Authors: Jr. L. E. Modesitt
15 Trius 3646
New Augusta
Dear Mort:
Once again, I'll have to apologize for being late in back-faxing. What with one thing and another, somehow I put it off.
I don't know whether to envy you or worry about your being out there where you can do something. You were right. N'trosia's the new Chairman of the Defense Committee. They changed the name, too, from Military Affairs to Defense. We don't want the Galaxy to think we're warmongers, do we? Anyway, the distinguished Senator has another study in hand to show that even if we started plating the frames today, the FC wouldn't be ready for fleet action for five years, and the full force of one hundred couldn't be deployed for ten. By that time, according to his study, the FC would be obsolete. So why bother to spend trillions of credits for a corvette that would be outdated before it spaced? So help me, not a single senator asked how outdated the ACs would be by then.
Then the Haversol thing came up, and N'trosia even twisted that. He claimed that the FC wouldn't do a thing against sabotage and that we needed more for Special Operations, not for ships that couldn't prevent such disasters. Not that the two are related, of course.
Looks like the Committee is buying N'trosia's argument, and if they do, so will the entire Senate.
I passed on your account of your encounter with the Fuard to Admiral Graylin. He's had several reports like yours. His theory is that they're testing us in every way they can. Last week we had a briefing on another new development. Pardon me if I'm sketchy, but you'll have to fill in the details, and I'm sure you understand why.
Rumor has it that the other fellows have come up with a way to use high-speed jump exits with a hull twice the size of their current destroyer hulls. Figure out what that means if they can build cruisers with the speed of corvettes, excuse me, destroyers. Enough said. Maybe too much said.
The gene thing led from one thing to another, and Sandy and I decided it wasn't going to work out. I understand she and Marie are on Haldane now.
Keep in touch. I'll try to be more regular in responding.
Blaine
S
INCE, BASED ON
past experience, he didn't have much time before Thelina cut him off or he stalked out unable to contain himself, he didn't bother to sit downâin either the comfortable chair or one of the hard wooden ones. How the Accordans found those wooden chairs comfortable he still didn't know.
“You're the head of Security.”
“Since when?” She stood a meter away, her left hand on the handle of the sliding door. That close, he recalled how tall she was. Graceful and well proportioned, she didn't seem large except next to someone else.
Outside, the night wind whistled through the wooden railings whose outlines were concealed by the reflection of the room in the glass sheet of the door.
“Since before I first showed up, maybe since you leftâ”
“Leave it at that, please. We try to avoid bringing up your past. Grant me the same courtesy.” Thelina gave a half shrug and turned to face him.
He nodded. “No discourtesy meant. But I have a problem.”
“You do have a few.” She continued to look him straight in the eye. Her direct study reminded him of Clarissa; why, he wasn't certain.
“Yes, Thelina, I do. Shall I start with the first?”
“Start wherever you like.”
The faintest tinge of trilia reached him, and he wanted to step forward and to back away, both at the same time. “Fine. My first problem is thatâ”âhe swallowedâ“that I love you, and you do yourâ”
“You can't love me. You don't know me. Loving someone who isn't even in their real body means nothing. You're infatuated with Dr. Hyrsa's creation. I'm just a body to you.”
He couldn't stop the sigh. “I know more about you than you thinkâ¦but I don't want to fight about it. I've told you how I feel. You want to dismiss itâfine. You want to continue to pick fightsâfine. Just think about it.”
“I'll think about itâif you think aboutâabout something else.”
“Something else?”
“I shouldn't have put it that way.” She gave an exasperated sigh. “I'll just ask directly. Why do you have to prove yourself to every woman?”
“I don't.”
“You don't? What about your sister? Your mother? The Empire?”
“What about them? They're dead.”
“That makes it worse. Now you can never prove to them that you, a mere male, deserved their approval.”
Jimjoy looked away from her steady green eyes, over her shoulder, out into the darkness through the reflected scene in the glass, trying to determine whether the fast-moving clouds from the west had yet arrived overhead.
“You don't even want to face it, do you?” Her voice was so low he almost missed the words.
“Face what?”
She shook her head slowly.
“And where does the Empire fit in?”
“Empires are women⦔
He didn't know whether to laugh or frown. “You can't be serious.”
“I'm very serious, and you know I am. You just don't want to hear.”
He took a long, deep breath. Then he took a second one. “I'm confused. I tell you I care for you.” He looked down and finally met her level glance. “That I love youâ¦and you tell me that, first, I can't possibly love you, and second, that I'm a slave to approval from womenâ¦and the Empire. I've opened myself up, and you use the opportunity to chop me up.”
“Professor⦔
“And can't you just call me Jimjoy?”
“No. That would make me a substitute for your mother, or your sister.”
“A substitute?” Jimjoy blinked, feeling like a man walking the edge of an unseen cliff.
“I'm just the last in a long series.”
“You think that my whole life is just trying to get approval? That nothing I have done is because it was worth doing?”
“You've tried to do the impossible. Time after time they tried to let you kill yourself. But you kept succeeding; you kept doing the impossible. They wouldn't give you that approval. That's why you left. I think that if they'd given you a great big medal with âGalactic Hero' printed on it, you would have allowed yourself to be shot quietly. They wouldn't. They kept insisting that you didn't exist. So you're going to force them to admit you do.
“Why did you insist on keeping your nickname? You keep telling everyone to use it, almost like advertising. Are you trying to commit suicide? The psyprofile indicated we had to let you keep the name, unless we wanted to try to rebuild your whole personality. If we did that, we'd have a nice, useless, well-muscled, and well-adjusted nothing.
“You used the same mission profile on Haversol. You just kept pressing to get more approval. Each time you push for recognition, you also are saying, âGo ahead and find me. Shoot me, if that's what it takes.' Don't you understand?”
“Understand what?” He wanted to wipe his forehead, but then, that was the way he felt with Thelina about half the time.
“Women are approval mechanisms. I'm attractive, bright, and as close to your physical-ability level as any woman is likely to be. I'm smarter than you are, and I have the ability to reward you. That's why you want me. If I love you, then I become the ultimate approval for you. And I won't do it. I won't.” Her voice was ragged.
He swallowed. His mouth was dry, and the swallow did not help much. “Because I want you to approve of me, you won'tâ¦evenâ¦consider⦔
“I didn't say that. I said I won't be your approval mechanism. You have to love me for what I am, not the image I fit in your twisted value scheme.”
“But I do.”
“You mightâ¦but you don't. You don't even try to learn who I amâ¦as a personâ¦what I likeâ¦what activities I enjoy⦔
He stood there foreverâthat was how it seemedâbalanced on that unseen cliff edge, teetering there between the unreal world reflected in the glass and the unreal world where he stood.
“Iâ¦neverâ¦thought of itâ¦quite that way⦔
“I knowâ¦that's why I told you.” Her voice went from the gentle tone back to professional Ecolitan. “Your next problemâ¦Professor?”
He wondered if he should have walked out then, but he was having trouble not shaking where he stood. So he put both hands behind his back, near parade-rest style, and took a slow, long breath. “Temmilan Danaan. She's an Impie plant, and Dorfman's her tool. He's just about figured out who I am. Kerin Sommerlee and Geoff already know.”
“And since Harlinn's close to the Dorfman clan and thinks we can wait out the Empireâbased on his theory of historical inevitabilityâyou think you'll be targeted once she returns?” Thelina looked over his shoulder toward the front door, then back at him.
He ignored the look, concentrating on her. He had heard nothing. “No. I
am
targeted. You know that. Except I'm dead. Temmilan will reveal I'm not, and that the Institute has more abilities than the Empire realizes. She doesn't understand that just uncovering me will get the Empire to act immediately.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Simple. Once I'm found alive, Special Ops statistics will show that Accord engineered the suspected Fuard destruction of Haversol SysCon, that other agents have been gathered by Accord, and that Accord biotech is good enough to infiltrate anywhere in the Empire. That enough for starters?”
She nodded. “There's more, I presume.”
“Third, I had started the manifesto operationâ”
“You?”
“Yes, me. I started writing the things to stir up some popular support, but outside of a handful of people, it wasn't generating enough support. At first Sam didn't know it was me. He used the manifestos to build the Freedom Now Party. Except he's dead, and I don't know who followed up. Someone hasâand I would have guessed youâexcept it didn't quite fit⦔
Thelina tilted her head, then turned toward the shining black of the closed sliding glass door. The door shivered from the wind. Reflecting the lights in the room against the darkness outside, the image of the room moved once, twice, before settling, and revealing a figure by the stairs.
Jimjoy said nothing about the newcomer who waited behind him, although he could feel his shoulders wanting to tense.
“Occasionally, Professorâoccasionallyâyou surprise me. Some of your manifestos are surprisingly well written.”
Determined not to rise to her baiting, Jimjoy swallowed. “Thank you.”
“Your reasoning is close. Meryl is the one who worked with Sam.”
Jimjoy nodded. “So that was why she came to the hospital.”
Thelina frowned; then her face cleared. “After Haversol, you mean.”
“After Haversol, yes.” He cleared his throat. “We need to increase the pressure.”
“We? Exactly what do you mean?” asked a new voice, as cool as Thelina's.
Jimjoy turned toward Meryl. “Does the average person here really care? I doubt it. Most people just want to live their lives in peace. They fight when there's no choice, and sometimes not even then. From what you've said, people here are different, but I haven't seen that much difference. I'm not counting the Institute and the leadership here.
“Take your capitalâHarmony doesn't feel that different from a dozen other semi-independent colonies or dependencies. You've been so successful in developing your way of life that most people truly don't understand how antithetical it is to the Empire. Or how much the Empire might come to fear Accord.”
“What sort of pressure did you have in mind?” Meryl had walked over to one of the wooden chairs beside Thelina.
“A few follow-up stories on Imperial reeducation teams. Like the story they refused to cast or print on Luren⦔
“Why would they print it now?”
“They won't, not for several tendays. Then the situation will have changed.”
“You realize, Professor, that your confidence verges on total arrogance?” asked Thelina.
“There's my last problem,” Jimjoy said.
“Well, don't spare us that one, either.”
Meryl winced at the tone in which Thelina's response was delivered.
Jimjoy took another deep breath. “How and where do I train a team to take over orbit control?”
Meryl nodded. Thelina shook her head, not in negation, but not in approval. Outside, the wind whistled through the railing of the deck.
Finally Meryl looked at Thelina, then back at Jimjoy. “Carefully, and without the knowledge and approval of the Institute.”
“I take it there's more than one Temmilan.”
“Your brilliance continues to astound me.” Thelina's tone was dry.
Meryl almost wincedâagain.
Jimjoy ignored both. “How do I get a group of Ecolitans together under the imprimatur of the Institute without the Institute's support?”
Meryl looked at Thelina, who looked back at Meryl.
“The same way we always do.”
Jimjoy grinned wryly. “More explanation, please.”
The two exchanged glances. “We ask for volunteers.”
“Look, I'm talking about training a group that will eventually be the Accord variety of Special Operative.”
“You can't call it that,” observed Thelina mildly.
“I know. They ought to be more broadly trained.” He cleared his throat.
Both women waited politely.
“How about calling it something like âapplied ecologic management'?”
“You also have a way with euphemisms.”
“Any better ideas, Ecolitan Andruz? Like how we get the Institute to allow us to develop an accepted new discipline with apprentice and journeyman status?”
“That part's easy. We just make it a sub-branch of the field training. You're already listed as a qualified master in field training, and with the approval of the majority of Senior Fellows in a major discipline, any master can develop a more specialized sub-branch.”
“I take it security, or whatever euphemism you use, is also a sub-branch.”
Both women nodded solemnly, a solemnity that could have concealed laughter.
Jimjoy wanted to shake his head, instead remembered to pull at his chin. “And nobody says
anything
? What about budgets? Supplies?”
“If it goes beyond the department's budget, you have to get the Prime's approval, except for security, and that budget is approved as a whole a year in advance, with the ability to commit up to fifty percent more. But you have to answer for the overrun personally to the Prime.”
Jimjoy took a deep breath. “When do you want the plan?”
“Tomorrow at the latest. You don't have much time.”
“We don't have much time,” added Meryl.
“Tomorrow,” he agreed, looking out into the darkness. “Tomorrow.”