Enchanting Wilder (15 page)

The air smells different at night. It’s crisper and light, and maybe even a little fairy-tale like. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

I know the real reason why it feels unusual.

It’s Declan. Though we agreed nothing major would come out of our little excursion, I’m excited nonetheless.

Maybe it’s his hypnotizing eyes and the slight curl in his hair. The way he looks so youthful when he lets his guard down. Like now when he’s doing one of the things he loves most. Driving his car down a long, empty highway. It could be the way he walks with such purpose—even if he doesn’t know it. He commands a room without saying a word. The quiet power he exudes.

Something within him ignited something fierce inside me. I don’t need
forever
, but I want
right now.
I want it so bad.

When he left a few weeks ago, we didn’t exchange numbers. We didn’t do the proper first date things. He left with an air of uncertainty.

I guess on some level; I was okay with that. For as into him as I was, maybe watching him leave showed me something important. I could like someone enough to see a future. Even if that meant just being friends with the one I’d like to explore more with.

In this bizarre way, I feel as if I’ve known him my entire life. Hell, for all I know, maybe I knew him in past life. He almost speaks to a part of me I thought was dead—or dormant. It scares me, but it’s also kind of thrilling.

“What are you thinking over there, Mighty?” Declan inquires, keeping his eyes trained on the road, the wind blowing through his thick hair.

“Nothing,” I say. “Where are we going?”

He looks at me with a skeptical expression and licks his lips. “I told you. We’re going to drive.”

I level my eyes. “That’s all you’re going to give me?”

“Listen, I’d like to take you somewhere where you can be you. Somewhere where I can…”

“Murder me?” I laugh and he takes a firm grasp on my thigh, squeezing hard.

“Not even close. I just want to go someplace quiet. Somewhere where we can talk.”

I move my eyes to him, skeptical. “Just like that?”

His forehead creases. “Just like what?”

“How do you do it? How do you come and go from people’s lives and not get attached?”

“It’s usually pretty easy.”

With my eyes trained on my leg, I smile.
Usually?
Taking hold of the handle, rolling my window down, I revel in the carefree feeling coming from deep within me.

Nothing more needed to be said, the wind blows inside the cab, putting me at ease. I can’t stop my head from falling back onto the seat and closing my eyes.

There’s something oddly beautiful about an open highway and a cool night. Not to mention, a fast car and a gorgeous boy.

I chance a quick peek at him.
I’m so in for it.

My inner-teenager is baffled.
Why is he so pretty?

An hour passes, maybe two. We fly down deserted roads and little stretches of highway, chatting whenever we feel like talking. He asks questions about my past.

Where I went to school. Hobbies I have. The first car I had when I turned sixteen. That particular answer made him laugh out loud. Apparently a brown Ford Probe was funny to him. And I guess for the mind of a boy, it totally would be. I found myself cracking up along with him. He asked about my parents and what kind of people they were. And as I told how kind and loving they’d been and how they pushed me to be the person I was most comfortable being. I couldn’t help but feel their absence all over again. Washing over me like a cocoon of sorrow. They’d be so interested in Declan and the work he does to keep our world safe. We also delved into my job at the flower shop and my duties as a Strix. He found it so interesting and went as far as to say that I was somehow doing more for souls than he was. In which, I told him he was crazy. I simply gave the options, while he was out fighting the bad, rescuing people. After long deliberations, we decided to agree to disagree.

Oddly enough, it was enjoyable to talk about myself a little bit. I’m fairly quick to turn a conversation around, but with Declan, I
wanted
him to know more. I was okay with oversharing.

Though I liked allowing Declan to see new sides of me, I think the most important thing that occurred along those sections of highways, was the things I learned about him. Little things. Things other people wouldn’t care about but I found endearing. Like how he accidentally flipped his dad’s truck in the driveway of his house just a day after he got his drivers license. And the remorse he felt for totaling his dad’s favorite vehicle. Or how he loved his childhood dog, Angus, so much, he cried when he passed away. The intense protectiveness he has for Wood humbled me more than I could have ever imagined. It was easy to see myself in him in that aspect. The way his love overflowed for his family and his self-promise that he’d always put them first. No matter the case. It left me in awe. And more than anything, I felt for him and the life he was shoved in to. The constant training and endless hours of research in order to be a Pursuer, it didn’t sound like the easiest profession. But even with the struggles that came along with it, I could tell in his eyes, the way he got so animated when he talked about cases he’d solved or families he’d helped, he loved his job and wouldn’t want to do anything else in life.

Getting to know him on that deeper level helped me see so clearly who he was. It was eye-opening and exciting.

For someone so tough—so incredibly weighed down by his life—when he lets go, it’s beautiful to watch. His relaxed demeanor and easy smile gives me a little hope. Like his burdens aren’t so heavy at the moment.

“We’re here,” he announces. I take note of the clock on the dashboard. Eleven thirty.

“Here, where?” We’re in the middle of a grassy field, the blades higher than my ankles. I’m slightly excited to see what he has planned and a tiny bit terrified of what’s lurking in the brush.

He shrugs a shoulder. Letting go of me, he opens his door and walks to the back of the car.

He pulls out a blanket first, and then a backpack.

“What’s all this?” I ask as I walk up behind him.

He snickers and closes the trunk. “My survival kit.”

I quirk an eyebrow and clumsily fumble as he makes his way to the front of the car. Thank God he left the headlights on. My baby deer-like ass is going to fall flat on my face with these heels and soft soil.

Laying out the blanket on the ground, he sets down the backpack and smiles. “Oh, wait. I forgot something.” He jogs back to the car as I make myself comfortable on the ground.

Crossing my legs, I lazily grin to myself.

“Here.” He hands me a warm jacket with a wink.

I shove my arms in the big holes, taking in a discreet smell of the leather fabric. It smells like Declan.

Sitting next to me, Declan pulls out a bottle of whiskey and a bag of chips from the backpack.

“What else do you have in there?” I ask, trying to sneak a peek into the bag of goodies.

“Stuff.”

I smile and shove a chip in my mouth, savoring the salty taste. Again, we sit in silence, listening to the sounds of the Earth and the calming rhythm of our breathing. I take lazy sips from my paper cup of alcohol. It stings, but warms my body at the same time.

“What do you want in life, McKenna?” Declan asks after a while.

I sit back on my hands and look up to the sky, the stars shining magnificently against the black backdrop of night. “As in my life? Like career-wise?” I look to him.

He laughs and brings his hand to my face. “No, Mighty. Not career-wise. I mean—what do you want in life? What are the things you want most but don’t have?”

I take a good long minute to process his question, though I know my answer the moment he asks. It’s so easy to put up walls and facades around other people. I can act like I’m good living the life I am, simmering in the death of my parents. But I’m not. I’m bored and burdened. I’m missing something. And just like always, word vomit spews from my mouth because when I’m around Declan. I just can’t help myself. “I really want closure for my parents.” His eyes squint, listening with intent. “And,” I bury my face in my hands, “I can’t believe I’m going to say this…” I take a deep breath. “I just want some passion. I’m tired of the mundane. I desperately crave to find happiness in something greater than myself. And it’s so odd because I’ve never even wanted such a thing. There was always something in the way. Obligations to uphold. I just want to find a way to live without the burden of my family’s responsibilities. And allowing myself that one little thing, maybe I can find a way.”

Way to unload.

I’m out of breath and my body is shaking by the time I’m done confessing. I look down, away from Declan—ashamed.
Who does that? He’s a stranger, McKenna.

I’ve never—in my entire life—told someone those things. I mean, sure, the
parents’ thing
is new. I haven’t had the time to really delve into it with anyone. Candy and I usually skirt around the whole ordeal altogether, both of us too distraught to really talk about it out loud.

I never got closure with them; not the kind I wanted—needed—anyway. One minute they were here and the next minute, poof, gone. To add to the sadness, I haven’t seen them since they’ve passed.
Living in a supernatural world does sometimes have its upsides.
For example, talking to the dead, but they never found me. I can’t stop myself from wondering if it’s because I’ve done something wrong.

But, the rest of my confession? The part about passion, and the burden of my duty as a Strix…that’s something I’ve only ever thought to myself. It was always my weight to carry. Not even Candy knows about the constant back and forth battle I have inside. She lives harmoniously amongst our people, dutifully doing her job and taking life as it comes. Whereas I—I feel like a sheep in a herd of wild animals, just waiting to be gobbled up by some hungry ravenous wolf.

Declan takes a deep breath and pulls me to him, his strong arm wrapping around my shoulder. He brings his face to the side of my head and kisses my temple. He doesn’t pull away; he takes his time, pouring his comfort into me.

After long moments, he speaks, his lips against my skin, “Why do you think you can’t have those things?”

“I never said I couldn’t have them.” He pulls away, his eyes searching mine. “I guess, I don’t feel like I should get those things,” I confess.

“Why would you say that?”

I rub my lips together, not sure if I’m ready to tell him. To drop the disgusting doubt I have burning inside of me.

“You can tell me, Mighty.”

Setting my head on his shoulder, I attempt to muster any sort of courage hidden somewhere deep within me. “I’ve never really felt like I fit in this life. It’s almost like I might have made a mistake in a past life and I was dropped here, in this coven, and I wasn’t meant to be.”

“You believe in past lives?”

“Strix do. We were taught to. Live your life as a Strix, die and come back. Over and over again. I’m supposedly an eleventh-generation Sawyer Strix. But I’m the only one in my entire family who can’t remember my past lives. None of them. Almost like I’ve forgotten.”

“Or they were erased.”

I’ve definitely wondered that before, too. “Yeah, or erased. I don’t know.”

Declan thinks for long moments. “If you believe in past lives, won’t you see your parents again?”

My jaw set, I shake my head. “No. Not in my lifetime, at least.”

Declan’s mouth pulls to the side. “What do The Leaders have to say about your memories?”

I shrug a shoulder and lift my head, only now realizing the wetness brimming over my eyes. Declan takes his thumb and wipes the tears away, caressing my face with the back of his knuckles when my cheek is dry.

“They aren’t happy about it. They say the memories will come back when I allow them to.” I roll my eyes.
It sounds so simple when they put it like that.

“How does this tie into you not feeling worthy of getting the things you want?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t fulfilled my duty to my family, or my coven, or to the damn world. Maybe I’m not worthy of such things.”