn out of Galys Auld, comfortable, loose pants, and a thigh length tunic of deep russet with a wide leather belt. She tugged on her boots. They'd been polished, and new leather laces replaced the frayed, knotted ones, which proved to be a good thing because the pants were too long, forcing Ciara to roll them to her calf and secure them with the lace. She looked around for a hairbrush but had to settle for using her fingers, tugging through the snarls to wind her hair back into its customary tangle of a braid.

The girl glanced over her shoulder. "All finished, m'lady?" She collected Ciara's dress and undershift from the floor. "We'll see these cleaned and mended. Although I'm sure his lordship will see you've plenty much nicer than this. And we'll see you get a decent mirror and whatever else you need up here."

"Oh, I don't think I'll be staying," Ciara said.

The girl's brows rose. "Oh. I thought--" She shrugged and waved a
dismissive hand. "Never mind me. I don't always hear things right. Mum says I should either listen more careful or just not listen at all and save everyone the bother."

She headed from the room, Ciara trailing behind.

"I'll see you to the yard, m'lady."

***

Bolin looked up from checking Sandeen's girth as Ciara approached, and his eyes swept over her in silent appraisal. "You slept well?"

Ciara nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take your bed."

"I put you there," he said. "I thought you'd be more comfortable than on the settee."

"Oh. Thank you."
Though I'd have been more comfortable with you there.
"Are you going somewhere?"

"We are. If you'll join me that is?" he said. "I want to show you something."

"Do you think it's wise?"

"As in 'do I think we'll be safe'? Aye. But if you'd prefer I can arrange an escort as well."

"No. I just--" Her glance strayed toward the wall. She couldn't see the spot from where they stood, but the images were all there, burned into her mind, too fresh to get close to.

Bolin laid a hand on her arm. "He's nowhere near. We'd know if he was."

"I know."

"I won't force you to go if you'd rather not."

Something in his tone tugged at her heart. Disappointment, sadness? She forced a smile. "No, it will be nice to get out."

He studied her for a moment, his expression giving nothing away, then gestured toward a beautiful bay mare that bore a striking resemblance to Sandeen in all but size and color. Bolin gave her a leg up before mounting the waiting stallion, and Ciara frowned at the obvious stiffness in his moves.

"Are you all right?"

He glanced over at her and opened his mouth, then appeared to reconsider his answer. "Bruised and battered. Nothing worse."

"You haven't slept much, have you?"

"No."

He turned Sandeen toward the gate and Ciara followed him through. They headed toward the river, for a while following the road as it turned northward and plunged beneath the trees. As it started to move away from the banks of the Rynwall, Bolin turned onto a narrow track that looked to be no more than a game trail. It twisted back on itself as it began to climb upwards. A dull roar that had been tickling at Ciara's ears became the sound of rushing water as the horses surged up and over the crest of a broad, flat outcropping.

Ciara gasped when her eyes landed on the cascading falls, the sunlight glittering from the spray like drops of silver. "It's beautiful."

Bolin dismounted and left Sandeen to graze the short grass, holding Ciara's horse while she swung down to join him. He took her hand and angled his head toward a rough set of stairs carved into the stone to their left. "The view's better from up there."

The climb left Ciara short of breath, and the view at the top stole the rest of it. They stood on a finger of stone suspended above the falls, the water's song muted by the height. Behind them, the tops of soaring pines obscured their view, but in front of them the land spread out in all directions, giving a clear view of the river as it twisted through the trees. The breeze that pushed around them, tugging Ciara's hair from its braid, brought with it the musty smell of the raging water and the sweet scent of the forest around them.

"At sunrise the falls shine like molten gold," Bolin said from beside her, his voice so soft she had to strain to hear it. "And under the full moon it's as soft as spun silver."

"Do you come here a lot?"

A flicker of sadness crossed his face. "Not often enough."

Ciara bit the inside of her cheek. "I get the feeling you didn't bring me here just for the view."

Bolin shook his head, still looking down at the river. "We'll be leaving for the Greensward tomorrow. Nialyne will be returned to her home with a full Imperial escort, including the Emperor. I'd…you're welcome to come, if you feel up to it."

"What about Donovan?"

Bolin's jaw tightened. "I think it will be some time before he can attempt to move on us again."

"But he will, won't he?"

"I believe so. He has even more cause now than he had before." His voice became hard and cold, his eyes like chiseled pieces of ice. "You should know, when we return from Galys Auld, I'll be hunting him with the Emperor's blessing."

"I expected as much," Ciara said.

"And?"

"And I'll help if you let me."

His expression remained guarded. "You understand, his life is forfeit? We will pursue him with every resource at the Emperor's command."

"Aren't I one of those resources now?"

"I would never ask you to stand against him," Bolin said. "And neither would Dain."

"Because you told him not to?"

He quirked a brow. "Do you think I command the Emperor, then?"

"At times." Ciara looked out at the dancing falls. "I always thought I was obligated to feel something for Donovan because he was my birth father
, that blood ties could never be broken. But blood doesn't make us family, it only makes us relatives. He has no claim to me, and no more love for me than he had for my mother. He is evil without any hope of change, and no remorse for anything he's done, or anyone he hurts. He'd kill me if he could. He'll certainly try to kill you again if he gets the chance. So many lives have been shattered because of him." She looked back at Bolin. "I used to wish I could save him, but I know that's not possible. So if you're asking if I'll try to stop you again, the answer is no."

Bolin nodded and looked away as Ciara had, toward the glittering water spilling over the rocks far below.

"So much has changed so quickly," she said, half to herself.

Bolin slid her a sidelong look. "And your feelings toward me? Have they changed?"

Ciara held his gaze, trying to read behind the ever-present mask. He wouldn't want to hear it. He never did. But she was done hiding things. "I think they have been the only constant in my life. And even though you totally confound me, they've only grown stronger."

Bolin closed his eyes for a heart beat, then turned and took her hands in his. For a long moment he stared down as he caressed the back of her knuckles, and Ciara braced herself. She could guess at his words
, at the excuses he would use to push her away once again. She'd heard them all but they would never alter how she felt.

"You don't have to say anything," she said. It would be easier hearing nothing than facing rejection again. "I know you can't tell me what I want to hear, and I can't force you to feel something you don't, or to accept what you do. That doesn't mean I'll ever stop loving you."

"I still don't understand why you do." He rolled his gaze up to her, his eyes bright beneath his furrowed brow. "There are better men for you than I."

"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"And how do you know?"

She shrugged. "I just do."

Bolin shook his head. "I can't help but believe one morning you'll wake up and regret it."

"Regret what?"

"I'm not an easy man, Ciara. You know that better than most," Bolin said. "That's not about to change. I've had enough people tell me I'm an overbearing ass to believe there's some truth to it. Also not likely to change. My first duty is, and always will be, to the Emperor--if he's decided against executing me that is. And there are some things..." He inhaled and looked over her shoulder, the line of his jaw tightening. "There are some things I need to reconcile. Some things I've called into question of late." He brought his eyes back to her. "But Garek tells me I'd be a fool to let you get away, and I'm inclined to believe him."

Ciara's breath caught. She hardly dared speak. "What are you saying?"

An uncharacteristic grin twisted Bolin's mouth. "I'm not very good at this, am I?" He glanced at their hands again as though gathering his thoughts. The mask was gone when he lifted his face. His expression had softened, and his eyes were warm, deep pools swirling with unchecked emotion. "The thought of you as anything other than happy tears at my heart, and I would do anything to insure you never see another dark day as long as you live. I know that's not possible, and I know I may be the cause of some of them. I will never understand what I've done to earn your love, and I'll live each day in fear of losing it when you come to your senses. I can't change who or what I am, and if you take me, you take me with all my faults. You deserve a man who can give himself to you completely. I can't do that."

He pressed a finger to her lips when Ciara opened her mouth to speak. Her pulse raced. She held her breath, and waited to find out if the tears she held in check would fall in joy or heartache.

"What I can do is promise all I can give is yours and yours alone. That none but you holds my heart. That I will hold your own heart closer than my own. And when the morning dawns that you awake and see me for what I am, as opposed to what you imagine me to be, and realize the error you've made, I will count you blameless and hold you to no oath." He slid his fingers along the curve of her cheek. "If you'll still have me, that is?"

Ciara could do nothing but stare until a glimmer of uncertainty crept into Bolin's gaze and pulled her from her shock. Her chin trembled despite her best efforts to keep it firm. "Regardless of the fact you are an overbearing ass, know that the day you fear will never come. I will never regret loving you. I will take what you can give and relish it, though I'll have to adjust to sharing you with the Emperor."

"Then you'll have me?"

Ciara stood on her toes and kissed him. "As often as I can."

Bolin hesitated, then pulled Ciara's body tightly against his, and she felt a wall inside him begin to crumble. His mouth curved into a mischievous smile against hers. "Starting tonight, then?"

"You mean I have to wait?"

He chuckled. "I'm afraid I've some things to see to today, or you'd not have to wait at all."

Her skin tingled beneath his touch as Bolin slid his hands up under her hair. He deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing her lips open. So unlike any other time, he held nothing back. Ciara could feel the depth of his love even if he couldn't put it into words. The strength of his desire hit in a sudden flush of heat that swept over her until she felt certain the flesh would sizzle from her bones. It left them both looking for breath when he finally drew away and rested his forehead against hers.

"We best head back," Bolin said, his voice low and rough, a texture to it Ciara had never heard before. It made her knees go weak. The color of Bolin's eyes had shaded to a deep moss green, and they stroked over her with passion held in check by the barest thread of self-restraint. "Dain will send a patrol looking for me, if he hasn't already."

She smiled up at him, and slipped her ha
nd into his when he offered it. The shadows of the recent past and the unknown of the future loomed just beyond this moment. Ciara would have to face both sooner than she would like. But for this small space of time, she had found contentment, and would do everything she could to make it last.

***

How long he swam in blackness, unable to see anything beyond hazy shapes that drifted before his eyes like ghosts, Donovan did not know. Chill fingers touched his face like a blind man seeking for clues. They traveled across his body, searching, prying, learning. Donovan shuddered in revulsion, though he should have been thankful he still had a body to touch. His departure from Nisair had been abrupt and reckless. And, as much as he hated to admit it, desperate. The crone's power had betrayed him in the end, just as Donovan had betrayed her.